Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position!   SSHOLE |
Posts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 16:41  |
It was brought up in a recent forum how to rid oneself of an extra dead body that one just happens to find they have on their hands. Although this in no way can ever match the flavor and intensity of that awesome thread, I was just wondering what are some of the many and varied ways you guys (and gals included) have found to torment the living shit out of your the ball and chain, live in significant other, and/or roommates?
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barch97
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 588 Registered: 6/18/2003 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 17:08 |
It was brought up in a recent forum how to rid oneself of an extra dead body that one just happens to find they have on their hands. Although this in no way can ever match the flavor and intensity of that awesome thread... Does this girl know how to start a fucking thread or what?
I have gained tremendous joy from observing my wife's rage when I replace all the ligthbulbs in the house with 25watters.
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LuckyLuciano
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 364 Registered: 9/7/2003 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 17:15 |
Well, I had a roommate. He was this black guy who could play basketball and listened to rap. I hate rap. And, eventually disliked my roommate.
So, I blasted rock and metal music day and night for almost 3 weeks. He now lives somewhere else and I have the dorm room to myself, AND, I dont have to pick up his half of the room bill because he paid it in advance.
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it.  SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 17:33 |
The following conversation drove my ex crazy because she desperately wanted to know exactly what I meant but was really afraid to ask.
Ex: What did you and Lou do last night?
Azron: We went out for a couple of bees and he was telling me about his new girl friend.
Ex: What did he say about her?
Azron: He said she's really good in bed.
Ex: That's disgusting! Is that all you guys ever talk about?
Azron: Don't worry. I've never told any one that you are good in bed.
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 17:56 |
One of the best stunts I pulled was a while back when my ball and chain was into one of his usual verbal rants about his self proclaimed intellectual superiority and was attempting to display dominance. During the middle of this verbal tirade his upper bridge (false teeth) flew right out of his nasty mouth and landed right in front of me on the bed that I was attempting to change on laundry day. He stopped and just looked down that the choppers lying there all slimy in the sheets, and before he could reach down to retrieve the teeth, I grabbed them up ran to the back door and tossed them out into the back yard just as far as my girlie arm could throw. The teeth landed in the middle of a 3 foot snow drift. I was laughing so hard I tears in my eyes, but when I turned around, HE was standing in the door… with a look of utter astonishment, saying that is the worst thing anyone had ever done to him. HA, that is the worst? He had no clue what he was in for! I eventually waded out into the snow covered yard to excavate for the teeth. I was laughing for days… shit I am laughing now when I think about it!
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it. SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 18:01 |
It's the simple spur of the moment ones that usually work best.
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 18:14 |
Room mates are tough; you either hate them intensely or love them and want to sleep with them. I lived in a house with 2 other females and a male once for the summer at VA Beach and I was very close to killing every one of the bitches! Lie, cheat, steal, leave their nastiness all over the house, parade their dip shit one night stands around like it was a dog and pony show and then complain openly about the bastards while they were still in the room. When the fleet was in, they were in business! The single male in the house got so disgusted with their bull shit that he went into their rooms and pissed all over their beds, clothes and furniture.
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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SexNinja
the illest nigga  SSHOLEPosts: 1517 Registered: 10/28/2007 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 18:35 |
My Mother is very conservative in her political views, so I just take the opposite position and piss her off.
Awesome thread idea, by the way.
Hey.
I used "BR" in this post.
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HAMFIGHTER>He shrugged, and started finishing himself off, on my breasts, while I was crying. |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 18:43 |
My family is so damn conservative that they are about to slide off the far side of the fence. I can not talk to them about religion or politics and because of their extreme fundamental beliefs I can never mention the name Darwin or the theory of evolution! I am a dark stain on the family crest; I moved north of the Mason/Dixon line and actually speak and write English. My family tree does fork but I am pretty sure I was adopted!
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4398 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 18:50 |
Dumbskull: [...]my ball and chain was into one of his usual verbal rants about his self proclaimed intellectual superiority and was attempting to display dominance. *sniff* *sniff*
I detect the scent of bitter female.
