LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache   SSHOLE |
Posts: 1691 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 11:57 |
I hate email from my boss, it always sounds like it’s directed at me for someone else’s benefit.
From Assface:
To: LORDKAHUNA
Mike, it is really important from the Throughput Team's objective that together we realize the benefits of reducing the process steps on this wheel. As a large running project the savings can be easily tracked. In addition the quality aspect can be tracked. People need to see that what we are talking about can be done. This will get their buy in going forward.
Need you to work with Sam to address back window wall polishing lines. Need also to be able to easily increase cycle time on Prepolisher and Rotary towards the 2 min range.
We have momentum now and we don't want to lose it.
Do your best to get the SC path modified.
Tks
Assface.
^^THIS DUDE MAKES 180k YEARLY!!!
His ability to compose crapcock email is the extent of management skill
OK your turn, copy/paste email from your boss/co-worker, let us all laugh and wallow in your suffering. I know that you are thinking that it will be HILFUKINGLARUIOUS to invent some homoerotic fake email, but I believe that the real thing would be much more interesting.
GO!
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never underestimate how many women have basically no self-esteem to speak of
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4618 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 12:37 |
That definitely sounds like a cover-your-ass, get-every-interaction-documented kind of email. He writes like a mouthbreather, too.
The whole Syracuse office just got this last Tuesday from the office manager, who, when she relaxes, can be very cool, but when she's at work, well... here, and I swear to God I didn't pad this:
As we are all professionals, during the work week we want to maintain a professional working environment. This includes appearance, as well as work areas. Employees are asked to use common sense with regard to attire and appearance. Examples of inappropriate attire include, but are not limited to the following: jeans and shorts (except on Fridays), clothing that exposes the midriff or back area, flip flops, t-shirts with inappropriate sayings/logos, etc. Please see the Employee Handbook for further guidelines.
As long as the aforementioned guidelines are being adhered to, we would like to resurrect our "Casual Summer Fridays" again this year(starting tomorrow). Employees will be allowed to wear shorts on FRIDAYs, as long as there are no customers visiting the office that day.
As this is a privilege, it is expected that appropriate apparel will be worn. Please use discretion in deciding what to wear as people will be sent home if their attire is not appropriate.
Thank you and enjoy!
Now, we've gotten this same email every summer for the past 4 or 5 years at least. I think we all know not to freak out when we find out we can wear shorts. Some of us (me) have in fact already been wearing shorts on Fridays for some time.
In case your brain turned off halfway through that mountain of party-time verbiage, I'll render it down:
SO. Throughout Time, people are sometimes thrown a bone. I'm about to throw you such a bone. When I do, keep in mind that this bone is not a toy. It is not a weapon. It is not currency. You cannot barter with this bone. If you use the bone to break a window, someone will get very angry at you and seek to punish you and/or me and in any case, whatever happens to you, if this event somehow makes me look bad I will be deeply pissed, Bones are to be used for gnawing/licking/cuddling and NOT ANY of the aforementioned "no-no usages."
Having said that, here's your bone. Keep it clean.
Having said THAT, no freaking out. Don't freak out. It's one bone, it's very small, and it's all you get. Do NOT freak out. DO NOT FREAK OUT. DO NOT FREAK OUT WITH THIS BONE OR ELSE YOU WILL DIE THE DEATH THAT AWAITS ALL MEN.
Anyone caught in violation of the "no-no usages" rule will be subject to unnamed yet deeply scary punitive measures. HAPPY NICE BONE! TTFN!
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slippedhole> I am on to you and your evil intentions. I am the true protector of this website and am willing to do battle with you. |
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mineralGod
SIR BABYHEAD  Posts: 87 Registered: 11/27/2003 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 13:47 |
Kahuna, that guy make 180k...!!! What is it with idiots and management? Its like the infinity snake that constantly eats itself by its own ass, but never finishes.
As for your Vag, sound like typical corpo-robo talky talk. I'm glad I don't have to dress, but I would for more pay.
