LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache   SSHOLE |
Posts: 1667 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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10/12/2005 at 20:11 |
Thieve, nick, abscond, heist, yoink, rip-off, loot, pillage, lift, scam, pilfer.
^If you are guilty of any of these, please tell. Tell us all the minor details, tell us how you felt. Did you get caught, or did you get away scott free? Did you feel guilty, or did you feel the satisfaction and boundless joy that only stolen goods can give.
Haven’t stole? Then tell us how (and what) you would.
Tell us the truth, or tell us fantastic lies.
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the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim
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Steel
If you want to keep your tongue, don't lick me in the Winter!  SSHOLEPosts: 512 Registered: 10/14/2004 Offline
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10/12/2005 at 20:27 |
I stole a pizza one time. I had brought 3 to the counter. The clerk only billed me for 2..
Bwaaaa hahaha |
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Phlebas
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 241 Registered: 7/29/2005 Offline
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10/12/2005 at 20:33 |
I ganked a huge pack of hamburger for a party once in college. I had a long, brown trenchcoat and the steely eyes and true grit necessary for such an endeavor.
I freaked out all night thinking someone was going to blab and get me caught for misdermeanor theft of ground beef.
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"Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage." |
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jwalker
Token Discordian  SSHOLEPosts: 957 Registered: 8/6/2005 Offline
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10/12/2005 at 20:34 |
When I was around 15, I would walk into a grocery wearing a parka and walk out with two cartons of cigs - one up each sleeve. Didn't feel bad at all; my reasoning: fuck'em - they make enough money and I am just spit in the ocean.
I stopped that sort of thing after I reached my 20's and developed a conscience. But I've met plenty of people well over twenty who have never did. Too bad for them; it's tough to like yourself without one. (and too bad for me - I am still smoking.)
[Edited on 12/10/2005 by dreymers]
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We don't need no crowd control. |
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vladtweano
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 517 Registered: 3/11/2002 Offline
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10/12/2005 at 20:55 |
Stole a 10 lb. brick of cheddar cheese from the Alpha Delta Kappa sorority in Potsdam NY. Got drunk at a beer blast, walked down the street, got hungry, walked in the back door, into the pantry, grabbed big brick of cheese, walked out and ate it on the way to the bars. PURLOINED ALPHA CHEESE TASTE GRAET!
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"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well, I have others."
- Groucho Marx |
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JohnLenin
Putting the semen in amusement  SSHOLEPosts: 1103 Registered: 7/8/2005 Offline
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10/12/2005 at 20:59 |
In high school I (semi-jokingly) panned a heist that involved the school's laptop collection. A few months later someone other than myself swiped them. I bet it was the other guy I planned it with.
I've always wanted to hold up a bank or something. It seems fun. The careful planning, the exact execution, and getting caught regardless. I'd fuck it up though.
I had this klepto friend who steals something from everywhere we go: gum, slinkies, stuffed monkeys, 1lb bag of jelly beans, etc.. It was uncomfortable :/
[Edited on 12/10/2005 by guitarjon123]
[Edited on 12/10/2005 by guitarjon123]
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[Clavis_A] he's one of the few people i've ever seen that bear a striking resemblence to their own dick |
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freakmachine
Web Fucko Extraordinaire  SSHOLEPosts: 592 Registered: 4/15/2004 Online
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10/12/2005 at 21:54 |
I stole some Sargeant Rock comics from a grade school teacher. I felt a little bad, but I liked the comics too much to care.
I stole a toy cannon from a doctor's office when I was a kid. The next time I went there, I asked the doctor what happened to the cannon all nonchalant like. I don' t think he suspected a thing. Again, I felt a little bad, but...
I stole $20.00 from my parents once and they got into an argument over it, each accusing the other. I did feel bad about that one, but I enjoyed all the candy and comic books too much to fess up.