During the middle of this verbal tirade his upper bridge (false teeth) flew right out of his nasty mouth and landed right in front of me on the bed that I was attempting to change on laundry day. He stopped and just looked down that the choppers lying there all slimy in the sheets, and before he could reach down to retrieve the teeth, I grabbed them up ran to the back door and tossed them out into the back yard [...] when I turned around, HE was standing in the door… with a look of utter astonishment, saying that is the worst thing anyone had ever done to him. You know, maybe this is just the LBP's period rubbing off on me, but that's actually pretty fuking mean.
Yeah, I know. I KNOW. But still.
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mundhra: And its crocobody is made of dile. |
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SexNinja
the illest nigga SSHOLEPosts: 1517 Registered: 10/28/2007 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 18:53 |
Oh, go take some more Midol. |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 18:56 |
Once when I found a live in BF was cheating... I put some fresh fish in the trunk of his car... in the middle of summer, in a paper bag... hidden....
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BloodyBowels
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 265 Registered: 3/29/2003 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 19:28 |
Yeah you and Jack Lemon
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BloodyBowels
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 265 Registered: 3/29/2003 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 19:28 |
I find the best torment is waking up everyday. She hates that.
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The abolishment of pain in surgery is a chimera. It is absurd to go on seeking it. . . . Knife and pain are two words in surgery that must forever be associated in the consciousness of the patient.- Dr. Alfred Velpeau (1839) |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 19:33 |
I had no idea it was a movie, a GF told me to do it! That rat bastard was ape shit about the smell in his new car!
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it. SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 19:35 |
They all do. They wake up and rub their bleary little eyes and look over at your side of the bed and think "Crap! I guess I was dreaming."
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 19:36 |
I feed mine high quantities of meats laced with nitrites and salt, (PORK PRODUCTS) one day he is just not going to wake up!
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BloodyBowels
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 265 Registered: 3/29/2003 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 20:03 |
I can't believe he hasnt eaten a bullet yet.
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The abolishment of pain in surgery is a chimera. It is absurd to go on seeking it. . . . Knife and pain are two words in surgery that must forever be associated in the consciousness of the patient.- Dr. Alfred Velpeau (1839) |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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4/30/2004 at 20:17 |
BloodyBowels: I can't believe he hasnt eaten a bullet yet.
I know.. I have tried my damnest to drive him insane!
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it. SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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5/1/2004 at 01:41 |
DumbSkull: I know.. I have tried my damnest to drive him insane
If he's the least bit obsessive compulsive he should give you a lot to work with. Slobs on the other hand require greater effort.
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If you give a man a fire you keep him warm for one night.
If you set him on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life. |
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barch97
DARTH MENSES Posts: 588 Registered: 6/18/2003 Offline
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5/1/2004 at 14:27 |
Dumbskull: Room mates are tough; you either hate them intensely or love them and want to sleep with them. I lived in a house with 2 other females and a male once for the summer at VA Beach and I was very close to killing every one of the bitches! Lie, cheat, steal, leave their nastiness all over the house, parade their dip shit one night stands around like it was a dog and pony show and then complain openly about the bastards while they were still in the room. When the fleet was in, they were in business! The single male in the house got so disgusted with their bull shit that he went into their rooms and pissed all over their beds, clothes and furniture. address please
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mudvayne_69_69_69
Pride of Canadia  Posts: 979 Registered: 6/19/2003 Offline
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5/1/2004 at 14:50 |
I used to fart and burp in public, and blame it on my girlfriend...She got wise to it, and started doing it to me too, so I had to put a stop to it.
MUD |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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5/1/2004 at 19:35 |
I realized this morning I did not have to do anything over to torment the ball and chain... I was in the kitchen cooking up some final exams with the stereo blasting out great tunes with more bass than was necessary when he come in and said... “you are just trying my patience... I am trying to take a nap!” A fucking nap? Hell it was only 11:00AM!
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it. SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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5/1/2004 at 21:23 |
A couple months ago my brother's wife kicked his psychotic ass out and because he didn't have any place else to go I let him move into my spare room.
Major Fucking Mistake!