Anyway the only thing I can share is communications of dumbness, between our project manager, me, and somebody not qulaified to work.
Please make sure the features on the horizontal
rollover are on the same line (currently, they jump
around slightly)
- On home page: Force justify horizontal rollover as
it appears on interior pages
This is from Project Manager, basically this site's table structure has been rendered rubix cube like by Dreamweaver wizzery. The person who 'built' the site doesn't even know basic html, but continues to act like a programmer. Actually her skillset and capabilities change depending upon the circumstances
she emails me.
godShamgod,
Do you have any idea what she means on this? It doesn't make any
sense to me.
translation: I'm too lazy to even feign an attempt at this, I'm too busy finding johns off of Match.com. I also think I'm your superior so I will defer this off to you.
My initial response
You want to try to look at the site with ie and firefox.
Ok, we are a web company and checking across browsers is common sense, right? In her mind, if a site works in Safari that will do fine and no other testing needs to occur. Also installing more than one browser on her precious Mac is presposterous to even suggest.
Her response
I did, which is why I don't understand. I think what she is talking
about is the graphics when the bars rollover, that the text isn't lined
up right, but those were the graphics she made for the site. But I
haven't figured out the force justify thing, I thought maybe you might have a clue on that one.
Translation: I really didn't take a look, I just took the time out to right a longer letter. I have no idea what I"m doing but will never own up to it. I tried draging the handles in Dreamweaver in 'design' view but nothing happens. I'm re-deferring this back to you.
I took me 3 minutes to look at the code (html) and figure out that she didn't specify cell dimensions on sliced images. This is some BASIC fucking html...!!! Needless to say I don't have time for this kind of shite.
My responsibilties include: designing for web / print, slicing and coding sites, flash/Actionscripting, php, hacking our 3rd party stuff, managing accounts (a whole story in itself).
Coming at me with basic html bullshit is unacceptable.
The kicker though is this persons email signature:
Lazy Ignorance
Senior Web Programmer
someCompany
ph: -------------
fax: ------------
"The programmer, like the poet, works only slightly removed from pure thought-stuff. He builds his castles in the air, from air, creating by exertion of the imagination. Few media of creation are so flexible, so easy to polish and rework, so readily capable of realizing grand conceptual structures." -- Frederick P Brooks, Jr.
This kind of shit happens on a regular basis, this person is for some reason untouchable, she gets away with mental murder.
Gotta love it.
____________________
"I don't want no cake..........I want me some PIE, ya dig what I'm sayin?" Boxy Brown |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth SSHOLEPosts: 4618 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 14:13 |
mineralGod: The kicker though is this persons email signature:
Lazy Ignorance
Senior Web Programmer
someCompany
ph: -------------
fax: ------------
"The programmer, like the poet, works only slightly removed from pure thought-stuff. He builds his castles in the air, from air, creating by exertion of the imagination. Few media of creation are so flexible, so easy to polish and rework, so readily capable of realizing grand conceptual structures." -- Frederick P Brooks, Jr.
Reeedickulous. You ought to set up a logon script for her that searches her email .sig file and all Word documents on her box and related fileshares and replaces every instance of "Web Programmer" with "WYSIWYG Operator." This should happen every logon.
____________________
slippedhole> I am on to you and your evil intentions. I am the true protector of this website and am willing to do battle with you. |
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mineralGod
SIR BABYHEAD Posts: 87 Registered: 11/27/2003 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 14:47 |
Ha, not a bad idea...!!!
But this is just the tip of the iceberg.
We have a VOIP Charlatan, exodus from dot.com era California, who has somehow talked his way into this place.
This guy is a piece of work. He has all the 'higher' ups totally confused. He came here last March, and according to a press release when he signed on, was supposed to have a VOIP system working in a couple of weeks (last year remember). This guy, also untouchable, not matter how many missed deadlines.
