LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache   SSHOLE |
Posts: 1610 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
|
4/27/2006 at 03:53  |
OK Backstory:
I work for a large, reasonably successful, "family" owned company. My role at said company is kinda hard to define, but lately it consists of making sure the CEO's son does his job and avoids lawsuits (in all seriousness, I literally tell this sorry retard how to do his job, daily, shamefully).
So today my boss (who happens to be Retardo's brother-in-law, and 15 years his senior) has a revelation during one of my thrice daily meetings, he realizes that if Retardo wasn't so well connected he probably couldn't get a job pumping gas. My boss quickly ends the meeting and yells at Retardo to meet him in his office, and the rest of us give each other high fives and make mastabatory motions with our fists, it was like Christmas.
I retreated to my office and shoot Steel a quick email to tell him about the genesis of my wonderful day (while listening to angry voices through the drywall), then suddenly...
*THUMP* (oh joy of joys!)
Followed by the unmistakable sounds of struggle.
I figure that I better do something about it, because the result of my inaction might have negative consequences, so I rush (kinda) to the bossoffice to discover retardo and boss on the floor in UFC fashion (nothing too serious, but a fite nontheless).
Long story short, I broke it up, and was asked to keep it under my hat (LOLWINK).
But it made me think, any of you fucks ever experience/participate in workplace violence?
____________________
the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim
|
| |
mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard  SSHOLEPosts: 1620 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
|
4/27/2006 at 12:24 |
haha. fucking awesome.
sadly, i have not seen any workplace violence.
____________________
But the whole of modern so-called civilized existence is an attempt to deny reality insofar as it exists. When did Don last look at the stars, when did Norman last get soaked in a rainstorm? |
| |
Wrecker
Misanthrope  SSHOLEPosts: 452 Registered: 1/25/2006 Offline
|
4/27/2006 at 14:38 |
Awesome story.
The only workplace violence I have ever experienced was when I was in the Navy. "Fanroom Disipline" and "blanket parties" were the order of the day if you were a fuckup.
I personally only witnessed three said instances.
The first was when I was stationed at Dam Neck, VA and there was guy in the company that flat refused to take a shower. This dude fukin reeked. He got jumped one night by several of his class mates and they dragged him out of his rack and into the shower (beating him the whole way). Once there, they commenced to clean him using the Navy's version of Comet Cleaner and a deck brush. The issue was never reported offically and for the remainder of A-School this guy never had to be "reminded" to shower again.
The second and third times were on the ship and were the products of the 'victim' being an asshole and those around him getting fed up and kicking his ass for it. Once the attitude got adjusted, they were usually set on the straight and narrow from that point on.
I also saw two Chinese cooks start fighting in a Chinese resturant once. Sadly, they didn't break out into Kung-Fu like I would have hoped, but mainly just wrestled each other and threw a couple of punches until they were pulled apart.
____________________
< nuevoSock_> "me and the phone cable plugged to her labia were shaking hands
|
| |
middle_age_man
Mostly Harmless  SSHOLEPosts: 427 Registered: 1/11/2005 Offline
|
4/27/2006 at 16:30 |
When I worked in construction fighting was fairly commonplace, most often financial disputes among labourers or drywallers getting into it with the mechanical trades.
____________________
" Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
George Carlin |
| |
LOki
Refusenik  SSHOLEPosts: 483 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
|
4/27/2006 at 17:06 |
I'm for it.
____________________
|
| |
LOki
Refusenik SSHOLEPosts: 483 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
|
4/27/2006 at 17:08 |
SHIT! This post is nothing at all what I thought it was about!
____________________
|
| |
LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache SSHOLEPosts: 1610 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
|
4/28/2006 at 02:24 |
LOki: I'm for it.
