Tagnut
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 219 Registered: 11/27/2004 Offline
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12/17/2004 at 02:25  |
Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Don't pay her. |
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Stump
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 310 Registered: 6/18/2002 Offline
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12/17/2004 at 07:13 |
Two pedophiles are at the beach when one turns to the other and says "Could you roll over, you're in my son(sun)"
What's the best thing about fucking a ten year old in the shower?
If you slick her hair back she looks five.
How do you make a little girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear. |
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freakmachine
Web Fucko Extraordinaire   SSHOLEPosts: 590 Registered: 4/15/2004 Offline
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12/17/2004 at 15:37 |
Uh, stump...
anyway,
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland? She got caught sitting on Pinoccio's face moaning "Lie, lie"
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What's white and flies thru the skies? The second coming of Christ.
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Dude goes to a bar and orders the strongest drink there. Th bartender says, "I don't normally tell people about this, but try Secret Formula. It should do the trick." "Alright, give me two," says the guy.
The next day he back in the bar he tells the bartender "That drink REALLY messed me up. I can't ever have one of those again."
Tthe bartenderasks "How bad was it?" The guy replies "I blew chunks!" "No biggie, people puke after drinking all the time," retorts the bartender. Crying, the guy says "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position!  SSHOLEPosts: 1903 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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12/17/2004 at 15:52 |
Jerry Falwell, a well-known religious protector of 'public decency', was seated next to Bill Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. Clinton asked for a whiskey and soda which were brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"
Bill then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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BeachGoat
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 431 Registered: 10/31/2003 Offline
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12/17/2004 at 23:18 |
Three Old Ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far. Bless her poor little heart
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A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks"Where is everybody?" The bartender replies"They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging? Who are they hanging?" "Brown Paper Pete" the bartender replied. "What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked. "Well" says the bartender. "He wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes." "How bizarre" said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling" said the bartender
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A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two retired and fell asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims. "Good," she replies. "Get your own fucking blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted
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Stump
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 310 Registered: 6/18/2002 Offline
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12/18/2004 at 04:13 |
A penguin is on vaction driving through Arizona when his car starts to cough and sputter so he pulls into the next town. He asks a mechanic to look at the car while he checks out the town. On the way back to the garage he comes across an ice cream shop and being a penguin in the desert gets himself a great big vanilla cone. As he's waiting in the shop he sneezes and gets it all over his face and shirt.
The mechanic steps in and says, "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
To which the penguin replies, "Oh, this? No really it's just ice cream."
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How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice and surround it with frozen peas. When the polar bear goes to take a pea, you just run up and kick him in the ice hole.
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ghostrider
liberal exit  SSHOLEPosts: 2451 Registered: 7/29/2004 Online
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12/18/2004 at 04:27 |
A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The barkeep looks at the parrot, then the guy, then the parrot again. He askes"where the hell did you get that" the parrot says "Africa"
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Heard about the new german microwave oven? seats six
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What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? a pizza don't scream when you put it in an oven
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What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza? a pizza has no problem feeding a family of four.
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How can you tell the bride at an Italian wedding ? she's wearing the clean t-shirt.
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How many heterosexual N.Y. waiters does it take to change a lightbulb? both of them
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I build plastic bonfires on the beach and skip batteries into the lake ~ Cockroach |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1903 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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12/18/2004 at 04:55 |
Three gays were discussing what they thought their favourite sport would be.
The first guy sighs, "American Football, because of all those gorgeous guys bending over in their tight pants."
The second guy sighs, "Wrestling, because of those skimpy little costumes."
The third guy sighs, "Baseball, because I'd be pitching with the bases loaded."
"And..." asked the other two.
The third guy continues, "The batter would hit a ground ball right to me, I'd catch it, and I'd just stand there while the other guys rounded the bases. Meanwhile, the crowd would be going crazy, and screaming, 'Throw the ball, you cocksucker!'
And, that's what I like -- the recognition."
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1903 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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12/18/2004 at 04:58 |
Q: Why don’t they let women swim in the ocean anymore?
A: They can’t get the smell out of the fish.
Q: What’s the difference between a bowling ball and pussy?
A: You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.
Q: Why did God create women?
A: Because sheep can’t cook.
Q: Why did God give black men such huge pricks?
A: Because he was so sorry about what he’d done to their hair.
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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wolfer
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 456 Registered: 12/1/2003 Online
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12/18/2004 at 05:03 |
What did 1 saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we dont get some support soon, people will start to think were nuts. |
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Lumpy_McKwiz
All I know is I don't know  SSHOLEPosts: 63 Registered: 12/18/2004 Offline
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1/3/2005 at 01:34 |
Q: Why do you not go down on a woman after coming inside her?