Funny story: Our CE0's went out of town for a realtors convention, and were supposed be demoing a VOIP app, called click to call, this dude had about a month to get this working, and the CEO knew about this a year in advance. CE0's leave on a thursday with ideas of demoing on monday. This guy's deadline is friday. Thursday comes around and he suddenly has to go out of town needless to say of the deadline. The following week, the CEO's demo this product from PowerPoint only (chortles), everyone comes back, CEO's are pissed, nothing happens.
Catch phrases this dude uses:
"I'll have it done tommorow"
"I'll have it by next week"
------------
He also talks about graduating from MIT and blah blah, but little does he know, his credentials for which he supplied info, show him spending 2 years there and then graduating from USC. ;{
Fast forward to now. A year and a half later and we just now have a semi-stable VOIP system, after so many new routers, phones, services, etc...
This industry amazes me.
____________________
"I don't want no cake..........I want me some PIE, ya dig what I'm sayin?" Boxy Brown |
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Heather
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 738 Registered: 11/24/2004 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 20:18 |
Heather,
I discovered yesterday that there is a misunderstanding about your comp time benefit.
Your comp time accrual is the same as for other employees, any hours over 45 per week computed at the end of of the billing month. You are only expected to work 40 hours a week instead of the 45 hours per week expected of other employees.
I think the confusion came from the making your expected work week only 40 hours and maybe your supervisor didn't make it clear that comp time doesn't accrue until 45 hours.
Sorry for the mixup.
Owner
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Heather
DARTH MENSES Posts: 738 Registered: 11/24/2004 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 20:18 |
-----Original Message-----
From: me
To: owner
Subject: RE: comp time
Other employees are expected to work 45 hours a week and if they work more than that, instead of getting overtime they get comp time right? Being salaried means that if you work 46 hours one week, and 44 hours the next week, you average out to 45 and no comp time for that 46 hour week. Am I right?
So if I'm expected to work 40 hours, why is my accrual of comp time at 45?
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Heather
DARTH MENSES Posts: 738 Registered: 11/24/2004 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 20:19 |
-----Original Message-----
From: owner
To: me
Subject: RE: comp time
You are right on the rules. The fact that yu are only exected to work 40 hours a week is a freebie. The way Your supervisor looks at employee costs, he takes an employee's salary and looks at productivity of 45 hours. But if you have an employee only working 40 hours for the same salary, the actual cost to keep that employee goes up. Alot of companies don't even offer comp time, and you do get three weeks per year vacation. I never got that when I worked for Austin Canyon and I had to beg for my $30,000 a year!
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Heather
DARTH MENSES Posts: 738 Registered: 11/24/2004 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 20:21 |
-----Original Message-----
From: me
To: owner
Subject: RE: comp time
Once again, I am grateful. I really feel the need to constantly express that when you feel the need to constantly tell me how lucky I am. I do feel lucky to have a job at all especially this one. If I have questions or issues, work-related, please don't think I am being insubordinate.
I do not understand the rationale. Productivity, cost of employees, and so on. I am required to work 40 hours a week, so if I work more than that, consecutively in a month I should earn comp time. Other employees are required to work 45 hours a week, if they work more, they earn comp time. In this scenario, if the employees work an hour or two over their required amount they are compensated but I will not unless I work 6 or more hours a week for at least three weeks in a month. Basically, I will never earn comp time. I believe this is a genuine grievance. Not a whining session.
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Heather
DARTH MENSES Posts: 738 Registered: 11/24/2004 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 20:21 |
TEH SOLUTION! FROM TEH BOSS!
-----Original Message-----
From: owner
To: me
Subject: RE: comp time
Sorry I couldn't help you feel better about it.
I new it wouldn't be good news.
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qwerty
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 628 Registered: 9/8/2004 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 20:51 |
you are whining dude.
There are alot of people that don't get comp time, don't get annual leave and don't get a salary.
complaining over 1 hour of comp time a week (if that) is going to mean your job is the first job to be outsourced to india.
____________________
fnord linkswarm fnord |
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mineralGod
SIR BABYHEAD Posts: 87 Registered: 11/27/2003 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 21:11 |
qwerty: you are whining dude.
