LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache   SSHOLE |
Posts: 1669 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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2/7/2007 at 20:26  |
I never met my uncle John, and I never will either. Uncle John exists as a shadowy figure from my past that my dad, granddad, and Uncle Jacob would talk cryptically about but never openly.
There are few things that I know about Uncle John however:
1. My oldest little brother bears his name.
2. My youngest little brother looks exactly like he did at his age.
3. He is dead.
4. He died of aids.
5. His never had a funeral.
6. He has no gravestone.
7. His final resting place is only known by 4 people.
8. He spent a considerable portion of his life using my father’s identity.
9. He stabbed a man to death (20 plus times).
10. He was sent to prison in the US.
11. He escaped and lived on the run till he died.
I consider this a pretty cool skeleton in the family closet; do you dudes have any bones rattlin?
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the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim
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ghostrider
liberal exit  SSHOLEPosts: 2502 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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2/7/2007 at 20:55 |
My family closet is full of ashes.
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Things won't be the same for me. You will never know the difference. |
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JohnLenin
Putting the semen in amusement  SSHOLEPosts: 1103 Registered: 7/8/2005 Offline
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2/7/2007 at 20:58 |
my fambly traded some buttons and shiny things to native americans for a shitload of land way back when 
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[Clavis_A] he's one of the few people i've ever seen that bear a striking resemblence to their own dick |
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fl_projekt
I AM TEH FUKING FISHPUNCHAR. I WILL RAPE YOUR WOMEN AND CHILDREN AND PETS.  SSHOLEPosts: 449 Registered: 8/8/2003 Offline
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2/7/2007 at 21:05 |
I have an uncle who is an Elvis impersonator in his free time, he also flies commercial jets.
nothing as drastic as a murderer
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Think noone cares if your alive?........... try missing a couple of car payments |
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ragoo
We are not amused.  SSHOLEPosts: 677 Registered: 9/4/2004 Offline
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2/7/2007 at 21:05 |
ghostrider: My family closet is full of ashes.
Haha. Me too. Literally.
My mother keeps my father's ashes in her bedroom closet, right next to his alligator-skin boots.
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vladtweano
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 517 Registered: 3/11/2002 Offline
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2/7/2007 at 21:53 |
Somewhere back in my fambly tree lurks Roger Williams, founder of Providence RI and co-founder of the Rhode Island colony. Also an early proponent of the separation of church and state (a tenet on which both Providence and RI were founded). So that's moderately cool.
Cooler yet: His remains were exhumed and reburied for some reason. The roots of an apple tree had grown into the space where his skull was, and followed the path of his bones and grew roughly in the shape of his skeleton. The "Williams Root" is now mounted on a board in the basement of the John Brown House Museum.
So my fambly closet has a creepy apple tree root in it that's roughly in the shape of a long-dead theologian.
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"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well, I have others."
- Groucho Marx |
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mcgarpat
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 413 Registered: 7/10/2005 Offline
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2/8/2007 at 00:12 |
I am related to Alistair Crowley
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Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. |
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DonQuixote
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 641 Registered: 4/22/2005 Offline
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2/8/2007 at 00:47  |
I have an uncle John too! Except he is alive, never killed anyone (that I know of) and he plays in a band called I-Tal. He did spend some time (i think a year) in club fed for selling the wacky tobbacky, but thats the extent of that closetry. He probably got club fed and not state cause he's white.
I have some family tree relatives who owned slaves, but they were so poor that they actually worked along with the slaves. I also have relatives who fought for both the union and dixie in the civil war, so I hope that cancels that slave thing out.
Last but not least, I am a direct descendant of Robert "The Bruce". That's right the Scot king who was so mean to Mel "DU I hate jews" Gibson.
Many say the story, that Robert "The Bruce" double crossed William Wallace, is total shite. A story made up by the overlording Brits to make the Scottish monarchy look bad. However, when I think about it, I really don't care. I'm fucking royalty!!
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( . )( . ) <--- Boobs. |
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middle_age_man
Mostly Harmless  SSHOLEPosts: 427 Registered: 1/11/2005 Offline
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2/8/2007 at 00:50 |
My great grandfather was a convicted war criminal. He spent eight years in prison after the Second World War. I don’t know what he guilty of but he was an officer with the Luftwaffe and a Nazi Party member
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" Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
George Carlin |
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ghostrider
liberal exit SSHOLEPosts: 2502 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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2/8/2007 at 01:12 |
DonQuixote: I have an uncle John too! Except he is alive, never killed anyone (that I know of) and he plays in a band called I-Tal.
HAHA A white Rasta Uncle, how cool is that ?
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Things won't be the same for me. You will never know the difference. |
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LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache SSHOLEPosts: 1669 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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2/8/2007 at 03:47 |
ghostrider: My family closet is full of ashes.
middle_age_man: My great grandfather was a convicted war criminal. He spent eight years in prison after the Second World War. I don’t know what he guilty of but he was an officer with the Luftwaffe and a Nazi Party member
Hrm!
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the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4540 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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2/8/2007 at 04:06 |
A patrilineal great-great-great-etc-grandfather, Robert Dickson, somehow achieved paleface chiefhood of a Sioux tribe and worked as an agent of Britain to foment discord in colonial America in an effort to help regain British dominance among the yanks.
Here he is recommending a British attack on St. Louis.
NYC, eat your heart out.
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slippedhole> I am on to you and your evil intentions. I am the true protector of this website and am willing to do battle with you. |
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acheron
Cynical_Malcontent  SSHOLEPosts: 562 Registered: 4/29/2004 Offline
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2/8/2007 at 04:54 |
Great uncle something or other was the largest slave owner in charlotte. He would be dissapointed in how things have gone.
