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nocal
It's insane, this guy's taint   SSHOLE |
Posts: 811 Registered: 8/25/2004 Offline
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1/20/2007 at 07:59 |
To set this up, I should explain where I live. In the liberal clusterfuck that is California, I live in the outskirts of the liberal clusterfuck that is the Bay Area. Specifically I live in affluent suburbs to the north (lol nocal). There is no Wal-Mart in my county, and San Francisco, if I recall correctly, recently told Wal-Mart to fuck Sam Walton's corpse when they were trying to buy land to build a store. Berkeley probably did actually rape Sam Walton's corpse, as part of a magikal voudoun earth mother ritual to keep out the evil KKKorporation. And therefore the nearest Wal-Mart is in the desolate hick land which is about 45 minutes to the north. My mom insisted on going for some reason, so I went up there with her on my day off.
It was what I expected, but somehow I wasn't prepared like I thought I was. I can sum up the experience this way: the people in a Wal-Mart prove that evolution could not have happened, which is great for them, because none of them believe in it anyway.
I knew Wal-Mart was notoriously shitty, low quality, ugly, smelly, and populated by cheap zombie hicks of massive proportions, all looking for the cheapest, stretchiest sweatpants. Or so I had heard. I guess I knew it would be like that somewhere in my brain, but I also had doubts. I have hick family; my mother's side is farmers from Illinois and my father's side is hicks from even further north than this particular Wal-Mart. They're not particularly stupid or cheap or ugly or fat, they just happen to be from underpopulated areas in the country.
Wal-Mart, even near supposedly "nice" areas, is the same as it must be all over the country. Fat ugly bastards shopping for edited DVDs of Garth Brooks that sell for $12.38. The first thing I see when I walk in is a McDonald's to my left. And it had a line. A long line. And no one in this long line would qualify to be in McDonald's commercials, neither the "ethnic" commercials, nor the "hipster" commercials. They probably scour Target for those fine thespians.
It looked a lot like this, even with the oldschool Ronald sitting there
No, this line was chock full of the kind of person who has a FUPA (that stands for Fat Upper Pussy Area, if you aren't down with the kids these days). I am talking about the men as well. That hideous meat sack that hangs like some vestigial fanny pack down to mid-thigh, the fatty deposits that could feed a village of Ethiopians if only they had the strength to pull their distended marasmus bellies off the ground and reach up above their heads to nibble the grease runoff that trickles underneath the FUPA.
Here is a FUPA that has escaped the confinees of Wal-Mart
But as David Cross opines about hillbillies, "It's not that they are fat because they eat well. They are fat and malnourished." Basically there is no reason a 300 pound woman with a healthy neckbeard should be dying of malnutrition, except for the fact that Wal-Mart has a fucking Mickey D's in it's lobby of eternal sadness.
The store itself, minus the pockmarked, sweaty, polyester swaddled walking disasters, is not terrible. It has lots of cheap stuff, and in it's own curious way, it fulfills some weird white trash need to have all your shit in one place. What I mean is: you can buy food cheaper at a discount place like FoodMaxx, you can buy clothes cheap at Ross, you can buy cheap furniture at Ikea, and you can buy cheap DVDs at Best Buy. But if you're disgusting, then the fact that you have to wear jeans with an elastic waistband probably stands out -- unless you go to Wal-Mart.
Which did make me wonder: does a Wal-Mart in a very small town have a better selection of people? If you have other options, and you pick a piss-smelling Wal-Mart, is that just self-selection?
Luckily for me I have other options when I want to buy my dirt cheap wares from union busting companies. But I'm betting that some of you brave the Wal-Mart in your area because it's either nicer, or maybe because you have no other options. Or shit, maybe all of this entertains you and you have some good stories (read: better stories than mine). Or wait...maybe you're the one in the stretch pants. In that case, I'm sure you're not that disgusting.
So I leave it to you, fellow swarmers. Tell us about your Wal-Mart experiences.
