Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position!   SSHOLE |
Posts: 1896 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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7/22/2008 at 17:10  |
No, it is not what you are thinking. I did not get laid, screwed, or whateverthefuck you want to call it on the job, but rather I was fucked up the ass good and hard by my employers and damn it they didn’t even give me a slap on the ass afterwards.
I started working for this company in December as Executive Assistant to the CEO and have since that time been on call 24/7 with a work cell phone and a laptop. This was a salary position not hourly so I couldn't bitch about the late night calls or the emergency emails that needed to be answered on the weekends. And the pay was sweet, so what the fuck. Everything was going along great… until the 1st of July when I didn’t get paid because the company didn’t make payroll. Same thing happened again July 15th, but we were promised the funds were coming in this week.
We learned yesterday we were not going to be paid EVER. I brought the laptop home last night to clear off my personal data, music files, etc and spoke with the boss yesterday before leaving about keeping the computer with me for a few days/weeks while I am job hunting; he said did not have any problem with me holding the laptop for awhile, however he called this morning to say he needed the laptop back as soon as possible.
I also need my paychecks!
Got any advice here guys? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
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Easier to get into than a community college.
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shitbox
my balls your chin, get used to that idea  SSHOLEPosts: 918 Registered: 1/9/2005 Offline
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7/22/2008 at 17:17 |
There are federal and state statues that give you SOME rights.
I suggest checking into them and/or contacting an attorney who specializes in employment law.
As far as the laptop, well, thats a personal choice....of eBay or craigslist.
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"Kill him! Kill the fuckin' indian! What am I watching here two fuckin' fags!?"
Rodney Dangerfield as Ed Wilson
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4415 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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7/22/2008 at 17:26 |
I say keep the laptop. It's probably the only form of reimbursement you're going to get for the last month. Seriously, what are the odds they go "whoops, here are your last two paychecks, sorry for this little glitch in service"?
Incidentally, the time to clear off your personal data was about 5 minutes after you first heard "we can't make payroll".
And the time to use that laptop to find a new job is right now.
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To win, you must fight not only the creature you encounter; you must fight the most horrible thing that can be constructed from its corpse. |
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mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard  SSHOLEPosts: 1620 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
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7/22/2008 at 17:41 |
afaik, you are required to be compensated for time you worked even if you work for an 'at will' state.
hope you retained timesheets. at the very minimum, try to archive all documents/emails created/worked on during those weeks.
i would consider lawyering up and cutting off communication with them.
definitely do not return the laptop. what are they going to do, fire you? if they want to pursue it, you're too busy looking for a job to help them out right now.
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But the whole of modern so-called civilized existence is an attempt to deny reality insofar as it exists. When did Don last look at the stars, when did Norman last get soaked in a rainstorm? |
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Clavis_Apocalypticae
Beautiful Puppet of Chaos  SSHOLEPosts: 749 Registered: 5/16/2004 Offline
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7/22/2008 at 18:51 |
Illinois is a "right to work" state, so you have more recourse than most.
DO NOT return the laptop or cell. Hold them hostage until you get your shit.
You'll be employed again in no time.
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Just another freak in the freak kingdom. |
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BigDinWaunakee
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 105 Registered: 1/24/2007 Offline
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7/22/2008 at 20:01 |
Echo the other wise comments that preceeded this dribble. Keep the laptop. Keep whatever info you have on the company. Have all your proof lined up.
Contact a lawyer, like five minutes ago. Let them guide you from here.
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Knight of Swollen Testes |
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freakmachine
Web Fucko Extraordinaire  SSHOLEPosts: 588 Registered: 4/15/2004 Offline
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7/22/2008 at 20:27 |
Do not forget to keep dumbskull_naked.jpg on your newly acquired laptop to email with your next resume.
Good luck with job hunting!
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"That ain’t no sex holler there" |
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truenative
I'm what makes bread wonder.  SSHOLEPosts: 292 Registered: 1/6/2005 Offline
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7/22/2008 at 22:01 |
Bummer to hear it DS.