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I'm an INTJ. This explains why I'm alternating between silence and judging you. |
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dragonstaff
Too old to Rock and Roll...too young to die  SSHOLEPosts: 767 Registered: 8/19/2004 Offline
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2/8/2007 at 07:04 |
I have a distant relative who was the Master of the Queens Bed-chamber for one of the Stuart Kings of England. The family story is that he was Executed with an axe after he was found in the Queen's baby-chamber.
Also, my paternal Great grandmother was supposed to have had a passing fancy with a Spanish sea Captain back in 1901. Grandfather was born in 1902.
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The Grumpiest Alpha
To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today. - Isaac Asimov |
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HellKat
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 177 Registered: 1/19/2005 Offline
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2/9/2007 at 04:03 |
I think my family desires to be "almost famous". The family legends look like this:
1. Maternal -grandmother's ancesors were violin makers who *might* have worked where a place that Motzart studied. I cannto spell the Chezk surname that ties them together.
2. Patmernal grandmothers ancestors immegrated to Block Island in the 1700's. Supposedly I am a direct decendant of a revolutionary war "general" who fought for England and defected when he came to his senses.
I can tell you that I know for a fact that...
1. My Uncle Ozzie (ask azron about him) was mistaken for BigFoot many years ago. His neighbor used it as an excuse to shoot at him.
2. My older sister used to be my brother.
3. My son is gay.
4. Mental heath disorders run in the family.
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am I ignorant or apathetic? don't know, don't care..... |
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JohnLenin
Putting the semen in amusement SSHOLEPosts: 1103 Registered: 7/8/2005 Offline
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2/9/2007 at 04:36 |
HellKat:
2. My older sister used to be my brother.
3. My son is gay.
4. Mental heath disorders run in the family.
lol
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[Clavis_A] he's one of the few people i've ever seen that bear a striking resemblence to their own dick |
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HellKat
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 177 Registered: 1/19/2005 Offline
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2/9/2007 at 17:47 |
Oh, my maternal great grandfather was a smuggler and cattle rustler over the Belgium/Holland border. He immigrated to the US in a hurry to avoid arrest after thinking he killed a man in a fight.
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am I ignorant or apathetic? don't know, don't care..... |
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it.  SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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2/11/2007 at 11:09 |
1. My Uncle Ozzie (ask azron about him) was mistaken for BigFoot many years ago. His neighbor used it as an excuse to shoot at him.
4. Mental heath disorders run in the family.
1. Ozzy is a minor celebrity for picketing a local butcher shop day and night, rain or shine every day for 5 years because he thought they cheated him. AND Picketing Sears for 3 years ( Sears gave in early) because The TV he bought there only lasted 4 years. They gave him a new TV. In both cases he had signs with poorly spelled mis-quoted bible verses some of which don't even exist.
He carries a list of people he plans to take out before he dies. I have not doubt at all that he will do it.
4. WERDZ!
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If you give a man a fire you keep him warm for one night.
If you set him on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life. |
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it. SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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2/11/2007 at 11:55 |
1. I had an ancestor in about 1600 or so that ran off with a shit load of money. He turned up a couple hundred miles away drunk and surrounded by pregnant whores about 6 months later. Just in time to prevent the execution of some poor schmuck who was convicted of killing him.
2. I had an ancestor at Jamestown who was one of the first white men to marry an indian and is thought to be the one who made Jimson weed a regular part of the colony diet.
3. William Henry Harrison, who:
A. Masacred more indian women and children than any other President.
B. As a result of A was the source of the curse that caused the death of every president elected in a year ending in 0.
C. As a result of B he was the first president to die in office
4. Notable only because he was the only president elected between Grover Cleveland and Grover Cleveland and was a worse president than Millard Filmore.
5. Original owners of the New Jersey shore but sold it around 1810 because they thought it was never going to be worth anything
6. William H. Seward bought Alaska from Russia. The Jury is still out on this one.
7. The family crest is about a thousand years old and used to have a latin phrase on it that roughly translates as "If you think I'm going to attack guys with swords you're fucking crazy" This was officially removed about 150 years ago. Surviving battles was a family tradition as was picking the pockets of the dead and wounded on both sides afterward.
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If you give a man a fire you keep him warm for one night.
If you set him on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life. |
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magicchex
Fuckin' your bitches and stealin' your cars since 1985.  SSHOLEPosts: 513 Registered: 1/5/2005 Offline
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2/13/2007 at 17:40 |
My entire extended family, including my parents and siblings, is 7 or 8 people. Thanks Hitler. It was huge beforehand.
Although there are some distant distant relatives in the Holy Land, but they disowned my mom for about ten years after she married a gentile. I guess they dealt with it eventually and sent her a bling bling gold watch to make amends but she lost it and there's no contact. I've never heard any names, seen any pictures, or heard any stories beyond that.
So yeah, the closet is full of the bones of EVERYONE IN MY FUCKING FAMILY EVER.
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I live in my mom's basement! |
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HellKat
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 177 Registered: 1/19/2005 Offline
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2/18/2007 at 05:31 |
Add to Azron's bones...
He has a lovely Aunt who adopted 2 evil children. One of those children became the town bully where I grew up and currenly thinks he runs the town as a "chief detective" or something. It's not far from here, and I always avoid driving though there. The adopted sister only tormented me though grammar school and eventually became a druggie, saving some honest man from her lies.
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am I ignorant or apathetic? don't know, don't care..... |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth SSHOLEPosts: 4540 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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2/18/2007 at 20:42 |
magicchex: the closet is full of the bones of EVERYONE IN MY FUCKING FAMILY OVEN.
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slippedhole> I am on to you and your evil intentions. I am the true protector of this website and am willing to do battle with you. |
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