Dear Ann Landers...

Some people may reserve those words for very special occasions. Saying them all the time - especially if you didn't really mean it - trivialises their use to the extent they don't mean anything.

Telling her you'll remove her college fund for not pandering to your selfish whims, and with someone who (by your own account) already has emotional issues, borders on criminally negligent.

You somehow think it's more mature for someone to say they love you? Start by setting a good example, instead of playing some meeped up ego game about taking money from her.

In short, don't be an meep.

does she graffiti the walls with meep?

does she vandalise your home and furniture?

does she cuss/swear/meep at your for no reason?

does she thank you for meals/stuff you do for her?

I'm going to make an assumption that she doesn't do any of the negative stuff (other than the normal early teenager stuff) as you would have mentioned it somewhere, so you should really be thankful that an abused kid isn't doing the stereotypical (for want of a better word) abused kid routine and is lashing out at everything and everyone around them. and then you pull a meep move like that. you should have been over the meeping moon after the chat and she told you she does love you guys, but just doesn't want to vocalise it.

on the one hand, you have my respect for looking out for her, that takes real guts and heart, on the other, you pulled a meep move in my book, unless she's a real meep and doesn't appreciate a single thing you've done for her.

I am an opinionated meep by the way.

I told her that she doesn't have to truly mean it, but we all do love her and it would make everybody feel better if she could just say the words.

:facepalm:

So I basically pulled a meep move and blackmailed her into saying "I love you too" by threatening to take back the money we've been setting aside for her college

x72

i can understand feeling meepty about being in the position you're in, but i don't think you're doing/getting what you think you are. what it looks like to me is that you are teaching her to tell people what they want to hear. not to mention fostering resentment. if you think this is a good thing, then by all means...

does she show you affection otherwise? have you mentioned this to her counselor? in your discussion did you ask her if she felt loved?

I think what you have been doing is showing enough love for her. When she is ready to say it back she might, meep she might not. Just because you think she has adjusted well from such a terrible situation doesnt mean it still not in the back of her mind and thinks about it several times a day. In my own opinion I think it was a bad step to suggest taking something away as her future to hear some words. I love you's and sorry's dont mean meep. In the long run if you provide the things you have been and treat her equal as the other kids I dont see why she wouldnt come around.

Good Luck

You sound like a meeping meep.

The girl is 12. She has a few years of emotional turmoil to look forward to, and there isn't a whole lot anybody can do to make it easier/better for her. However it is remarkably easy to make it worse. If you make demands of her that she is emotionally uncomfortable with, (she probably has no idea why) you will only make her resent you. I applaud and respect your stepping up to the plate to provide for the child what no one else could/would, but would advise backing off on demands that she satisfy your personal emotional needs. You should get plenty of that in a few years when her hormones have settled down and she has learned to deal with all the conflicting emotions that are assailing her right now. She has been through some deep meep and she is only 12. Also she is a girl. Very different than a boy. I wish you the best of luck. Your going to need it.

There are professionals who will say that to you for a lot less money.

This is so profoundly retarded, I don't even know where to begin...

Are you THAT devoid of self confidence that you seek approval & validation from emotionally scarred 12 year old girls?

Placing conditions on her emotional participation is teaching her what?

If you're flat-out meeping BLOWING it with obvious meep like this, how many of the learned, nuanced lessons are you screwing her over on?

Ugh.

It's extremely difficult to love the emotionally retarded. How meeping shallow are you?

You are just as guilty of molesting this poor child as her father. Unlike a vaginal hymen, which can be cosmetically refurbished--the hymen of the heart never truely heals.

Thanks for the input meepoots. I will cease and desist forthwith.

EL OH EL

Any 12 year old girl that is NOT burning down your house and telling you to meep off in a sulking, pissed off manner daily is a wonder. Appreciate that.

Baby women are WAY different than boys. Boys are easy. I raised boys. One dimension. Transparent. Baby women are very complex. Nurture. EASY....Guide by example. NEVER demand. Reward. NEVER threaten. Praise.

Good luck. Mine turned out very good. If you get anything other than a wild beastie for the next five years, you are very lucky.

The way I see it, you are emotionally raping her to complement her earlier physicial diddlings.

While it's fun to 'collect the whole set' in lots of different contexts, here, I'd say switch back to physical abuse: she seems to respond much more tractably to this brand.

What kind of meeping monster are you?

Stepdad is hard jobs.You care and are doing fine. You will receive exactly zero credit for it till the ears of 19-22, when they realize how smart you are.My girls are meeping meepmouths, and don't even like me,so yer fine. She loves you if she hasn't meep in your life.

This would've been a GREAT psych test question.

It was more for her poor grandma's sake that I threatened her with that. (She's got a year or so left in her) I apologized to the kid and told her I was being stupid. Hey, parents meep up sometimes. MEA CULPA ...meepes.

I agree with all of the above.

You are not being a meep... you are being a TOTAL meep.

i'd say it's one of the few real things she can control. kids like hurting things at one time or another anyway. this is the payoff for being loyal and trustworthy. you're safe to hurt, you won't go away or hurt back and you'll keep providing. maybe she needs to have a sense of power over something.

I've had a chance to reconsider my earlier advice and have concluded that all this feckless twitch needs is a good railing. Off you go, then, laddie, and hard to aft!

"Rum, Bum, and the lash"

In the finest naval tradition.

Why don't you have a seat over there....