Keep the Laptop, Return the Cell but Post the number here before you return it 
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I live for Warm Beer and Cold Women! |
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coknurmowth
Crisco Fux  SSHOLEPosts: 114 Registered: 10/20/2005 Offline
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7/22/2008 at 22:49 |
that sux, my wife has been looking for a job for 3 months now... Hope you find something soon.
agree with everyone else, keep the laptop but give the phone back after you write the number in every bar bathroom stall you can. |
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nurgleming
a wet brain fart  SSHOLEPosts: 156 Registered: 10/18/2006 Offline
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7/22/2008 at 23:15 |
sounds like they heard you coming and thought they'd take another one for a ride.
keep both laptop and cell, but sell the cell (hrm) on ebay or craigslist or even the fucking small ads of the local paper, but first take the time to post its number here, then on something awful forums, then on 4chan, then on all those walls in the restrooms your so familiar with along with some witty/abusive note along the lines of
"call me a cunt/i want your herpes ridden cock/hi im dumbskull"
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nothing on the Internet is so serious it can't be laughed at, and that nothing is so laughable as people who think otherwise |
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fastlane
Zombie scream style  SSHOLEPosts: 649 Registered: 2/7/2004 Offline
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7/22/2008 at 23:22 |
Fuck em! keep the laptop
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I love the sound of silence. It gives me something else to break. |
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Regulator
Tender vittles  Posts: 34 Registered: 9/8/2007 Offline
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7/23/2008 at 00:25  |
if i were you i wou keep the laptop pull the batterry out of it so it won't get ruined hide them both call your ex b0oss tell him it was stolen. so if he calls the cops they can't take it cuz you hide it at someone's house and they won't know who's so it will be safe. and if it has info on it that you need to back you up later if you sur them then tell them that the pearson who took it felt bad and just returned it say it was part of a 12 step thing or something like that.
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umm wut? |
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Regulator
Tender vittles Posts: 34 Registered: 9/8/2007 Offline
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7/23/2008 at 00:27  |
^ sorry bout that i'm kinda fucked up right now^
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umm wut? |
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LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache  SSHOLEPosts: 1611 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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7/23/2008 at 00:41 |
At my work I'm privy to a lot of insider shit, last month they didn't make payroll and the rich owners pitched in. June/july/august are always bad for the auto industry, but that bit of intel makes me dedicate about 40% of my "working time" to job hunting.
(keep the laptop, your boss probably wants to fill his trunk and have a laptop sale, also steal expensive shit)
On 2008-07-22 at 20:31:38, LORDKAHUNA asked to smell your dick
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rorybreaker
Tender vittles  Posts: 4 Registered: 6/14/2007 Offline
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7/23/2008 at 01:54 |
When a company fails payroll it usually means thier pretty much bankrupt, so everything's up for grabs. Plus there might not be anyone there to sue soon, so get a lawer to call them with some minor threat asap and they might pay to save thier asses the trouble.
As soon as a company doesn't make payroll run. Your boss will be fencing any shit he can get his hands on, you should do the same, so keep anything you've got.
OBTW, I'm in the market for a laptop, what is/how much?
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Helping to try. |
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Acidburn
I am El Chupacabra  SSHOLEPosts: 763 Registered: 8/1/2004 Offline
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7/23/2008 at 03:52 |
All of these are good answers BUT..... keep the phone and order ring tones and those daily jokes too. Games can run the cost up as well
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No you can't have my rights. I'm not through with them!
You got Down Syndrome so bad you probably have up,left and right too.
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This is Rabbit. and it kills everyday.
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JohnLenin
Putting the semen in amusement  SSHOLEPosts: 1017 Registered: 7/8/2005 Offline
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7/23/2008 at 04:22 |
I agree with:
-keeping lappy
-keeping phone
-stealing shit
-getting legal on these dickwads
If you need a face to sit on while you get your shit in order just let me know.
