LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache   SSHOLE |
Posts: 1669 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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3/12/2006 at 06:01 |
-PRO TIP-
Do not, under any circumstance, take the detour. The detour always contains:
1) Pain
2) Dismemberment
3) Cannibals
4) Mutants
5) A shortage of bullets
6) A clever plan that survives about 3 seconds when it is executed.
7) The loss of yr hot bitch.
8) Ominous music that signals the advent of an attack
Now with this aside, I really liked this predictable film. I also like how it didn't stray too far from the plotline of the original. My only bitch was that it took a little too long to get to the third act, and when it did, it was hardly explosive.
The bad dudes are interesting, but hardly complex, and the protagonists make the same mistakes that this genre is famous for (DON'T INVESTIGATE THE FUKING NOISES IN THE NIGHT ASSHOLE). I think that they did a good job giving you the bad guys' backstory, just enough information to let you fill in your own blanks.
The look of this movie swings from the overexposed desert exterior feel (like the mexican outdoor scenes in Traffic), to shadowy darkness you would expect from a cave movie.
It's a Craven (produced) movie, so don't expect it to be too complicated, just let the formula driven gorefest entertain you.
One of the better horror flicks I've seen in a while, DO IT.
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the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim
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government_death_robot
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 943 Registered: 4/23/2004 Offline
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3/12/2006 at 06:07 |
I never saw the original, but I saw this one... just last night.
I liked the boobsucking scene, and the Star Spangled Banner.
Needed more blood and guts for me to smile though.
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bwned. |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4540 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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3/12/2006 at 13:50 |
the protagonists make the same mistakes that this genre is famous for (DON'T INVESTIGATE THE FUKING NOISES IN THE NIGHT ASSHOLE).
Why oh why do all horror films have to contain these hard little nuggets of century-ripened cheese? Horror films for me are entertainment-training for when I get captured by Dahmer, and when the characters start running around like plot-device automatons I lose interest and usually side with the killer.
Don't investigate the noise.
When you get free, don't go back in to rescue anybody or find out what the killer likes to keep in his fridge before stocking up on weapons and gathering intel on the killer's movements.
Bonus "cool victim" tiplet: if you're a secondary character and you see the main character in a dark area and you're both understandably terrified of getting your guts torn out, don't silently cross acres of open floor to sidle up behind the main character and grab their shoulder all of a sudden. Just say hey from across the room.
Holding off on seeing this til I've seen the original, which I've heard enough references to over the years to guess is a kind of classic and deserves first shot.
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Lefen
I think Clavis wins my heart <3  SSHOLEPosts: 903 Registered: 9/16/2003 Offline
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3/12/2006 at 18:18  |
Just got back from watching this.
I thought the whole thing was delightfully fucked up. There was a good mix between the psycological horror and the gore, making some scenes really quite difficult to watch.
The ending didn't blow me away, but the whole thing was such fun that I don't care :>
See it.
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< barfass> hey, fuck your crumpets, postman pat |
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HOBO
* b0bo has quit IRC ('Exit')  SSHOLEPosts: 1144 Registered: 3/19/2002 Offline
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3/12/2006 at 21:15 |
The original scared the shit out of me as a young lad. I'll probably see this on dvd.
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" I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question." ~Spock~
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dent
Slipping it into the wrong hole any chance I get  SSHOLEPosts: 884 Registered: 10/20/2004 Offline
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3/13/2006 at 17:06 |
if you're a secondary character and you see the main character in a dark area and you're both understandably terrified of getting your guts torn out, don't silently cross acres of open floor to sidle up behind the main character and grab their shoulder all of a sudden. Just say hey from across the room.
HAHAH.
Also, never EVER make out with a chick in the woods or in a car late at night, especially if there is a killer/monster/black man loose. If the windows on your car are all fogged up, you can guarantee someone is outside circling your car with an ax/crowbar/pipe.
If you're watching a horror movie and hear a scratching sound that's coming from the window/curtain/closet or behind a desk, it's only a cat, don't worry.
If a door creaks while opening it, there will be a killer behind it.
Never peer into a dimly lit bathroom, there will always be a killer or ghost behind the shower curtain. This also goes for looking into a tub full of water. The chances of blood leaking out from the faucet or someone pulling you into the tub is extremely high.
If entering a basement in an unknown, creepy house, be sure to carry an extra lightbulb, because the one that's on will pop/burst as you walk by.
Bed covers will not save you, even if you are armed with a flashlight.
If you are running through the woods at high speeds away from a killer/monster/ghost, make sure to wear high heels or trip on a pile of wet leaves. Once you fall down, make sure you crawl rather than getting back up and running your ass off. A killer/monster/ghost will feel bad for you once you've fallen down and your chance of survival will be great.
Never, ever, look into a mirror.
If you are trying to escape killer/monster/ghost, do not try and get away with the car. The chances of your brand new car starting up while you are being chased is extremely low. If the car happens to start after the ninth attempt, right before you drive away, the killer will suddenly blow out your window and pull you out.
If you're in a horror movie and you're the guy dating the hot chick with huge tits, you will be the first to die.
Never find solice in a church.
If you are running away from said killer/monster/ghost, and you've been fortunate to not trip and fall down, be sure that you have been running in circles the entire time. Within the next few minutes, you will find yourself back where you started.
If you have finally killed the killer/monster/ghost, you can be sure that he didn't really die, and someone who resembles you will fight him in the next movie for more money.
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"You must have weak asslips. I like to sculpt mine on the way out, like table legs under a lathe" - Vasudeva |
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Lefen
I think Clavis wins my heart <3 SSHOLEPosts: 903 Registered: 9/16/2003 Offline
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3/13/2006 at 17:45 |
dent:
Bed covers will not save you, even if you are armed with a flashlight.
NOOO! LIEES!! :<
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< barfass> hey, fuck your crumpets, postman pat |
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dent
Slipping it into the wrong hole any chance I get SSHOLEPosts: 884 Registered: 10/20/2004 Offline
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3/13/2006 at 18:01 |
It may work in Asia, where you live.
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"You must have weak asslips. I like to sculpt mine on the way out, like table legs under a lathe" - Vasudeva |
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shitbox
my balls your chin, get used to that idea  SSHOLEPosts: 959 Registered: 1/9/2005 Offline
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3/14/2006 at 07:28  |
WOW, that edit button sure is near the quote button and I am retarded.
On 2006-03-14 at 01:35:03, shitbox enjoyed furrysex
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"Kill him! Kill the fuckin' indian! What am I watching here two fuckin' fags!?"
Rodney Dangerfield as Ed Wilson
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shitbox
my balls your chin, get used to that idea SSHOLEPosts: 959 Registered: 1/9/2005 Offline
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3/14/2006 at 07:33 |
shitbox: Just saw it tonight.
Hmmmmm, Id say its maybe worth renting. My GF was quite scared and i must say my hand is kinda sore from here squeezing it. I enjoyed the few tense moments and the general feel of chaos throughout the film.My fave was the rather excessive payback(mutant deaths) gore. Other than that it was unremarkable...as was the ending. Sadly, well for the actors anyway, my favorite character were the infant the K9. Go figure.
On 2006-03-14 at 01:35:34, shitbox enjoyed furrysex
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"Kill him! Kill the fuckin' indian! What am I watching here two fuckin' fags!?"
Rodney Dangerfield as Ed Wilson
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