Reminds me of the following gem, pasted from one of those confession sites and forever crystallized in the amber of my IRC log...
The other day I was trying to take a crap in the communal bathroom but it wasn't coming out right away. There was no one else in the room and I preferred not to crap with anyone else in there, so it needed to happen NOW.
I was suddenly hit by a weird idea, stuck my thumb in my vagina, hooked it around the bump of the poo below, and pushed the thing out. It struck me as being one of the weirder things I've ever done. But it was highly effective, and I recommend it, if you really need to go in a hurry.
