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DARTH MENSES

Posts: 970
Registered: 7/8/2005
Offline

4/4/2007 at 05:08

This is awesome.

This is the first pornsite I've found in years that I'd actually advertise to swarmers. When you first load it up, it looks just like every crappy scam site out there, except that it's real. It's huge, it's updated constantly, there's no spam, no popups, and no bullshit -- and it's completely free. When you sign up through that link above and respond to the confirmation email, I make a bit of loose change.

See what other swarmers have to say about it. People love this place, so I feel fine about sending you there and am confident you will enjoy boners.

The thread below is what brought you here, but chances are by now the images are broken, the passwords don't work, and you can't get shit to load. You're welcome to try, of course, but This is your best bet.

Don't forget to respond to the confirmation email , or you won't get in, so check your spam filter, pervert.

This message is only shown to anonymous peeps coming in from other websites looking for porn. Registered users are not shown any ads here.

Now, on to the original post...

I keep a mental list of things I'd like to try in my lifetime. Most, if not all, fall under the broad shadow of sex,drugs, and rock n' roll. I've checked most of the drugs I want to try off of my list, leaving just LSD and cocaine. I've learned to play every instrument necessary to be in any standard rock band. Hell, I'm even going to a school to get a degree in rocking. My only motto ever being 'if you're going to do it, do it without regret.'
Now, hooking up with a ... err, hooker, was something I always knew would eventually occur, given the pattern of my life choices. I just figured it would be in Vegas, or as a sort of gift from the guys on one those birthdays where I start feeling old and out of touch. However, this was not the case.
Coming fresh from a five month relationship, some sort of 'on the prowl' thing switched on in my brain. I couldn't focus. 'Ok,' I thought, 'I'll see who's in town and try to get something going.' I couldn't get in touch with the few girls I still new in this town. Fuck. Either I'm fucking something, or my head is going to explode like that scene in Scanners.

So, while looking around on craigslist at apartments I remember that there are personal ads and such, and I check them out. Stupid. Every single one of them was a fucking joke. Then I clicked on the erotic services. Ok, this is better. I scroll through the entire first page, checking them out one by one. I bookmarked a few that seemed interesting, sorting them out by price, appearance, location, etc. I spent a while checking back for new posts, only to discover a pattern of the same six or seven girls. They were cheap, but weren't my style.
After a fair amount of browsing, I developed criteria to keep the whole event from sucking. I wanted to keep it out call only, meaning that they come to my place (home field advantage, yo). I avoided posts that repeated every ten minutes, figuring that the girls pumping out rapid cheap specials aren't exactly, well, clean. But most importantly I wanted a girl that operated independently. I found a few horror stories about being scammed etc, all involved a girl that had a 'driver' or was in-call only. With my rulebook in place I continued my search, only to find that once you start getting picky, shit starts getting expensive. Like, over $300 an hour expensive. Fuck that. I'd rather have my head explode than my wallet implode, so I came up with an idea. What if I posted an ad stating what I was looking for and let them come to me? Brilliant. I posted an ad.

I'm looking for an attractive girl to come over for some fun. If you can come to my place in north county for an hour and a half, and help me forget about a recent bad break-up and cheer me up, I have 200 roses for your time.

Email with your pic(s) and info, and and we'll go from there. I'd like to have you over around 9:30pm

Me - White male, 6'3", disease free, discrete. My place is in a safe yet discrete neighborhood.

I'd prefer a 'girl next door' type, petite is a plus.

(did I mention the discrete part? good.)
Note: you probably figured this already, but roses is code for dollars. Loophole jargon like this is what keeps people out of prison, apparently.