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Steel
If you want to keep your tongue, don't lick me in the Winter!  SSHOLEPosts: 489 Registered: 10/14/2004 Offline
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7/23/2008 at 12:41 |
Fly to Japan and start buying vending machine items using
your work cell phone! I hear they have tons of items to choose from. |
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HOBO
* b0bo has quit IRC ('Exit')  SSHOLEPosts: 1117 Registered: 3/19/2002 Offline
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7/23/2008 at 15:55 |
Keep the laptop as collateral. Contact the Deptartment of Labor for guidance. Good Luck
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" I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question." ~Spock~
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1896 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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7/23/2008 at 17:53 |
shitbox – Employment law, the SEC, NFA…
vas – My resume was being distributed around the south loop by business contacts, techy pals and trading gurus last week.
mundhra – After the CEO called all day on Tuesday (I love VOICE MAIL) asking a 101 questions about how to/where is/who is… Yeah, I have totally cut off all communication.
Clavis_Apocalypticae – The work cell was wrenched paw almost immediately. I am not suffering the loss of a Nokia 1208. However if anyone wants the number of this cell PM me!
BigDinWaunakee – Done!
freakmachine – I gotz moar where those came from bahbee!
truenative - If anyone wants the number of this cell PM me!
coknurmowth – Don’t remind me! It took me 3 months to get a job offer after I crash landed in Chicago and was laid off after three months from a job I totally loved with a tech and design firm. I later learned I was just the 1st on a long line of people that hit the bricks. I found this position within weeks of the other and was as happy as a pig in shit taking a $15,000 a year pay cut from my last job.
nurgleming – Dude, my roommate has said the same thing!
Fastlane – Fuck em? Errr no. The former CEO is 65! Whathefuckdude your avatar is fucked! No, I didn’t do it!
Regulator – Seriously… WHAT THE FUCK? Okay, you’re crunk. The roommate told me I was long over due getting my crunk on, so I have already made plans to be hung over on Wednesday.
LORDKAHUNA – As Executive Assistant to the CEO…ah you know what I mean. It is funny you would say something about selling off shit…which is why I am hanging on to the laptop.
rorybreaker – Hey bahbee ya wanna lap dance instead of a laptop?
Acidburn – Sorry dude, lost the phone on Monday. I don’t miss it at all! The little fucker used to ring 24/7.
JohnLenin – Shave first then call me!
Steel – Vending machines work via cell phones in Japan?
HOBO – Thanks!
I spoke with the CEO Tuesday afternoon about holding on to the computer for a few more days/weeks and then making a trade; a laptop for a couple of paycheck. He did not have any problem with this at all. A while later the called and left a voice message stating he had to have it back now. I was aboutthatclose from taking the train into the loop and handing over the laptop but then my phone started ringing…And the landline was ringing… and the door bell was ringing ALL AT THE SAME TIME and I about flipped out thinking it was the work assholes/and or police coming to take me away for holding a laptop hostage. The last message I had from the former boss was a request to help with a press release and also help him find stuff in the files…and to bring the computer back at 8AM this morning. I already had a hangover on my schedule for 8AM.
Text message from the CEO at 11AM stated that if he did not hear back from me by 1PM he was going to call the police. Damn it, I am trying to get a good comfortable drunk on and this fucker is pissing me off. Oh crap… there he is again.
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache SSHOLEPosts: 1611 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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7/23/2008 at 18:20 |
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the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim |
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BigDinWaunakee
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 105 Registered: 1/24/2007 Offline
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7/24/2008 at 14:42 |
Move the laptop to an alternate location and call his bluff. Are the lawyers ready? See, you need a plan when the fucker calls. Don't be on the defensive, but pretty much have your terms and lay them out. Don't fall for this bullshit. Trust me, these fuckers have way more on their hands than worrying about one laptop, unless you have really important information... which at this point you should have copied.
So, when he calls and asks for the laptop next, just don't pick up unless you are ready with an answer.
Buck up, young lass.
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth SSHOLEPosts: 4415 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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7/24/2008 at 19:04 |
Shove the laptop up your butt.
No, really.
Shove it right the fuck up in there.
Don't be shy. You remember summer camp.
Then, when the helicopters are circling you in your rageful yet majestic perch astride the Empire State Building, and your former employer, lovers and friends are down below, at least one of the aforementioned on a police bullhorn trying desperately to talk any kind of sense at all into your berserk mind, you can bend way over and gently, so gently allow your horrific, galvanizing anoose to open and poop out the laptop over the horrified crowd below.
Several of them might be smashed flat by it, in fact.
Then they'll take you away in the whambulance and you'll off yourself in debtor's prison with the thin edge of your chances for success.
