DonQuixote
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 641 Registered: 4/22/2005 Offline
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11/18/2005 at 18:36  |
So I read this article posted right here on LS. THIS ONE and my life is ruined.
I have really struggled through a SEVERE anxiety disorder since I was about 17 when my father got cancer. I missed out on ALOT of stuff. But what really hurts, is not that I gave up on acting, not that I didn't really party all that much in college, not even that I wasted large amounts of my parents money, but that I MISSED MY GRANDFATHER"S FUNERAL CAUSE I COULDN"T GET ON THE FUCKING PLANE.
I did fly out there (under the influence of 5 different drugs) when I got the call that he was dying. I got on one plane and sat for a bit and got rright off. Then I got more pills and forced myself to go, cause he would have done the same for me. In fact he did. When I graduated from USC he flew out to see it. And at the time he was literally beginning to die. He had throat cancer and it was already growing. He was spitting up blood. But he came, and he saw. So I went to see him when he was facing the scariest part of life that anyone can face. He didn't die while I was there though. He died a couple months later. All of my psychiatric doctors (at the time I had three) said that the last flight was too traumatic and that I shouldn't attempt to make this flight. So I didn't.
I didn't go. He would have driven through hell to see me in a fucking skit, and I didn't go to his funeral. He would have givin me anything he had, the shirt off his back, and I didn't go.
If I could change one thing just one thing in my life, I would change my fear. I would erase fear.
And there it is. Fearless mice. A gene therapy for humans WAY off in the future, but its there. And all i can think of today is what I have fucked up because of MY fears.
I would give almost anything to be free of fear. Anything but my girlfriend (and future fiance). My strat, my shoes, my dog, my computers, my degree's, my testicles, any possestion. I would give it all away to take away that fear.
So now I am horribly depressed. I just keep thinking about my grandfather and how I failed him and didn't go to his funeral, because of fear.
Anyways, whats your regret?
Misery loves company.
SFW
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( . )( . ) <--- Boobs.
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sunny77
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 230 Registered: 11/2/2005 Offline
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11/18/2005 at 19:09 |
I think that my biggest regret would be all the shit I was doing when I was 15 and 16. Alot of pills, alot of weed, alot of cough syrup...among other things. As a result I was court-ordered to go to rehab, and that was when I was 16, in September of 2003. Well I finally left rehab when I graduated highschool within the program, and that was May 2005. I've only been back for almost 6 months now, and I've really missed out on alot. I'm pretty much socially retarded, and I have no idea how to act in certain situations and can't really hold onto relationships. I blame it on the rehab, cuz that was pretty much the time I should've gotten my shit together and lived life. Now I'm slowly but surely catching up, but it's gonna take a while to get all the way there.
I feel for you , SFW...my dad had cancer, and he's in remission now, but at the time it's one of the most fucked up things you can go through, from a relative's standpoint.
It'll be alright SFW, just talk to your grandfather. He'll hear you.
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l hate wrecker. That is all. |
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Clavis_Apocalypticae
Beautiful Puppet of Chaos   SSHOLEPosts: 780 Registered: 5/16/2004 Offline
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11/18/2005 at 22:41 |
sunny77:...I'm pretty much socially retarded, and I have no idea how to act in certain situations...
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Just another freak in the freak kingdom. |
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JohnLenin
Putting the semen in amusement  SSHOLEPosts: 1103 Registered: 7/8/2005 Offline
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11/18/2005 at 22:56 |
sunny77: I think that my biggest regret would be all the shit I was doing when I was 15 and 16. Alot of pills, alot of weed, alot of cough syrup...among other things.
Yeah, that cough syrup is rough stuff. Do some real drugs and maybe people will love you.
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[Clavis_A] he's one of the few people i've ever seen that bear a striking resemblence to their own dick |
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DonQuixote
DARTH MENSES Posts: 641 Registered: 4/22/2005 Offline
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11/18/2005 at 23:25 |
Hey guys quit pickin on sunny here. I am trying to acertain if I am the only regretfull sorrowfull bastard here.