I tried to sell some tickets to the free Shriners Circus once, by marking out the "FREE!" with white-out. Nobody fell for it.  I guess that was attempted theft. |
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government_death_robot
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 942 Registered: 4/23/2004 Offline
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10/12/2005 at 22:34 |
I stole an IDE cable from the computer-part-graveyard in the library to use for a belt.
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bwned. |
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Clavis_Apocalypticae
Beautiful Puppet of Chaos  SSHOLEPosts: 780 Registered: 5/16/2004 Offline
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10/12/2005 at 22:54 |
When I was in high school, my skinhead friend Brian & I stole a few firearms from a neighbor's house.
After school one day, we broke into the house (broad daylight) through a window. We ganked a 12 gauge double-barreled shotgun, an M1 Garand rifle, and a broken snub-nosed .38. We got away scot-free, and I've only ever told one other human being about it.
We never did anything with the guns, we shot them out in the middle of nowhere a few times. One of those times turned into a pretty funny story...maybe I'll journal it some day.
Other things I've stolen:
Beer
Money
Cigarettes
Gas
All Varieties of Foodstuff
Chewing Tobacco (BLECH)
My First Rolex (I gave it back)
Hope
Innocence
Lives
Most of those are too mundane or personal to elucidate upon here.
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Just another freak in the freak kingdom. |
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Acidburn
I am El Chupacabra  SSHOLEPosts: 804 Registered: 8/1/2004 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 00:44 |
I stole alot of little shit. The biggest thing was a full keg from a party that got busted. While hitting the keg someone yelled COPS! With that My bro and I grabbed this fucking thing by the handles and took off dragging it across the back yard, sort of over/through the wooden fence, across the front yard and down the street. "Dragging" it. No one questioned us at all. It was Bud so it wasn't the greatest heist :/
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No you can't have my rights. I'm not through with them!
You got Down Syndrome so bad you probably have up,left and right too.
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(='.'=)
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This is Rabbit. and it kills everyday.
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Mofo
dont give a shit  SSHOLEPosts: 438 Registered: 2/8/2004 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 00:55 |
I steal shit all the time, and I have no remorse. Its all useless shit. Drinks and food from Target and stuff, and stuff from rich people at school. I plan to get a iPod soon, and I've got about 4 $100 graphing calculators sitting in my desk. |
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ghostrider
liberal exit  SSHOLEPosts: 2502 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 01:13  |
I got some ganking skills. Don't use 'em these days.
End of transmission.
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LSD? Heck no, those were Opal Thompson's dinner rolls. |
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ghostrider
liberal exit SSHOLEPosts: 2502 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 01:14 |
fukin jack black
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LSD? Heck no, those were Opal Thompson's dinner rolls. |
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government_death_robot
DARTH MENSES Posts: 942 Registered: 4/23/2004 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 01:34 |
Mofo: I steal shit all the time, and I have no remorse. Its all useless shit. Drinks and food from Target and stuff, and stuff from rich people at school. I plan to get a iPod soon, and I've got about 4 $100 graphing calculators sitting in my desk.
Mail me one?
Kthxplz.
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bwned. |
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mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard  SSHOLEPosts: 1666 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 02:24 |
i used to steal all the time, some of which i mentioned here.
the first time i was pretty young and i was at the back of a store looking at this toy and mulling it over. just about the second i had decided to, but before i did anything, some dude came and yelled at me. turns out later the place went bankrupt.
there was another store i used to steal cassette singles from. my brother was with me one day and protested. some lp dude saw us and asked where my parents were. they were two aisles over and didn't notice. i told the guy they were either at the grocery store next-door or i didn't know and they were probably somewhere up front. he told us to leave. so we walked away and took a detour through another section. i took out the tapes i had stolen and my brother almost flipped. i hid them and we left the store. later, that place also went bankrupt.