Best of luck, *fart* *fart*!
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To win, you must fight not only the creature you encounter; you must fight the most horrible thing that can be constructed from its corpse. |
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mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard SSHOLEPosts: 1620 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
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7/24/2008 at 19:47 |
vasudeva: poop out the laptop over the horrified crowd below. THIS.
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But the whole of modern so-called civilized existence is an attempt to deny reality insofar as it exists. When did Don last look at the stars, when did Norman last get soaked in a rainstorm? |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1896 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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7/25/2008 at 02:51 |
I'm officially on the dole. My monthly income cut down to what used to be pocket change and goofing off cash. But no complaints, I will be able to keep my cell bill paid, my Alpha up to date, beer on the table etc. while I’m looking for another job.
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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fastlane
Zombie scream style SSHOLEPosts: 649 Registered: 2/7/2004 Offline
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7/25/2008 at 03:01 |
Glad you got some pocket change to spend.
btw my avatar and alpha status was interrupted by a hiccup at paypal .
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I love the sound of silence. It gives me something else to break. |
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BigDinWaunakee
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 105 Registered: 1/24/2007 Offline
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7/25/2008 at 03:20 |
Um, what happened to all the dramatic elements of the story? Did they get resolved, but left on the avid room floor?
Are you in denial or shock?
Hey, I'll be in Chicago over the weekend of the 8/10. We never met, you have no idea what I look like (unwitting invite to photoshittery), but we may run into each other. If so, I'll toss you a fresh dollar into your guitar case or slip it into your G-string.
SRSLY, thoughts are with you. Hope you poisoned your boss with ricin.
On 2008-07-24 at 22:21:16, BigDinWaunakee asked to smell your dick
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1896 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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7/26/2008 at 19:02 |
It is Saturday afternoon; I’m having a couple of afternoon cocktails contemplating the past week. My cell and landline have been HOT all week with frantic and threatening calls from my former CEO regarding the return of the laptop because he thought the laptop was the key to get into the corporate server. It’s not. The fucking passwords are! And since he and owes money to everyone who had access to the backup server PW’s I guess this means he is totally fucked!
I received a call from a close friend this past Thursday evening who reminded me I could not legally keep the laptop. I had already decided I did not need feds fucking me up the ass for theft of vital corporate (public) property and documents (even though everything was saved on back up and I wouldn’t have dreamed of compromising the hard drive on the computer ALTHOUGH… It would have been easy to lick it clean.
I returned the laptop and office keys Friday morning and retrieved my personal crap left behind on Monday; it was a HUGE SIGH of relief. I would prefer to walk away than incite further conflict with these morons.
Awhile ago I was fucking around with my phone (trying to turn off the PTT icon on the main display which should not be on since I do not subscribe to Push To Talk) and accidentally restored it to virginal settings.
It was a cleansing enema for my phone, ALL CONTACTS, email, pics, ringtones, settings… GONE! My external vagina (cell phone/little black book) has been raped clean. Yeah I was totally BS last week when I thought I lost my phone and ALL my contacts, but now not so much.
Today I can’t access my gmail accounts. Sweet! I vaguely recall changing the passwords.. I could have been drunk or stoned at the time.
I also just realized all of the personal data (music and pictures etc) I had saved off the laptop onto a CD was left in the laptop when it was returned.
I’m going to pour another whiskey and give my roommate a blow job for putting up with my insanity for the past week/month/year!
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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Clavis_Apocalypticae
Beautiful Puppet of Chaos SSHOLEPosts: 749 Registered: 5/16/2004 Offline
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7/26/2008 at 19:22 |
Dumbskull:
I’m going to pour another whiskey and give my roommate a blow job for putting up with my insanity for the past week/month/year!
Then you can hop on the South Shore and do the same for me for having to live this drama for the last week. :/
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Just another freak in the freak kingdom. |
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Wotak
You + Fava Beans = Yum  SSHOLEPosts: 640 Registered: 5/27/2005 Offline
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7/26/2008 at 20:25 |
You deserve to give me a sweaty nutsack blowjob for giving those asshoels back their PC without getting those paychecks.
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"silly linux users. sharts for you" --hobo |
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