LilBabyPissmouth's journal: So, yeah, I was choked once…

I found myself chatting with a hot piece at a bar one night, and was impressed that he could keep up a conversation after so many shots of tequila...plus, I've always been a sucker for a pretty face...so we go back to his place for some fun in the gutter.

by LilBabyPissmouth 2003-02-04 20:29:00 | 622 reads | 16 comments

LilBabyPissmouth's journal: The Degradation Chronicles - Picture this:

The local dive...a 'college- kid, underaged, meepfaced, meep-em-if-you-can, sweet little hole in the ground. Sticky floors and unwiped tables are the M.O.; it could have been cool if not for all the frat boys and LOUD...I mean the kind of loud that almost makes you sick as your heart is forced to beat to the music...rave meeping heaven. At 5'2 and 18, a great little slice of pie, but over 5' 9, you have to stoop constantly and worry about knocking your head on the overhead pipes...not to mention the meep that falls down into your eyes and mouth at such a disturbance; a lovely medley of unrecognizable filth from the last 20 years. Beggars not be choosers, so said; they had $2 dollar pitchers and never checked ID.

by LilBabyPissmouth 2003-02-07 19:20:00 | 405 reads | 5 comments

LilBabyPissmouth's journal: meep in the ER...How Romantic!

I am sick. Really sick and seem to be moving closer to death on an hourly basis. It has been five days already and finally I heed the advice of numerous concerned souls, especially that of my lover adamantly rejecting the discovery of my dead body cuddled lovingly next to him in the morning: I go to the emergency room. He thinks I may have appendicitis and since I have never had any serious afflictions, diseases, or surgery save for the occasional stitch, I am petrified.

by LilBabyPissmouth 2003-03-30 13:46:00 | 436 reads | 6 comments

LilBabyPissmouth's journal: Car Wrecks and Blistex... almost

We have these Brits visiting for some sort of training at work; somehow I get roped into picking them up at their hotel, and driving them back to the office. Problems I have with this: it's 8:30am in the morning, I am nursing a slight hangover from the previous night, and lack of sleep has made me slightly diluted in the skull. I fail a feeble attempt to weasel out of this assignment, and begrudgingly accept the keys of my co-worker's minivan(!!) to retrieve them.

by LilBabyPissmouth 2003-10-06 16:09:00 | 480 reads | 4 comments

LilBabyPissmouth's journal: Vas masters surgery...ON ME!

Vas and I are in a doctor's office, and we are watching an infomercial on implanting a new type of birth control device. He says, "Hey, I could do that!" and I say, "Okaaay...do it."

by LilBabyPissmouth 2003-12-26 12:39:00 | 372 reads | 3 comments

LilBabyPissmouth's journal: Dr^3 comes to Sewercuse PTII

So yeah, the second night out. I know this took a loooong meeping time, but I'm a lazy meep.

by LilBabyPissmouth 2004-04-02 16:36:00 | 446 reads | comment

LilBabyPissmouth's journal: Are we Reinstating the Draft?

My mama called me the other morning, crying and choking about the President's

by LilBabyPissmouth 2004-04-25 13:17:00 | 966 reads | 21 comments

LilBabyPissmouth's journal: How I Reaped Revenge in Perfect Hot Pink Puke-Dedicated to Relli

Once upon a time, I was deceived by a boy, in one of those ways young nave lasses can be wronged by gentlemen with empty promises and slick tongues. One sublime night, I vicariously reaped revenge in perfect hot pink puke...

by LilBabyPissmouth 2004-05-12 18:56:00 | 591 reads | 9 comments

LilBabyPissmouth's journal: The Degradation Chronicles II - Pathetic

I make circles in a ring of beer left on the aged and gouged table. I feel with my fingertips a sad record of countless people digging their hearts into something semi-permanent; feelings that sand paper and shellac can't touch...-I did her in the meepter with my one-eyed critter-...-Jackie Taylor is a meep meep-...-Connie loves Jim forever-...-I was here in 92-...Sad pronunciations that make me want to say something to someone in etchings of wood, only I don't have a knife to scratch and I don't have much to say. The world moves around me like some merry-go-round in an old B horror film, fast and out of tune; I can't keep up...so, with true Irish glory, I decide to order three shots and another beer from a nervous waitress. Unfortunately, she is NOT on my wavelength (and I suspect not even on the planet)...I try a stare down, send out groping tendrils of need, plump up my aura of thirst to encompass everyone in the joint, all to no avail. Finally, I just grab her arm as she flits by; she's been waiting on every meep in the joint in this jerky, puppet-like manner and ignoring the paying vaginas. I can't tell if she's trying to get a piece in some awkward, mime-like fashion or if she's just inept and deathly afraid of men (a.k.a. serve-daddy-first mentality); either way, I want my drinks.

by LilBabyPissmouth 2004-05-24 18:36:00 | 473 reads | 5 comments

LilBabyPissmouth's journal: I have a question...

It's funny (in a sad, forlorn way) to remember when you were younger, when you believed in knights in shining armor...long sleek, curling, black hair with capacious chests that swept you away, perfect, as you devoured your mother's stolen romance novels, and to now know the face of love with all its strings and motivations and jealousies and repercussions. You slowly realize unspoken rules through the day in and day out, a wearing away of what was once thought solid in the young mind, of a mundane love...that you have put in place, sadly. It is never as pretty as the worst fairy tale wrapped up in pretty paper, delivered to your front door, only for you.

by LilBabyPissmouth 2004-07-23 21:18:00 | 598 reads | 20 comments

Official Seal Generator

Collect 'em, trade 'em, put 'em on your website

by trickbear 2006-09-02 07:29:43 | 1998 reads | 4 comments

Top Ten Myths About Evolution

Was hoping it was a little more 'what even smart people tend not to know' but, hey, free creationist pain? Sure.

by vasudeva 2006-06-07 22:34:52 | 2629 reads | 7 comments

Photoshop LilBabyPissmouth: It's Her 30th Birthday!

BIGBABYPISSMOUTH

by vasudeva 2005-04-06 16:46:59 | 6795 reads | 39 comments

American Teacher In Japan (Awesome)

funny stories

by nocal 2005-03-23 17:49:22 | 12953 reads | 26 comments

Doctor Demento Archive

Enjoi!

by LORDKAHUNA 2005-03-08 20:19:37 | 2007 reads | 3 comments

Racist Cartoons

From yer friends at the White Aryan Resistance

by ragoo 2005-03-07 16:58:12 | 3490 reads | 34 comments

The Complete Tim Curry

TIM CURRY, HE'S TOO MUCH!

by yazirian 2004-12-07 15:35:02 | 1237 reads | 4 comments

Einstein Archives Online

E=MC^2

by qwerty 2004-10-20 21:39:17 | 1325 reads | 2 comments

For Folks Who Can't Seem To Spell A Fuking Thing Correctly

You know who you are, and why this is here

by Clavis_Apocalypticae 2004-09-26 23:46:25 | 2276 reads | 7 comments

Most Unique Identical Twins You'll Ever Meet (Classic)

Ryan and Dave are the most unique identical twins you'll ever meet. After tiring of piercing, tattoos, and implants about three years ago, they began exploring much heavier surgical modifications.

by meepNinja 2004-07-31 12:23:26 | 3994 reads | 14 comments