TheBitchisHere
Tender vittles  Posts: 48 Registered: 11/18/2006 Offline
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8/16/2007 at 03:28 |
I was searching for some male companionship on craiglist and came across this ad.
DIFFICULT TIME FINDING A WOMAN THAT WILL HAVE ME
I have been on this site a few times
(((EVERY FUCKING DAY FOR 47 YEARS))) to see if I can find the ideal female for dating(((MY MOM WON'T HAVE ME))).
I think I will change my approach and rather than listing the positives of the traits I seek in a woman, I will instead list the negatives.
(((SINCE THEY ARE THE TRAITS I POSSESS)))
((((CAN YOU SAY PROJECTION???)))
Things I view as definite NEGATIVE TRAITS in the type of woman I seek for steady dating(((WOMEN WITH BRAINS FREAK ME OUT AND ARE FRIGHTENED OF ME))):
1) CIG SMOKER / POT SMOKER / DRUG USER
(((BEING A HEAVY DRUG USER MYSELF I FEEL ONE OF US SHOULD BE RATIONAL)))
2) EXCESSIVE DRINKER (MANY WOMAN DON'T KNOW OR ADMIT IF THEY ARE AN EXCESSIVE DRINKER I HAVE LEARNED)
(((AS I HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE WITH BARS, ALCOHOL, AND TRYING TO PICK UP WOMEN IN BARS)))
3) EXCESSIVE TALKER (COMMUNICATION IS GREAT AND I WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU AND BE INTERESTED IN YOU BUT IF YOU NEVER SHUT UP, THAT IS A PROBLEM FOR ME.)
(((LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT ME, I WILL SPEAK OF MY SUPERLATIVES, YOU JUST NOD)))
4) IF YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE ANYWHERE EAST OF LAMAR, I FEEL WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.
(((AS I AM A PANTY-WAIST PUNK AFRAID TO GET MY LILY-WHITE ASS BEAT IF I GET INTO COLORED AUSTIN))))
(IF YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE IN SOUTHEAST AUSTIN, EAST OF IH-35, IN HIGH CRIME NEIGHBORHOOD, ANGLO/WHITE IS NOT BY FAR THE PREDOMINATE RACE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD, I FEEL CERTAIN WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.)
(((I AM AN APT RAT ON THE NORTHSIDE AND CAN'T IMAGINE FINDING MY WAY OUT OF MY OWN NEIGHBORHOOD)))
5) IF YOU ARE LIMITED IN YOUR OPEN-MINDEDNESS (YOU FEEL THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO DO MOST THINGS, THERE IS ONLY ONE POSSIBILITY OF RELIGION, THERE IS ONLY ONE POSSIBILITY OF POLITICAL PARTY, ETC, I FEEL CERTAIN WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.)
(((PLEASE BE OPENMINDED ENOUGH TO ALLOW ME TO WEAR YOUR CLOTHES)))
6) IF YOU DRESS UP IN YOUR HALLOWEEN OR CLOWN SUIT MORE THAN ONCE PER YEAR TO GO DOWNTOWN TO BE A PROTESTOR OF SOME POLITICAL TYPE ISSUE, ETC. WAVING SIGNS THAT NO ONE REALLY CARES WHAT IT SAYS, I AM CERTAIN WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.
(((I DO THIS WEEKLY AND FEEL THAT ONE OF US GARNERING THIS TYPE OF ATTENTION IN A COUPLE IS ENOUGH)))
7) IF YOU ARE NOT A BIG FAN OF SUNSHINE, WATER, OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES, TRAVEL, MUSIC, SPORTS AND FESTIVAL EVENTS, I FEEL CERTAIN WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.
(((I HAVE TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY I HAVE TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY I HAVE TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY)))
8) IF SEX MEANS EVERYTHING TO YOU...OR IF SEX MEANS NOTHING TO YOU, I AM SURE WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE. (I seek a lady that is in a logical happy medium about her sex life. If you are a ‘nympho’ or you are dead in bed, we will not be compatible for me.) I enjoy sex but I don't let it rule my life so if you have many fine qualities, sex will not be a deal breaker for me unless you are to the extreme of one side or the other.)
