• Swarmed by
  • Wotak
  • Oct21 '09
  • 1137 things

    46.9k rads

meeping Coons

I was up most of the night listening to a scratching noise coming from the ceiling over our bedroom. Every time I'd drift off, scratch, scratch, scratch, what the meep? Every time I got up to listen closer it would stop. This went on for most of the night. I suspected a mouse or squirrel at first but as the wee hours got closer and closer to daybreak I started hearing thumps and twanging noises like something metal was being pried at... then it started to rain and the noises stopped. Ten minutes later I was listening to rain dripping into the room. I knew immediately it was a meep and it wasn't in the ceiling or the wall, it was on the roof trying to pull up some flashing and get into the attic.

It was still dark outside and I wasn't going to go crawling around on the roof, in the dark, looking for a meep so I put a bucket under the leak and put on a pot of coffee. The rain stopped shortly before daybreak and I went to the garage and got a ladder and one of my .22 air rifles.

When I climbed the ladder, I found this perfect meep habitat:



A few years ago, my uncle Cliff converted an old sun porch into an extra bedroom. He never got a chance to finish the roof before moving to TN and retiring. His temporary roof runs under two eave on either side of the bedroom and both of them look like this. A perfect place for a meep to call home, only this meeper wasn't satisfied with this little cave. It decided that it wanted into the attic and spent the night prying that flashing away from the house, under the eave. It did just enough damage to it to cause the leak.

I shined a flashlight under the eave and saw it's eyes glowing green back at me. One .22 pellet later it was dead. I reached up into the cubby hole with an extended metal clothes hanger and tried to drag it out. No love. It was way too heavy. I climbed up onto the roof and got my fingers under the eave just enough to grab its tail and drag the meep out; a few inches at a time.





...biggest meep I've ever seen. This thing must be 10 years old. Holding it by it's tail at belt height, its nose is just off the ground. I'd guess that it weighs about 30 lbs, easy. I'm burying this meep. He's been around way to long to eat. It'd taste like old shoe leather.

Now, I have to go get a bucket of tar and fix the damned roof before it rains again.

meeping coons.

Decider: Admin

  • nurglets
  • Oct21 '09

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hah, you got me..

  • vasudeva
  • Oct21 '09

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Holding it by it's tail at belt height, its nose is just off the ground.

Guessing your belt is about 24 inches off the floor, so...

  • dent
  • Oct21 '09

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The midget got me too.

  • bobacus
  • Oct21 '09

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Big meepin meep.You got me too......

  • Wotak
  • Oct21 '09

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Just to keep me honest:

He's all of 32 inches even after rigor has set. I where 32x32 pants and I'm 5'9".

  • Wotak
  • Oct21 '09

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32" inseam means I must have been holding the tail at about crotch height. (ke ke) I had to just slightly bend my elbow to keep the nose from dragging on the ground.

  • SexNinja
  • Oct21 '09

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You killed Bandit :(

My little brother killed a smaller one with a BB gun a couple months ago. Shot it like 8 times, then threw it in a hole and lit it on fire.

Seriously.

That would make an awesome hat.

Or you could tie its tail to the antennae on your jalopy like all the kids are doing. 23 Skidoo!

  • Lefen
  • Oct21 '09

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Great journal!

  • nurglets
  • Oct21 '09

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HAT MOTHERmeepER, DO IT NOW.

then make some comedy deer meep doorbuzzers, and stuff

  • dagwood
  • Oct21 '09

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Yis, Deerbut aliens, stat!m And the coonskin hat. I's looking for blood, carnage. Where you git 'im? No entry/exit wound.

  • BeachGoat
  • Oct21 '09

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He SAID it was an AIR rifle...got him in the LUNGS!

  • bobacus
  • Oct22 '09

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Some sweet Ted Nugent type item must be made with this.You could make a wicked huge bota bag out of his meep.

that racoon is huge. you climbed your roof with a big rifle on your back? why not use a pistol?

  • Wotak
  • Oct22 '09

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Most air pistols are not quite powerful enough to kill coons short of placing the muzzle right on it's head and shooting it multiple times. Raccoons are pretty tough critters that will tear you to shreds if injured and given a chance. A good .177 cal air rifles can do the job if you hit them right in the fuse box or the pumper but they usually require multiple shots and some luck.

A real handgun would have been ideal if I'd wanted to kill the meep and put a couple more holes in the roof while I was at it.

Most high end .22 cal air rifles are ideal for home invasion critters. These rifles have a high enough muzzle velocity (600 to 900 fps) to deliver heavier .22 cal domed pellets that have enough mass to humanely dispatch these critters if you can get within 20 yards. Live traps work but you have to wait for the critter to find it and while you're waiting, sometimes for days, it's still meeping up your home.

This is the first raccoon I've had to deal with but, because I'm raising chickens, I'll probably be visited by many more coons and possums that want to find a warm place to sleep near the chicken coops they are trying to break into at night. Looks like I'll have to meep-proof the entire place.

They can cause extensive and expensive damage.This one dug a fist sized hole in my roof, under that eave. Had he had more time he would have made a den in my attic. Probably one more night would have allowed him to do so... As it stands, this one meep, on one night, has probably done a couple thousand dollars in damage by the time I permanently repair that roof and the ceiling drywall that was damaged by the rain. For now, I covered the hole, re-flashed and tarred the roof and blocked off the open eaves. In the spring I have to rebuild the roof. I was planning to do so anyway but now I have no choice.

