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Confess         1135 reads

Bad Taste in your Mouth


SSHOLE


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3/6/2007 at 15:43
Confess things you secretly enjoy, but probably shouldn't.

Making fart sounds.

Popping vitamin E caplets in my mouth, playing with the contents, and finally consuming the delicious gelatin shell.

Eating steamed vegetables.

Watching terrible movies, cataloging the outrageous bad decisions, and feeling smug about the decision-making I'd theoretically make if I ever got around to making a movie I don't have the skill or experience to write or direct.

Treasuring when big-budget films flop horribly.

Losing at chess to the LBP (I get to enjoy this one more often than I don't).

Figuring out management speak at work and employing it for my own nefarious purposes.

Catching fags who try to spam the referers page with really bad sites.

Buying reference books I already know I'll probably never finish.

Hangovers. (Not the ones that hurt, but the ones that make you feel all tripped out.)

Shopping for groceries and coming home like a caveman who knows how to provide the cavebacon for the captive womb-man hair-tied to the firepit.






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liberal exit


SSHOLE

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3/6/2007 at 16:22

Car crashes involving people who thought tailgating or driving too fast on the ice was a good idea.

On 2007-03-06 at 10:23:03, ghostrider pooped back and forth... forever






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Putting the semen in amusement


SSHOLE

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3/6/2007 at 16:33

harassing the dog while it's asleep

sniffing really hard when my nose is stuffy

watching seemingly endless amounts of the discovery channel(s)








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DARTH MENSES




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3/6/2007 at 17:00

Opening things in cellophane wrappers when roommate tries to sleep in.






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I'm assuming the position!


SSHOLE

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3/6/2007 at 23:43

Listening to the crazy neighbor downstairs (and her current slam piece) banging all night long.

Eating all the yummy grilled fatty meat off the steak

Wearing size 4/6 jeans.

Tormenting the cats by shaking the jar of kitty treats, then not dolling out the treats.

Reading long (boring) Edward Rutherfurd novels.







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liberal exit


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 00:04

Tormenting the cats by shaking the jar of kitty treats, then not dolling out the treats.

That's just wrong, Jezebel.







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Token Discordian


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 01:27

I secretly wish that terrorists would detonate a nuclear device in a nearby city, so I can watch it on the news.






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liberal exit


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 01:47

I secretly wish jwalker didn't exist.






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Don't make me fuk your moustache


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 03:49

Picking my ear with a pen cap at my desk.

Being somewhat of a coffee faggot.

Buying cheap chink electronics for outlandishly low prices. The same goes for dollar store toys and gadgets.

Stallone/Guvnor Arnold action flicks.

Trashy serialized post-apocalyptic action novels.

VHS movies.

(more to follow)







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Funk Lord of the Universe.


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 06:35

jwalker: I secretly wish that terrorists would detonate a nuclear device in a nearby city, so I can watch it on the news.


Well... It used to be secretly.

I wonder how many NSA flags that post triggered...






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SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 07:15

Sidechain:
jwalker: I secretly wish that terrorists would detonate a nuclear device in a nearby city, so I can watch it on the news.


Well... It used to be secretly.

I wonder how many NSA flags that post triggered...



They're probably knocking the door down about now.






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a wet brain fart


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 10:57

picking a really big, crusty piece of booger out of my nasal pasasges and feeling the freedom of being able to use said nasal passage again, then wiping it on my girls back un-noticed






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DARTH MENSES




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3/7/2007 at 11:19

Meh, People enjoy stuff "secretly" too much. I'm gonna tell what I secretly hate.

Mouth noises, like when people are sleeping and they start smacking their lips or something. Or the sound of people kissing when its all amplified on TV. Or when people eat and leave their mouth open making all those damn mouth noises. I never say anything though. I just sit there and silently hate the perpetrator of the mouth noise.

Clerks

Sleeping

Man this is harder than I thought, more later.






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Don't make me fuk your moustache


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 12:43

DonQuixote: Meh, People enjoy stuff "secretly" too much. I'm gonna tell what I secretly hate.

Mouth noises, like when people are sleeping and they start smacking their lips or something. Or the sound of people kissing when its all amplified on TV. Or when people eat and leave their mouth open making all those damn mouth noises. I never say anything though. I just sit there and silently hate the perpetrator of the mouth noise.

Clerks

Sleeping

Man this is harder than I thought, more later.


