LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache   SSHOLE |
Posts: 1624 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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5/24/2007 at 02:53 |
heist Slang
tr.v. heist•ed, heist•ing, heists
1. To steal: heisted the collection of jewels from the museum.
2. To hold up; rob.
n.
A robbery; a burglary.
Recently I saw this joint.
It is one of the more plausible heist movies I've seen in the last while (yeah yeah there are probably lots of reasons why it sucks).
Sometimes when I'm at work I like to daydream about the pulling off a perfect bank heist.
The set up:
1) Case a bank with in a rural area.
2) Get 3 more partners.
3)  WOOTCANNONS!
4)  Procure non-lethal wootloads, I figure that I might have to shoot someone, this way I can put someone down with an 80% chance of not killing them.
5) Have me and my team practice extensively to mimic the mannerisms of the elderly.
6) Learn how to do this  .
7) Rent a unit in an industrial park, under assumed name.
8) Buy a milling machine.
The hit will go down like this:
1) 3 codgers walk into a bank (great opening line for a joke).
2) Classic hold up (never breaking octogenarian character).
3) Shoot someone with beanbag (this will cover our exit, wounded ppl require resources).
4) Hop in getaway car.
5) Ditch oldster getup.
6) Switch cars.
7) Go to unit in industrial park.
8) Mill shotguns to piles of dust.
9) Leave.
10) Repeat all steps till huge sum of $$ is amassed.
How can we improve this plan, or do you have another idea of the perfect crime?
On 2007-05-23 at 21:59:02, LORDKAHUNA craps monkey baby
On 2007-05-24 at 07:33:44, LORDKAHUNA craps monkey baby
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Wrecker
Misanthrope  SSHOLEPosts: 452 Registered: 1/25/2006 Offline
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5/24/2007 at 10:43 |
Some things to consider:
- The accidental cop. What is the plan in the event a random cop stumbles onto the scene?
- The Hero factor. What do we do in the event that some random person decides to try and save the day?
- What is the plan in the event that the cops show up before before we leave? I'm sure brefore this plan went into execution the police average response time was estimated. What if they were fast?
I like the idea of using non-lethal force. It takes the potential for murder charges off the table.
I would add that flash-bang grenades could be very handy to cause confusion and disorientation of the crowd. Could be useful in dealing with the any potential heroes.
Also, body armor.
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freakmachine
Web Fucko Extraordinaire  SSHOLEPosts: 590 Registered: 4/15/2004 Offline
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5/24/2007 at 14:25 |
Safer idea:
1. Hack into said banks computers
2. Redirect all those fractions of cents to a bank account in Belize
3. Let the money pile up. Soon you will have as much as $200 in your new account. |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4469 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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5/24/2007 at 14:52 |
Most of my conjecture revolves around the mistakes people make in dumping bodies. I'll chime in once we're killing folks.
I would always note: you want to buy any materials you'll need far in advance, far from your home, in cash, without letting your identity be traced to it. Don't buy ammo and spraypaint at the same place. Don't sign for deliveries of horse tranquilizer and hypodermics on the same day, under the same name, or in the same county.
Containment and foresight make for successful capers.
Oh, and the short weaselly-looking guy who makes bad jokes and slaps his girlfriend around? Don't hire him. Don't even let him know what you're doing. In fact, if he tags along, let him do all the heavy lifting and then kill him before act 1 finishes.
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ghostrider
liberal exit  SSHOLEPosts: 2451 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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5/24/2007 at 14:56 |
vasudeva: Oh, and the short weaselly-looking guy who makes bad jokes and slaps his girlfriend around? Don't hire him. Don't even let him know what you're doing. In fact, if he tags along, let him do all the heavy lifting and then kill him before act 1 finishes.
If you're referring to Steve Buscemi, I assure you I will not participate unless he's involved.
Also, I want to be the loose cannon that starts killing hostages.
Please ?
