LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache   SSHOLEPosts: 1611 Registered: 8/5/2003 Online
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11/18/2004 at 03:46 |
Dumbskull: None of the gang bangers here would have ever come up with “that” as an excuse. And we are some very sick and twisted peoples.... daddies fucking... sons is vile and just fucking disgusting. 
Aw Skull, you are just pissed cause he thought of it first.
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the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim |
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InfectionConnection
SIR BABYHEAD  Posts: 94 Registered: 9/24/2003 Offline
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11/18/2004 at 03:51 |
If you start by saying your dad is an Oklahoma midget and you shouldn't even have to finish the story. |
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SexNinja
the illest nigga  SSHOLEPosts: 1517 Registered: 10/28/2007 Offline
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11/18/2004 at 05:09 |
Grafisk owns.
It sounds like a lemonparty gone horribly wrong.
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HAMFIGHTER> He shrugged, and started finishing himself off, on my breasts, while I was crying. |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position!  SSHOLEPosts: 1896 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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11/18/2004 at 15:11 |
Yup all freaks
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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MOMAD
That Weird Stain on the Ceiling  SSHOLEPosts: 449 Registered: 3/12/2002 Offline
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11/21/2004 at 13:01 |
If you start by saying your dad is an Oklahoma midget and you shouldn't even have to finish the story.
Yet, if you start by saying he is an Alabama midget, you'd have a shit of a lot to elborate upon.
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I left my pants at the BBP5.1 |
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MOMAD
That Weird Stain on the Ceiling SSHOLEPosts: 449 Registered: 3/12/2002 Offline
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11/21/2004 at 15:09 |
My brain just told me that I haven't had as much fun with this thread as I potentially could, so here goes.
Option 1:
"I fell down the front steps taking the recycling bin out to the curb (better than saying you were taking the garbage out; makes you appear to be a caring person who was injured while going out of your way to be environmentally conscientious) and I hurt my leg really bad, gotta get to the doctor." Could backfire if asked to present a doctor's note, and since a leg injury would not fly in your case, I'd just go ahead and cancel this option out.
Option 2:
"My roommate's car broke down in *insert name of state here* and I gotta go help him/her out" *or* "My cousin needs help moving because his wife broke her wrist last night and he can't do it all himself, so I gotta go down to *insert name of state here* ." It's all about location, man!
Option 3:
"A pipe burst in the apartment and I'm waiting for the landlord and maintenance guy to come, and I have no idea when they might show up so I have to wait here all day and try to start cleaning up the mess."
Option 4::
Pick an affliction, any affliction! "I think I have food poisoning". "There's something wrong with my eye, I can't see to drive." "My stomach is acting up again, I'm pretty sure it's another stomach virus" (an illness you have had before and are supposedly having again always works. It's kind of like building up credit for sickness belief) *or* Create an affliction for someone else, particularly someone who can't defend themselves: "My cat is puking all over the place, I gotta take him to the vet."
Option 5:
Even better is blaming machinery. "My car got a flat, I'm stranded." "There's an accident up ahead and I'm trapped, I'll call you when I know what's going on". "I just got in an accident, some teenage chick on a cell phone sideswiped me, she's all upset - must be daddy's car."
Option 6:
"My roommate parked behind me in the driveway and took off somewhere with someone else, I have no way of getting out." "I locked myself out of the house without my car keys so I need to wait for my roommate to come let me back in." "My roommate locked herself out of the house without her car keys so I need to go back and let her in." Nobody ever seems to question why someone would so consistently keep their house keys separate from their car keys.
Option 7:
Make them unable to question your situation, even it takes a little freaking out: "I was up all night hearing some weird noises from the attic, I think I'm going to get a policeman over here to check it out, I'm too scared to go up there myself." "The neighbors are outside yelling about something... they don't speak english but they keep pointing at my house so I have no idea what's going on, I'll get back to you". "My fiance is really sick with kidney problems, I've gotta take him to the emergency room, I'm pretty scared right now - I'll let you know." One more:
Option 8:
"I went to see my *insert family member living in another state here* over the weekend and my car broke down, the drive back is 5 hours as it is and who knows when the car will be fixed, so I don't know how long I'll be stuck here..." Always go with the vehicle breakdown with no apparent available alternate option of transportation.
Moral of the story: - er, rather, Point of the Randomness:
Each and every single little thing you read above is an actual excuse I have made when calling in to work. It is all bullshit, of course, but it all worked. But the reason it all worked was because my company was so laid back, so "whatever", I almost pushed the envelope with what I could get away with, hence the noise in the attic thing, the puking cat, the constant roommate issue (who in reality, I didn't like and barely had anything to do with), etc. Option 1 is still my favorite though. They all worked, but I love that one the most. ^_^
Anyhoo, next time your coach yells at you, be it for being late or whatever, keep in mind that it's not really you he's yelling at, it's his wife. And don't care about your team so much - chances are you won't talk to them after high school. If this is a college team, you DEFINITELY won't talk to them after college so chill out, man. Just keep up with the drinkin' and the bangin'. It'll get you a lot further than sports will.
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I left my pants at the BBP5.1 |
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