Javelin
Tender vittles  Posts: 22 Registered: 5/21/2005 Offline
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6/2/2005 at 05:14 |
This is awesome. This is the first pornsite I've found in years that I'd actually advertise to swarmers. When you first load it up, it looks just like every crappy scam site out there, except that it's real. It's huge, it's updated constantly, there's no spam, no popups, and no bullshit -- and it's completely free. When you sign up through that link above and respond to the confirmation email, I make a bit of loose change. See what other swarmers have to say about it. People love this place, so I feel fine about sending you there and am confident you will enjoy boners. The thread below is what brought you here, but chances are by now the images are broken, the passwords don't work, and you can't get shit to load. You're welcome to try, of course, but This is your best bet.
 Don't forget to respond to the confirmation email , or you won't get in, so check your spam filter, pervert. This message is only shown to anonymous peeps coming in from other websites looking for porn. Registered users are not shown any ads here. Now, on to the original post... Assuming you have had a first kiss, (not by close family – which counts out everyone from Kentucky) time to spill it.
Mine was some cute blond girl behind the Junior High school at the end of a school year. But the first time I made out, was with my step-moms best friend. Single, hot, and twice my age. Holy Crap what an education that was. By the way, if you want your step-mom not to talk to you for a year or two, just slice off a piece from her best friend.
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The last person on earth sat alone in a locked room. There was a knock at the door.
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drunkpoet
Tender vittles  Posts: 30 Registered: 8/24/2004 Offline
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6/2/2005 at 05:21 |
i remember the first time i had sex.
i was scared...
alone...
[Edited on 2/6/2005 by drunkpoet]
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ideas as opiates |
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Uart
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 1228 Registered: 3/5/2005 Offline
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6/2/2005 at 05:26 |
^^ Me too.
I have a mental block on my first kiss. Ugh. Since then its been uphill, but oh god, the ghastliness of that first one. |
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slippedhole
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 234 Registered: 4/24/2004 Offline
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6/2/2005 at 05:32  |
I am not one to kiss and tell (rimshot) but here I go doing exactly the opposite of what I just said:
I consider my first kiss to be with a girl named Dorthy. We shared passionate kisses behind the oak trees that surrounded my grade school playground. Oh Dorthy, how young and present we both were as we firmly explored each other's inner mouth workings. You looked at me with such longing eyes...how fondly I remember your eyelashes against my cheek as our faces pressed together during our loving embraces. The playful way your tounge would lightly flick my lower lip sends brilliant shudders down my spine to this day. Your wet lips haunt my dreams and make me stir in anticipation to feel them against mine again.
Gosh, to be 11 years old again, huh?
Great forum idea Javelin!
[Edited on 2/6/2005 by slippedhole]
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Realize that the "goal" of all members here is to relieve their fear of DEATH through ritualistic sacrifieses of non-agreeable members. They focus on inflicting pain and hatred on others so they don't feel it for themselves. And behind everything they do |
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Clamis_Apocalypicae
Tender vittles  Posts: 18 Registered: 10/11/2004 Offline
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6/2/2005 at 05:35 |
my furst kiss was also my furst phuck, she was 16, i was 15. she had DD tits, gave head like a pencil sharpner, couldn't spell my name right (no joke), and squirted like an octopus when i showed her the digits. i do not like the female moneyshot. i ain't no Clavis.
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who shot J.R. ? |
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JESUS_IS_LORD
Tender vittles  Posts: 43 Registered: 9/22/2004 Offline
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6/2/2005 at 05:45 |
I french kissed a dog once.
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putting the ISTI back in CHRISTIAN |
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dragonstaff
Too old to Rock and Roll...too young to die   SSHOLEPosts: 738 Registered: 8/19/2004 Offline
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6/2/2005 at 07:20 |
JESUS_IS_LORD: I french kissed a dog once.
It's not nice to talk about your Mother like that.
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The Grumpiest Alpha
To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today. - Isaac Asimov |
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Lefen
I think Clavis wins my heart <3  SSHOLEPosts: 895 Registered: 9/16/2003 Offline
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6/2/2005 at 11:03 |
Right, I was about 11 or 12 I think, and a scout (stfu).
We were on a summer camp and happened to be sharing a field with a group of girl-scouts (w00t). We'd spend most evenings with them and it happened that one night, this girl Gemma and I found ourselves all alone amongst the trees bordering the edge of the campsite. There'd already been some clumsy teenage flirting between us, but I really had no clue what to actually do with a real-live girl since, at that point, my current experiences with the opposite sex had only been with the ladies in the lingerie catalog.
