In the interest of fairness I present:
(I have put the bold on those that have a special place in my soul.)
The things you need to believe to be a Democrat
By Paul Peters
June 15, 2004
Recently a friend sent me a tongue in cheek list of the things one needs to believe to be a Republican.
Here is my response.
The things you need to believe to be a Democrat:
[b]1. The fairness doctrine derived from Carl Marx's ideas on economic redistribution matters more than free markets and individual responsibility. As a Demoncrat, it is OK to forget that de Tocqueville stated that the demise of Democracy would depend on the realization that the people can vote themselves money.[/b]
2. Life is not an inalienable right; it's OK to kill babies, old people and the inconvenient. 44,000,000 dead Americans since Roe v. Wade - Go Planned Parenthood! It is OK that abortion is neither safe nor rare. It is OK that it is more difficult to provide a 12 year old child with aspirin or peanuts than it is to provide an abortion to that same child.
[b]3. It's OK to race bait when a majority of Republicans voted for the Civil Rights act, and it was the
Republicans who freed the slaves.[/b]
[b]4. Global warming causes global cooling.[/b]
5. Al Gore is sane.
6. Radical Muslims are our friends; and that the Mid-East's only reliable US ally, Israel, should be
shunned and / or excortiated for defending themselves. Democrats must also believe that the wars intiated by Egypt and other really Mid-Eastern countries are really the fault of the Israel.
7. Atheism is the state religion.
[b]8. It's OK that 70% of the nation's abortion clinics are located in minority neighborhoods.[/b]
9. The dead have a right to vote as many times as they wish, but military personnel overseas do not have the right to vote even once.
10. Fidel Castro is really a hero and a nice guy. Saddam Hussein is really a hero and a nice guy. Ho Chi Min is a hero and a nice guy.
11. Hillary Clinton had the right to attempt to develop a national health care policy even though she
was not an elected official, and had no experience in health care / insurance.
12. The Electoral College is unconstitutional because Al Gore lost in 2000.
[b]13. Trial lawyers are more important than the 401(k) plans of the workers of the country. It is OK to bleed corporations dry, weaken profits and cause firms to lay off people who need the work.[/b]
14. Teachers unions matter more than kids. Failing schools are acceptable and should not be held to standards of accountability even though education is a key to breaking the cycle of poverty. A corollary is that it is neither necessary nor desirable to have an informed electorate.
15. 9/11 did not happen, and it is not necessary to take the war to our enemies shores. 3000 dead
Americans do not matter. If 9/11 did in fact happen, we deserved it. Whether it happened or not, Bush knew.
16. Having prisoners stand around in women's underwear is a more heinous crime than cutting of the head of Nick Berg. Without a trial. Without a crime. Without an appeal.
17. Sarin nerve gas is not a WMD.
18. All wars are VietNam. We lost Tet. Communists were not hiding in Cambodia. Al Queda was not operating outof Iraq. There is no way Baathists moved weapons to Syria.
19. It's OK to decry the use of oil, but own private jets, SUV, gas guzzling cars, and boats - just like
John Kerry.
20. Plausible deniability is a legitimate campaign strategy when opponents and press examine your Senate record.
[b]21. Mary Jo Kopechne should have taken swimming lessons sooner. [/b]
[b]22. We should surrender our sovereignty to the UN and move all functions of US government to Paris, because Europeans are smarter than us and are more cultured. [/b]
[b]23. We should have listened to France, Germany and Russia when they told us not to go into Iraq. Instead, we should have joined the oil for food scam, taken the money and food from the mouths of Iraqi children and given it instead to union bosses.[/b]
24. Pornography and free political speech are the same thing. Offensive speech may never be censored, regardless how disgusting. The highest form of free speech is that which mocks and denigrats Christians with a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts.
25. It's OK to burn American flags, give aid and comfort to the enemy and call yourself a patriot.
