I need advice.....

a) she's not abusing my daughter. It's my ex that's doing this, the mother of my child

Huh. How the meep I misunderstood that, I have no idea. Sorry. Then obviously do what you can to get your daughter away from that crazy lady.

sigh you guys are making this out to be much more psycho than it really is.

Your wife tells a guy she used to meep that she wants to meep him again, all because you are emotionally distant, she has had some serious problems with drinking, and you feel that you have to keep tabs on your bank account and on what she's doing online, correct?

At least get some couples counseling. You both would benefit.

StrayDog, what is your payoff for having this relationship this way? You wouldn't be there unless you were getting a need met, healthy or not.

First, there is nothing wrong with checking up on someone you love. I check my wifes phone and purse and other meep.

Second, Sometimes people want to know "they still got it" and as long as it doesnt go any further then hey hows it going then there should be no problem.

I feel there is also not a problem with telling her you dont want her doing that and that it bother you.

Myspace.com is good for 2 maybe 3 things. 1. New Music 2. Getting msgs of how hot you are. 3. Easy way to keep up with family.

Take her out to dinner.

wolfer: I check my wifes phone and purse and other meep.

who is your daddy, and what does he do

What a nice little catch 22 you have made for yourself Dog. Your bride has disengaging herself from you and the responsibilities of being married by making excuses for her behavior by blaming you for her actions saying you are distant. On the other hand trust is the foundation of any long lasting relationship. If the trust erodes away the marriage will quickly collapse.

Contacting x lovers, changing passwords, lying about emails; although there has not yet been any actual physical contact that you know of, she has, according to the 39th President of the U.S. and Nobel Peace laureate Jimmy Carter she has indeed lusted in her heart which is just as bad if not worse than the actual deed itself.

she has indeed lusted in her heart which is just as bad if not worse than the actual deed itself.

Nice one, Dumbskull.

Tell him how a relationship should be.

sorry I'm late dawg, looks like you have problem solved but maybe this might help: Reading your post it sounds like your in a different place to her(not just cause she said it but just the way you tell your side) yet you live in a 1 bedroom appartment. Bridge the gap and pimp her up yo!

The smell of the decaying marriage is hangs heavy in the air.

I can predict what is going to happen...Your friends here as well as in person are going to advise you to cut your losses and run while you can. You are going to hang onto your idyllic dreams of happily ever after waiting it out, continuing to get your heart broken as you realize your mate is not living up to your great expectations, nor does she appear to have the same goals for the marriage. There will be many opportunities to leave but you will find some excuse to stay even if you know in your heart you are not at all happy. she will leave you, take everything you own, leave you with a meep load of bills... a broken heart of course and a crotch infested ONLY with herpes, if you are lucky.

I doubt you would put up with this sort of behavior from a girlfriend or live significant other why are you tolerating this meep from your wife?

So now the circle is complete. The two people most likely to ignore good advice have connected.

This could be a match made in heaven. Wait, LS is probably more like meep than heaven.

I would advise Dumbskull to go for it and try to get some meat into that gash of hers. But she would probably just ignore it anyway. shrug

Dude, Your sarcasm and wit, as funny as it is, is not appropriate here.

OK?

here will be many opportunities to leave but you will find some excuse to stay even if you know in your heart you are not at all happy.

Kettle, meet pot.

I can't really think of anything to contribute that hasn't been said except, to check your receipts for frequent purchases from Walgreens, they sell liquor there too.

I stand corrected. ALL of Linkswarm needs counseling.

You say that as if it's breaking news or something.

Tell her to call me.

I'll straighten her out.

we moved into our new apartment last night. It's much bigger (pics later) and I have seen almost and instantaneous change in her demeanor. Whereas before I couldn't get her out of bed before 1 p.m., this morning she got up a half hour BEFORE ME at 6:00 a.m. She started my shower for me, she made me breakfast, she walked the dog, hse packed me a lunch.