So she moves in for the kill, and I expect a brush of lips and nothing more, but HOLY SHIT WHAT'S SHE DOING WITH HER TONGUE OMG OMG and I sorta panic and fight the urge to throw up -- but THERE'S NO ESCAPE AND I CANT BREATHE..
So this torture goes on for what seems like forever -- she's obviously done this before and isn't planning on stopping, I finally work out that I can breathe through my nose, (which is the only reason I'm still alive today to tell the tale) and to be fair, I reciprocate with as much teenage lust as I can muster.
So it finally ends and I still feel a bit sick and we walk back to the campfire to the w00ps from everyone who saw us walk off together in the first place. Gemma and I sit back down and put up with endless questions and piss-taking, until another sorry couple disappear off to do the dirty..
I managed to get over my fear of women after that, and my second kiss, a month later on holiday, was at least 1000x more enjoyable. Her name was Lindsay.
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< barfass> hey, fuck your crumpets, postman pat |
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straydog1980
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 531 Registered: 6/16/2004 Offline
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6/2/2005 at 11:51 |
lol, i haven't thought about this in a while. My first kiss was in the summer inbetween two grades in Junior High. There was this girl named Amanda who had been trying to get after me for around a year, but I had been with some other flat as a pancake 12 year old. She had finally gotten me,and one of our favorite past-times was 'walking the creek' as we called it. There was a large creek behind my neighborhood, and I have many many many warm summer afternoon memories, strolling through the water bare foot in the sun. Anyway, we were "going out" and had stopped at a cleft of brittle rock to sit and hold hands for a while. She asked me if she could kiss me, and I remember our first kiss being with eyes closed, me not knowing WTF to do, and she just laid one on me. It wasn't terrible, but my first tongue-kiss a couple months later with a new and better girfriend was much more enjoyable.
I'm glad it never progressed with Amanda, though. SHe had huge rabbit buck teeth and probably would have skinned my dick alive.
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i\'m going to become rich and famous after i invent a
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Acidburn
I am El Chupacabra  SSHOLEPosts: 728 Registered: 8/1/2004 Offline
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6/3/2005 at 03:31 |
My first kiss was from the guy who owned the roller rink. Man I hate my dad..............
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No you can't have my rights. I'm not through with them!
Perfection is not a destination, it's a path.
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This is Rabbit. and it kills everyday.
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dent
Slipping it into the wrong hole any chance I get  SSHOLEPosts: 814 Registered: 10/20/2004 Offline
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6/3/2005 at 04:28 |
2nd grade, while cutting out a book cover out of a paper bag. Melissa was her name, she leaned over and kissed me. I guess that counts.
Years later, 11 years old, my first girlfriend, Kelly was feeding her dog outside in her yard. I thought this was the perfect opportunity to have a few minutes alone to get some tongue for the first time. I did, and got wet fingers as well. 11 fucking years old.
Is it a surprise I had 3 kids by the time I was 27?
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"You must have weak asslips. I like to sculpt mine on the way out, like table legs under a lathe" - Vasudeva |
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Uart
DARTH MENSES Posts: 1228 Registered: 3/5/2005 Offline
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6/3/2005 at 04:36 |
dent: 2nd grade, while cutting out a book cover out of a paper bag. Melissa was her name, she leaned over and kissed me. I guess that counts.
Years later, 11 years old, my first girlfriend, Kelly was feeding her dog outside in her yard. I thought this was the perfect opportunity to have a few minutes alone to get some tongue for the first time. I did, and got wet fingers as well. 11 fucking years old.
Is it a surprise I had 3 kids by the time I was 27?
You man-slut... |
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Clavis_Apocalypticae
Beautiful Puppet of Chaos  SSHOLEPosts: 724 Registered: 5/16/2004 Offline
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6/3/2005 at 05:40 |
My first kiss was in first grade, with a girl named Lara. I don't recall the circumstances, so it must not have been that great. After first grade, we moved across town, and I didn't see Lara again until seventh grade. We had a few classes together, and were aquaintances, but never had a "thing". She was still somewhat plain looking...not my type. By the time we got to highschool, she had a set of sweatermuffins that still make me sweat just thinking about them. She became good friends with my best friend Mike, so we hung out a lot, but that was it.
Our class president was this girl named Lisa. Her folks had a huge boat up in Michigan. The day after we graduated, Lara, Mike, Lara's friend Cathy (about whom I had my first wet dream in sixth grade), and I all went to hang out with Lisa and some others on the boat. So Mike & I are hanging with all of this incredibly nubile flesh...we spent a lot of time submerged from the waist down in the water to disguise our uncontrollable wood. Lara is wearing this little bikini, and her tits are positively STRAINING to break free of their bonds. We're playing frisbee on the beach, and it lands at her feet. She bends to pick the frisbee up, and a little ray of fortune comes screaming down from heaven...her fuking top BROKE! Didn't come undone, didn't slip down, her mammoth mammaries busted right the fuk out. The best part was that, instead of immediately covering herself up, she stood straight up with her arms at her sides for what seemed like a whole minute. Her girlbrain finally grasped the gravity of the situation, and the show was over. To this day, that is one of the finest sets I've ever seen.
