dent
Slipping it into the wrong hole any chance I get   SSHOLEPosts: 831 Registered: 10/20/2004 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 05:17 |
I've had sex with over 40 woman and I can only remember 11 names, including my wife.
I broke into someones house in Cape Cod while they were sleeping, and sprayed their entire living-room with a fire extiguisher. I got caught.
I once asked a girl out at a party and halfway through puked on her chest.
A few years back my closest friend was depressed, so I told him to kill himself as a joke. He hung himself the next day.
I carry a weapon, everyday.
I got kicked out of junior high for fighting, and had to go to a reform school. I got kicked out of highschool 5 times for fighting as well. After high school, I moved into my buddies frat house, and got kicked out of there for beating up a guy at a party with a pool stick.
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"You must have weak asslips. I like to sculpt mine on the way out, like table legs under a lathe" - Vasudeva |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position!  SSHOLEPosts: 1894 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 05:43 |
After 13 year of perfect service I was kicked of the Navy because I MIGHT have known something about some people who COULD have been dealing ACID ! As bullshit as this sounds it is totally true!
Yeah.... FUCK it I KNEW! Who the fucks cares now?
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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shitbox
my balls your chin, get used to that idea  SSHOLEPosts: 914 Registered: 1/9/2005 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 07:37 |
Dented: I carry a weapon everyday
Oh snap! Me too, on my person its usually brass knuckles(thanks utah), and if not i usually sport a serrated quick open knife. Im my car i have a cherry wood tomfa(martial arts version of a night stick), and in my old ladies car i have a aluminum collapsable baton. I try not to carry firearms on my person, id get myself into some REAL shit so the 18inch 12 gauge and .38 snub nose stay at home. I suppose im paranoid, but ive been caught slippin too many times.
Dent, what do you pack?
Quick FACT-My penis is large, big girth, perfect length. PM me (lol)
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"Kill him! Kill the fuckin' indian! What am I watching here two fuckin' fags!?"
Rodney Dangerfield as Ed Wilson
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DonQuixote
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 641 Registered: 4/22/2005 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 08:23 |
I really enjoy pissing people off or at the very least annoying the shit out of them. I mean it! It gives me some sort of a sense of power over them.
I also enjoy making people feel stupid.
I love being better than people just because of my financial situation.
I broke a window in church once and never paid for it. Seriously, it was an accident, but I was terrified they were going to send me to hell or something.
I have never been arrested/gone to jail/gotten anything worse than a parking ticket. However, I have commited some crimes, some I fear may come back to haunt me. No one was ever injured or hurt it was just silly shit.
I can't stand fat people. I just don't get it. LOSE WEIGHT!!
I purposefully try to fuck people over who try to fuck me/my friends over. ie spam, metnal touture, etc.
I hacked into my friends email and wrote a long email about how he was coming out of the closet and set a coming out party date. I told him it was supposed to be a joke. But it was really just cause I felt like being a dick.
Everyone assumes that I am a nice guy, but I don't want o be a nice guy, so I go out of my way to be a dick and put the ASS in CLASS.
Dumbskull's new avatar is really fucking hot.
I never liked trannies. I was trying to see if there were any real fags online here just to piss everyone off. Backfired, but I did piss everyone off so it was quasi successful.
I am not as smart as I think I am. Actually I think I'm pretty stupid.
I am a weakling both mentally and physically. Giving up is just so much easier.
I abuse my meds. But who doesn't honeslty?
I have never had a one night stand. I am terrified of disease. So I usually have to know a gal pretty well before I'll fuck her.
I have never had a girl swallow. I really want to know what it feels like.
I have never had anal sex. I'm not that interested though. I mean poop comes out of that hole. I'm terrified of disease.
I don't have any real secrets. I don't hide anything. I have no inner critic that tells me what not to say so I just say everything.
I could never kill something and then eat it. But I still eat meat. Its good.
Sometimes I can't tell when I'm lying. I start to believe my own bullshit.
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( . )( . ) <--- Boobs. |
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metatron
Fighting The Good Fight ™  SSHOLEPosts: 468 Registered: 4/12/2002 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 14:32 |
I am the all-time champion nose picker. Practice has certainly made perfect.
In my pre-adolescent youth, I suffered from constant anxiety attacks. My best guess was that they were initially triggered by the death of my grandpa. After he died of a heart attack, I lived in constant fear of succumbing to a similar death. Slowly, this fear of death slowly morphed into a distinct fear of the imminent return of Jesus Chirst, aka "The Rapture". At which point, I would be immediately judged and sent to heaven to live forever. The thought of having to live forever terrified me, as well as the possibility of being denied my worldly adult life which would hopefully include me eventually getting laid. Yes, this all basically broke down to me living on earth long enough to get some booty.