the final time i got caught i had luckily turned 18. i was with a friend. we had stolen two tapes. i had grabbed two, decided against them, and replaced them with two others. walking out some dude's like 'hey chief' and grabs me. i had to pay $150 fine to them and shit but my parents and authorities weren't notified. my friend was under 17 and after i sat through the security thing we went to the bathroom and he threw his two tapes away before leaving. it was either at bon-ton or boscov's. i feel confident that i will live to see that store chain go bankrupt, too.
why? it was exciting and i was poor. i didn't like stealing from people, but bigger stores were ok. after getting caught that last time, i don't steal shit from stores. i may if the opportunity really presented itself, but it'd have to be a sure thing. i've never really felt remorse, but i'm a nice guy (HONEST).
things i've stolen:
toys (i got this sweet spy sound amplifier thing)
sports cards (WTF)
cassette singles (warrant-cherry pie; nirvana-smells like teen spirit; etc)
scientific calculator at hs (i needed one and someone hadn't claimed it for a while, so... YOINK!)
cds (type o negative, foo fighters, etc)
books (d&d shit and stephen king, etc)
m:tg cards (WTF GEEK FAG LOL)
some dude's leather gloves (you snooze you looze. they were nice (ll bean) until i had to dig my car out one winter and they got all fucked up)
various remote controls at some dickhead frat guy's house (the batteries were gone so we took the fucking remotes, bitch)
liquor from the same chuckleheads a couple months later (your tequila was DELICIOUS)
sodas and $27 in change from them (salt water spray in the dollar bill slot. only time it worked for us)
2x payphones and negligible change inside
my friends and i used to come up with pie-in-the-sky ideas of using thermite or liquid nitrogen against remotely located atm machines. i'd like to think we could've gotten away with it. we had cc #s lined up to order shit at someone else's address and then pick it up when it arrived. never did that, either. sometimes i think a big heist of some sort would've been nice. maybe if i ever decide i have nothing to lose.
*edit:
full set of tableware from college dining hall
numerous lawn ornaments
[Edited on 13/10/2005 by mundhra]
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Amero and New World Order: the libertarian version of the rapture. |
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geazerpleazer
SIR BABYHEAD  Posts: 62 Registered: 8/26/2005 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 02:37 |
I stole a peice of gum from Target once... when i was 6. My sister made me do it. It was holloween and there were the humoungus isles of candy that seemed to pull me in. I had it in my pocket all the way through the store untill we checked out and left. my sister told my mom right after she took it from me and started chewing it. My mom spanked me when i got home. I was used to being spanked by my dad so i told her that it didnt hurt so she beat the shit outa me. I have never stolen since then.
[Edited on 13/10/2005 by geazerpleazer] |
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acheron
Cynical_Malcontent  SSHOLEPosts: 562 Registered: 4/29/2004 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 04:25 |
I stole multiple albums from a record store. I then sold them for 5 dollars a cd to a kid who had written me up a huge list. Never came close to getting caught. I think I had more nerve back then than I do now. I would take the cd's, put them into my overly large and trendy cargo pockets, and walk upstairs. Upstairs (Jazz and classical section ie deserted) I would unwrap them and get rid of those magnetic strips. I stole probably several dozen albums this way including every Led Zeplin album they carried. I was a stupid kid. Now I am a bigger, older, wiser stupid kid.
[Edited on 13/10/2005 by AcheronDCS]
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I'm an INTJ. This explains why I'm alternating between silence and judging you. |
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wolfer
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 466 Registered: 12/1/2003 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 04:49 |
Im pretty bad about stealing lighters. I dont mean to most of the time unless Im getting someone back for taking my lighters. One time I went into a party with no lighters and left with 5. That was cool.
I did break into my school one weekend and stole a radio. I got busted by the fuzz but hid the radio in a disclosed location for later retrieval.
I stole a virginity once.
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You Don't Know Me! |
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Stump
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 310 Registered: 6/18/2002 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 05:10 |
Wolfer wins!!