A: Have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonnaise?
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Q: Why do doctors slap babies bottoms when they are born?
A: So the dumb ones dicks fall off.
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Q: What do you call a blonde standing on her head on a street corner?
A: A brunnette with bad breath.
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Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?" |
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ghostrider
liberal exit SSHOLEPosts: 2451 Registered: 7/29/2004 Online
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1/3/2005 at 01:46 |
Q: what did one ovary say to the other?
A: when dick comes in, let's egg him
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I build plastic bonfires on the beach and skip batteries into the lake ~ Cockroach |
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dragonstaff
Too old to Rock and Roll...too young to die  SSHOLEPosts: 756 Registered: 8/19/2004 Offline
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1/3/2005 at 02:09 |
This guy was yery proud of his almost-all over tan. The only bit not brown was his dick. So he decided to go to the beach and bury himself in the sand with just his cock and balls showing on the surface. As he is lying there, buried in the sand, two old ladies come hobbling down the beach towards him. As they reach the spot where he is buried, one turns to the other and says " Isn't that the story of our lives, Maud, When we were young enough to enjoy these things, they couldn't be found anywhere, but now that we are to old and riddled with so much arthritis that we can hardly walk, the damn things are growing wild on the beach".
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The Grumpiest Alpha
To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today. - Isaac Asimov |
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Dumbskull
I'm assuming the position! SSHOLEPosts: 1903 Registered: 4/22/2004 Offline
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1/3/2005 at 06:04  |
What do you call 6 naked men standing on each other's shoulders?
A scrotum pole.
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Easier to get into than a community college. |
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qwerty
DARTH MENSES  Posts: 628 Registered: 9/8/2004 Offline
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1/4/2005 at 06:07 |
vasudeva: LORDKAHUNA: Not pron, but sick.
Not that the sight of little girls is sick, but I get the feeling that these pages exist to provide perverts with "legally safe" spank material. Ok, I wanted to debate this, but you've hit the nail exactly on the head and now I lack steam. THANKS FOR SEEING THE TRUTH, DICKNOSE.
On the other hand, I now get to dispense with the uncomfortable feeling that I'm sort of justifying Qwerty's existence, which I would never do.
wotak! it's a rejected link now. It stopped growing at NUMBER 3 after beating paris hilton video clip!! Jokes on you all, you can still access it via the link in my signature
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fnord linkswarm fnord |
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Jacket
Tender vittles  Posts: 23 Registered: 12/20/2004 Offline
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1/4/2005 at 17:10 |
An American man is banging an asian prostitute. While pounding away she screams, "Wang poi, WANG POI!!" The man thinks, cool, Im learning, that means good job or OH YEAH. He finishes pays, leaves.
The next day he goes golfing with his asian boss. The boss hits a hole-in-one. To this the American says, "WANG POI!!"
To which the boss responds, "huh.. 'WRONG HOLE'?!?!"
[Edited on 4/1/2005 by Jacket] |
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Jacket
Tender vittles Posts: 23 Registered: 12/20/2004 Offline
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1/4/2005 at 17:15 |
A man goes to the doctor. The doc says, "Im sorry, but Im afraid you have alzheimer's as well as cancer."
The man responds, "WHEW! At least I dont have cancer." |
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LORDKAHUNA
Don't make me fuk your moustache  SSHOLEPosts: 1624 Registered: 8/5/2003 Offline
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1/4/2005 at 17:20 |
qwerty: Jokes on you all, you can still access it via the link in my signature
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the rice I had yesterday came out practically verbatim |
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vasudeva
Bad Taste in your Mouth  SSHOLEPosts: 4469 Registered: 3/8/2002 Offline
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1/4/2005 at 17:42 |
qwerty:  it's a rejected link now. It stopped growing at NUMBER 3 after beating paris hilton video clip!! Jokes on you all, you can still access it via the link in my signature
Only Alphas get to see rejected links. Google, for example, can't. This means the insane amount of people hitting that link because they're searching for "child model bikini" or "sexy preteen" should end soon.
Joke's on you, faggot. You brought child porn lovers to the Swarm. Thanks.
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slippedhole> I am on to you and your evil intentions. I am the true protector of this website and am willing to do battle with you. |
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Tagnut
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 219 Registered: 11/27/2004 Offline
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1/22/2005 at 17:52 |
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STOP STEALING MY OXYGEN ! |
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chronos
Tender vittles  Posts: 32 Registered: 11/15/2004 Offline
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1/22/2005 at 18:58 |
Q: Whats the best thing about an eleven year old girl?
A: She looks nine in the shower.
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embrace the random. |
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Tagnut
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 219 Registered: 11/27/2004 Offline
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1/23/2005 at 14:03 |
A blind man did his shopping buy smell.He is walking down the street and smells fresh baked bread so he goes into the bakery and buys some doughnuts.
