Greetings, friends and otherwise....
I am posting this from the CSU computer lab. It will be my new home computer for a whiles.
So back in court, after reading all the paperwork,dating back as far as 6 years,
I was totally made accountable for JR BOBS meep.
Seems a psycho kid is no justification for anything.
I watched the courtroom gasp in horror as the artwork was displayed on the big screen.
CPS covered their meep by noting the two discrepancies that had occurred in his care over the last 3 years (not having a car to deliver lunchmeds to the school,30 miles away & 2 missed therapy appointments)
I wound up blurting out something stupid, like," Oh yeah, thats why this kid is such a wreck...." and visions of suicide danced in my head.
Then I was forced to explain how it is hard to hold down a steady job when I am constantly having to be availible to pick the boy up on no notice, and for days on end as he is suspended, or in need of transport to docs out of town.
My last boss actually told me that he would make me management if I could only get my kid stable enough for me to work regularly.
She thanked my woman for coming in, then told me that I needed to go seek work . That is what I have wanted to do the most for almost 3 years now.
Wonder what she will say when Bobby goes on a rampage while I am at work, and I get fired for him again.
So I sat down and wrote a real honest suicide note.Fourteen pages front and back.
I had no idea how much better I would feel after doing that.Fact is, I feel a lot better having put those thoughts to paper. I burned it on the grill after reading it a couple of times, threw away my prozac, got on my bike, and am off to save my life again.
I have been out visiting my friends that I haven't seen in years, between job apps at meepty places. This time, for fun, I am going to find some meepty job wrapping tacos, so I don't feel bad when I get fired.
I also stopped caring what anyone thinks of me anymore. The judge has not walked my path with my disadvantages, so meep her.
My woman is leaving, my van is gone forever. My daughter moved in with her girlfriends family for the time being. Its going to be the Bob and Bob show for the summer.
I've done all I can.
The kid is starting to get in line though, because the judge did tell him she was going to put him in foster care or juvie if he didn't knock off his meep.
Bobby has been sitting almost on top of me all the time, and hugging me, telling me he loves us all and is sorry, and wants to change.
I just hope he is telling the truth this time.
For his sake especially. He asked for his mothers address so he could send her some mail. I asked him why, and he told me that there were some things he needed to express to her, and he did not want me to read the letters.
I saw him stapling artwork to some sheets of paper.
I'll post it when he is done.
I"m not going to off myself as long as I have kids.
I don't want to be dead anymore............