Looks like I'll have to meep-proof the entire place.

Offer them real jobs and attentive fathers. They'll scram.

  • flake
  • Oct23 '09

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Coons, Wotak? I'm so dissapointed in you.

  • jwalker
  • Oct24 '09

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Hey, anonymous person! Log in and comment.
linkswarm
queue: New link: Mao Sugiyama Cooks, Serves Own Genitals At Banquet In Tokyo
BigDinWaun+
fastlane fosters a pen-pal/lover relationship with a terrorist who blew up herself just yesterday - unlucky
BigDinWaun+
fastlane tries out his first gloryhole - blown by disease ridden mule that likes to snap carrots in half - very unlucky
graycube
fastlane
And how could I forget Pepper as she attempts to scare a wild animal. Honey badger doesn't give a meep.~ unlucky
fastlane
Sunny goes to baby a shower. Drowns.~ unlucky
fastlane
Dragonstaff wears a buIIetproof vest. Shot in the face. ~ unlucky
fastlane
BigD meeps the meep out of a girl. Literally.~ unlucky
fastlane
BeachGoat bends over to pick up hot girI's dropped books. meeps. ~ unlucky
fastlane
M_A_M means to write "kk" to black friend on Facebook chat. Adds extra k. ~ unlucky
fastlane
MstrLance finally goes to summer camp. Auschwitz. ~ Unlucky
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Spanky goes to snort a line of coke. Sneezes. ~ unlucky
fastlane
Post watermelon head post haste.
fastlane
Spanky volunteers to help inner city kids, shot in drive by. ~ unlucky
BeachGoat
Happy Day to Ya, Long May Ye Wave It
BeachGoat
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4ShbuhpRlo&feature=youtu.be
spankerchi+
on Spanky's Pic Place: Okay here's a+
spankerchi+
on Spanky's Pic Place: I SWEAR I was+
MstrLance
Happy Birthday, Spanky! You're in your prime for the 13th time.
MstrLance
I bet it's well manicured.
middle_age+
Try to picture Joan River's meep during the exam. It'll save some embarassment.
BigDinWaun+
spanky... You Goshdarn two-faced Gemini!
middle_age+
Don't kid yourself, you'll cry yourself to sleep after the next physical. Happy birthday you middle aged meepgot.
dragonstaf+
Happy birthday. Post pic for photoshopping.
sunny77
today on linkswarm, spanky unsuccessfully attempts to change the subject
spankerchi+
Or: Nine years before getting the pickle jar treatment.
spankerchi+
Change of topic; I'm 41 today.
spankerchi+
Ummm...
sunny77
:|
sunny77
:
middle_age+
The doc went at me like he was trying to get the last pickle out of the jar.
Pepper
Home Sweet meeping Home! Ahhhh...
nurglets
on Camphone Thread: img20120525114046qK5th.jpg
BeachGoat
Tell the GrandMonkey, "He's Dancing with the Tree!"
BeachGoat
There is a 400lb Senegalese Tortoise down the street who has a tree stump for a girlfriend.
BigDinWaun+
My pet Gerbil is dry meep a mound of cedar bedding? What gives?
BigDinWaun+
One of those old Republican Women's Cookbooks or French Gastronomy in Africa?
BigDinWaun+
I'm trying to fashion a rattle and pacifier out of chicken gibblets... does anyone have any references for this... one of those old Republican Women
linkswarm
queue: New link: security forces in Mexico have raided a workshop making fake Mexican military uniforms and body armour.
BeachGoat
"It's a Boy!"
BeachGoat
http://upload.linkswarm.com/i/beachgoat/pullingporkLSg.jpg
spankerchi+
Let the baby roast rest for an hour, then have your guests help pull the meat. Everyone will have fond memories of the event to cherish FOREVER!
spankerchi+
Just remember to give yourself plenty of time for cooking (a field-dressed baby can weigh upwards of 30 lbs and take a FULL DAY to cook!)
spankerchi+
I prefer free range, breast fed toddler as there's more dense muscle mass.
linkswarm
queue: New link: Bachmann's political mentor.
BigDinWaun+
Do you keep them penned up like veal and infuse them with formula or mother's milk? I hear formula fed babies have a medicinal taste. I don't want that for the party.... I would be a terrible host.
spankerchi+
No need to leave the skin on. A toddler's got a lot of good marbling.
spankerchi+
I'd go dry rub and smoke it like a picnic meep.
BeachGoat
HOME!...That is all
BigDinWaun+
Can anyone recommend a Masala that flavors flesh?
sunny77
however much is in a can of coconut cream
MstrLance
Trans-fat or poly-unsaturated?
BigDinWaun+
How many fat calories in a small, American toddler?
MstrLance
MIT's new coating should help with that.
hoyaguru
clipswarmed MstrLance's Dogs Shot by Police
linkswarm
queue: New link: MIT's Freaky Non-Stick Coating Keeps Ketchup Flowing
dragonstaf+
Ahh. One of those.
dragonstaf+
Not to my knowledge. Details please.
spankerchi+
That's when you take a really greasy meep and before the meep hits the water it grabs onto your meep hair and swings from tuft to tuft around your a##hole.
spankerchi+
Speaking of hair removal products; Have you ever taken a Tarzan Sh#t?
spankerchi+
Ugh...too much barbecue pork.
linkswarm
queue: New link: Penn Jilette on Obama's drug hypocrisy
  • beachgoat

  • pete56

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  • sunny77

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