Further down the street he smells banannas,so he goes into the green grocers and buys some apples and oranges.
Later he passes a fish market.The blind man sniffs the air and says out loud "Hey ladies, what do you charge for a blow job?"
[Edited on 23/1/2005 by Tagnut]
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STOP STEALING MY OXYGEN ! |
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qwerty
DARTH MENSES Posts: 628 Registered: 9/8/2004 Offline
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1/24/2005 at 07:16 |
Vasudeva and Hillary Duff are cool
Lolz0r Textwars attacks back!!
And now for something completely different
[Edited on 24/1/2005 by qwerty]
[Edited on 24/1/2005 by qwerty]
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fnord linkswarm fnord |
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dagwood
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 374 Registered: 12/19/2004 Offline
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8/7/2005 at 16:54 |
A young priest had his first parish in New York City. One day he decided to walk through Times Square on his way to church. About halfway there a prostitute stopped him and said, "Hey Fadder, how's about a blow job, only 20 bucks!" Well the reverend being totally innocent had no idea what she was talking about so he smiled and declined. He pondered about what a "blow job" might be until he reached his church. Seeing the Mother Superior he decided he would ask her. When asked what a blow job was the Mother Superior replied, "20 bucks same as downtown!"
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. |
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sahlgoode
SENATOR BABYHEAD  Posts: 254 Registered: 7/6/2005 Offline
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8/7/2005 at 17:11 |
Weeweechu
One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said ..
"Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon" said Jung Lee.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and its the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged.
"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."
"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."
Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."
Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a merry Christmas, Weeweechu a merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a merry Christmas, and a happy New Year."
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Closed indefinitely in accordance with the Digital Milennium Copyright Act (DMCA) of 1998 |
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BeachGoat
DARTH MENSES Posts: 431 Registered: 10/31/2003 Offline
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8/7/2005 at 17:19 |
LOki: Mike and Bill are old fishing buddies who haven't seen each other in years. They used to grow up together in the old neighborhood and go fishing every chance they could.
Deciding it was finally time to catch up with each other, the two friends embarked on a fishing trip and began talking about what was going on in their lives. "Hey Bill," Mike says, "Remember Ellen Banks?" Bill smiles, "You mean Easy Ellen? You mean Every Imput Ellen?!? Yeah. I remember her all right! Didn't she have sex with the entire football team?" "Yep. That's her." Mike replies.
"Well, what about her?" Mike smiles as he unpacks his fishing gear... "I married her." he says proudly. Feeling embarrassed, Bill tries to make up for insulting his friends wife. "Boy...I guess you must have a pretty great sex life with that Ellen!" Bill says uneasily. Mike sighs and says: "Well, not really. Her pussy is covered with sores and lesions and it's really dirty. I actually can't have sex with her at all."
"Well, Ellen had some great tits! I bet at least those keep you happy!" Mike shakes his head no. "Her breasts are covered with cancer and they really can't be touched." "But Ellen was known for giving great blow jobs! Those must get you thru the night." Mike shrugs his shoulders. "Nope. She can't do that either anymore. Her mouth is riddled with herpes and mucus. I'm not even supposed to kiss her."
Bill looks over at his friend perplexed..."So if you can't fuck her, suck her tits, get a blow job or even kiss her...why did you marry her?!?" Casting his fishing line out into the water, Mike grins at his friend and says: "She shits the best worms!"
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sahlgoode
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 254 Registered: 7/6/2005 Offline
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8/7/2005 at 17:20 |
The Knob
A lady in her late 40s went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called "The Knob." This knob is planted on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up the skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift forever. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Fifteen years later the woman went back to the surgeon. "All these years everything's been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob on lots of occasions and I've loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems. First of all, I've got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She replied, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee."
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Closed indefinitely in accordance with the Digital Milennium Copyright Act (DMCA) of 1998 |
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dagwood
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 374 Registered: 12/19/2004 Offline
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8/7/2005 at 17:40 |
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. |
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Lumpy_McKwiz
All I know is I don't know SSHOLEPosts: 63 Registered: 12/18/2004 Offline
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8/7/2005 at 18:05 |
Q: What are long and green and smell like pork?
A: Kermit's fingers
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Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?" |
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sahlgoode
SENATOR BABYHEAD Posts: 254 Registered: 7/6/2005 Offline
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8/7/2005 at 18:45 |
One ugly joke
Q) How do you know that your little sister has had butt sex?
A) Your Dad's dick tastes like shit.
I warned you.
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Closed indefinitely in accordance with the Digital Milennium Copyright Act (DMCA) of 1998 |
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