mental mindmeeps and homeless kids

I feel the need to vomit some of the meep thats been going on in my life, things that have been weighing me down and driving me to foolish thoughts and actions.

I was born meeped up, put into the wrong body. From day one I was already casted as the outcast weirdo who sits in the corner and never talks. I lived in a run down house, in the middle of the ghetto til i was about four, maybe five, had been through 3 drive-bys, and a shootout down the street where i was riding a tryke. My next door neighbors were pedophiles who molested and raped me in their closet. I was then moved to a fairly decent house where i lived til i was about eight, unfortunately we lived in front of some more meeped up people, whos' sons raped me there too. Daily bikerides to the park with my family had some nice memories, but were erased when i was kidnapped by a couple teens who dragged me into the bathroom where i was once again raped. It seems i was destined to be the creature everyone used to get their rocks off. I couldn't even hang out with my moms best friends kids, who told me to close my eyes open my mouth and suck it like a lollipop. Around this point we moved to a different state, this is the place where things started to look up a little, i was still the outcast weirdo no one but the nerdy and fat kids talked to, but at least for a few years i wasn't used. Instead i had meeped myself up so much that i started doing drugs, yes at eight years old i started smoking, taking acid and tripping meep. All the x i did allowed me to support my habit by selling myself. I had figured meep, my body has already been used, so why not make some money out of it. A week after my tenth birthday i found myself in a situation where i didn't see any choice, but to stick a knife in a guy who wanted something i wasn't willing to do. It was two days letter i found myself so meeped up on x and acid, i scraped half my face off on my wall. I stopped doing x at that time, started smoking pot, and drank myself into stupors to get sleep. At age eleven, i was raped by my best friend when i refused to go out with him, it was that night i became pregnant. The most depressing part of that for me, no one noticed. My parents spent their days locked up in their room smoking weed. My oldest sister was in a gang and doing drugs herself, and my brothers just thought i was getting fat. When it came time for baby to come, i had to have my friends mom call me in sick while i snuck out to the hospital to have the kid, only to have the father use his daddy's influence to kick me in my face again by having the doctors tell me the kid died. i believed it since i hadn't gained too much weight and was still drinking, and had slipped up a few times with opiates, and shrooms. By age twelvei had attempted suicide ten/ fifteen times, and was severely depressed. We moved in to my grandmas house when we learned she had cancer and was unable to care for herself, and my grandpa, having been run over by my grandma in their early years, had screws in his back, and had had a stroke, wasn't able to care for her either. Not too long after moving in, she died, and a month after that my grandpa died. My crackhead uncle had been living with us for a while, and unfortunately had the same name as my grandfather. So the house was in his name, he kicked us out. We then moved to colorado. I turned 13 a week after moving here. I went to middle school for less than a year before i had a mental breakdown, started hearing and seeing meep that wasn't there, and tried to kill a fellow student with a yard stick. I was sent to mountaincrest, had a few evaluations. I lied through my teeth and was sent home. They put me in therapy with an obese female version of hitler. That didn't last long. Around this time I learned that baby daddy had beaten a friend of mine into a coma. He died a few months later. There was a month long period of time where we had moved to Oklahoma, I fell in love with a girl named Jade. Only to move back to Colorado to be homeless for a month, living in motel six out of the back of my dads truck. We found a place and settled in. I made it to ninth grade in alternative schools, the last of which i scarred myself with a lighter so that i could have something to talk about with my teachers. Not being the type to socialize with my peers too much. I started tenth grade in a normal high school, gathered myself a group of friends, and thought the worst was over. Age 17 i was kicked out of my parents house, and thank whatever deity or whatnot for my ability to have the best type of friends. I lived with my friend for a good couple months before being kicked out a few months after graduation for not being able to find a job. My parents let me back into their home, but i had to sleep on their couch. After a few weeks, an opportunity came up to have a place with some people that had lived with us for a year at our last house. The deal was I babysit for food and rent. It went well for a while, half a year goes by, and christmas comes. My sister comes down once a year for three days to celebrate xmas. I told my roomates, that i was not going to be around unless i had to be. This was agreed upon by them. The day after she left, I had been too tired to wake up with the child, so his father got up with him, something they never meeping do. I raise their child, i take care of him, i'm more of a parent to him than they ever could be. They got all meeping asshurt and told me i wasn't doing my job. Told me, that if my male roomate should decide he no longer wants me here, i have two days to get my meep and go. Thus putting me in the position of being back on my parents couch and into a mentally dangerous environment, or being in the streets. By now, my suicide attempt has gone up to about twenty. One being very close to the final time, if not for a friend dragging me to a hospital. This is where the story is now, me doing my best to make it through the days. Life goes on and with it I must continue to block out all the bad, and focus on the small things that make life a little less crappy. Now that my vomited issues have been put in words, i shall now go and listen to some of my greatest friends. Motorhead, ac/dc, blue oyster cult, metallica, boston, kansas, the clash, teh who, and all teh many other great people who make it easier, i do so sincerely love you.
AJ