I'm picking my nose right now, actually.
I'm an incredibly sentimental person. Usually after-the-fact. Seeing death or loss in realtime doesn't bother me as much as thinking about it afterward.
I have an obsession with people's approval of me. There is only one person I truly hate and wish death and dispair upon. Most of you who know me know who she is.
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"it's water out of your body" - vasudeva |
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Phlebas
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 207 Registered: 7/29/2005 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 15:31 |
My want to succeed and my realization of mortality are constantly at odds. I held my father's hand as he was taken by a blood disease brought on by chemotherapy administered to treat Leukhemia three years ago. Since then, I have lost two Grandfathers and my Father-in-law. Subsequently, I am often torn between duty and the question: "what the fuck does it matter anyway?"
Thank God I have my wife to keep me focused.
I hate my nicotene patches, but love the intense dreamstate.
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"Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage." |
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acheron
Cynical_Malcontent  SSHOLEPosts: 555 Registered: 4/29/2004 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 16:26 |
Like Ghost I also read like 90% non-fiction save for a dose of sci-fi and fantasy, also bullshit action and law (yeah every grisham and Clancy ever) books which take me a couple hours to plow through. I haven't been reading much lately, for some reason, school and work keeping me busy.
I am extremely monogamous. I have had sex hundreds of times but only with 3 people, all long term girlfriends. I've been with my current gf for 14 months. I'm also good friends with all two of my ex's.
I have a side of me that cares obsessively about what people think of me, and a side that couldn't care less. They fight a lot.
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I'm an INTJ. This explains why I'm alternating between silence and judging you. |
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DonQuixote
DARTH MENSES Posts: 641 Registered: 4/22/2005 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 16:49 |
I have a side of me that cares obsessively about what people think of me, and a side that couldn't care less. They fight a lot.
I have like this exact same thing. SOmetimes I could give a shit if the world burned to a crisp and I was holding the match. Most of the time though I am as soft as a marchmellow.
I easily get very emotional. Which means I cry easy. Yep that's right. I cried during "Love Actually" several times. I also almost start to cry when I think about how much help my therapist has been. She's really a great lady.
So this good vs evil thing usually leaves me feeling bad about somethi9ng I did when I was feeling evil.
I have next to no self control.
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( . )( . ) <--- Boobs. |
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Crackalackin
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 373 Registered: 7/19/2004 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 17:16 |
government_death_robot: shitbox: a am a softie for babies (I'd like a couple)
Me, too!
Wan 2 b frendz?
!!! ASSBABIES !!!
I have a secret, and Vasudeva knows it, but I trust him not to reveal it for the sake of fukery.
Aside from that:
I make a very, very good friend (and have a number of really solid friends), but have trouble developing new friendships with people because acquaintance is as far as most people are willing to go. It may also because of my occasional air of superiority 
I believe that craziness and deviation has a lot of merit, and exhibit both occasionally. (No, never in the sexual preference, so chut) The important point is to stay on the safe side of eccentricity without becoming a pervert Keeps life interesting.
I once punched through a stone wall on a dare. To be fair, it was just 1 brick deep.
I was a member of a nationally-ranked comedy team.
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^ Internet Porn Star |
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Stump
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 310 Registered: 6/18/2002 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 17:32 |
When I was young I once flew completely unassisted for almost a minute. I fell out of the top bunk bed while asleep and woke up flapping my arms. My oldest brother in the bottom bunk had enough time to wake up, roll over, look up at me and roll back over before the falling started.
I still feel it is possible to do again, I just have to remember the trick my mind used. |
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Heather
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 602 Registered: 11/24/2004 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 17:47 |
I was at a party once and this dreamy guy was working up the nerve to ask me out when he barfed all over my shirt.
SEKRET IDENTITY REVEALED!1 |
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ghostrider
liberal exit  SSHOLEPosts: 2411 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 18:00 |
Heather: I was at a party once and this dreamy guy was working up the nerve to ask me out when he barfed all over my shirt.
SEKRET IDENTITY REVEALED!1
it was no sekret
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i feed my dog (Magic Man) Kraft Singles cheese slices for a week.one slice over each of his food dishes a day. then i take him backyard and place a cheese slice over his shit piles.he consumes the cheese and waste. ~tantrum |
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dent
Slipping it into the wrong hole any chance I get SSHOLEPosts: 831 Registered: 10/20/2004 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 18:19 |
Cute, Heather.