Over the course of a few hours I had some replies. Not so good. they were either too old, or too 'un-pretty', or too ridiculous (one girl wanted $600... she did not look the part of a $600 bankroll). Just as luck would have it, I get one last response. She seemed enthusiastic about my offer, which set off some warning bells after seeing the opposite of this with everyone else, but I responded anyway. About seventeen e-mails later she's on her way. 'holy shit, did I seriously just do that?' I thought, 'haha, shit, ok. time for a game plan.'
In the event that this turned out badly, I wanted to be prepared. I took the $200 from my wallet and placed it on my desk under a cd case. I removed all important cards and the rest of the cash from my wallet and hid them inside a dvd case, which was placed under a pile of crap in one of my drawers. Doors were locked, porch was lit, and a mag light rested by the door in case things went awry with a driver or whatnot (even though she claimed to be on her own, I can't just go around trusting everyone now, can I?).
Eventually she showed up. She walks down the walkway toward the door where I stood waiting. She was cute. She was damn cute. But most importantly, she was actually on her own. I could let my guard down a little, some relief. She walks in, and I take notice of her outfit: platform sandals, denim mini-skirt, and some sort of layered shirt/sweater combination deal. She was immediately very friendly in the way she spoke, like we already knew each other. I recognized it as a trick of the trade, but it helped make things less weird, so I was ok with it. While getting settled in, we spoke about random things such as my music stuff, her musical history, and small aspects of our personal lives. She told me that she likes shopping, and likes sex, and figures this is a good way to take care of both. I agreed. Whether or not this is true, I have no idea. In fact, she seemed so honest at times that there's no way she couldn't have been lying, putting on a role for me. I mentally slapped myself for picking everything apart so much, but my drive to keep on top of the situation made it necessary.
After a few minutes of talking on the couch, we go upstairs to my room to smoke some weed. She supplied the green, I supplied the piece. A new bubbler I had purchased just last week in Hollywood while registering at my school up there. The fact that we went through several bowls and she didn't ask for me to pay for it allowed me to drop my guard a little further. At this point she asks if I would like to see her outfit, or something along those words, except meaning underwear. I agreed. She undresses to reveal thick black and white striped panties and bra. I remarked on how cute she looked and she sat down again beside me, then laid back whilst talking about something or other. I dunno, I either forgot or wasn't listening. I lay down next to her and start touching her, gently moving my hand over her arms and her stomach. This went on for a few minutes, slowly escalating. After a few minutes it went from typical boyfriend/girlfriend shit to just plain fucking crazy. The best way to describe it is with a question. Have you ever seen a Bangbros. video? It was like that. I was so stoned I had moments where it felt like I was just too close to the monitor with a video encompassing my entire field of vision. There was so much back and forth of fucking and sucking and fooling around that I'll be damned if I can remember the event chronologically. Not to mention that all of that weed made me feel like I was a floating head of some sort , falling in and out of focus with the world.
Near the end of our time together, she was tired, stoned, and a little drunk. I literally thought that she was going to have to stay the night, she was that worn out. However, I have seen the movie Dutch, and I know better than to let an escort near your stuff while you sleep. So I was relieved when she decided she would be ok. We stood on the porch for a few minutes as she smoked a cigarette, talking about random things here and there. I handed her the cash and we walked to the gate. As we hugged goodbye she whispered 'thanks for being normal' in my ear. I think I died a little inside when I heard it. Picturing all of these frustrated old men with their weird fetishes violate her. I cared. It could have been more 'business talk', but who am I to tell?

Did I mention I have no idea what her name is?

-The End-

----------------------------------------------------------

- Feel free to ask questions, I'll do my best to answer them all.
- I probably have a lot more to say/add as it is, but I'm too tired to keep typing about the same subject right now. So I'll probably update at a later time.
- I will post some stuff about girls I turned down, etc. But for reasons I will get into later, I am not going to share the pictures of the girl I had over. IRC assholes: please respect this until further notice.

_{On 2007-04-04 at 14:58:21, guitarjon123 pooped back and forth... forever}

LORDKAHUNA

Don't make me fuk your moustache

This is LORDKAHUNA's unique avatar. You shall bow!

^SSHOLE

Posts: 1583
Registered: 8/5/2003
Offline

4/4/2007 at 05:29

Seriously though, this fucking thread is wootfritters.

1) Please describe any AIDS fear you might have had.

2)

I lay down next to her and start touching her, gently moving my hand over her arms and her stomach.

This made me snigger (sorry dude), I always envisioned a transaction like this to be a little more visceral.

3) I understand that butt wasn't included in this transaction, why didn't you remind her that the customer is always right.

4) Do you love this whore?

5) Could I get a ruling on the ROI of whorelove as opposed to traditional relationship pussy? (question open to all).

6) Was this Marf?

____________________
Sexninja> I will not your farts