Professor
Tender vittles  Posts: 29 Registered: 1/19/2006 Offline
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3/12/2007 at 23:50 |
At LK's request for my "literary numnums," I hereby post a snippet of my book, "Ending an Ending." It should be self-explanatory, so that's all I'll say for now.
Author’s Note:
***WARNING***
If this is your first fantasy novel ever, GO NO FURTHER.
No, I’m being serious! Go find yourself a book with a Hobbit or Grendel or Kender in it; you really need to ease your way into this genre.
Why save this book for later?
The common model of the traditional epic fantasy is as follows:
In the first couple pages, you meet “The Hero” (TH) who meets “The Sage” (TS) who relates to TH the legend of “The Magic Thing” (TMT) and “The Ancient Evil” (TAE). “TAE’s Peons” (TAEP) then ruin life at home for TH, so for the rest of the series TH must Quest For TMT, and Vanquish TAE. TH then returns home, becomes “The Benevolent Ruler” (TBR), and lives happily ever after, provided there is not a sequel.
The model is so predictable it can be written out in pesudo-mathematical formula:
1. TH+TS/TMT>TAE
2. TAEP>TH
3. TH+TMT= -TAE
4. TH=TBR
The common model makes for an excellent well-rounded story (or else it wouldn’t have become so common), but no matter how hardcore the fantasy connoisseur, it can get a little boring being able to guess the ending of a book in the first fifty pages.
Thus, in an effort to bring back some of the wonder to long-time fantasy readers, this book intentionally does none of those formulaic things. Nor does it delve deeply into Fantasy 101 topics, like spending copious paragraphs explaining that dwarves are short.
Instead, set your expectations on some fine collegiate-level Fantastic pondering, such as: How might the presence of magic affect a flat world’s physics? How can one tell the difference between a person hearing the voice of a god and someone having a psychological breakdown? How much loyalty can one expect from and give to any single deity in a polytheistic world?
You’re still reading? My, my, aren’t you the adventurous one.
Very well. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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Steel
If you want to keep your tongue, don't lick me in the Winter!   SSHOLEPosts: 506 Registered: 10/14/2004 Offline
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3/13/2007 at 01:34 |
Go on... |
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ghostrider
liberal exit  SSHOLEPosts: 2446 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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3/13/2007 at 01:36 |
Not to sound obtuse, but is that the snippet, or am I missing something ?
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mcgarpat
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 413 Registered: 7/10/2005 Offline
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3/13/2007 at 01:47 |
I am waiting for the fantasy part... no wait... I'm waiting for the story part. Maybe I am waiting for a coherent thought. Do I expect too much here?.
Um, please make a point?
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middle_age_man
Mostly Harmless  SSHOLEPosts: 427 Registered: 1/11/2005 Offline
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3/13/2007 at 01:53 |
Ending an Ending
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ghostrider
liberal exit SSHOLEPosts: 2446 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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3/13/2007 at 01:57 |
^ Thanks
Wow, what an accomplished dude you be, professor.
Do swarmers get a discount on yer book ?
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Sidechain
Funk Lord of the Universe.  SSHOLEPosts: 69 Registered: 8/18/2006 Offline
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3/13/2007 at 02:46 |
Hmm... Really? a "pentology"?
Certainly no shortage of adjectives round your place, eh?
Seriously: Stranger things have happened. Certainly wouldn't be the first vanity press book to hit it big. Good luck.
In the honest bit of advice column, you might consider toning down the whole "if this is your first..." bit just a touch. As it is, you're committing one of the cardinal sins against professionalism; you're disparaging the work of others and claiming to be oh-so-much better than them. Kinda makes you sound like a teenager.
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LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache  SSHOLEPosts: 1623 Registered: 8/5/2003 Online
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3/13/2007 at 03:58 |
Sidechain: Hmm... Really? a "pentology"?
Certainly no shortage of adjectives round your place, eh?
Seriously: Stranger things have happened. Certainly wouldn't be the first vanity press book to hit it big. Good luck.