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4469 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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1/20/2007 at 11:59 |
populated by cheap zombie hicks
all looking for the cheapest, stretchiest sweatpants
Fat ugly bastards shopping for edited DVDs of Garth Brooks that sell for $12.38.
McDonald's
Fat Upper Pussy Area
fat and malnourished
lobby of eternal sadness.
This describes every single goddamned Wal-Mart I've ever been in. I've never seen an "up-scale" Wal-Mart. That is, the nicest Wal-Mart I've seen -- and honestly they're all carbon copies of each other, down to the credulous-looking stump-armed midget manning the door waiting to throw 'HELLO!' at you, like I need that -- might have been well-lit and clean around the edges, but it still was a startlingly high-traffic redneck magnet.
I had a good story around here from an old swarmer whose mom entered a Wal-Mart for the first time and asked another shopper where the pans would be, and he said "In the usual place. They're all built the same!" as if she had memorized the layout from her many visits to mecca... but I can't seem to find it. There was something in there about the guy saying it was unamerican not to have shopped at Wal-Mart enough to know the layout, too.
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slippedhole> I am on to you and your evil intentions. I am the true protector of this website and am willing to do battle with you. |
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Uart
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 1228 Registered: 3/5/2005 Offline
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1/20/2007 at 12:33 |
I've still never been in a Walmart. Sounds like a cool place. Do they sell mudflaps with naked women on them, by any chance? |
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ghostrider
liberal exit  SSHOLEPosts: 2451 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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1/20/2007 at 13:41 |
I worked briefly at a WalMart distro center once. Made $15 an hour loading trucks while the poor suckers who worked at the stores made $6-8$, and they worked way harder than i ever had to. Almost everybody who works for them believes in the company as if it's the corporate equivalent of Jesus Christ.
That is all.
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I build plastic bonfires on the beach and skip batteries into the lake ~ Cockroach |
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Wrecker
Misanthrope  SSHOLEPosts: 452 Registered: 1/25/2006 Offline
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1/20/2007 at 14:06 |
My second job ever was a K-Mart. That place makes Wal-Mart look like fukin Macy's.
I have to ask though, while you were in the Wal-Mart, how many screaming kids did you see being threatened? I ask because I have never been in a Wal-Mart where there wasn't at least two.
Also were you aware that there are indeed three different classes of Wal-Mart?
1) Mark 1 Mod 0 Wal-Mart: This is the most common kind you will find. It fits your description throughout the country.
2) Super Wal-Mart: This monster is a rare gem to be sought out. Super Wal-Marts truly have everything in one place. Imagine a regular Wal-Mart, then double the size and cram a grocery store in there, then keep it open for 24 hours a day.
Some of these have nail salons, full eye clinics, coffee shops, the works.
Oh and the floor staff travel around on roller skates. (I'm not kidding.)
3) Sam's Club: This is more an extension of Wal-Mart than an actual Wal-Mart. Think BJs or CostCo in Wal-mart Blue. This is where you go when you absolutely, positively have to have a one gallon jug of mayonaise for $4.00.
We typically go to Target since we can usually get all the same stuff there that we used to go to Wal-Mart for. Plus all of the floor staff have most of their teeth, have a body fat index of less than the GDP, and there are hardly ever screaming kids getting beaten.
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< nuevoSock_> "me and the phone cable plugged to her labia were shaking hands
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ghostrider
liberal exit SSHOLEPosts: 2451 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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1/20/2007 at 14:17 |
I like Sam's Club. Case 'o beer, mega bags of dog food and cat litter, hot food samples, huge slice of pizza for $1, and i'm outta there. Plus it's a membership store, so it attracts a better class of rednecks.
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I build plastic bonfires on the beach and skip batteries into the lake ~ Cockroach |
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SexNinja
the illest nigga  SSHOLEPosts: 1524 Registered: 10/28/2007 Online
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1/20/2007 at 16:46 |
The super Wal-Mart that I've been shopping at almost exclusively since I was in college has a mix of everyone in this town, which makes it less creepy and sad than you so aptly describe other Wal-Marts as being. Yes, there are the super-fat redneck sacks walking around but there are also "normal" people, some even attractive, that populate it. And there is a Subway in it instead of a McDonald's. I suppose that makes it better in my mind somehow.