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4538 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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11/18/2005 at 23:50 |
sofickingwat: I am the only regretfull sorrowfull bastard here.
Terribly unlikely.
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slippedhole> I am on to you and your evil intentions. I am the true protector of this website and am willing to do battle with you. |
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nexis
SIR BABYHEAD  Posts: 72 Registered: 5/17/2005 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 00:56 |
SFW, you can't beat yourself up over what happened with your g-pops. it's not like you missed the flight beacause you were hung-over or wanted to get high. everyone has fears, and evryone says, "just fight your fears" but sometimes, you just can't. i'm sure he would understand, knowing that you did try, and it might hurt you now, but stop and think if he would want you to feel this bad over him. you seem like a pretty abnormal guy  , and if you had a close relationship with him, he must have been pretty cool to be able to put up with your shit. so i'm sure he would understand why you couldn't make it. regret is a mutherfucker, and the worst kind of regret is knowing you half-assed something and fucked it up. from what you say, it seems you shouldn't regret not seeing him. you tried, and he knows it. |
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HellKat
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 177 Registered: 1/19/2005 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 01:21 |
SFW, Azron has more horror stories and regrets than anyone I have ever met....even WWII survivors....
We all have our deamons
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am I ignorant or apathetic? don't know, don't care..... |
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DonQuixote
DARTH MENSES Posts: 641 Registered: 4/22/2005 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 02:00 |
HellKat: SFW, Azron has more horror stories and regrets than anyone I have ever met....even WWII survivors....
We all have our deamons
That's my point. Tell me the horror stories so I can feel better about myself. 
Just kidding. The article about the mice just hit me real hard this morning.
Take care all. Work is now over and time to party on down.
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HellKat
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 177 Registered: 1/19/2005 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 02:12 |
well at least you have the strengh, ambition and friends to party down with. The kat walks alone.
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am I ignorant or apathetic? don't know, don't care..... |
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ghostrider
liberal exit  SSHOLEPosts: 2502 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 02:15 |
and all i got is fat chix porn
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LSD? Heck no, those were Opal Thompson's dinner rolls. |
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ghostrider
liberal exit SSHOLEPosts: 2502 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 02:15 |
i'll live 
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LSD? Heck no, those were Opal Thompson's dinner rolls. |
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nexis
SIR BABYHEAD Posts: 72 Registered: 5/17/2005 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 02:25 |
i wish i had stuck to school and got a high-paying job. between the ages of 13-18 i spent most of my time smoking/selling weed. yeah i own my own business now and make good money, but i have watched friends and family go on to bigger and better things. while i was getting free drinks and spinning records, my cousins were going to school to become micro-biologists and earning 100k a year jobs after school. and while i know i would be unhappy doing the same, it would make the fam proud and secure a future for my family to come. out of the 6 "kids" in my family, i was the smartest ( I.Q./school wise ), but also the most prone to spending time fuking off with friends rather than beating the books at school. although, my closest cousin went to a 4 year for business and is now selling shoes. i still regret not going to college, mostly for the chicks and partying that i missed.
most of my regret is because i couldn't make my mother more proud of me while i had her on this earth with me.
still, i am happy with the way my life has turned out so far. i have a home, a hot girl, and money in the bank. i also know that it will do me no good to dwell on my regrets too much, that will only cause more. |
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Acidburn
I am El Chupacabra  SSHOLEPosts: 804 Registered: 8/1/2004 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 02:31 |
He might have lived had you been there. Nice job SFW.
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No you can't have my rights. I'm not through with them!
You got Down Syndrome so bad you probably have up,left and right too.
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(='.'=)
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This is Rabbit. and it kills everyday.
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jwalker
Token Discordian  SSHOLEPosts: 957 Registered: 8/6/2005 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 02:42 |
I regret that I read this forum.