(((THE LOGICAL MEDIUM I SEEK IS THAT YOU GIVE ME SEX ANYTIME ANYWHERE I WANT IT, YOUR NEEDS ARE NOT IMPORTANT. IF YOU WANT SEX WHEN I DON'T YOU MUST BE A SEX ADDICT, IF YOU DON'T WANT SEX WHEN I DO, YOU MUST BE A FRIGID BITCH)))
9) If you are OVER-WEIGHT (a LITTLE is OK but if you are like 5' 8", 200# is NOT acceptable!), rarely exercise, we will definitely not be compatible.
(((MY EXERCISE IS 12 OUNCE CURLS, I HAVE A BMI OD 39, BUT YOU NEED TO BE A 21)))
10) I typically don't like to set boundaries for a woman's salary but I think in most cases salary indicates your personal motivation, intelligence level, and an indication that you desire to pursue being in a better way of life.
Therefore, it would not be optimal for me if you earn less than $60K/year.
(((I MAKE MINIMUM WAGE, AND DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH A WOMAN PROVIDING FOR ME FINANCIALLY FOR ME.)))
11) If a few people within the last couple of years have questioned or made comments about your MENTAL STABILITY, we are definitely not compatible.
(((THEY MAKE THOSE COMMENTS ABOUT ME DAILY, ONE OF US NEEDS TO BE SANE...)))
(Women in this situation will not readily admit this, so I don't know if it will do any good for me to even list this issue here....same as the excessive drinker.)
(((I AM A COMPULSIVE LIAR AND EXPECT YOU TO BE ALSO)))
12) If you are NOT between 35 - 48 yrs old, I doubt we will be compatible.
13) If you are WISHY-WASHY, an indecisive decision maker, or your goals for your life change frequently, struggle making decisions in your life that bring positive results, continue making the same mistakes over and over, I feel certain we are not compatible.
(((I AM WISHY WASHY ABOUT EVERYTHING EXCEPT YOUR LOOKS, AND I DON'T THINK YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH FOR ME)))
14) If you SEEK MR. RICH, or MR. PERFECT LOOKING, or Mr. PERFECT ANYTHING, I am certain we are not compatible.
(((I AM POOR, UGLY AND CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT)))
(I have a good job
(((PICKING UP TRASH ON HIGHWAY WEARING ORANGE VEST))),
good salary
((((5.10 HOUR))),
I am at the very least average looking
(((THE VERY LEAST AVERAGE LOOKING GUY YOU WILL EVER MEET))),
and I am well above average in intelligence
(((MY IQ HAS BEEN MEASURED IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS, NO BRAG JUST FACT)))
, spark and humor but I am by no means near perfect at anything. If you seek some near perfect guy, I feel certain we are not compatible.
(((IF YOU SEEK MAXIMUM FUCKUP WITH DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR, I MAY JUST BE YOUR MAN...)))
15) IF YOU ARE NOT VERY CLEAN WITH YOUR PERSONAL HYGEIENE
(((SORRY I AM A DUMBASS AND CAN'T SPELLE GUDE)))
AND HOUSEHOLD, I FEEL CERTAIN WE WILL NOT BE COMPATIBLE. (I DON'T SEEK PERFECTION IN THIS BUT I THINK THE RIGHT PERSON WILL UNDERSTAND MY POINT HERE.)
16) UNTRUSTWORTHY - Just because I listed this negative trait last, don't think that it is the least important by any means!!
(((I AM A BOY SCOUT AND BELIEVE IN HONOR AND TRUTH, AT LEAST ON YOUR PART)))
17) IF YOU ARE JUST A MINDLESS FOLLOWER AND YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE FOR OUR COUNTRY'S WELL-BEING OF WHY WE NEED TO STOP THE RAPID FLOW OF ILLEGALS COMING ACROSSED OUR SOUTHERN BORDER, I know we can't be compatible.