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"You must have weak asslips. I like to sculpt mine on the way out, like table legs under a lathe" - Vasudeva |
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ghostrider
liberal exit SSHOLEPosts: 2411 Registered: 7/29/2004 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 18:30 |
here's a sekret, i'm surprised i finally made a decent forum
YAY
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i feed my dog (Magic Man) Kraft Singles cheese slices for a week.one slice over each of his food dishes a day. then i take him backyard and place a cheese slice over his shit piles.he consumes the cheese and waste. ~tantrum |
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it.  SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 20:14 |
ghostrider: here's a sekret, i'm surprised i finally made a decent forum
YAY
It still doesn't make up for the way tour Joo ancestors sank the Titanic.
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If you give a man a fire you keep him warm for one night.
If you set him on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life. |
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it. SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 20:24 |
sahlgoode: I've got a secret desire to meet a 6'6" black woman, with naturally red hair, green eye's, and one leg.  I don't party on Halloween. I spend the night at Holy Cross cemetery visiting my wife. It was her birthday.  I sleep with my bass guitar (Vivian), and have even constructed a pillow for her head.   I believe everything I read. (so should you)
I feel yur pain, Dude.
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If you give a man a fire you keep him warm for one night.
If you set him on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life. |
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azron123
I can break you with my mind. Watch, I'll do it. SSHOLEPosts: 1505 Registered: 3/6/2003 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 20:26 |
Stump: When I was young I once flew completely unassisted for almost a minute. I fell out of the top bunk bed while asleep and woke up flapping my arms. My oldest brother in the bottom bunk had enough time to wake up, roll over, look up at me and roll back over before the falling started.
I still feel it is possible to do again, I just have to remember the trick my mind used.
It might help if you start at the top of a really tall building or cliff or something.
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If you give a man a fire you keep him warm for one night.
If you set him on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life. |
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Stump
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 310 Registered: 6/18/2002 Offline
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8/29/2005 at 21:38 |
azron123:
It might help if you start at the top of a really tall building or cliff or something.
Shouldn't this be in the ways to die thread?
I once stole a very ornate dog house with a buddy and succesfully we hit on the same story when questioned by the police on said theft. |
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mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard  SSHOLEPosts: 1618 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
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8/30/2005 at 15:13 |
my brother and i entered a neighbors house while they were at church and stole money that we used for a nintendo and super mario brothers 2.
[geek alert]my friends and i used to steal d&d and m:tg stuff from bookstores. often.[/geek alert]
i almost drowned in canadia.
i long to be creative, but rarely feel adequate.
not too long ago i was unhappy and ended up being terribly reckless and self-destructive when drinking. i got one hint but it didn't take; it took me totalling my car to wake up.
my brother and i used to reconstitute dog poo in bathroom sinks when camping/on vacation. if we found dry dog crap, we'd plug a sink, fill it with water, and toss the poo in.
i may or may not have been directly involved in numerous acts of vandalism. they may or may not have involved numerous road signs, electric company switch boxes, telephone switch boxes, and payphones.
which reminds me... just after getting our license, my friend and i put his 486 computer and monitor in his car. with the help of a large spool of speaker wire converted into phone cord and a long extension cord, we went to a state shed and downloaded bbs porn from taiwan. all night. this wasn't the only time, either.
inspired by the teenage mutant ninja turtles, i spent a saturday making a pair of nunchucks out of wood and chain. they were pretty sweet, so i took them to elementary school to show a friend. we were in the bathroom at the end of the day before the bus came and i flung them around in the figure 8 pattern. the principal heard the chain and came in to look. it took me half a second before i decided not to hit him with them and run. he just took them and called my mom. i really wanted them back, though.
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But the whole of modern so-called civilized existence is an attempt to deny reality insofar as it exists. When did Don last look at the stars, when did Norman last get soaked in a rainstorm? |
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KrazEEyes
Tender vittles  Posts: 42 Registered: 8/6/2005 Offline
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8/30/2005 at 17:45  |
mundhra: my brother and i used to reconstitute dog poo in bathroom sinks when camping/on vacation. if we found dry dog crap, we'd plug a sink, fill it with water, and toss the poo in.
LOL - All of it, hallarious! I'm glad you weren't my son!
Canada's Secret: I like to drown Americans, it's the one time I feel more powerful than them.
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topkomS
Tender vittles  Posts: 41 Registered: 1/6/2005 Offline
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8/30/2005 at 19:07 |
I relieved a well known department store of about $7,000 worth of merchendise over the course of about 4 months when I was a junior in high school. I would fill a hand basket with cd's, movies, software, games, and other random things that I thought I needed. When I had what I wanted, I would walk out the main entrance hand basket in tow.