I'm honestly in shock right now, but I hope this is the new wifie

That's what happens when you turn your personal life over to the Swarm

she sent him a new message, the night after she left me to go back to birmingham...

"Thanx for totally ditching me tonite. Real sweet of you. I understand that you were tired and didn't want to hang sweetie, but I just wanted to say hi and give you a hug.. I don't really think that was too much to ask. I wish you would have at least talked to me. meep. I had a reallly great time with you last nite and I want to see you again. I want to talk to you tomorrow. I'm going back tomorrow. I don't know what time yet. Was it because stephanie was with me that you didn't even want to say hi after you got off? I waited for you baby.Im not trying to get all on your nuts D. I just miss you and needed your touch. Please call me when you get an opportunity. I'm sorry for bothering you so much.

Love

B"

Does the word "cuckold" mean anything to you?

Ok, wow. Get out of this marriage now, she's very obviously romantically interested in someone who's not you. He's probably already nailed her.

If you don't leave her you're a moron.

From what I gather, he doesn't have to - she left him already to go babk to Birmingham? What's up, dog?

no no no....the night after I found the original message, she went back to Birmingham. That next night she sent him the message I just posted. Then she came back to me all lovey dovey and sweet, I'm assuming out of guilt for what she had (or had not) just done.

I just found this message this morning. I made her confess to her parents and they are talking to her now to make her realize what she is throwing away. I don't want to divorce her. But I may have to. I don't know how I will ever be able to trust her again.

DUMP

HER

meep

NOW!!

I just found this message this morning. I made her confess to her parents and they are talking to her now to make her realize what she is throwing away. I don't want to divorce her. But I may have to. I don't know how I will ever be able to trust her again.

Ok, so now that you made her shame herself to her parents (what the meep dude, that doesn't even parse), how do you want to spend your newly earned guilt points?

I don't think that "dumping her meep" is good advice, from the one side of the story that we have here, it is evident that you both are batmeep meeping crazy.

What do you have invested in this relationship to keep chugging it along, do you have a sweet job/hookup with the in-laws that you want to keep? Why involve her parents at all?

Let me make sure I have this all straight.

Mrs. Dog:

1. is a former boozer/ druggie who might go back to her old ways without warning.
2. searches out and flirts with her old sperm doners on the web
3. Goes out of town on her own
4. is quite possibly screwing said former sperm donor
5. shows signs of feeling emotionally abandonned

Mr. Dog

1. Reads her email
2. searches her belongings
3. has total control of her finances
4. displays paranoid tendencies
5. Wants to save his marriage
6. expects future trust issues

So

1. It doesn't seem as if you've ever really trusted her.
2. You haven't had a marriage. You've been running a mini detox
3. The two of you are incapable of meaningful communication and need to involve family to do your talking

Marriage is mostly about trust, communication and meeping. If you can't get 2 out of 3 forget it.

What ever your problems are, you are both at fault.

To save your marrige you both have to want to save it and work at it. That means you too.

She needs to be in AA.

LK, i had her tell her parents because she was bawling on the phone telling me she wants to save this marriage, she'll do anything. I knew that fessing up to her parents who happened to be there at the time was the absolute last thing she would want to do. She said she wanted to prove to me she wanted to fix this. I knew if she actually went and told them she was seriuos. She did, and she was.

Despite what it appears on the interweb, everyone has problems. Ours are a little dramatic right now, but at the core of our relationship we love each other very much. I have nothing chugging us along except my love for her. That's enough for me.

Azron.

Mrs. Dog -

1. Yes she's a former drug addict. We are working together to change that. Alcohol isn't even a problem anymore. I have 6 full bottles of liquor at my house at this moment. I know when I get home, they will still be full.

2. Yes :( But this has changed also. She told me she doesn't want internet. Last night she sent the guy that she saw a very nasty message in my presence requesting that he never contact her again. If nothing else, I can honestly say she feels like meep. I still haven't quite determined if it's because she did it or because she got caught though.