He's a fucking compulsive cleaner, straightener-outer, rearranger. He rearranges the entire place at least 4 times a week. Just because something was in one place last time I used it doesn't mean that it will be even close to that location the next day.
His compulsion to clean however seems to stop at the fucking kitchen door. The bastard doesn't even know how to wash a fucking dish. He only even makes a half assed attempt when I go on strike and he needs something from his kitchen sink mold ranch.
And I'm gonna have to get one of those breathalyzer lock for my stove because the only time the fuckhead ever tries to actually cook something is when he's too drunk to stand. About twice a week I wake up at 3 AM to find a pot of canned spagheiit sauce in flames on the stove and his psycho ass passed out at the table.
I don't know if this shit will make any one else craxy but it's doing a pretty good job on me.
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If you give a man a fire you keep him warm for one night.
If you set him on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life. |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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5/1/2004 at 22:08 |
So you understand why his wife kicked his ass out! You should send her flowers... in his name.. maybe she will soften up and take him back!
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LuckyLuciano
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 364 Registered: 9/7/2003 Offline
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5/1/2004 at 22:35 |
I say just get him drunk and sign him up for the military.
That way, hes out of everyone's hair.
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straydog1980
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 531 Registered: 6/16/2004 Offline
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6/16/2004 at 20:16 |
similar to BloodyBowels, I find that breathing is the best thing I can do to piss my wife off. Or maybe hide her lighters....she HATES that.
let me ask some advice from all you family hating swarmers. My wife works at a church daycare (so my daughter can go for free), and works with these two 18 year old girls that she has now befriended. I'm sure you all remember living with the rents, and finally finding someone or someplace that allows you to escape that. Well, my pad = their new home. They have been over every SINGLE FUCKING DAY for the last 3 weeks. I come home from work, and these fat fucks are sitting on the couch talking about crap, no literally, YOUR farts smell worse. NU UHHHH! Your shit smells sooooooo bad I wanna scream! Well you poop more than I do. NO, you have the craps right now and have been spitting shit for 3 days, OMG, it's cuz you make me nervouse, HAHAhahahsdkfhasdhfkajsdhflkhasdlkfhasdf
DIE BITCHES DIE!!!!
the day before yesterday I finally tell my wife how much they annoy the shit out of me, and beg her to stop them from coming over for a few days. I get home, yeseterday and the house is silent. For a few glorious moments, I believe I actually got my point across. But then, who comes in (without knocking) exactly 4 minutes later? You guessed it!!
not to even mention they are straight edge girls, so I can't even pull out my own fucking bong, in my own fucking house without getting dirty looks from those two shitbag whores.
I liked them to begin with, but as you can tell, I have been driven to desperation here. Can anyone give me some tips on how to get these bitches to leave me alone? (hint: i have a 30 year old shotgun in my closet)
straydog
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barch97
DARTH MENSES Posts: 588 Registered: 6/18/2003 Offline
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6/16/2004 at 20:34 |
ain't nuttin 18 yo chicks hate more than fat hairy naked old man.
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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6/16/2004 at 20:38  |
OMFG! The girls came in without your wife and they did not knock? They have crossed the line. Your wife needs to have her ass kicked for bringing her work home and then making it an "open house".
First of all your wife needs to know that you should never be put in a position to be alone with two asshole teenage girls, period. While you would not touch even touch them with Ninja' dick, they are teens and obviously bored and looking for attention in the worst way. So what would a normal guy say… “Get the fuck out of my house”… but then what… the two shittard’s run away screaming “He touched me”…and there you are standing there wondering what the fuck did I do? And it is your wife’s fault for allowing them open access to your castle!
Your wife did not get the message the first time when you told her that you did not wish to have them around so maybe you need to give her a new hypothetical situation to ponder such as the one described above and maybe she will be firm about her work mates. Plus lock the doors and make sure they do not have keys to your house!
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it. SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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6/16/2004 at 20:40 |
This might require a strong stomach but I think if you hit on one or both of them they might leave and never come back. Especially if you tell your wife what you are going to do and why and have her sit in the room and act pleased about the whole thing.
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If you give a man a fire you keep him warm for one night.
If you set him on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life. |
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