LOL
____________________
the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim |
| |
shitbox
my balls your chin, get used to that idea  SSHOLEPosts: 918 Registered: 1/9/2005 Offline
|
4/30/2006 at 01:28 |
My job now is basically filled with workplace violence. I now work in a 'crisis' home for DD indviduals. Its one on one staffing as far as the client/staff ratio goes. This autistic client isnt very verbal and gets frustrated sometimes. Sooooo, hell just stand up and put his head through the wall. And when I say through the wall I meanthrough the fucking wall. We are just waiting for him to catch a stud. He also punches the SHIT out of himself and you if you're near him. Its like rock 'em sock 'em robots except it's real, and hes punching himself, in the fucking face. Sometimes he'll catch himself with a clean one...and he'll be punch drunk, knees wobbling 'n shit! Crazy.
This place I used to work at in UT, we had this client who was 6'7", HUGE, and he had a crappy gait(walked fucked up). One day he came up behind me and got me in a solid headlock. Lifted me off my damn feet!(im 6'2") I quickly followed protocol and threw an elbow to his ribs...HARD. I was choking so whatever. We both ended up flying backwards as he lost his balance and ate some serious shit. He quickly apologized...saying over and over...'sorry...sorry' in his silly huge voice. His name was similar to 'Lenny' and he acted so much like the Steinbeck character that I referred to him as Lenny from there on out. Crazy bastard. 
____________________
"Kill him! Kill the fuckin' indian! What am I watching here two fuckin' fags!?"
Rodney Dangerfield as Ed Wilson
|
| |
ragoo
We are not amused.  SSHOLEPosts: 652 Registered: 9/4/2004 Offline
|
4/30/2006 at 05:37 |
When I was a bartender, two of the kitchen staff got into a fight one night. They were both wailing on each other when the one guy slipped on the wet floor. The other guy was this big Russian dude who picked up a plastic rack full of glasses and hurled it down on the other guy. Needless to say, he got cut up pretty badly, and there were glass shards everywhere. Someone broke it up, then the manager made them clean up everything. When they had finished, he fired them.
____________________
Interjections show excitement or emotion. They're generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point, or by a comma when the feeling's not as strong. |
| |
Stump
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 310 Registered: 6/18/2002 Offline
|
4/30/2006 at 22:22 |
Shit, the first place I ran had at least one fight every weekend. There was the night two chicks went at it just as I was getting back from the stock room with a fresh bottle of well vodka (cheap plastic bottle). One of them shoves the other into the emergency exit door and outside, of course all the guys see this and want to watch so I'm alternately holding people back and trying to push the two of them apart and get the door closed. A bunch of people run out and around the building to the emergency exit so I now have some regulars holding back the idiots that are still inside and me trying to pull the door shut one handed because I'm not setting down a full bottle of vodka. The morons outside had been playing pool and took the sticks out with them, one of them sees the bottle in my hand and yells out "He's gonna use a bottle." Someone else takes a swing at me with a cue stick hitting my hand and another moron pulls a knife and yells "I'm gonna cut the fucker."
That was the point I said fuck the $8.00 bottle of vodka, threw it at their heads, give a good kick at them to get the door shut and told the bartender to call the cops. No one had my back at the point the knife came out; everyone inside mysteriously moved backwards and calmed the fuck down.
Then there was the night I had a new bartender (Mike) on and one of our regulars, Billy (an old high school friend of the owner) went completely psycho. He was actually certifiable, heard voices and shit, great guy to play pool or drink with when he was on his meds, but you never know who was going to show up when he walked in. Completely out of the blue he just hits this guy square in the forehead so damn hard the kid literally flew off his feet. I managed to calm him down and get him out on the fenced in patio area while the new guy was supposed to clear the five guys inside out as we were closing anyway. I got Billy to talk rationally for about five minutes when he decides to try barreling past me inside saying he was gonna kill people and he wanted to see blood. One nice thing about fighting him was his left eye is glass, he lost it as a kid - part of why he was so fucked up - and he's right handed so if you're standing to his left he has to turn his head to see you. It was like playing Punch Out on Nintendo, he tilted his head I saw it coming and still managed to get caught over the left eye with a glancing blow - still hard enough to cut me open. We scuffled good, I tried choking him out, kneeing him in the face and stomach, even kicked him square in the gonads, nothing going. The new guy comes out to tell me everyone is out and jumps in with out a word, I finally tell him to just push him and we run and lock ourselves inside. The idiots that were inside when this all started stayed in the parking lot, I look out and Billy has climbed the fence and is chasing them around the building. One guy running after five was somewhat funny until he caught one of them and was just pounding on him in the middle of the lot. I've called the cops twice by now and Mike wants to go out and do something, he grabs a pool cue, runs out and as Billy is bent at the waist pounding on this other guy on the ground swings it full force across Billy's back. It breaks in two, Billy stands up, looks at Mike and says "I'm going to fucking kill you."
