vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth   SSHOLE |
Posts: 4540 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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3/11/2006 at 14:58 |
Terrible. Just terrible.
I knew what to expect (Uwe Boll) and was still surprised at how this movie repelled my few attempts to give a shit.
Chief on my WTF list is how fast the movie moves. Not with a sense of urgency or tension, but like they clipped 7/8th of every scene. Then they took the lamest take off the floor and used it.
Just about every scene manages to not matter somehow. Here's an example:
Dampire (stupid half-human half-vampire thingamabob) discovers she needs ancient artifact 'The Eye.' We see her get on a horse.
We see her get off a horse outside a building.
A monk answers when she knocks. She says she wants to come in and eat dinner and sleep. He says OK. She goes in.
Shot of her snacking.
Shot of her napping.
She hears vampires whispering in her brain so she gets up and goes downstairs where we see an old vampire thing sleeping.
It wakes up and attacks her. She fights it. After 6 or 7 rounds of trading blows, she kills it. She takes the large cross off its chest and presses it into the conveniently large-cross-shaped depression behind its chair. A door whizzes open. She goes through.
On ho a trap. She gets past the trap in about 5 seconds and grabs The Eye. The room fills with water. She jumps up and hangs onto the sword that got flung into the ceiling 10 seconds ago by the trap. While hanging there, she pulls out The Eye and gives it a good checking out. Her iris goes funny. We don't see The Eye again and in about 10 seconds dialogue with a new character reveals she has 'absorbed' The Eye. She is now super-half-vampire and is immune to such classic vampire anti-treats as 'water'.
This whole sequence takes maybe two minutes.
The movie felt like any TV movie you'd see by SciFi productions, only with more budget, which wasn't spent on anything worthwhile.
Honestly, I'd rather watch Catwoman. Not because it's better -- it's about the same level of crappity -- but because Catwoman at least makes me laugh every so often. This thing just made me want the dumb images off my TV so I could go to sleep.
THE END.
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HOBO
* b0bo has quit IRC ('Exit')  SSHOLEPosts: 1144 Registered: 3/19/2002 Offline
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3/11/2006 at 16:13 |
I stayed home and watched the season finale of Battlestar Galactica. I think I was the winnar last night.
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" I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question." ~Spock~
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LilBabyPissmouth
AssQueen  SSHOLEPosts: 164 Registered: 7/10/2003 Offline
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3/12/2006 at 02:14 |
I was hoping that this movie would be better. I love vampire movies, though lately they always seem to listen to techno death metal music and are always in some black leather/vinyl/punk shit...makes me sad.
If you've read the 'Interview with a Vampire' series then it may be worth watching Queen of the Damned.
Surprisingly, Aaliyah was amazing; unfortunately, she was the only good thing about that movie.
Maybe there wil be a day when vampires will actually be SCARY, again.
Think Nosferatu (the 70s)--and nightmares...
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mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard  SSHOLEPosts: 1671 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
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3/13/2006 at 14:52 |
Uwe Boll
'nuff said 
i watched maybe three minutes of the 'alone in the dark' movie. sometime i'm feeling masochistic, i'll revisit it. it's a shame, because alone in the dark was such a fucking awesome game series.
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Amero and New World Order: the libertarian version of the rapture. |
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