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My liver is full of dried fartpudding. Scorched Earth was a savage success. |
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HOBO
* b0bo has quit IRC ('Exit')  SSHOLEPosts: 1106 Registered: 3/19/2002 Offline
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6/3/2005 at 13:20 |
This thread is dripping with gheyness....
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" I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question." ~Spock~
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Heather
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 591 Registered: 11/24/2004 Offline
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6/3/2005 at 15:32 |
My roller rink was the shit and for the final time, I am not a guy (anymore).
Your dad owed me $50 for defiling the glory hole in the employee’s lounge, mister “burn”. You can’t pick your relatives, so quit yer belly achin.
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tantrum
I'm a big boy now!  SSHOLEPosts: 470 Registered: 11/23/2003 Offline
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6/4/2005 at 01:43 |
This thread is dripping with gheyness....
I concur with this move. |
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qwerty
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 628 Registered: 9/8/2004 Offline
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6/4/2005 at 03:39 |
This is what the gypsy with the crystal ball told me about my first kiss with hilary duff:
It will be a dark and stormy night when the wind howls like an ocelot and the rain pierces the skin with cowbell accuracy. You will be in america for the first time after being paid by a wealthy benefactor to seek out your true love. You will meet Ms. Duff at a Taxidermist
shop while you get a pillow made from a homeless kitten. The taxtermist will crush on you and then when Ms. Duff arrives they will fight for your affection. Hilary will will win the fight with her +10 Ninja Sword.
And then as a trophy you will kiss her near naked body. You and she will then wed and adopt a black slave.
The end
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fnord linkswarm fnord |
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government_death_robot
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 889 Registered: 4/23/2004 Offline
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6/4/2005 at 05:10 |
qwerty: This is what the gypsy with the crystal ball told me about my first kiss with hilary duff:
It will be a dark and stormy night when the wind howls like an ocelot and the rain pierces the skin with cowbell accuracy. You will be in america for the first time after being paid by a wealthy benefactor to seek out your true love. You will meet Ms. Duff at a Taxidermist
shop while you get a pillow made from a homeless kitten. The taxtermist will crush on you and then when Ms. Duff arrives they will fight for your affection. Hilary will will win the fight with her +10 Ninja Sword.
And then as a trophy you will kiss her near naked body. You and she will then wed and adopt a black slave.
The end
That story makes me go limp.
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bwned. |
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mineralGod
SIR BABYHEAD  Posts: 87 Registered: 11/27/2003 Offline
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6/4/2005 at 17:33 |
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"I don't want no cake..........I want me some PIE, ya dig what I'm sayin?" Boxy Brown |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4355 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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6/4/2005 at 20:32 |
My first kid kiss was when I was living in -- I can't remember where I was living, but I was like 5 or 6 -- and I had a girlfriend in my preschool. I used to smooch on her a bit. One day she decided, just like that, she wasn't my girlfriend any more, so I pushed her right down onto the gravel. The playground supervisor later found me hiding behind a tree and explained that if the girl didn't want to be my girlfriend, she didn't have to. I played stupid.
My first real kiss was with a girl named Tish. I don't remember her real name and I probably would cringe to hear it now. This was in Pensacola, Florida, and I was like 10 or 11. She was this soft little drop of hot Southern Trash with round girlparts straining out of her cutoffs and halter top -- the first in a series of collectables which should have included the Hot '80s Metalhead Chick but never did.
She was blessedly, gloriously conspiratorial.
Somehow we had decided she should "teach me how to kiss," which was shorthand for a "let's make out" project that was way too convenient for me to question or qiubble over. I rode my bike across town to her trailer. Inside, I met her older brother, a guy who had had part of his ass bitten off by a doberman once. His greatest dream, I still recall, was to smuggle a bottle of Bud in the place he had no ass up in a hot-air balloon and look out over the ground while enjoying his Bud. Later he claimed to be having a "vaseline party" with a bunch of other white trash at his place. He left.
We went out behind some yard junk her family maintained and went at it. Her lips were soft and delicious and it was summer and the heavens opened up and a big secret Everything was possible.