Now there's one guy chasing six around the building, they finally ran across the street and Billy got into his car and took off. I found out later the five guys tracked him down and did a number on him with some golf clubs. I still have the bottom half of that pool cue too.
About a month after the incident I'm sitting at the end of the bar when this guy that looks familiar walks in, says a few words to the bartender playing pool who looks over and points to me. Turns out it was Billy's brother wanting to thank me for "going easy on his brother, he's got a lot of mental problems". Several months later Billy walks in the door at the end of the night before Thanksgiving (busiest night of the year) while we're trying to get people to leave. I grab our bouncer (who was friend's with Billy in H.S. also) and he walks over and talks to him for a minute when there's a repeat of the boucer pointing to me and Billy walking over. He stands there looking at me, and goes "I know you.." I'm thinking deflect his memory..."Yeah man, we played pool together a bunch of times." and put my hand out to shake his.
He squeezes the living shit out of my hand, "No, I know you. I remember you. You're a tough fucking guy."
All I could say was thanks.
____________________
Life loaded, verifying client data, please wait......... |
| |
trixy
Tender vittles  Posts: 9 Registered: 4/3/2006 Offline
|
5/2/2006 at 12:22 |
my boss is a complete and utter t*at and at every office party/outing he gets drunk and picks a fight with someone.
At our last xmas staff party he got into a fight with one of the lads in the office. however instead of this guy grovelling for his job back he said he would only return on his conditions - nd ended up getting a payrise. something dodgy definitley going on |
| |
Phlebas
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 207 Registered: 7/29/2005 Offline
|
5/2/2006 at 13:07 |
trixy: ... however instead of this guy grovelling for his job back he said he would only return on his conditions - nd ended up getting a payrise. something dodgy definitley going on
KICK HIS ASS AND TAKE THE EXTRA MONEY.
QUICKLY.
GO.
GO.
____________________
"Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage." |
| |
LOki
Refusenik SSHOLEPosts: 483 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
|
5/2/2006 at 21:01 |
shitbox: My job now is basically filled with workplace violence. I now work in a 'crisis' home for DD indviduals. A crisis home for the Drunk and Disorderly?
Do I know you?
____________________
|
| |
geazerpleazer
SIR BABYHEAD  Posts: 62 Registered: 8/26/2005 Offline
|
5/2/2006 at 22:12 |
Shitbox, what did you do to Lenny to piss him off?
____________________
|
| |
vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4413 Registered: 3/8/2002 Online
|
5/2/2006 at 22:23 |
He wouldn't shut up about the new Tool album.
____________________
To win, you must fight not only the creature you encounter; you must fight the most horrible thing that can be constructed from its corpse. |
| |
Crackalackin
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 373 Registered: 7/19/2004 Offline
|
5/3/2006 at 06:34 |
The best work fight I have ever witnessed was in my high school, at the cafeteria.
The lunch lines were fully loaded with zitpopping sex-starved teen maniacs. I still don't know what the disagreement was, but I remember the crowds and their dropped jaws. We all watched in fascination and utter disbelief as two lunch ladies, about 60 years of age (or more), in full lunch lady gear (hairnets, aprons and plastic gloves) started swinging at each other with utensils. I remember a wildly swinging soup ladle, a jet stream of midwestrn cussing, and a flying cup of Jello aimed square at the head. The culmination of the fight was one of the ladies pushing another, making her stumble and fall forward, head-first, into a big open pot of cream-of-something soup. The soup went SPLAT! and got all over the plastic sneeze guard, and the wall, and the people with the front-row view...