I've never agreed with and hate petty theives. Only things I've ever intentionally stolen are a Smurfs figure from a cousin when I was like 7 and a bottle of Ketel 1 a few years ago from some high school kids at a hotel party we crashed. Oh, and a dog house a buddy and me tok in college, fucker was heavy, shingles and everything, we got interviewed by the police next morning and threatened with a Class B felony because the damn thing was apparently worth over $300. We both independently stuck to the same story and were never asked about it again.
I've walked off with a few glasses from bars and t-shirts other people won, but never intentionly and always woke up the next morning going "where the fuck did this come from?"
I always figure if I'm going to steal something it better damn well end up in the heist category to make it worth-while. |
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BeachGoat
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 431 Registered: 10/31/2003 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 06:35 |
One night Don & I went down to the Zip'N'Eleven for smokes and beers. While we're in there, this guy comes in looking all freaked out, and while he's hiding in the aisles, the cops are cruising around outside. We tell him, "Dude, don't go out there!", but he does, and the cops swoop, and he gets tossed on the hood of the cop car. They pull a BIG bag of white powder out of his poket and throw it on the hood of the cop car, and about then he breaks free and takes off across the street. Don & I are coming out then, look at the baggie, and the cops are way down and across the street tackling the guy, not even looking our way, so....
we grabbed the bag, fast walked back to the apartment and split it up. Ended up with an ounce and a quarter of PCP each. I split town.
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magicchex
Fuckin' your bitches and stealin' your cars since 1985.  SSHOLEPosts: 512 Registered: 1/5/2005 Offline
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10/13/2005 at 07:38 |
i used to steal alot. i would steal magic the gathering cards at meijers on friday nights then go upstairs to the mcdonalds where they had their convention every friday and sell them. made FAT money but eventually got caught. there was random other stuff too. the embezzlement thing, which involved shoes and a shoe store i worked at. used to go through the mall parking lot checking for unlocked car doors.
more recently i again did a few unlocked cars while really really drunk which was stupid. last school year, we'd take things from the street while walking home from parties... made quite a collection of stuff for the house: hammock, chair, old bike, scooter, etc. then one even DUMBER night something much larger got stolen (although later replaced) while i was real drunk. it was over this last summer so id rather not tell details yet although if you chat with me ill talk about it.
im not really about any of that shit anymore though, its pointless and not worth the moral and legal troubles.
oh.. reading some of these, i forgot about the garage hopping we used to do sometimes. and massive amounts of liquor stealing from meijers. got caught there too but i was never the one who carried anything so they tried to scare me and i basically told em to fuck off and left, to which they had no response.
acidburn: love the keg stealing stories. its always funny when it happens to someone else, just imagining people dragging the fucker down the street. but, i tihnk the number one reason my old house stopped having 6 keg parties is because people kept stealing taps. that shit was annoying, but not as bad as the night someone threw a keg at my roommate's head, then threw the kegs through two floor to ceiling double paned windows. anyways the stealing taps was ridiculously annoying.. give the fuckers beer, they take your shit. before i got the lock on my room there, i also had a buncha dvds stolen. ive definitely been on both sides and its not fun.
shit i keep thinking of things as i go. this sub shop i worked at didnt allow us to have a tip jar so throughout a shift we would wait for people to order the most expensive shit, charge them for it, but only punch in the cheapest sandwich on the register and keep the difference. around when we were taking $50 each home every shift they started catching on.
whew i think thats it?
EDIT: I noticed the word scam up there and there have been a few times I've done scams with Best Buy returns. Having worked there and knowing how idiotic the customer service people are, it's easy to get away with. I was tempted again yesterday when I was returning a $35 12' digital optical cable and she had no idea which of the cables on the receipt it was. Easily coulda returned an svideo cable or some other garbage I have lying around, but didn't. Also I used to send letters to some companies pretending to represent x&y charity or whatever and running an auction and pick up free shit from them.
[Edited on 13/10/2005 by magicchex]
[Edited on 13/10/2005 by magicchex] |
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