nocal
It's insane, this guy's taint   SSHOLE |
Posts: 811 Registered: 8/25/2004 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 15:21  |
SO I had practice today at 6:30am. *Needed* to make it, but got drunk and laid last night. Somehow, wake up at 8am with alarm off. Coach will demand good excuse come monday. I could potentially be in quite a bit of trouble, possibly fuking the whole team over. What can I lie about? I need to try and get my ass out of this, and if not for me, for the team. Suggestions?
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Lefen
I think Clavis wins my heart <3  SSHOLEPosts: 896 Registered: 9/16/2003 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 15:34 |
'..on the way to practice i met a strange old man who sold me 5 magic beans.."
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< barfass> hey, fuck your crumpets, postman pat |
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ghostrider
liberal exit  SSHOLEPosts: 2425 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 15:34 |
push nails into your palms and tell the coach your stigmata is acting up
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I gave up drugs for heartache |
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ragoo
We are not amused.  SSHOLEPosts: 653 Registered: 9/4/2004 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 15:43 |
Your doctor called: they moved up your gender reassignment procedure.
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Interjections show excitement or emotion. They're generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point, or by a comma when the feeling's not as strong. |
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nocal
It's insane, this guy's taint SSHOLEPosts: 811 Registered: 8/25/2004 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 15:52 |
Suggestions I've gotten:
Car troubles (no car)
Woman troubles (not a woman)
Pet problems (no pet)
Physical injury (I'd rather not hurt myself for real)
Shit myself (Hmm tempting) |
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LuckyLuciano
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 364 Registered: 9/7/2003 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 15:52 |
Are you above injuring yourself? You could break your own hand and say that it happened while you were on the way to practice.
Or, you could always just say some loved one died. That works sometimes.
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SexNinja
the illest nigga  SSHOLEPosts: 1517 Registered: 10/28/2007 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 15:52 |
Lefen: '..on the way to practice i met a strange old man who sold me 5 magic beans.."
"...and then, he offered to "plant" them in my anus. While I was beating him about the head and face area with a severed leg bone from the zombie Nazi who had attacked me earlier, I realized that he was the neighborhood sex offender, fresh from prison. I also realized, coach, that I was simply not going to be able to make practice on time."
[Edited on 2/10/2004 by SexNinjaMcDeath]
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HAMFIGHTER> He shrugged, and started finishing himself off, on my breasts, while I was crying. |
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LuckyLuciano
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 364 Registered: 9/7/2003 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 15:55 |
Ok, so there goes one of my excuses.
Well, how about this: You go to school in Philadelphia? I could get you a fake doctor's note from a med school student. You bandage yourself up, and your good to go.
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nocal
It's insane, this guy's taint SSHOLEPosts: 811 Registered: 8/25/2004 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 15:57 |
I go to school just outside Philly...you can really get a fake doctor's note?? |
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LuckyLuciano
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 364 Registered: 9/7/2003 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 15:59 |
I know a few med school students, I could ask one of them. It would probably be for the PennState/Drexel/Temple hospitals though.
Of course, I'm still in my boxers and I hadn't even planned to go out for a while.
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nocal
It's insane, this guy's taint SSHOLEPosts: 811 Registered: 8/25/2004 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 16:09 |
Well Explosive diarrhea might work...especially if I shit myself right in front of him. |
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LuckyLuciano
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 364 Registered: 9/7/2003 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 16:23 |
Maybe you are overreacting. I'll bet the coach didnt even notice you werent there.
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ragoo
We are not amused. SSHOLEPosts: 653 Registered: 9/4/2004 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 16:36 |
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Interjections show excitement or emotion. They're generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point, or by a comma when the feeling's not as strong. |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position!  SSHOLEPosts: 1896 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 16:40  |
Since it is apparent that your devotion to your sport and the team is for shit, I suggest giving it all up hanging out in bars and picking up random whores and skanks, this does appear to be one of your stronger points!
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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nocal
It's insane, this guy's taint SSHOLEPosts: 811 Registered: 8/25/2004 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 17:11  |
Tru dat...I did put it in your poop chute, skull baby |
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tantrum
I'm a big boy now!  SSHOLEPosts: 473 Registered: 11/23/2003 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 17:50 |
Tell your coach you had to take an "friend" to the abortion clinic. This lie worked for me regularly in High School. I called it the "Fast Times At Ridgemont High" excuse. |
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it.  SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 18:19 |
Take a slug of syrup of ipecac right before you go to see the coach to make your excuse. You'll puke all over yourself and probably him too. Tell him you were sick but are feeling better now and really don't want to let the team down.