I don't mind going there, even though I could probably hit up any number of stores around here to get what I want/need instead for about the same prices. I think there is something to be said for having all the crap that one wants in one place.
They recently built a Sam's Club about 1 mile from the super Wal-Mart here. I really see no reason to go there.
One funny thing I saw recently: I was at the checkout, near the main doors in and this massive black guy, maybe 40-50 years old, was being led away by security. He LOOKED like he'd tried to shoplift a small refrigerator by eating it, but anyway as he was being led away he was saying over and over "ya'll ain't be doin' this to me, I'mma grown ass man."
On 2007-01-20 at 11:07:35, SexNinjaMcDeath pooped back and forth... forever
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HAMFIGHTER> He shrugged, and started finishing himself off, on my breasts, while I was crying. |
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HellKat
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 177 Registered: 1/19/2005 Offline
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1/20/2007 at 16:58 |
I don't like to shop and I don't care for crowds. That being said...
We have a total of 2 Wal-Marts in this rural county. Since about 90% of the population around here is redneck, it is hard to get away from them. After Wal-Mart opened, most of the small Mom & Pop general stores and hardware stores went out of business. That leaves us pretty limited as to locations to shop for many general household items, so I drag my ass there every month or so and pick up stuff that is much less expensive that I might find in a supermarket or Eckerd.
I guess you could say that it is a double edged sword for me. Good prices & everything in one place vs dealing with the Wal Mart affect and the crowd.
I have a real problem with membership wharehouse stores. Nobody has been able to convince me that ANY store is worth paying a fee to have the privilidge to shop at. One day, I even saw a line to get INTO Costco! Wait online AND pay to get into a retail store? What a racket!
I do most of my weekly grocery shopping at the local farmers' market and the butcher shop.
I have to go clean house now. yea.
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am I ignorant or apathetic? don't know, don't care..... |
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Lownotes
They all float down here.  SSHOLEPosts: 183 Registered: 4/23/2005 Offline
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1/20/2007 at 18:08 |
Here, Wal-Mart is king. It is an oasis, a bazaar, a communal forum and a nexus where the citizens of the outer lands come in contact with the Empire's goods and culture.
I live in South Mississippi, an hour from the Gulf Coast. So, we have little option but to submit to the Waltons. About 57,000 people live here, and there are a dozen small towns scattered nearby. There is a college here, and every franchise has at least one incarnation along our most traveled streets.
We have two Super Wal-Marts. They are always full of people, the parking lot impenetrable. Each has a McDonald's, an eye clinic, a grocery store, a hair salon, a video rental store, a cell-phone provider and a bank inside. One has a Sam's next door. Everyone in the city shops there, everyone in the other hamlets drives into town, sometimes taking over half an hour to arrive from their homes, just to shop for groceries.
Wal-Mart means something completely different to this community. Only in the last few years have we obtained the other franchises like Home Depot, Target, Bed Bath and Beyond and the like. But, they all built within a football field of the Great Mart of Wal.
I would guess 90 percent of my hometown's population gets all their food, toiletries and home furnishings from the Walton family. After Katrina, people lined up for days outside.
I shop there often. It is unavoidable. I get my specialty items from other places, but most everything disposable or edible comes from this place. But, I shop there at 3 in the morning when possible. I see someone I know or knew 2 out of 3 times I go during prime shopping hours.
On 2007-01-20 at 12:08:34, Lownotes pooped back and forth... forever |
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government_death_robot
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 921 Registered: 4/23/2004 Offline
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1/20/2007 at 19:33 |
At home, we have one super Wal-Mart. Pretty much everyone that works there is older, a college drop-out, or attending Southestern Oklahoma State University and working there for extra money.
In the early morning, most of the customers are old people.
In the afternoon (Monday - Friday), wives with kids too young for school.