In the honest bit of advice column, you might consider toning down the whole "if this is your first..." bit just a touch. As it is, you're committing one of the cardinal sins against professionalism; you're disparaging the work of others and claiming to be oh-so-much better than them. Kinda makes you sound like a teenager.
Before I go out dispensing sagelike asshat advice, I'm gonna wait till I can read some of this.
Then the penis pics will flow.
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Professor
Tender vittles Posts: 29 Registered: 1/19/2006 Offline
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3/13/2007 at 11:40 |
Ghostie: I'd be happy to, but you're probably going to find that Amazon will have access to better discounts than I do, and free shipping to boot. Or if you prefer, the book is available through places like Barnes and Noble, too.
Sidechain: First, a point: Since a pentology is a thing, it would not be considered an adjective. It is a noun.
You didn't read the author's note very carefully, did you? How is calling the works of others "excellent" and "well-rounded" disparaging? If I don't think other fantasy is worth reading, why do I recommend for the reader to read it? The only problem I mentioned is predicability, and that is a quantifiable observation.
What I'm doing is not so much trying to end fantasy as it is, but trying to create a new sub-genre of fantasy - not better, not worse, but different. Hopefully most people will catch on to that.
Thanks for wishing me luck!
LordKahuna: I would expect no less from you. Penis pics ahoy. |
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Steel
If you want to keep your tongue, don't lick me in the Winter! SSHOLEPosts: 506 Registered: 10/14/2004 Offline
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3/13/2007 at 12:48 |
If you sir really are the author of this book, I personally thank-you for stopping by and pitching your book, I think I'll give it a try...
Just as I would probably play a hand if the inventor of poker stopped by to say "Hey you guys should try this game I just made".
I hope you aren't one of those dudes posing as someone else to boost book sales...
Wait I just checked out your site... I doubt you are one of those guys!
Off to Chapters I go! Hope its there! |
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jwalker
Token Discordian  SSHOLEPosts: 949 Registered: 8/6/2005 Offline
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3/13/2007 at 13:48 |
Professor: What is the nature of this new sub-genre you want to create? I mean, I understand not wanting to write a predictable plot formula followed by countles others, but I think there's lots of great sci-fi/fantasy writers who don't (like Zelazny and Delaney, for example). Attempting to create a new sub-genre, though, sounds like a more lofty goal than just a creative plot. Can you explain a little more?
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Sidechain
Funk Lord of the Universe. SSHOLEPosts: 69 Registered: 8/18/2006 Offline
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3/13/2007 at 15:33 |
Professor:
Sidechain: First, a point: Since a pentology is a thing, it would not be considered an adjective. It is a noun.
Yeah, my bad. I wasn't referring to "pentology". I was in fact referring to the first paragraph of your back page sample.
You didn't read the author's note very carefully, did you? How is calling the works of others "excellent" and "well-rounded" disparaging? If I don't think other fantasy is worth reading, why do I recommend for the reader to read it? The only problem I mentioned is predicability, and that is a quantifiable observation.
Well, you said that a predictable formula could "make for an excellent well-rounded story", followed immediately by the assertion that those stories are boring. A decidedly back-handed compliment, to be sure.
And, please understand, I basically agree with you, I just thought that it was written in a rather petulent tone. Playing up the strengths you are reaching for is always a better choice than snidely commenting that you have miraculously avoided all the common mistakes other authors make, and to me that's really what it sounded like you were doing.
No biggie, just sayin.
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magicchex
Fuckin' your bitches and stealin' your cars since 1985.  SSHOLEPosts: 414 Registered: 1/5/2005 Offline
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3/13/2007 at 19:12 |
Hi Prof!
You're yummy.
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LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache SSHOLEPosts: 1623 Registered: 8/5/2003 Online
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3/13/2007 at 19:21 |
magicchex: Hi Prof!
You're yummy.
Haha, you two should totally fuck.
Hey Professor, can you use the magical copy-paste elf-function of your own personal computing device to provide sample of said numnums (pastebin,rallypoint, rapidshare, etc)?
