The XIVth incarnation of the Dali Lama's guide to relationships:
1. There is never a need to burden one's self with a singular lady friend unless you are sure you want to marry this lady friend and she has passed all requirements of His Holiness the Dali Lama, including good credit.
2. You should never pay for anything accepting condoms. If at all possible get a vasectomy, one does not want to create children ever. Remember, you do not want to perpetuate samsara. Repeat this phrase, 'Wordly goods will end up owning you,' constantly repeat this to the lady friend every time she asks for money, insist that you do not want to contribute to her samsara. If the woman persists in asking for money, she is only going to add to your negative Karma. In the nicest way possible, kick that bitch to the curb.
3. If this lady has pursued you, then proceed with caution. Refuse all attempts at sexual relations until a 'third date', insist that this is to protect her reputaion as a lady of grace and well breeding, to put it more plainly, 'that she is not just a whore'. When you finally aquiece to sexual engagement, make sure you are ready for your best performance. If you can help her get closer to nirvana than she has ever gone, she will tell her friends, friends who may also need this help to achieve nirvana.
4. If you have pursued this lady, and she accepted your proposals with ease, make sure she is inebriated, if she is not, leave her be, she is a tiger waiting to pounce. If the lady you pursue denies you, then she is not drunk enough yet, come back later, but she is one to keep track of. After the pursuit has yeilded worthy results, take her to her house and put her to bed, deny her pleads for carnal relations saying, 'I cannot take advantage of a female in you rinebriated condition' sleep on the couch. In the morning bring her breakfast in bed. Ask her how she is feeling and appologize for sleeping on the couch, but explain that you were looking out for her well being. She will the be beholden to you, and you can give her the chance to get closer to nirvana. After you both are done, leave quietly and never call her. Let her call you, begging for your company.
5. Never yield personal information. No cell phone numbers. No home numbers. Never take the lady to your sanctuary. The truth is, she will likely wish to speak upon the subject of herself, if you let her do so (while practicing walking meditation at the same time) you will never find the need to divulge details on your personal accrued samsara, which will only serve to complicate the situation. However, to help her with her Karma and denial of samsara, gather as much information you possible can about her.
6. In the case of what modernity calls, 'Crazy gold digging bitches', claim that she has given you genital warts and claim to pursue legal action if she ever contacts you again. This lady tiger will back down, especially when you reveal that you have the knowledge to help her deny Samsara via frozen assets and a lack of a personal identity.
7. It should go without saying that killing any living being will accrue so much bad Karma for yourself that it is not nearly worth the satisfaction of choking a scamming 'biotch' with your own bare hands. Try looking in the back of some hunting magazine, you will find those that are willing to accrue negative karma for you.
8. If all else fails, shit on her doorstep.