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"Majority rule, don't work in mental institutions" |
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mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard SSHOLEPosts: 1618 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
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8/30/2005 at 20:44 |
topkomS: I relieved a well known department store of about $7,000 worth of merchendise over the course of about 4 months when I was a junior in high school. I would fill a hand basket with cd's, movies, software, games, and other random things that I thought I needed. When I had what I wanted, I would walk out the main entrance hand basket in tow.
i forgot cds from k-mart...
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But the whole of modern so-called civilized existence is an attempt to deny reality insofar as it exists. When did Don last look at the stars, when did Norman last get soaked in a rainstorm? |
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jwalker
Token Discordian  SSHOLEPosts: 945 Registered: 8/6/2005 Offline
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8/30/2005 at 20:59 |
When I was in grade school, me and another kid used to hang out at an old abandoned railroad station - one time we found someone's 14 foot plant hanging out to dry. We got some paper grocery bags, stuffed them full, and rode our wheelie bikes through the middle of town with four overflowing paper bags of pot...We were old enough to know what is was, but not what to do with it. We tried making tea using the largest stems on it - didn't seem to do much, wonder why?
Two weeks later, it was stolen from us.
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topkomS
Tender vittles Posts: 41 Registered: 1/6/2005 Offline
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8/30/2005 at 21:04 |
mundhra: i forgot cds from k-mart...
The 4 months that I frequented k-mart was the start of my current music collection, I still have around 50 k-mart specials from my klepto days.
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"Majority rule, don't work in mental institutions" |
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DonQuixote
DARTH MENSES Posts: 641 Registered: 4/22/2005 Offline
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8/31/2005 at 03:17 |
no one cares about my secrets.
not a secret
I used to whip my dog when I was little to let out agression. I feel horrible about it now cause she was such a good companion.
Secret.
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( . )( . ) <--- Boobs. |
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Crackalackin
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 373 Registered: 7/19/2004 Offline
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8/31/2005 at 03:19 |
sofickingwat:
Dude, you got to change "fucktard" to "turdfuck" in your signature. Seriously.
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^ Internet Porn Star |
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shitbox
my balls your chin, get used to that idea SSHOLEPosts: 914 Registered: 1/9/2005 Offline
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8/31/2005 at 07:26 |
I used to steal cigarettes from 7-11. The cashier would turn his back for just a second and id reach up and grab em from the dispenser above yer head that faces them. I knew where my brand was.
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"Kill him! Kill the fuckin' indian! What am I watching here two fuckin' fags!?"
Rodney Dangerfield as Ed Wilson
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DonQuixote
DARTH MENSES Posts: 641 Registered: 4/22/2005 Offline
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8/31/2005 at 07:45 |
Crackalackin: sofickingwat:
Dude, you got to change "fucktard" to "turdfuck" in your signature. Seriously.
Shitbox knighted me with "fuctard" it will never change to turdfuck. You missed out on the ceremony and well that's that. Sorry *shrug*
(question - why only go Beta? Why not spend the little extra cash for Alpha. Not that it matters, just wondering)
Give in to the fuctardiness
Wait since I'm the highest ranking fuctard here. I hereby claim the right to knight people of my order. I will not dole out this title lightly. You must first live down to my standards. Then we'll talk.
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( . )( . ) <--- Boobs. |
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Crackalackin
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 373 Registered: 7/19/2004 Offline
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8/31/2005 at 08:20 |
sofickingwat:
question - why only go Beta? Why not spend the little extra cash for Alpha. Not that it matters, just wondering
I am a Beta because I am just a few improvements away from being production-quality. Alphas, on the other hand, have ways to go.
In regards to being an honorary turdfuck, that doesn't conflict with your title of a highest order fucktard. Think about it -- you could be a fucktard turdfuck!!! A FUCKING TURDFUCKTARD. I hope you realize the prestige and the awesome power of being a human Near-Palindrome of Curses, Feces and Retardation! I hereby promote you, for you have truly earned this on the bullshitfields of LinkSwarm.
[Edited on 31/8/2005 by Crackalackin]
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^ Internet Porn Star |
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KrazEEyes
Tender vittles Posts: 42 Registered: 8/6/2005 Offline
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8/31/2005 at 13:11 |
sofickingwat: no one cares about my secrets.
not a secret
I used to whip my dog when I was little to let out agression. I feel horrible about it now cause she was such a good companion.
Secret.
You're right I didn't care to hear that secret, now I think you're even more of a "fucktard" than before! P.S. - David Hasselhoff is the president of the Fucktard Club, do you know him personally?
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