(((TRANSLATION; NO MESKINS)))
18) YOu will have a real LIFE! You will NOT live on CRAIG'S LIST every day flagging ads that you are mad because you cannot fit a man's desires for the woman he seeks or because some certain man rejected your sorry ass!
(((I AM ON CRAIGSLIST EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY AND DON'T WANT NO SKANKY HO'S THAT WOULD HAVE ME...SAD ISN'T IT?)))
If you think you might possess the POSITIVE QUALITIES I seek, please respond by giving a description of yourself and a photo is a MUST please.
ME:
WHITE, VERY INTELLIGENT, 6'2", 220#, BROWN/BLUE, CLEAN CUT TYPE, VERY HUMOROUS, OUTGOING, NATURAL ATHLETE, WELL TRAVELED, VERY CLEAN IN HYGEINE
(((DUMBASS AGAIN)))
AND HOUSEHOLD, VERY CARING AND PASSIONATE.
(((JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR CRAZY)))
THANK YOU FOR READING MY AD!
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One man's love-bombing is another man's being showered with attention.
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LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache   SSHOLEPosts: 1622 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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8/16/2007 at 03:56 |
Free up your calendar slut, LORDKAHUNA IS YOUR DREAM MACHINE!!!
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the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim |
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Acidburn
I am El Chupacabra  SSHOLEPosts: 777 Registered: 8/1/2004 Offline
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8/16/2007 at 04:05 |
Can I have her when you are finished with her?
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No you can't have my rights. I'm not through with them!
You got Down Syndrome so bad you probably have up,left and right too.
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
This is Rabbit. and it kills everyday.
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JohnLenin
Putting the semen in amusement  SSHOLEPosts: 1048 Registered: 7/8/2005 Offline
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8/16/2007 at 05:43 |
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[Clavis_A] he's one of the few people i've ever seen that bear a striking resemblence to their own dick |
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Clavis_Apocalypticae
Beautiful Puppet of Chaos  SSHOLEPosts: 760 Registered: 5/16/2004 Offline
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8/16/2007 at 10:31 |
TheBitchIsHere: I was searching for some male companionship on craiglist [...]
I think that's code-speak for "I'm as big as a house, ugly as a mudfence, and possess the social grace of a 13 year old with Asperger's and/or Down's".
Happy hunting.
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Just another freak in the freak kingdom. |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4460 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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8/16/2007 at 10:58 |
Wierd craigslist-culture infight spillover.
Clavis_Apocalypticae: ugly as a mudfence
The hell's a mudfence?
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slippedhole> I am on to you and your evil intentions. I am the true protector of this website and am willing to do battle with you. |
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Clavis_Apocalypticae
Beautiful Puppet of Chaos SSHOLEPosts: 760 Registered: 5/16/2004 Offline
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8/16/2007 at 12:03 |
vasudeva:
Clavis_Apocalypticae: ugly as a mudfence
The hell's a mudfence?
I believe it's a colloquial measure of uglyment. The modern equivalent would perhaps be "ugly as a bag of smashed asshoels".
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Just another freak in the freak kingdom. |
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TheBitchisHere
Tender vittles Posts: 48 Registered: 11/18/2006 Offline
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8/16/2007 at 18:00 |
Clavis_Apocalypticae: I'll admit I'm no 10 but have been know to turn some heads. Problem is I tend to be unapproachable. I'm working on trying to get the bitch out of me.
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One man's love-bombing is another man's being showered with attention. |
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autoshoes
SIR BABYHEAD  Posts: 67 Registered: 6/24/2002 Offline
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8/16/2007 at 19:20 |
oh shit you're in austin.
home of the crazy's anyway.
ps. i'll be up there for acl again this year. or next tuesday.
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boop |
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freakmachine
Web Fucko Extraordinaire  SSHOLEPosts: 590 Registered: 4/15/2004 Online
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8/17/2007 at 12:42 |
I can state with absolute honesty that I was not the poster of that ad. No, seriously. |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position!  SSHOLEPosts: 1901 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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8/17/2007 at 23:53 |
When ya'll are done with her ass.. I'll fist fuck her back to reality.
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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