Of course, then the principal and the assistants rushed in to separate the lunch ladies. By then, we were all in shock and awe. This was all the school could talk about for the rest of the week, and the lunch lady outfit was unusually popular that year on Haloween...
____________________
^ Internet Porn Star |
| |
FutileResistance
Tender vittles  Posts: 20 Registered: 6/9/2006 Offline
|
7/24/2006 at 16:08 |
My first job was as a busboy in a semi decent Thai restaurant. It was owned and managed between four people, Bob and his wife Anne, their daughter Michelle, and Oiy. I never understood how Oiy came to a position of co-ownership of the place seeing as she was unrelated and unfriendly with everyone in the building. It wasn't even like they needed someone familiar with thai culture because she was Vietnamese. Whatever.
Anyway, Oiy preferred to manage the bar more than any other section of the restaurant if you catch my drift . After a heavy night of micromanaging, Oiy thought it to be the perfect time to stagger back to the kitchen and tell Michelle everything wrong with the business. Instead of calmly discussing her ideas with Michelle, as seems to be the most popular way of getting your opinion heard, Oiy opted to unhinge her baby-eater and unleashed a long, loud string of insults that made every customer and worker in the restaurant stop and look to the window between the kitchen and the middle dining room. Michelle must have understood the Vietnamese fireball just hurled at her and fired back her own string of Vietnamerican reality, ending with "You can take your skinny, drunk ass, and your crooked teeth, and get the hell out of my business!" To prove her dominance over all others, Oiy grabbed the nearest thing she could which just so happened to be a bowl of rice, (rice is very commonplace in an oriental restaurant), and threw it as hard as she could in the area in front of her. However, seeing as she was a) a girl, and b) staggeringly drunk, her aim and strength were only the slightest bit off and rice spun out of the bowl everywhere across the kitchen, including the aforementioned window to the dining area. It was the very cliche scene in a foodfight where something sticks to a window alarming everyone near said window. This was as far as it would be allowed to progress because immediately after rice was spilled, Bob picked little Oiy up, took her to the back dining room which is usually closed unless reserved for parties, and had her lie down in an empty booth.
All in all a pretty decent display of workplace violence. It could have been a lot better seeing as if Oiy had looked for something to grab she would have seen the cutting board just behind the rice bowl, knives and all. You win some you lose some I guess.
____________________
|
| |
fl_projekt
I AM TEH FUKING FISHPUNCHAR. I WILL RAPE YOUR WOMEN AND CHILDREN AND PETS.  SSHOLEPosts: 449 Registered: 8/8/2003 Offline
|
7/24/2006 at 17:03 |
LK: Witnesing what you witnessed........... some extra vacation time or a nice payraise at review time may be in order for you
____________________
Think noone cares if your alive?........... try missing a couple of car payments |
| |
shitbox
my balls your chin, get used to that idea SSHOLEPosts: 918 Registered: 1/9/2005 Offline
|
7/25/2006 at 00:45 |
geazerpleazer: Shitbox, what did you do to Lenny to piss him off?
Nothing, he was 'playing' and figured I wanted to play.
Vas: He wouldn't shut up about the new Tool album.
You know, thats possible, Lateralus had just come out. :0
Loki:A crisis home for the Drunk and Disorderly?
DD meaning Developmentally Disabled. As in Linkswarm.com members.
____________________
"Kill him! Kill the fuckin' indian! What am I watching here two fuckin' fags!?"
Rodney Dangerfield as Ed Wilson
|
| |
shitbox
my balls your chin, get used to that idea SSHOLEPosts: 918 Registered: 1/9/2005 Offline
|
7/29/2006 at 21:10 |
Today a client I serve....put his head THROUGH the fucking wall. He was in his room and I hear the fun begin, now, heads dont go through walls on the first try usually, it took him 3 tries. All the while playing rock 'em sockem robots with himself. PUNCHING THE SHIT out of his own face.