:EDIT: HYPNO-TOAD-STARE LOL :EDIT:
On 2007-03-13 at 13:22:43, LORDKAHUNA pooped back and forth... forever
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the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim |
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Professor
Tender vittles Posts: 29 Registered: 1/19/2006 Offline
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3/14/2007 at 02:43 |
LORDKAHUNA: magicchex: Hi Prof!
You're yummy.
Haha, you two should totally fuck.
Hey Professor, can you use the magical copy-paste elf-function of your own personal computing device to provide sample of said numnums (pastebin,rallypoint, rapidshare, etc)?
:EDIT: HYPNO-TOAD-STARE LOL :EDIT:
On 2007-03-13 at 13:22:43, LORDKAHUNA pooped back and forth... forever
Chex: Eek.
LK: I'm insufficiently tech-savvy to do any of that stuff. However, if you go here you can read some from the ebook version. Good enough? |
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LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache SSHOLEPosts: 1623 Registered: 8/5/2003 Online
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3/14/2007 at 11:06 |
ROCK!
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the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4464 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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3/14/2007 at 11:11 |
Oh, I get what's going on now. You said you were going to post a snippet, then did, choosing the foreword or whatever. I thought the foreword was the ramp-up to the snippet itself and I've been sitting here waiting for the actual fiction bit to be posted.
Guess I'll have to check the e-book.
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Professor
Tender vittles Posts: 29 Registered: 1/19/2006 Offline
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3/14/2007 at 12:06 |
vasudeva: Oh, I get what's going on now. You said you were going to post a snippet, then did, choosing the foreword or whatever. I thought the foreword was the ramp-up to the snippet itself and I've been sitting here waiting for the actual fiction bit to be posted.
Guess I'll have to check the e-book.
Sorry for the confusion, Mcgarpat, Vas, Steel. Hopefully the e-book preview gives you more of what you were wanting! |
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Steel
If you want to keep your tongue, don't lick me in the Winter! SSHOLEPosts: 506 Registered: 10/14/2004 Offline
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3/14/2007 at 14:28 |
I have kinda enjoyed the first 20 pages or so of the e-Book. Haven't rally been shocked by the newness of anything yet... But I had hope that it would come later...
Till I went down to the book store to find that this tale is in fact quite large and would cost me $30... Sorry Proffessor... But I'd be hard pressed to buy any book... ever...for $30...
But I'm a cheap fucker... Anyone else?? |
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Professor
Tender vittles Posts: 29 Registered: 1/19/2006 Offline
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3/14/2007 at 15:35 |
Steel: I have kinda enjoyed the first 20 pages or so of the e-Book. Haven't rally been shocked by the newness of anything yet... But I had hope that it would come later...
Till I went down to the book store to find that this tale is in fact quite large and would cost me $30... Sorry Proffessor... But I'd be hard pressed to buy any book... ever...for $30...
But I'm a cheap fucker... Anyone else??
wtf? $30? That's appalling! Amazon's got it for about half that, and you can get it on ebook for ONE FIFTH that price direct from the publisher. Does six bucks sound better, Steel?
Yes, the book is a trade size book, but... $30? Where were you trying to order it from, England?
(I appreciate the support, though!)
On 2007-03-14 at 09:53:34, Professor pooped back and forth... forever |
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Steel
If you want to keep your tongue, don't lick me in the Winter! SSHOLEPosts: 506 Registered: 10/14/2004 Offline
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3/14/2007 at 17:01 |
Yes yes...I am Canadian... But your publisher sells the book for 22.95... That translates to 30 Canadian Im sure when you add taxes...
But yes $6 is acceptable... iUniverse online checkout failed and am on hold to make purchase over the phone. |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth SSHOLEPosts: 4464 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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3/14/2007 at 17:30 |
Steel: iUniverse online checkout failed and am on hold to make purchase over the phone.
TONIGHT
WE DINE
IN ASSBABIES
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