Geeks Go Crazy Over RPG Rape

There's like one million potential sigs in this article.

Bwahahahahaha. They're just asking to be raped. You know they want it.

I haven't played a RPG since AD&D. This is meep.Totally, ball sucking meep.

I didn't even know this was possible in games.

You have to be stupid and meep to even have some meep like this cross your mind.Especially manpube flossing meep.

This person thought way, way, way, way too much about this.

'Is it all right with you if I have your character raped?' is a little bit dicey, because in some circles the word 'rape' is frequently used in its alternate meaning of 'abusive or improper treatment', and it's possible that the player will mistake your meaning.

In what circles is the word 'rape' used when it doesn't mean 'abusive or improper treatment'?

Gamers are so weird.

Not sure I understand, this is like Dungeons and Dragons, right? If a player says they are raping your character, couldn't you just tell them to stop, or stop playing the game, or tell the person running the game that what is happening is unaccepatable?

I just rolled a 89 on my rape skill, so my Well-Hung-Elf is using his Studded-Strapon to sodomize the good Lord K. Now, if he rolls a 43 or less on his sphincter control skill, he may be able to thwart my attack by breaking the strapon off in his rectum.

Roll away, sir. I'll hold off climaxing until then.

Margglarch, my Half-Orc Barbarian Berzerker, sallies forth brandishing his ROD OF LORDLY MIGHT¹ menacingly, waggling it hither and yon, smiting the trolls and raeping the trollops (with an occasional tavern raid to pillage a barrel or two of fine gnomish grog) and laying waste to all who opposes my ROD.

P.S. I just rolled a natural 20 on my ROD wielding roll, so you are all raped (or smote, if you're a troll), with no saving throws allowed. You know you were all asking for it, and I bet at least half of you were dressed provocatively anyway, so it's your own fault.

<small>This rod has functions that are spell-like , and it can also be used as a magic weapon of various sorts. It also has several more mundane uses. The rod of lordly might is metal, thicker than other rods, with a flanged ball at one end and six studlike meepons along its length. (Pushing any of the rod's meepons is equivalent to drawing a weapon.) It weighs 10 pounds.</small>

<small>The following spell-like functions of the rod can each be used once per day.</small>

• <small>Hold person upon touch, if the wielder so commands (Will DC 14 negates). The wielder must choose to use this power and then succeed on a melee touch attack to activate the power. If the attack fails, the effect is lost.</small>
• <small>Fear upon all enemies viewing it, if the wielder so desires (10-foot maximum range, Will DC 16 partial). Invoking this power is a standard action.</small>
• <small>Deal 2d4 hit points of damage to an opponent on a successful touch attack (Will DC 17 half) and cure the wielder of a like amount of damage. The wielder must choose to use this power before attacking, as with hold person.</small>

<small>The following weapon functions of the rod have no limit on the number of times they can be employed.</small>

• <small>In its normal form, the rod can be used as a +2 light mace.</small>
• <small>When meepon 1 is pushed, the rod becomes a +1 flaming longsword. A blade springs from the ball, with the ball itself becoming the sword's hilt. The weapon lengthens to an overall length of 4 feet.</small>
• <small>When meepon 2 is pushed, the rod becomes a +4 battleaxe. A wide blade springs forth at the ball, and the whole lengthens to 4 feet.</small>
• <small>When meepon 3 is pushed, the rod becomes a +3 shortspear or +3 longspear. The spear blade springs forth, and the handle can be lengthened up to 12 feet (wielder's choice), for an overall length of from 6 feet to 15 feet. At its 15-foot length, the rod is suitable for use as a lance.</small>

<small>The following other functions of the rod also have no limit on the number of times they can be employed.</small>

• <small>Climbing pole/ladder. When meepon 4 is pushed, a spike that can anchor in granite is extruded from the ball, while the other end sprouts three sharp hooks. The rod lengthens to anywhere between 5 and 50 feet in a single round, stopping when meepon 4 is pushed again. Horizontal bars three inches long fold out from the sides, 1 foot apart, in staggered progression. The rod is firmly held by the spike and hooks and can bear up to 4,000 pounds. The wielder can retract the pole by pushing meepon 5.</small>
• <small>The ladder function can be used to force open doors. The wielder plants the rod's base 30 feet or less from the portal to be forced and in line with it, then pushes meepon 4. The force exerted has a Strength modifier of +12.</small>
• <small>When meepon 6 is pushed, the rod indicates magnetic north and gives the wielder a knowledge of his approximate depth beneath the surface or height above it.</small>

The gayness is getting deeper. Deeper and nerdier. ( Now I wonder where I could get some meeping dice.......)

http://www.roll-dice-online.com/

i'mna hafta agree with bob

Anyone who puts their fate in the hands of a GM, repeatedly and reverentially refers to that GM (which I assume means game master), deserves to be virtually if not actually raped.

rapes u

*writes 40k words about it

MstrLance.... I grew hard reading your post, errr reading about your rod.

That is gayer than I could have ever imagined, were I to give thought to being meep. I'm glad I got into meep, drugs and rock n'roll if D&D was the alternative, this being it's natural evolution.

MstrLance- WTF is a natural 20 and what kind of dice did you roll? Are there really 14/18,19 sided dice?

40k words like Eldar and Nurgle and Tyranid? I used to play that, too.

I don't know of any 14/18 or 19-sided dice, dagwood, just d4, d6, d8, d10, d12, d20, and the odd d30. There are also pairs of 'percentile dice' (d100) for rolling percentages.

d20 is what you roll to see if an attack is successful in D&D. A 'natural' 20 means that it wasn't modified by magic or skill bonuses. Natural twenties don't really count for anything in the official rules, but it was a common house rule to make it a critical hit, and do double damage or some such bonus. A natural one meant a fumble in the same manner.

So yeah, I spent a recoculous amount of time playing that game in jr. high and early high-school, but only until I got side-tracked by meep and drug and all kinds of other subversive elements of adolescence.

jesus crhist you meepgots sure are meepgots

tell me more about your stupid meepot games it's all very exciting to hear about your latent disregard for vaginas

Haven't you been paying attention? There are vaginas in THE GAME. You're just not allowed to rape them.

But with the right dice anything's possible, the GM'll just have to deal with it

To balance out my geek tendencies, I made it a goal of having meep with da girlfriend for as many minutes as spent playing games that day. Unfortunately, having an untrained rod, the meep act usually lasted for only 20 - 30 total minutes, leaving a regular deficit of around 7 hours.

Gaming isn't meep, unless you are into roleplaying games (except for Bond or Cthulhu). AH, SPI, and modern Ameritrash and Euros are masculine and acceptable.

oh hey wait. you didn't mention d2 (a penny) or d3 (a d6 numbered 1-3 twice)

and the new DnD 4th edition plays more like a tactical battle game with lots of fluff rather then an RPG

also: spending one night a week gaming still leave 6 nights and 7 mornings for meep.

pwn3d