Exactly what is the deal with Heather ?
Man or post-op?
____________________
"I don't want no cake..........I want me some PIE, ya dig what I'm sayin?" Boxy Brown |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth SSHOLEPosts: 4618 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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6/6/2005 at 21:13 |
____________________
slippedhole> I am on to you and your evil intentions. I am the true protector of this website and am willing to do battle with you. |
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Heather
DARTH MENSES Posts: 738 Registered: 11/24/2004 Offline
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6/7/2005 at 13:47 |
Oi
Not about comp time. It’s about the boss’s ineffectualness to be a boss. That was merely an example. I have a legitimate question regarding company policy and I get the crony equivalent to “when I was your age I had to walk a mile to school uphill, both ways. AND I LIKED IT”.
stoopid
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straydog1980
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 531 Registered: 6/16/2004 Offline
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6/7/2005 at 20:59 |
from: boss
to: me
I just received the (credit card) bill and thought I should mention something . . . for tax purposes, whenever you have a business expense that is for meals and entertainment, you must document on the receipt what the business purpose was and who attended . . . thus, if you have dinner you need to indicate who was present and what was discussed or accomplished. When you send your receipts for April, be sure to document all those receipts.
I also got a notice from Time Warner cable in ***** and I guess that we took the cable equipment for the cable modem and they would like it returned. They charged our account $500 so I need to get it back. Can you put that stuff together and send it back with ***** next time?
Thanks!
____________________
i\'m going to become rich and famous after i invent a
device that allows you to stab people in the face over the
internet |
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qwerty
DARTH MENSES Posts: 628 Registered: 9/8/2004 Offline
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6/7/2005 at 22:19 |
Heather: Oi
Not about comp time. It’s about the boss’s ineffectualness to be a boss. That was merely an example. I have a legitimate question regarding company policy and I get the crony equivalent to “when I was your age I had to walk a mile to school uphill, both ways. AND I LIKED IT”.
stoopid
I don't see how he can be called ineffective when he's doing what he's ment to be doing - reducing overtime when not required. Not giving in to pressure?
Are you telling us that as men to be effective me must bow down and do as you command?
Straydog1980: Man that's pretty awesome, you get a company credit card? I'd be all totally rad with something like that by spreading my cheer and joy all across the world.
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fnord linkswarm fnord |
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dent
Slipping it into the wrong hole any chance I get  SSHOLEPosts: 917 Registered: 10/20/2004 Offline
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6/7/2005 at 22:22 |
From: Boss
To: Me
Hey Mike, good morning. How was your weekend?
The fat guy who pays you shit.
-------------------------------------------------------
From: Me
To: Boss
Hey,
I banged my wife pretty much all weekend, thanks for asking you bald cock. Oh, I beat my kids and drank much alcohol. Go fuck yourself while I steal company supplies.
With love,
The guy who would never fuck your ugly wife.
____________________
"You must have weak asslips. I like to sculpt mine on the way out, like table legs under a lathe" - Vasudeva |
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mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard  SSHOLEPosts: 1690 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 00:10 |
qwerty, you dumb cunt. the owner stated to heather that:
I never got that when I worked for Austin Canyon and I had to beg for my $30,000 a year!
heather is saying that this is a ineffective bullshit substitute for an explanation. if you weren't an idiot, you would've gathered that.
and to the contrary, if other people are getting comp time for hours worked over their expected hours then everyone should, regardless of what that time is. sure, it's their perogative though. but hell if i'd pitch in any extra hours when i don't get compensated for the first 5 of them.
