A little truth in advertising:
"WANTED: ONE FINE FEMALE, 18-25. MUST BE NON-SMOKER, LEFT-HANDED, LIKES BELLY MASSAGES. MUST LOVE FRUMPY, RUNNY-FACED OLD MEN WITH LITTLE TO DO EXCEPT TRAWL TEH WWWEB FOR TEEN PUSSY.
P.S. 1 OF MY EYES IS BROKEN, LID WONT OPEN, BUT I MAKE A GOOD CASSEROLE AND WILL EAT ALL YOUR SHIT"