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Deaf Mafia
A Mafia gang takes on a deaf man to run their deliveries, feeling it would be safer having someone unable to overhear conversations. However, one day when he is to deliver a large sum of money, he never shows up with it. The mobsters track him down, but don't find the money on him. As none of them are able to use sign language, they bring in an interpreter.

Mobster: 'Where'd you hide the money?' (Interpreter signs the question.)

The bag man signs his reply. The interpreter says, 'He says he had to ditch it in the river because the cops were onto him.'

Mobster: 'I'm not fooling around! You better tell me where that money is!' (Interpreter again signs.)

The bag man signs his reply, and the interpreter relays, 'He swears he is telling the truth. He had to get rid of it.'

The mobster pulls out a revolver and points it between the deaf man's eyes. 'Tell me where that money is, or I'll kill you right now!'
(Interpreter signs his statement.)

The bag man, sweating profusely, signs, 'It's inside a shoebox under a loose floorboard in my bedroom closet.'

The interpreter says, 'He says he doesn't know where it is and he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger.'

****-----****

FROGS:
There once was this mad scientist. One day, being curious of the nature of frogs, he propped a frog up on his desk, opened his log book and carefully observed the animal. After staring at it for a considerable amount of time, the scientist finally said: 'JUMP!'

And the frog lept.

The scientist then quickly jotted down in his log book: 'Frogs can jump.' The following day, the mad scientist entered his lab, checked his log book, put the frog up on the table and, again, stared at it. Finally, he took out a scalpel, removed one of the frog legs and said: 'JUMP!'

And the frog jumped.

The scientist quickly added to his log book: 'Frogs can jump with three legs.'

The next day, the scientist, upon entering his lab, went through the same routine, cutting off another of the frog legs. As he was staring at the wretched animal who now was missing two legs, he said: 'JUMP!'

And the frog jumped.

The scientist then added to his previous observations: 'Frogs can jump with two legs.'

On the fourth day, the scientist behaved according to his habits and removed a third leg from the frog. He then expectantly said: 'JUMP!'

And the frog jumped.

Well, by now, the scientist was quite excited about all this. He wrote down in his log book: 'Frogs can jump with only one leg!'

Finally, on the fifth day, the scientist entered his lab, already thrilled by what new discoveries he might make. As usual, he checked his log book, placed the frog on the table, stared at what was left of the animal, reached for his scalpel and removed the last of the frog legs. He then said: 'JUMP!'

But alas the frog did not leap.

'JUMP! JUMP!' exclaimed the scientist.

Still, the frog did not leap.

'JUMP!' yelled the scientist.

The frog did not leap.

The scientist, then wrote down in his log book: 'Frogs when deprived of all legs become deaf.'

****----****

FARTS:

Question: Why did God make farts smell?
Answer: So Deaf people could enjoy them too

****-----****

SUPPOSITORY:

An older gentleman had lost his hearing aid and wanted to get a new
one. Before getting the new hearing aid, he wanted his ear cleaned
out, so he went to his doctor.

As the doctor was cleaning his ears, he noticed a foreign object
lodged in the man's ear canal. With a pair a tweezers, the doctor
removed the object. Upon closer examination, he discovered that it
was a suppository. The doctor told the older gentleman that he had a
suppository stuck in his ear.

At this, the man exclaimed, 'Now I know where I put my hearing aid!'

****----****

BIG BREATHS:
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed. Yes, they used to be,' remorsefully replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

****----****

Doctor, I think I'm losing my hearing!

What are the symptoms?

It's a show about a little yellow family, but what
has that got to do with my problem?

***---***

A fellow who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night, and of course, his car is weaving all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. 'So,' says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?'
'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk
'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.'
'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile.
'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?'
'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk. 'For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'