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Steel
If you want to keep your tongue, don't lick me in the Winter!  SSHOLEPosts: 508 Registered: 10/14/2004 Offline
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5/24/2007 at 15:58 |
I guess my addition will be two fold....
When I was in high school someone got away with a bank robbery in the town 15 minutes from mine. His escape plan was to go to each of the bank exits and place a small empty box in front of each door (in the direction the door opens). The man told everyone in the bank that there was a movement sensor bomb in each box. He had a remote which turned on a blinking LED which stuck out from the box a bit...
After robbing bank quickly before the cops showed... he walked out the front door, armed his last LED box and got away...
I beleive the said he got $200,000 (not alot, but it was one guy and a small town bank..and he got away!)
The cops were so concerned for the people in the bank they didn't worry about the dude... The small town didn't have a bomb unit and one was brought in, as I recall which took more time...
So A) I would incorporate that, to instill fear in Heros and make cops more cautious when thinking about opening doors...
B) I would use another Bomb Scare as a diversion.... I hate to use Die Hard as an Example.... But a Fake device at a public school would send a lot of cops running, hell maybe a fake manifesto about the destructive nature of our school system and the corrupt robot/monkies a.k.a the children that we are manufacturing with our shitty ciriculums...
Then bomb scares at 5 schools across the city... 
Then we slip in and out with the dollars while every one is busy with the duds... |
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drunkpoet
Tender vittles  Posts: 32 Registered: 8/24/2004 Offline
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5/24/2007 at 17:02 |
Brother, sometimes you think and act like a little child. What we need is a man-sized crast.
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sunny77
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 225 Registered: 11/2/2005 Offline
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5/24/2007 at 19:22 |
l'll distract those whose attention has been drawn to said heist by flashing boobs.
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freakmachine
Web Fucko Extraordinaire SSHOLEPosts: 590 Registered: 4/15/2004 Offline
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5/24/2007 at 20:17 |
I can't stress proper getaway transportation enough. Some asshat my town robbed a bank and used a bicycle to get away. He got caught before he was a mile away. |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position!  SSHOLEPosts: 1903 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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5/24/2007 at 21:28 |
sunny77: l'll distract those whose attention has been drawn to said heist by flashing boobs.
The lumps of gelatinous fat attached to you chest? Pfft!
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LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache SSHOLEPosts: 1624 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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5/25/2007 at 00:40 |
freakmachine: I can't stress proper getaway transportation enough. Some asshat my town robbed a bank and used a bicycle to get away. He got caught before he was a mile away.
What would be the best getaway plan?
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mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard  SSHOLEPosts: 1636 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
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5/25/2007 at 04:00 |
i loves me a good heist film.
back when i was raising hell in my hs days, we used to brainstorm ideas. there was a concrete plant nearby and we used to snoop and find truck keys. one of our ideas was to learn how to drive a truck and obliterate a somewhat isolated, freestanding atm machine. another idea was to use thermite to melt the face off one and then get to the money. we never took the plunge, though.
i think if i were to try something i'd want to eliminate the human element as much as possible, so banks during daytime are out.
although i assume the take from an armored truck could be insanely profitable (plus bonus of no inkpacks), but then you have the heavily armed guards angle. i'm pretty sure they run diesels so i don't know if it'd work, but i always wondered about how a scheme using an emp would play out. i'd assume losing radio contact could be demoralizing enough to cause people to stop resisting. you could have a crew with van just out of range and even prepare another emp to drop for extra hijinks.
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But the whole of modern so-called civilized existence is an attempt to deny reality insofar as it exists. When did Don last look at the stars, when did Norman last get soaked in a rainstorm? |
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Senor_Smoke
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 312 Registered: 9/9/2004 Offline
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5/25/2007 at 04:00 |
You absolutely have to have synchronized watches,and decoder rings.