In the afternoon (Saturday & Sunday), guys wearing cowboy boots, camoflage, and/or cowboy hats as well.
In the evening, single moms with their kids.
At night, black people.
The Wal-Mart here is all right; it's usually just college students (when I have gone).
I do prefer the Target here, though. It' closer and has all the stuff Wal-Mart does.
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mcgarpat
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 413 Registered: 7/10/2005 Offline
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1/20/2007 at 20:30 |
Wall mart tends to scrape the walls of the empty gene pool
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nocal
It's insane, this guy's taint SSHOLEPosts: 811 Registered: 8/25/2004 Offline
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1/21/2007 at 02:22 |
This is more or less what I was expecting to hear. I was kind of hoping for more stories about poop.
And on that note, I just remembered one from a co worker.
When I worked at The Men's Wearhouse in high school, I worked with a girl who told me about a time when she used to work at Michael's, that chain of fabric stores. One day she was walking there after school to work her shift, and she sees that the place is closed. Like, lights off, doors shut, no one there. And there is a big sign on the door mentioning a health hazard. So she's pissed that she came all the way there and no one let her know anything, but also scared because she thinks that a mini nuke went off or something.
You could say it was a dirty bomb. When she talked to her co workers at the store, they told her this: an old lady was there with someone who was probably her daughter. WELL. Old lady is in the middle of an aisle and starts shitting. It's basically just falling onto the floor. Apparently daughter is understandable embarassed and pulls old mom out of the store, trailing shit. Liquidy shit rivulets all over the floor, from the back of the store and on out the doorway.
Apparently that is some kind of a health hazard.
I also realized today that I'm basically disgusted with every food-oriented store that I go into.
I was in Costco, and I realized that I was pretty grossed out by this guy hungrily devouring the sample food, like with his face all in the little sample cup, as though he were a pederast and that cup was a 10 year old's asshole.
And I already knew that I was disgusted by Whole Foods. The people there are the craziest, most neurotic pricks of the whole bunch. Or at least some of them. I'll explain it this way: no one ever gets indignant in Wal-Mart. Partly because no one in Wal-Mart knows what "indignant" means, but still, it's just a weird attitude. |
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Wrecker
Misanthrope SSHOLEPosts: 452 Registered: 1/25/2006 Offline
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1/21/2007 at 13:22 |
I have no idea how this thread took the left turn that it has, but I'm game. Anyway here's your poop story.
Wrecker Weif works with severely disabled, self-injurious autistic kids.
One night she came home with this story about how she had to call poison control on this one kids who also has pica. She said earlier this kid had eaten his own poo. But she had to call poison control because the kid had eaten two handfuls of uncooked hamburger meat.
It still baffles me that they didn't call poison control after he ate the poop, but were tripping over themselves because of raw meat.
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< nuevoSock_> "me and the phone cable plugged to her labia were shaking hands
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magicchex
Fuckin' your bitches and stealin' your cars since 1985.  SSHOLEPosts: 422 Registered: 1/5/2005 Offline
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1/21/2007 at 18:33 |
There's a Wal-Mart in Ypsilanti, but definitely none nor will there every be one in Ann Arbor.
And I've never heard of anyone I know shopping at Wal-Mart. In my home town, Okemos, they opened one to huge protests after a 2 year delay about 3 years ago. I've been to it once to meet a friend, never to shop, and nobody from in-town shops there, only hicks from outside of town.
In my fiancee's hometown, Jackson, one was opened to huge protests and again, nobody from Jackson itself shops there, only the outskirts. She's never been to one.
Between us, we've been to a Wal-Mart once, never gave any money to Wal-Mart, and don't know anyone at all out of our friends who ever go there. I think as a rule, Ann Arborites stay away from that store.