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nocal
It's insane, this guy's taint  SSHOLEPosts: 821 Registered: 8/25/2004 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 04:25 |
^ I regret that you read this forum. |
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government_death_robot
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 942 Registered: 4/23/2004 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 05:00 |
One time I punched a retarded kid.
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bwned. |
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Acidburn
I am El Chupacabra SSHOLEPosts: 804 Registered: 8/1/2004 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 05:19 |
^ now thats funny ^
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No you can't have my rights. I'm not through with them!
You got Down Syndrome so bad you probably have up,left and right too.
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
This is Rabbit. and it kills everyday.
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government_death_robot
DARTH MENSES Posts: 942 Registered: 4/23/2004 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 05:24 |
Acidburn: ^ now thats funny ^
No, I feel bad about it.
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bwned. |
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BeachGoat
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 431 Registered: 10/31/2003 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 09:24 |
I tried to have a good relationship with my grandfather. He thought I was a weasel assed traitor for not dying in Viet Nam like an American should. He died of a heart attack, and I felt responsible for the stress.
I later tried to heal the rift with my Dad after my acid years. I was in my late 20's. Told him what a good friend he had been. He said, "I'm not your friend, I'm your Father!" and smacked me. Even as he lay in bed dying, (20 years later) I was a dissapointment to him, working 14 hour days, six days a week, half days Sundays. "Lazy Hippie Punk"
sometimes your fears prevent bigger hurts.
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HOBO
* b0bo has quit IRC ('Exit')  SSHOLEPosts: 1144 Registered: 3/19/2002 Offline
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11/19/2005 at 16:36 |
Everyone makes choices. Everyday you choose to go left or right, up or down, or you choose to do nothing at all. The best thing you can do for yourself is to learn from choices if it turns out you think it was a mistake then let it go. You must always be looking forward, if not you might find yourself trapped by indesicion because of fear you might regret your next choice. This leads to wallowing in the present with no design on the future.
You can't control what has happened. You can't control the future as much as we like to think we can. Just keep truckin'
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" I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question." ~Spock~
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Senor_Smoke
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 325 Registered: 9/9/2004 Offline
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11/20/2005 at 08:31 |
HOBO: Everyone makes choices. Everyday you choose to go left or right, up or down, or you choose to do nothing at all. The best thing you can do for yourself, is to learn from choices, if it turns out you think it was a mistake ,then let it go. You must always be looking forward, if not you might find yourself trapped by indesicion, because of fear you might regret your next choice. This leads to wallowing in the present with no design on the future.
You can't control what has happened. You can't control the future as much as we like to think we can. Just keep truckin'
^The HOBO thinks like me and undeniably makes sense...
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I missed my grandmothers funeral.Not on accident,on purpose.
The worse part of it was that my dad told me that he needed me
there when he went,and I couldn`t do it.(I have spoke with my dad
with my reasons and all is good with him)
I couldn`t bring myself to be that hypocrytical.See,my grandmother
never ever liked me,until my other cousins died.Then all of a sudden
my dads mom wants to get to know me,even though she had always
called me a useless thug and so on...
How do you shed tears for a stranger?
As far as your anxiety,WTF do you really have to be anxious about?
Think about it dude.I have been stabbed at(they missed),I have been
shot at( they emptied a 45 and missed all 6 times ).I guess I
shouldn`t have beat the dude with a baseball bat when he threatened my friend with a knife...
If you wake up in the morning and you are breathing in and out
repeatedly,you are doing much better than a lot of folks.
Love yourself(no pics please),and you cant go wrong.
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Dont Step in #2 |
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government_death_robot
DARTH MENSES Posts: 942 Registered: 4/23/2004 Offline
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11/20/2005 at 09:08 |
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bwned. |
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sunny77
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 230 Registered: 11/2/2005 Offline
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11/22/2005 at 14:00 |
Better now, SFW? Life goes on, and we should all make the best of the here and now instead of worrying over the past. The Dalie Lamma (sp??) wrote this book called The Way to Love. I think that book would help yoiu out if your still feeling bloo.
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l hate wrecker. That is all. |
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