Ganglia
Tender vittles  Posts: 12 Registered: 12/13/2006 Offline
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8/29/2007 at 14:49 |
i never cry at funerals.
i really cannot see the point.
of course i can recognize sorrow... but if i where to choose (and i am, coincidently) i would rather not be sad, thinking about a person i liked or respected even.
and on top of that... nothing i can or will do after a person have died, will ever bring him back.
i hope its not because you had a beef with that person that you did not resolve, because then this 'sorrow' thing is nothing but your concience waving the flag.
so after a little pseudo-quantum-logic, a standard funeral is a gathering of people with bad concience.
i do not require a bad concience to accept i fucked something up with an individual... that is dead... with whom i did not make peace with.
as if the dead took this concience-imballance with them beyond and it shaped my next life into a whore from bangladesh.
this might be cliché, but i would actually rather have people trowing a big slut-gorging womit party, than standing around whining and telling sad n shitty we-miss-him-lines.
the thing that pisses me off the most is people asking "why?" or "its so unfair, he was young/sweet/caring..." blablabla.
there is no fucking 'reason'... no evil masterplan for the death of 95% of all deaths... yet i always hear that one.
your petty attempt to reason your way out of this one will fail, you will feel shitty for trying and again fall for the temptation of figuring it out using your inferior mystic fables... rinse, repeat.
fuck no... i will stash some money and hire a grey-market firm to arrange my funeral where 25 pretty humans in all categories will fuck the shit out of whomever attended and wanted it.
i could care less if stress-filled brains must use tears to shed some hormones... as long as it is not the only channel they try to rid them selves of it trough.
dance fuckers!
smile and tell stories of my life and of the things you learnt from me.
it would all start of with everyone there capable of speaking, to say at least one negative and one positive thing about me, that they hated or admired.
no shitty songs from a nuttered choir, no... give me illdisposed or something... preferably something that would get the crowd going.
i will now whenever people pop the wierd question concerning the proceedings of my demise and the celebration thereof, answer i would be honored if they had sex at my funeral and preferably procreated that same day... make some obvoius historical links, that would be great.
the cycle of life... fucking adhere to it! and do not be afraid!
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I live to consume
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth   SSHOLEPosts: 4333 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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8/29/2007 at 14:59 |
a big slut-gorging womit party
Word to this -- heavy on the womit, too.
The funerals I've been to felt phony, wierd, and really depressing. I've resolved to avoid as many as I can, including my own. Ditto for wakes.
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mundhra: And its crocobody is made of dile. |
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Mofo
dont give a shit  SSHOLEPosts: 421 Registered: 2/8/2004 Offline
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8/29/2007 at 15:02 |
When I went to my grandma's funeral, this old ass fan in the church started out and made a ridiculous racket. The priest didn't stop to turn it off, so it just kept making the noise through the whole thing. |
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middle_age_man
Mostly Harmless  SSHOLEPosts: 427 Registered: 1/11/2005 Offline
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8/29/2007 at 16:08 |
Perhaps more stomach turning than funerals is the funeral directors and the companies they work for. They’re predatory and under handed. My aunt and uncle lost their only child to suicide and were beside themselves with grief. From the time that the funeral home received the body until the last hour before the service the funeral home would call constantly to suggest little details that might need to be looked after and then bill for the consultation. They charged a massive mark-up on the auditorium rental, the chairs, the fake flowers, etc. They even managed to talk them into an ornate casket for the cremation.
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" Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
George Carlin |
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acheron
Cynical_Malcontent  SSHOLEPosts: 552 Registered: 4/29/2004 Offline
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8/29/2007 at 16:55 |
I'm getting put on a little boat getting lit the fuck on fire and sent into the ocean. Those on the shore can party.
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I'm an INTJ. This explains why I'm alternating between silence and judging you. |
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