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middle_age_man
Mostly Harmless  SSHOLEPosts: 427 Registered: 1/11/2005 Offline
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1/21/2007 at 19:27 |
We have three Wal-Mart stores within twenty minutes of each other. They’ve had negligible impact on the locally owned retailers. The small stores seem cater to more niche or upscale needs. I shop at Wal-Mart for the same reason as most; there are great prices on some things and a large selection of everyday sundries. The chain that had a real impact on the local retailers is Home Depot. The last of the locally owned mom and pop hardware store closed last year.
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" Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
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Professor
Tender vittles  Posts: 29 Registered: 1/19/2006 Offline
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1/21/2007 at 20:58 |
I've moved a lot in my life, so I've seen a variety of Wal-Marts.
Yes, I said variety. Take the word loosely, if you please.
The "classiest" Wal-Mart was in Napa, California. The outside didn't even look like a Wal-Mart (no big blue line across the top of the building... it was brick and stone because city regulations required it).
The "different interior" Wal-Mart is where I live now, in the Dallas/Fort Worth area of Texas. A few miles south of the metroplex is a Wal-Mart that completely lacks a liquor section because it's a DRY COUNTY. (Yes, the prohibition actually still exists in patches.) That cuts down on the redness of the average neck. |
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Uart
DARTH MENSES Posts: 1228 Registered: 3/5/2005 Offline
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1/21/2007 at 23:18 |
ghostrider: I like Sam's Club. Case 'o beer, mega bags of dog food and cat litter, hot food samples, huge slice of pizza for $1, and i'm outta there. Plus it's a membership store, so it attracts a better class of rednecks.
Sadly, Sams Club doesn't sell beer in NJ. Making them entirely useless. |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position!  SSHOLEPosts: 1903 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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1/22/2007 at 02:10 |
Uart: Sadly, Sams Club doesn't sell beer in NJ. Making them entirely useless.
Oh my ass; am I now living in the same fucking state as Uart? What the hell are you whining about bitch... there are booze stores on every corner from what I have seen so far and most supermarkets have their own liquor stores.
There are not any Super Wal-Mart’s around here; … come to think of it… there aren’t any indoor malls either.
Yeah, what HellKat said… this is very much cow/horse country otherwise known as Bumfuck NJ.
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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HellKat
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 177 Registered: 1/19/2005 Offline
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1/22/2007 at 21:24 |
There is a closed-in shopping mall in both next door counties to us in Sussex County, NJ. They are in Warren (Hackettstown) and Morris (Rockaway). I know Rockaway was a Big Deal when it opened when I was a kid. Sussex county does boast a movie theater though. It's old, they have split it into a duplex, but they replaced the old seats within the last few years. One good thing is that shows are only about six bucks. On Friday nights before the early show they have a guy who plays the old theater organ (originally used for silent pictures) so that is kind of cool.
In Warwick, NJ, which borders Sussex County they actually have a DRIVE-IN movie theater. Somehow the drive in is not as much fun as a real adult than as a kid or a teen.
We are a mecca of entertainment of you like dive bars with toothless people in search of a life or a bottle to put it in.
Somehow it all works for me. Go figure.
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am I ignorant or apathetic? don't know, don't care..... |
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Phlebas
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 227 Registered: 7/29/2005 Offline
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1/23/2007 at 05:08 |
Nestled warmly in the Waltonscape, I utilize the Wal Mart mainly for bulk items: dog food, toilet paper, frozen burritos and various electronic and automotive devices that I need quickly and am unconcerned about as to duration of use.
Wal Mart is useful. I utilize it often, and am therefore privy to the same landscape nocal describes. Yes, a large part of the buying public is populated by the wage-challenged, less-than-engaged, Americana-raised consumer, but the deals are there.
The most engaging discussion on the topic, however, deals with the employment practices of the retail giant. Low wages and substandard health care are integral parts of the modus operandi of the Walton empire. Employees to it are an expendable resource.
The other side of the many coins: A majority of their employees are either A. transitional: Kids, Students, ex-cons trying to regain a work-base or B. Functionally retarded. Either way, at least they are getting a little money for largely menial tasks.
WallyWorld is a funny place, but at least butt-wipe and puppy food are cheaper there...