Her sister came home and found us and made me give her my Ozzy t-shirt to not tell the mom. "You best come offa that shirt," I remember her saying exactly. In return, she gave me a signature white-trash t-shirt to wear home: a giant pink shirt with a teddy bear or something airbrushed on it. I didn't care. I got tongue.
Later, my 6'3" redheaded fencing Klingon-speaking cohort approved thoroughly of my riding my bike ungodly distances for a little tongue. I felt vindicated and glorious.
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mundhra: And its crocobody is made of dile. |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth SSHOLEPosts: 4355 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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6/4/2005 at 21:39 |
P.S. I moved this shit to the Sexual forum, cause, WTF.
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mundhra: And its crocobody is made of dile. |
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tantrum
I'm a big boy now! SSHOLEPosts: 470 Registered: 11/23/2003 Offline
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6/4/2005 at 23:13  |
She was this soft little drop of hot Southern Trash with round girlparts straining out of her cutoffs and halter top -- the first in a series of collectables which should have included the Hot '80s Metalhead Chick but never did.
I rode my bike across town to her trailer. Inside, I met her older brother, a guy who had had part of his ass bitten off by a doberman once. His greatest dream, I still recall, was to smuggle a bottle of Bud in the place he had no ass up in a hot-air balloon and look out over the ground while enjoying his Bud.
hahahaahah! Welcome back, fag bread. |
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GAYBOB
Tender vittles  Posts: 48 Registered: 11/8/2004 Offline
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6/5/2005 at 00:10 |
my first kiss was my 7th grade gym teacher, Mr. Vargas 
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spammin' for moby, and hopin' you'll blow me |
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qwerty
DARTH MENSES Posts: 628 Registered: 9/8/2004 Offline
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6/5/2005 at 01:05 |
GAYBOB: my first kiss was my 7th grade gym teacher, Mr. Vargas wotak!
I guess it made you the man you are today. Tell someone who cares
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fnord linkswarm fnord |
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darkness
Tender vittles  Posts: 29 Registered: 8/31/2004 Offline
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6/5/2005 at 01:12 |
qwerty: GAYBOB: my first kiss was my 7th grade gym teacher, Mr. Vargas
I guess it made you the man you are today. Tell someone who cares
this public service announcement brought to you by TENTACLE/TROLL-A-RAMA.
when you care enough to send the...blah,blah,blah whatever
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EMO is a way of life |
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drunkpoet
Tender vittles Posts: 30 Registered: 8/24/2004 Offline
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6/5/2005 at 01:15 |
darkness: qwerty: GAYBOB: my first kiss was my 7th grade gym teacher, Mr. Vargas
I guess it made you the man you are today. Tell someone who cares
this public service announcement brought to you by TENTACLE/TROLL-A-RAMA.
when you care enough to send the...blah,blah,blah whatever
that's an 8/10 rated idea.
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ideas as opiates |
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treble
Tender vittles  Posts: 42 Registered: 1/21/2005 Offline
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6/5/2005 at 02:56 |
Both of us were always in the art room after school finishing up some projects.... long story short, he was violently allergic to something in my lip gloss and ended up puking all over himself. Poor bastard. |
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straydog1980
DARTH MENSES Posts: 531 Registered: 6/16/2004 Offline
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6/5/2005 at 03:19 |
government_death_robot: qwerty: This is what the gypsy with the crystal ball told me about my first kiss with hilary duff:
It will be a dark and stormy night when the wind howls like an ocelot and the rain pierces the skin with cowbell accuracy. You will be in america for the first time after being paid by a wealthy benefactor to seek out your true love. You will meet Ms. Duff at a Taxidermist
shop while you get a pillow made from a homeless kitten. The taxtermist will crush on you and then when Ms. Duff arrives they will fight for your affection. Hilary will will win the fight with her +10 Ninja Sword.
And then as a trophy you will kiss her near naked body. You and she will then wed and adopt a black slave.
The end
That story makes me go limp.
werd x72 gayest qwerty post evar imo
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i\'m going to become rich and famous after i invent a
device that allows you to stab people in the face over the
internet |
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lonelyastronaut
Tender vittles  Posts: 23 Registered: 8/18/2005 Offline
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9/2/2005 at 14:28 |
sweet hezus that's not just gay.. that's oblivious.. get out and get yourself laid now, even if you have to pay for it. (taking a cut out of hillary duff's heed to post on your chosen woman is optional but may cost you more.)
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Druish princesses are often attracted to money and power and I have both and you know it... |
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Sachsenpaule
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 165 Registered: 11/16/2003 Offline
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9/2/2005 at 15:00 |
Im wondering.....
Do they call "French Kisses" Freedom Kisses now in the us?
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And they wile away the hours
In their ivory towers
Till they're covered up with flowers
In the back of a black limousine
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