Then he threw his *radio and trashcan down the hall towards me when I tried to verbally redirect him. The intensity with which he explodes is unlike anything I've ever seen.
*This magical radio is inde-fucking-structable. It's some sort of Dewalt radio(yellow of course) and has been thrown against the wall countless times. The bastard miraculously keeps working. We plan on writing the manufacturer to tell them our story(hoping for free product no doubt) and thank them.
____________________
"Kill him! Kill the fuckin' indian! What am I watching here two fuckin' fags!?"
Rodney Dangerfield as Ed Wilson
|
| |
LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache SSHOLEPosts: 1610 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
|
7/29/2006 at 22:31 |
fl_projekt: LK: Witnesing what you witnessed........... some extra vacation time or a nice payraise at review time may be in order for you
Funny you should say this, my boss informed me that I would be getting a raise in the next few weeks.
Little does he know that I'm planning to leave this job for one that pays 10k and 70% less bullshit per year.
____________________
the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim |
| |
DonQuixote
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 641 Registered: 4/22/2005 Offline
|
7/30/2006 at 05:54 |
LORDKAHUNA: fl_projekt: LK: Witnesing what you witnessed........... some extra vacation time or a nice payraise at review time may be in order for you
Funny you should say this, my boss informed me that I would be getting a raise in the next few weeks.
Little does he know that I'm planning to leave this job for one that pays 10k and 70% less bullshit per year.
Wait, are you taking less money for less bullshit? or more money and less bullshit.
Also, is it same to ASSuME that this family owned company is not owned by your family?
SHITBOX - I would like it noted that you are the only person I know (on the net or in real life) that actually does a job that helps actual people. That is worth admiration sir. :golf clap:
The only Workplace Violence I ever saw was when Quentin Tarantino got all pissed cause the Archlight staff would not let his drunk ass into a film as he was late. There is a strick policy on that at this theater. He started yelling and screaming that he would never let a film of his premier at Archlight again!!! :yarg etc: It was typical hollywood BS not really violence. But he did get pretty pissed. However, he premiered Kill Bill 2 at Archlight fairly soon after.
Unfortunately there are no real fights in Hollywood only cellphone calls behind closed doors, then someone dissappears.
Maybe I should start a hollywood fight club? I'm a pacifist nowadays after a bit of a chip on my shoulder as a youth. But, I could start it on the net put names and places, then put a remote cam there to watch it all...nah
Too much bloody work.
On 2006-07-30 at 01:09:55, DonQuixote wistfully remembered Bowie's codpiece in Labyrinth
____________________
( . )( . ) <--- Boobs. |
| |
Steel
If you want to keep your tongue, don't lick me in the Winter!  SSHOLEPosts: 489 Registered: 10/14/2004 Offline
|
10/31/2006 at 13:43 |
So there's this guy in my office who bounces a smiley face ball non fucking stop, it drives me bananas! Is everyone as frustrated as me? Or does it just not bother anyone else I wonder.
He is one of the Senior type dudes and it's his thing...
I want to punch through his chest, rip out his heart and bounce it up against the wall, playing catch with it till he breathes his last breath... bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce...
Then I'd kick him in the face, take his ball and put it in the gaping chect cavity he now has! |
| |
nurgleming
a wet brain fart  SSHOLEPosts: 156 Registered: 10/18/2006 Offline
|
11/3/2006 at 11:40 |
i was a teenage burger flipper at mc scum hole, til i threw a pair of meat tongs at a managers face, giving him the wonderful gift of a trip to casualty and facial scars.
previous incidents include, branding with those metal L shaped things, forcing other peoples hands down on the grill, dumping fresh employees head first into the shit bin
____________________
nothing on the Internet is so serious it can't be laughed at, and that nothing is so laughable as people who think otherwise |
| |
