The Muse

Been there, done that.

About time man. But she can't hate your kids, she has to at least like them some, and they have to at least like her or your life will go from one kind of meep to another, that is harder to get out of.

Good Luck.

Happy hunting, Spanky. I hope you land yourself a good'n.

Are you kidding? Your kids are the best! Finding a Fester Fetishist may be a challenge.

www.FesterFetish.Com

:) no one needs to be alone.

EDIT: When I say I've reached the "Peak of my intellect" I actually mean the peak of my social skills.
I can see already that I'm gonna have a shtload of problems.

I've got all the training that our C.O's get covering interpersonal communications, addictive personality disorders(which encompasses a fckload of social skill problems), abusive behavior and manipulative staff/ward interactions.
Add to that: I've listened to "Lovelines" every night on the boring-meep 45 minute drive to work for the last ten years and read Richard Dawkins Novels.
I'm not a certified psychologist by any means, but I can identify a f*cking unstable nutjob in two sentences or less.

This is gonna sound cold and calculating, but every relationship now starts with the same checklist:
Hazard to kids?
Addictive gene?
Credit risk?
Family Stabilty?(Daddy/uncle/cousin raped me/abandoned me is one I run into a lot)

I'm not looking for perfect by any means, but I haven't met anyone in the last few years that didn't have dealbreaker-level problems in at least two of those areas.
Bakersfield is just meep the girls I guess.

I've been on the "outside looking in" so long that I tend to call people on these behaviors the second I see them.
(You know, 'cause I'm not involved.)
I'm having to come up with some ground rules to pass for "normal", like;
The rule of meep:
If everybody's happy to talk about something that's hurtful or just wrong (but not causing immediate harm) then speaking out makes ME the a##hole.

Things like that.

Anybody here been single more than a few years at a stretch?

I noticed that because I spent so much of my work/home life by myself(Nearly twenty years) I've got at least two odd habits I have to work on.
Talking to myself/thinking out loud/mumbling a repeat of the last thing I said(When I'm really tired)
Getting irritable when somebody's in my space for very long.(This includes loved-ones)

@spankerchief

Anybody here been single more than a few years at a stretch? I noticed that because I spent so much of my work/home life by myself(Nearly twenty years) I've got at least two odd habits I have to work on. Talking to myself/thinking out loud/mumbling a repeat of the last thing I said(When I'm really tired) Getting irritable when somebody's in my space for very long.(This includes loved-ones)

Yes and Yes. I was single and living alone for about fifteen years and still have problems with both of those habits after another fifteen years with a partner or two. Sometimes I just want everyone to leave me the meep alone for five meeping minutes. Now that my shop is coming along, I finally have somewhere to run to, where I can get some me time without jeapardising the good things in a relationship.

I am so not good at parties.

You should hunt with tranquilizer darts they are more challenging than using roofies.

^Can you give us a quick breakdown on the pros and cons of the blowdart vs roofie dating systems?

The other day I happened to remark to an acquaintance of mine that I hadn't been laid in over a year, and almost before I knew what was happening I was flat on my back getting THE MOST AWESOME bj you could imagine. No chance of a relationship cause she's already in one, but meep!

As someone who has recently been in the same boat as you...don't overthink the acquiring of meep strategy.

This is what worked for me:

1) Set yourself up one of them online profile thingeys, I guess you already have if you are not an idiot.

2) Message anyone that strikes your fancy.

3) Quickly establish rapport, if you think the person might be cool, invite them out for coffee, etc.

4) Do not waste ONE meepING SECOND with anyone that is not local, and wont meet up in meatspace. I honestly cannot stress this enough, if someone does not want to at least meet for coffee, they are wasting your time.

5) Go on a bunch of first dates without fixating on one single person, this will build confidence.

6) Be the dude that says "yes" to meep, engage in no-strings-attached humpery. Following steps 1-5 will make this a common enough occurance, and it will keep you from being so meep about it.

7) Identify the one person that sticks out, the one that makes you want to stop 1-6, do the thing that comes naturally after that.

Pro:

You find what you are looking for

Con:

You dont find what you are looking for, but you meep a lot (thats kind of a pro).

Winner = you