____________________
Amero and New World Order: the libertarian version of the rapture. |
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mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard SSHOLEPosts: 1690 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 00:24 |
from: former assclown test lead
to: my group
subject: Status Reports : Lack of
I’ve been an engineer for many years. During my experience I’ve woken up sweating, after integral signs as sharp as razors were chasing me around a room with no exits, because of the stress of calculating radar filters. I’ve worked with people that were so stressed by engineering tasks that were deemed physically impossible (witnessed one such device built of scrap make its way into a satellite) that they drank themselves silly every night so their mind would get a rest. I’ve personally worked on boomers (big submarine), my ‘bunk’ was the deck, and been deployed longer than expected due to military ‘situations.’ In all these circumstances I never knew one of these engineers, including myself, to forget to deliver their status report and you should just try convincing a Communications Officer on a boomer than a contractor’s weekly status report warrants a second of his (all submariners are men at this time) time and that’s before you even discuss transmitting it from the deep.
A Principal Engineer is someone that has been around the block a few times and can expect their guidance to be considered direction. I’ve earned this right during my career. From this day forward I expect the status report on Thursday, earlier in the week if you will be off, by 3PM PERIOD. I do not expect to have to remind anyone to do this. If necessary I’ll visit a higher authority (not religious in nature – he sits down the hall) but I hope this e-mail will be sufficient.
test lead that's obviously out of touch with our company's culture
========================================
after being infuriated at his cuntiness, i closed the door to my office, played loud music, and burned through some perl shit i had to do. he correctly surmised that i thought he was being an asshole and then sent this:
subject: Status Reports - Comment
You'd provided your status just fine this week. The e-mail was not intended for you. I just decided to send it to all in the ITG for political reasons.
========================================
this guy also told my girlfriend that he thought i was lazy. regardless of whether or not it's true (i did a ton of shit that he offloaded on me and found out later that that wasn't our supervisor's intent), you probably want to say it more judiciously.
____________________
Amero and New World Order: the libertarian version of the rapture. |
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straydog1980
DARTH MENSES Posts: 531 Registered: 6/16/2004 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 00:33 |
mundhra: from: former assclown test lead
to: my group
subject: Status Reports : Lack of
I’ve been an engineer for many years. During my experience I’ve woken up sweating, after integral signs as sharp as razors were chasing me around a room with no exits, because of the stress of calculating radar filters. I’ve worked with people that were so stressed by engineering tasks that were deemed physically impossible (witnessed one such device built of scrap make its way into a satellite) that they drank themselves silly every night so their mind would get a rest. I’ve personally worked on boomers (big submarine), my ‘bunk’ was the deck, and been deployed longer than expected due to military ‘situations.’ In all these circumstances I never knew one of these engineers, including myself, to forget to deliver their status report and you should just try convincing a Communications Officer on a boomer than a contractor’s weekly status report warrants a second of his (all submariners are men at this time) time and that’s before you even discuss transmitting it from the deep.
A Principal Engineer is someone that has been around the block a few times and can expect their guidance to be considered direction. I’ve earned this right during my career. From this day forward I expect the status report on Thursday, earlier in the week if you will be off, by 3PM PERIOD. I do not expect to have to remind anyone to do this. If necessary I’ll visit a higher authority (not religious in nature – he sits down the hall) but I hope this e-mail will be sufficient.
test lead that's obviously out of touch with our company's culture
========================================
after being infuriated at his cuntiness, i closed the door to my office, played loud music, and burned through some perl shit i had to do. he correctly surmised that i thought he was being an asshole and then sent this:
subject: Status Reports - Comment
You'd provided your status just fine this week. The e-mail was not intended for you. I just decided to send it to all in the ITG for political reasons.
========================================
this guy also told my girlfriend that he thought i was lazy. regardless of whether or not it's true (i did a ton of shit that he offloaded on me and found out later that that wasn't our supervisor's intent), you probably want to say it more judiciously.
HEY! You're (zapplesque) supervisor sure (yup) likes to use (use: To put into service or apply for a purpose; employ) parenthesis , doesn't he (she)?
____________________
i\'m going to become rich and famous after i invent a
device that allows you to stab people in the face over the
internet |
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straydog1980
DARTH MENSES Posts: 531 Registered: 6/16/2004 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 00:34 |
dent: From: Boss
To: Me
Hey Mike, good morning. How was your weekend?
The fat guy who pays you shit.