He'll tell you to go home. Argue with him about it. Make him force you.
Then go back on Wednesday and everything will be cool.
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If you give a man a fire you keep him warm for one night.
If you set him on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life. |
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tantrum
I'm a big boy now! SSHOLEPosts: 473 Registered: 11/23/2003 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 18:24 |
Take a slug of syrup of ipecac right before you go to see the coach to make your excuse. You'll puke all over yourself and probably him too. Tell him you were sick but are feeling better now and really don't want to let the team down.
He'll tell you to go home. Argue with him about it. Make him force you.
Then go back on Wednesday and everything will be cool.
I've tried this excuse and the flaw with it is that most people will assume that you are actually puking from a hangover. |
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tantrum
I'm a big boy now! SSHOLEPosts: 473 Registered: 11/23/2003 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 18:26 |
My life is a lie. |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4415 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 19:19 |
Tell him you had a family emergency. If he asks you what it was, tell him it was a private family matter.
If he doesn't accept that, pack a coathanger with red paint on the hook, and brandish it meaningfully with a look of weary triumph on your face.
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To win, you must fight not only the creature you encounter; you must fight the most horrible thing that can be constructed from its corpse. |
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Crackalackin
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 373 Registered: 7/19/2004 Offline
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10/2/2004 at 19:55 |
Don't say anything. If the coach asks, nerviously chuckle and tell him that "it just wasn't your night."
If the coach persists, offer him a bloodied circular sawblade,
an oversized dildo stuck through a chunk of meat, and a cut-off pantleg smothered in dirt.
If asked for clarification, ask the coach if he likes strawberry ice cream and movies about erectile disfunction. |
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HOBO
* b0bo has quit IRC ('Exit')  SSHOLEPosts: 1117 Registered: 3/19/2002 Online
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10/2/2004 at 22:38 |
Tell him your child is in the hospital with a bad reaction to an immunization shot.
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" I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question." ~Spock~
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nocal
It's insane, this guy's taint SSHOLEPosts: 811 Registered: 8/25/2004 Offline
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10/3/2004 at 00:03 |
These are all pretty rad, and I really like the one about the friend having an abortion...is that sick? Oh nevermind I forgot that this is Linkswarm |
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it. SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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10/3/2004 at 00:26 |
Tell him you had to go for an abortion. That should really get some sympathy.
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If you give a man a fire you keep him warm for one night.
If you set him on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life. |
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ghostrider
liberal exit SSHOLEPosts: 2425 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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10/3/2004 at 01:56 |
KILL YOUR FUCKING COACH, I MEAN IT DUDE, FUCKING SHOOT HIM IN THE HEAD.
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I gave up drugs for heartache |
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JESUS_IS_LORD
Tender vittles  Posts: 43 Registered: 9/22/2004 Offline
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10/3/2004 at 02:04 |
tell him GOD, speaking through your dog, told you to murder your family.
You would of been at practice, but you were slitting your mothers throat.
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putting the ISTI back in CHRISTIAN |
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LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache  SSHOLEPosts: 1611 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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10/3/2004 at 03:31 |
ghostrideryyz: KILL YOUR FUCKING COACH, I MEAN IT DUDE, FUCKING SHOOT HIM IN THE HEAD.
Online joviality aside, you scare me a little bit d00d.
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the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim |
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ghostrider
liberal exit SSHOLEPosts: 2425 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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10/3/2004 at 03:42 |
LORDKAHUNA: ghostrideryyz: KILL YOUR FUCKING COACH, I MEAN IT DUDE, FUCKING SHOOT HIM IN THE HEAD.
Online joviality aside, you scare me a little bit d00d.
i shouldn't scare you, dood. don't believe everything you read on the internet.
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I gave up drugs for heartache |
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government_death_robot
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 908 Registered: 4/23/2004 Offline
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10/3/2004 at 06:08 |
Tell him you got invited to a Lemonparty.
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bwned. |
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johncleland
Tender vittles  Posts: 8 Registered: 9/17/2004 Offline
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10/3/2004 at 09:34 |
While the abortion excuse has much to recommend it, nothing beats the "my sister was raped" excuse.
People just look uncomfortable and don't inquire any further. Plus you get to be a total asshat for a few days like shouting and being angry and shit and everyone "understands" .
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