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mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard SSHOLEPosts: 1636 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
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5/25/2007 at 04:03 |
freakmachine: I can't stress proper getaway transportation enough. Some asshat my town robbed a bank and used a bicycle to get away. He got caught before he was a mile away.
on the contrary, a bank near where i grew up (very rural) experienced multiple successful robberies by a bicyclist. never heard if they caught him or not.
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But the whole of modern so-called civilized existence is an attempt to deny reality insofar as it exists. When did Don last look at the stars, when did Norman last get soaked in a rainstorm? |
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freakmachine
Web Fucko Extraordinaire SSHOLEPosts: 590 Registered: 4/15/2004 Offline
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5/25/2007 at 15:47 |
LORDKAHUNA: freakmachine: I can't stress proper getaway transportation enough. Some asshat my town robbed a bank and used a bicycle to get away. He got caught before he was a mile away.
What would be the best getaway plan?
Oh, yeah, that.
I think motorcycles with large panniers for the lootfritters should be the first stage. They have the advantage of being small, fast, maneuverable, and completely unexpected as a getaway vehicle. There would be potential for flying over police car barricades if you plan for improvised jump ramps in advantageous places, giving a tremendous cool factor. After a little way, depending on the town's geography, they could either be ditched somewhere much more easily than a car, or ridden up into a small, inconspicuous, waiting uhaul trailer. The schtick of driving a getawar car into a truck is overused in movies, outmoded, and completely ovbious to cops who learn all these tricks by watching heist movies.
Edit:
Oh, and the surprise factor of seeing elderly people tearing off on rice rockets doing wheelies and such would throw off not only witnesses but also police investigators who may prefer predictable behaviour patterns.
On 2007-05-25 at 10:50:27, freakmachine craps monkey baby |
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Steel
If you want to keep your tongue, don't lick me in the Winter! SSHOLEPosts: 508 Registered: 10/14/2004 Offline
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5/25/2007 at 17:23 |
One minute thing to consider FB is A) everyone needs to be able to ride a motorcycle quite well to even consider it a viable escape vehicle... an amatuer rider does not want to be attempting to jump things...
B) From related experience...you don't really want to be in a car chase on a bike... contrary to movie chases where the cool robbers zip along nicely, I would want the comfort of being able to hit one object, or get hit from the side by a cop car trying to stop me...if the need arose...
Some of my be familiar with hitting something on thier motorcycle... not fun...
3) Though unlikely... Police shoot out tire in car/truck... Oh damn.. they got us... Cop shoot tire on motorbike = The big hurt... |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1903 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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5/26/2007 at 04:26 |
I would go for the getaway by public transportation with a fake getaway car as a decoy... then get lost in the corwds. it would only work in a larger city though... you small town hicks would have to think up something else.
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government_death_robot
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 921 Registered: 4/23/2004 Offline
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5/26/2007 at 17:55 |
Some guy robbed a bank here two years ago.
He got away on foot.
There's no getting lost in the crowd factor. Town is ~5000 people, and the only people that walk around are skaterfags and old women with 3lb weights in their hands.
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MrJingles
Tender vittles  Posts: 41 Registered: 5/30/2006 Offline
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6/1/2007 at 20:11 |
Steel: One minute thing to consider FB is A) everyone needs to be able to ride a motorcycle quite well to even consider it a viable escape vehicle... an amatuer rider does not want to be attempting to jump things...
B) From related experience...you don't really want to be in a car chase on a bike... contrary to movie chases where the cool robbers zip along nicely, I would want the comfort of being able to hit one object, or get hit from the side by a cop car trying to stop me...if the need arose...
Some of my be familiar with hitting something on thier motorcycle... not fun...
3) Though unlikely... Police shoot out tire in car/truck... Oh damn.. they got us... Cop shoot tire on motorbike = The big hurt...
In the city of LA where police chases are midday breaking news entertainment, the only chases that I've seen where the suspect evades the police are from motorcycles. Particularly once they get into downtown / high rise area, as the helicopters can't follow. |
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