Go derail your own thread fuckass^^

I secretly love calling SFW a fuckass.






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Fighting The Good Fight ™


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 12:59

- Plucking nosehair, usually with some sort of cold steel implement (needlenose pliers).
- Waking up early with a hangover - it always feels like my head is a balloon attached to my body.
- Psychologically torturing my dog. Nothing too mean, just enough to confuse.
- Sometimes I fall asleep while me and the woman are watching "our tv shows" - if I don't get caught, I'll typically go read some synopsis of the episode afterward so I can keep up in conversation with her. I'VE TOTALLY GOT HER FOOLED LOL.
- When I find a new project or hobby, I become obsessed with it until completion - or until I get burnt out on it. Either way, it's put on ice.






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Bad Taste in your Mouth


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 13:27

DonQuixote: Mouth noises, like when people are sleeping and they start smacking their lips or something. Or the sound of people kissing when its all amplified on TV.

Next time this happens, just imagine your mom standing there stirring a very large, slightly moist pot of macaroni-and-cheese with a huge wooden spoon.

It will totally make it worse. Thanks.






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slippedhole> I am on to you and your evil intentions. I am the true protector of this website and am willing to do battle with you.
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* b0bo has quit IRC ('Exit')


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 13:53

a really good bottle of chardonay
Cartoons
peeing outside
intentionally starting a minor skirmish with teh weif....just to spice things up
telling a lie so I can play golf
BEING ITALIAN!






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Web Fucko Extraordinaire


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 18:50

The smell of Gasoline

Vanilla Wafers

Reading stupid online comics

Seeing people I hate in emotional distress

Farting quietly in public
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Mostly Harmless


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 22:36

Putting my dog in the yard then telling him “go get the cat”. The ensuing cacophony drives my neighbour nuts.

Grilled cheese and bacon sandwiches with basil pesto.

Being occasionally triumphant when I play video games with my son.

Finding mistakes after my wife balances the cheque book.







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liberal exit


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 22:46

middle_age_man: Putting my dog in the yard then telling him �go get the cat�. The ensuing cacophony drives my neighbour nuts.


My dog does this too with 'GET THE KITTY' or 'WHO'S THERE ?'. I enjoy getting every dog in a two mile radius all riled up.






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I'm assuming the position!


SSHOLE

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3/7/2007 at 23:24

ghostrider:
middle_age_man: Putting my dog in the yard then telling him �go get the cat�. The ensuing cacophony drives my neighbour nuts.


My dog does this too with 'GET THE KITTY' or 'WHO'S THERE ?'. I enjoy getting every dog in a two mile radius all riled up.


WTF? I pussy tease, but ya'll stir up a whole ruckus for miles.






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DARTH MENSES




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3/8/2007 at 02:15

I secretly like the fact that my dog is deaf. It makes it so we don't have to yell commands at him and he doesn't bark when other dogs bark or when the vacuum cleaner is on.

Admitedly sometimes I wish he could hear me, but then I think, "The benefits outweigh the warm feeling inside I might get from talking to my dog and pretending he could understand me beyond "food" and "walk".

He's a cute little guy though!



And being deaf doesn't bother him at all.






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Tender vittles




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3/9/2007 at 06:28

-Call screening everybody
-Telling patients that there is nothing more I can do ( I'm a physiotherapist/ physical-therapist in yank speak)
- telling doctors I ride and race motorcycles
- Splitting traffic on my motorbike when there is very little room- you can watch the driver holding their breath as you pass within one millimeter of their precious wing mirror











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Tender vittles




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3/30/2007 at 06:44

While wife is sleeping, I'll pick up her hand and raise it above her head. Then let go and try to pretend I'm sleeping while she wakes up all confused not realizing she just slapped herself.

Its a measure of will power to choke back my laughter.
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SENATOR BABYHEAD




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3/30/2007 at 16:08

In the event of some sort of dramatic conflict (ie, ongoing verbal bouts), l got this thing where l play out 'Peter and the Wolf' in my mind, attributing the charactors to said conflict participants as l deem necessary.

It's always LOL.






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SSHOLE

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3/30/2007 at 16:10

^ LOL I'm going to try that!

- I hate the fact that I like hearing gossip about co-workers... I wish I didn't give a shit...
- Seeing bad accidents, I probably shouldn't like seeing those...
- Watching my little kids fist fight... LOLSOME Even watching them try to throw a tantrum is fun...
- Making people wait for me
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