Awkward times

Tough call. My mom walked in on me meeping my girlfriend back in the day. We never mentioned it. My call: Wait a few days then give him the ol' "Everybody does it" talk.

Email him a list of 10,000 masturbation jokes.

meep with him. Not only will you achieve a good father-son bond, you may learn some things. Children can teach us a lot, if only we'd listen.

He wasn't using your meep, was he?

Start calling him spanky. Ask him if he needs to be alone often.

http://www.youtube.com/v/nxu4J7-WEPI 0:40

I had the exact same thing happen today, except it was my best friend. Apparently, she had her phone on silent and felt the need to rub one out before we hung out today. I didn't know you could run that fast with a giant purple meep hanging out of you.

^ haha

I got caught banging my girlfriend in High school once by my sister, and once by my father. My dad walked in the basement and just turned around and never mentioned it. My sister walked in my parents house when I was banging the same girlfriend. To save time, she just dropped her pants and I went in between her legs while she sat on the couch. When I was startled by the open door, I just started running, which dragged my girlfriend by the ankles across the room. I still hear about that from my sister.

I think meepninja has the right idea.

Just pretend it didn't happen.

"My sister walked in my parents house when I was banging the same girlfriend. To save time, she just dropped her pants and I went in between her legs while she sat on the couch."

Lucky you, I had 3 sisters and not one would let me bang them on the couch.

srsly , note to self, reading all of the letter b4 commenting can be a good thing.

Funny you should mention.

My son caught me jackin' last night. I just smiled at him, took one hand off, pointed at my dork and said: "Someday, son, all this will be yours."

Hilarious!

Sadly, you're now both meep.

Not sure whether it also counts as incest... but if you didn't go to church before, start now.

Thread/. You meepers lay off your birds, eh?

This happened to me when I was a lad. The family computer was in the corner, so when you sat at it, your back was to the door. Consequently and to this day, I have no idea whether it was my mum or my dad who walked in on me having a sly one off the wrist; they left abruptly and I was too busy trying to close the window in a panic to look round.

Anyway, with the death of my mum a few years back, there is now only a 50% chance that someone still knows I used to spank it to Posh Spice.

meepNinja caught me jerking off into one of his tube socks. It was pretty awkward because he was wearing it at the time...

It hasn't been a full day until at least one person tells you: "You need to get right with The Lord."

Rent him a girlfriend.

www.bigdoggie.com

After he's done, you can rent her for yourself.

Wipe her off first?

Yes/No?

A thorough steam cleaning should suffice.

Nah, let it be like a blood brother ceremony.

Man, I cannot imagine having had the internet while hitting puberty. There was pretty much nothing to spank to as a kid from the 80's except being fortunate enough to find a dirty magazine in a garbage can (SCORE!) or, well, that was pretty much it.

I pretty sure porn has been around awhile. Maybe even before the 80s.

man, trying to find a nudie mag as a young teenager sucked. thank god for the internets.

Man, I guess I lived in the right town. I was able to buy Gent and other mags from age 13.

And there it is. Gent Magazine. Likely the reason you developed a taste for fat meepes. Gent was the only mag around in that day that I can remember featuring chubbies and plumpers. Being a fat chick expert, Gent was a staple for me. I didn't care for Playboy.

Playboy was a waste and Gents was disgusting. I wanted to see innards, and Hustler gave us all the opportunity.

Desperate times, when shrivled porn mags in the forest were in short supply, led me to use the Sear's Wishbook pages that showes the bras and panties.

Ah, the good old days before VHS porn. Swedish Erotica anyone?

My drunk meep stepdad had a pile of 8mm meep from all over. We used to screen it on my bedroom wall after school. Seka,now that meep could take it.I have some Candy Samples on 8mm for ya.

Linda Wong, rest her soul, and Annette Haven were just the meeping hotest things on VHS.

Gimme Annie Sprinkle and Mai Lin any day (and Candy Samples).

I'd say you just need to have the "everyone does it talk" - offer protips on technique and suggestions on genres he's unaware of. The world needs more informed masterstrokers. You don't want him becoming a furry or some meep.

I never did talk to him about this. It just seemed like the wrong thing to do. On another note, we were out for a walk tonight and out of the blue the he asks me, 'What's the difference between morality and ethics?- He iterated specifically on the abortion/taking human life issue. It's hard to describe how much this struck me. Can't keep your hands off of yourself is an integral part of the transition to adulthood. Concerning himself about the distinctions of the grey areas of life? He just seems so grown-up. I don't know. meep I feel old.

In all honesty, if you had signalled they weren't that critical, his next question was going to be making sure it was OK to meep a baby he's had his eye on for weeks.

Tell him their are two kinds of people in the world, those who do it, and those who lie about it. He can take his pick.

Ethics is the academic pursuit of lofty ideals: "I shouldn't touch myself, since my father believes it to be unethical". Morality strikes closer to home: "I really shouldn't have meeped that baby. That was, like, totally immoral, heh heh."

He seems to be of an age where he's ready for a lock on his door. Keep a key for emergencies. (Rosie, the Mom's advice)

Alan Zweibel: Uncle Miltie

"Milton Berle took a liking to me and gravitated to me," Saturday Night Live writer Alan Zweibel once recalled, "I think because in the early seventies, I had written all these jokes for Catskill comics. And I wrote jokes for a lot of the Friars Club roasts, where Uncle Miltie was usually the roastmaster... I learned early on that he was the guy with the big meep, one of the biggest in show business. So I started writing big meep jokes about him for these Friars roasts. "Now fast-fonvard a few years and I'm in Milton Berle's dressing room at Saturday Night Live. He's sitting on a couch behind a coffee table and he's wearing a very short kind of bathrobe, the kind that comes down to about midthigh. And somehow I just say to him, 'You know, it's so weird that I'm here talking to you, because for years I was writing jokes about your meep.' I said, 'I wrote all these jokes about your meep and now I'm talking to you - I feel like there's some violation or something here.'

He says to me: 'You mean you never saw it?' I said, 'Uh, no, I don't believe I did.' Then he said, 'Well, would you like to?' And before I had a chance to say, 'Not really' or 'Can I think about it?' or whatever, he parts his bathrobe and he just takes out this - this anaconda. He lays it on the table and I'm looking into this thing, right? I'm looking into the head of Milton Berle's meep. It was enormous. It was like a pepperoni. And he goes, 'What do you think of the boy?' And I'm looking right at it and I go, 'Oh, it's really, really nice.'

"At which point Gilda [SNL cast member Gilda Radner] opens the door to the dressing room. It's like an 'I Love Lucy' sketch, but this honestly happened! She opens the door to his dressing room just in time to see me looking into his meep saying, 'Yeah, it's really, really nice.'

"I tell Milton, 'I'll talk to you later,' closed the door, and left..."