On 2007-01-22 at 23:17:46, Phlebas pooped back and forth... forever
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"Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage." |
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dragonstaff
Too old to Rock and Roll...too young to die  SSHOLEPosts: 756 Registered: 8/19/2004 Offline
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1/23/2007 at 07:47 |
Wal-mart has not travelled this far south yet, for which I am extremely thankful. K-Mart and Target are bad enough. Although badly watered down by Little Johnny over the last few years, our labour laws are far from compatible with the Walmart business plan.
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The Grumpiest Alpha
To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today. - Isaac Asimov |
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BlackJesus
Tender vittles  Posts: 40 Registered: 12/16/2003 Offline
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1/23/2007 at 13:41 |
To set this up, I should explain where I MY ASSHOLE IS RIPPING |
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magicchex
Fuckin' your bitches and stealin' your cars since 1985. SSHOLEPosts: 422 Registered: 1/5/2005 Offline
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1/27/2007 at 03:22 |
BlackJesus: To set this up, I should explain where I MY ASSHOLE IS RIPPING
Seriously though:
On 2007-01-28 at 02:20:09, magicchex pooped back and forth... forever
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I'm starving. |
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freakmachine
Web Fucko Extraordinaire  SSHOLEPosts: 590 Registered: 4/15/2004 Offline
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1/27/2007 at 04:59 |
This all pretty much describes my experiences with walmart. I almost never shop there: I have purchased something there in the last five years but I don't remember what.
Here in Texas we have a chain of grocery stores named HEB which acts as a fat redneck aggregator in much the same way as the wal. I call people who shop there "H.E.B. positive."
Nocal:
No, this line was chock full of the kind of person who has a FUPA (that stands for Fat Upper Pussy Area, if you aren't down with the kids these days).
I think what you are referring to is closely related to the phenomenon of the CUNT-BELLY. The CUNT-BELLY manifests in those extra chubby women when the belly doesn't yet flop over and hide the pussy area but the pussy crack appears to extend all the way up the front to the belly button area.
What really gets me is when a huge portion of belly fat overcomes the natural structural integrity of the skin/muscles/fascial tissue and flops down and over the groin region and part of the upper leg region like a giant thick pancake. When said pancake fat hangs out of and below the bearer's tshirt is the ultimate... something. I am not sure what. I always enjoy seeing what these persons have in their shopping cart. |
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Wrecker
Misanthrope SSHOLEPosts: 452 Registered: 1/25/2006 Offline
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1/27/2007 at 14:52 |
BUNT, the word you are looking for is BUNT.
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< nuevoSock_> "me and the phone cable plugged to her labia were shaking hands
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dragonstaff
Too old to Rock and Roll...too young to die SSHOLEPosts: 756 Registered: 8/19/2004 Offline
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1/28/2007 at 01:08 |
[URL=http://imageshack.us] [/URL]
What sort of trash is getting interviewed by the press over there these days?
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The Grumpiest Alpha
To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today. - Isaac Asimov |
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freakmachine
Web Fucko Extraordinaire SSHOLEPosts: 590 Registered: 4/15/2004 Offline
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1/28/2007 at 01:23 |
^ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasp*
...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA |
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JohnLenin
Putting the semen in amusement  SSHOLEPosts: 1050 Registered: 7/8/2005 Offline
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1/28/2007 at 04:31 |
People naturally watch other people, it's what we do. Some do it more than others; I do it more than most. On the rare occasion I'm in a walmart I watch the middle-class people, who in turn will occasionally watch me, and together, we watch the lower-class sweatsuit brigade. However, the sweatsuit brigade don't people watch anyone. At all. They don't even acknowledge other sweatsuits. They're lost in their own little world of nascar and discount beef jerky. It's truly bizarre. Try and spot it the next chance you get.
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[Clavis_A] he's one of the few people i've ever seen that bear a striking resemblence to their own dick |
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meta> i think that bitch skipped town
meta> she no longer haunts wal-mart
meta> she probably fled the city to bear my rapechild
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