-------------------------------------------------------
From: Me
To: Boss
Hey,
I banged my wife pretty much all weekend, thanks for asking you bald cock. Oh, I beat my kids and drank much alcohol. Go fuck yourself while I steal company supplies.
With love,
The guy who would never fuck your ugly wife.
please tell me that's real.
____________________
i\'m going to become rich and famous after i invent a
device that allows you to stab people in the face over the
internet |
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qwerty
DARTH MENSES Posts: 628 Registered: 9/8/2004 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 01:11 |
mundhra: qwerty, you dumb cunt. the owner stated to heather that:
I never got that when I worked for Austin Canyon and I had to beg for my $30,000 a year!
heather is saying that this is a ineffective bullshit substitute for an explanation. if you weren't an idiot, you would've gathered that.
I did get that and I also read between the lines and understood that he didn't want to help her and didn't care about what she was complaining about because he and many others managed to do just fine without overtime.
I'm sure if either heather's or your boss apprieciate your work then they will start calling you to stay back, and giving you exemptions to the rules.
I.e. I do my job as I'm asked. I don't fuckup and I do reports. As a result I now get to choose a hourly pay (within reason) whenever I goto a new site. I the only non-supervisor allowed to work at major venues in the local area during the week(these shifts are reserved for supervisors because it's just like being given free money). I'm the only person in the area I work in that gets invited to company functions. And just the other day my boss called to see if I need some more shifts because I took all of last week off(on short notice) and might need some extra money.
If you spent less time complaining then maybe you'd be as awesome cool as me. :)
(waits for the baiting to take effect)
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fnord linkswarm fnord |
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mundhra
dread pirate neckbeard SSHOLEPosts: 1690 Registered: 3/25/2002 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 01:49 |
haha, you're still a cunt despite (because of) the bragging.
i could try to impress you, but i can't speak meathead bouncerese.
____________________
Amero and New World Order: the libertarian version of the rapture. |
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qwerty
DARTH MENSES Posts: 628 Registered: 9/8/2004 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 01:58 |
to impress : {insert Hilary Duff photo here}
Easy to impress me dude.
____________________
fnord linkswarm fnord |
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Heather
DARTH MENSES Posts: 738 Registered: 11/24/2004 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 02:32 |
You stupid fuck.
I'm sure if either heather's or your boss apprieciate your work then they will start calling you to stay back, and giving you exemptions to the rules. I've been at my company longer than anyone save one other employee. The admin, the dba and I are the only non phd's. We are not req'd to work 45 hours a week.
The boneheaded rationale for a 45 hour week? Doctors and lawyers work "professional hours" and as consultants, we should keep those same hours. We are not saving lives or overturning injustices in the world. We fucking shop for power. |
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qwerty
DARTH MENSES Posts: 628 Registered: 9/8/2004 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 02:36 |
vasudeva:
____________________
fnord linkswarm fnord |
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Heather
DARTH MENSES Posts: 738 Registered: 11/24/2004 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 14:37 |
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lordroy
Tender vittles  Posts: 1 Registered: 2/22/2005 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 16:41 |
TO: ME
FROM: BOSS
I would like to remind you that the photocopies you sent for the receipts on tolls you acquired last month are not eligible, please remit the actual receipts today if possible.
-BOSS
----------------------------------
TO: BOSS
FROM: ME
I am unable to remit the receipts today, as I am out of town, let me know how you would like this handled...
-ME
---------------------------------
FROM: BOSS
TO: ME
Could you fax them to us?
-BOSS
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-=R=- |
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Heather
DARTH MENSES Posts: 738 Registered: 11/24/2004 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 17:54 |
Grr. that's just asinine.
Completely deserving of a registration to LS in order to post that email.
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freakmachine
Web Fucko Extraordinaire  SSHOLEPosts: 596 Registered: 4/15/2004 Offline
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6/8/2005 at 18:50 |
lordroy:
---------------------------------
FROM: BOSS
TO: ME
Could you fax them to us?
Haha, someone once faxed me a color sample. |
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