3. Not anymore. I told her I wasn't comfertable with her going back to Birmingham without me anymore, and she understands and is fine with that.
   

4. I'm not sure yet :( I'm speaking to him via email right now. I pleaded for him to just tell me what happened. She swears she didn't, but I can't say for sure yet. She says she went with her best friend and saw him for 3 hours that night, but she was only alone with him for about 3 minutes. She says he hugged her, and she kissed his cheek but that's as far as it went. Based on her track record of lies, I'm waiting on his side before I decide how I feel about it.

5. This is my fault. I'm trying to make her feel more fulfilled emotionally. Her father abandoned her when she was 12. She was raped and beaten at 15. She hasn't exactly had an easy upbringing. It's hard for me to relate to that because my childhood was picturesque.

Mr. Dog

1. yes I do now that it's become apparent that I need to. I never did before this all happened, but I am not ashamed of this whatsoever. If I hadn't, I would never have found out about this. This is the kind of thing a husband needs to know about his wife, don't you think?

2. what do you mean? I'm not sure what you're talking about here, because I can't remember searching through her stuff. Her stuff is my stuff and vice versa. We're married!

3. I have total control of her finances because SHE HAS NONE. I make all the money. She sits at home. That is all. I have every right to control my own money don't I?

4. I don't see my actions as paraoic, because they are all grounded on REAL events. She DID betray my trust and our marriage. She DID cheat on me. Where am I being paranoid?

5. Yes, most definetely I do want to save our marriage, and so does she. We love each other.

6. I don't know what to think of this one. I thought I wouldn't be able to look at her ever again, but we've made love 6 times since I got home from work last night. I'm mad, I'm upset, I'm hurt, but I don't think it will take more than a few months for her to earn my trust again as long as she doesn't continue to lie to me in the interim.

...........................

We are going to counseling. I'm ashamed to do so, because we've only been married 5 months, but I really want this to work and so does she. I'm expecting calls today from someone who is going to mediate for us.

Her stuff is my stuff and vice versa. We're married!

I make all the money. ... I have every right to control my own money don't I?

wait, you didn't just... um...

i don't even have a debit card. she has access to our accounts online, meaning she knows my password, can transfer funds, withdraw money, etc... she is on the account, so she has full access to it in the bank. The 1 debit card we have has HER meepING NAME ON IT, and SHE CARRIES IT. If she wants for something, SHE BUYS IT! why are you guys trying to paint me a different color?

Sounds like things are getting back on track again - well done, dog.

Forget what I said before... you are a control freak.

WHY? because I let her do whatever she wants? Because I give her access to all our money? because I don't force her to work? Because I don't even expect her to cook and clean all the time BECAUSE she's unemployed? I'm a meeping catch dumbskull. I'm a failry successfull, easygoing, laid back man and I don't look like lurch either. I'm a good man. I deserve better than this AND THERE IS NO WOMAN ON THE FACE OF THIS meepING PLANET APPARENTLY WHO HAS ENOUGH HONOR LOVE AND COMMITTMENT TO GIVE ME THAT. WTF

I'm seriously laughing really hard here.

Ah ha... took a while but you finally admitted I'm a good man. I deserve better than this...

Now do what needs to be done or you will end up broken mentally physically and financially... like me!

"5. This is my fault. I'm trying to make her feel more fulfilled emotionally. Her father abandoned her when she was 12. She was raped and beaten at 15. She hasn't exactly had an easy upbringing. It's hard for me to relate to that because my childhood was picturesque."

Holy meep Batman, you stepped in an anthill mounted on a roller coaster set in a natural disaster area. I have known a couple of women with similar backgrounds and emotional issues. You can't fix her hurts, be the father she never had, or know what's going on with her (she probably doesn't even know what's going on with her.)

It seems to me you either need to live with the drama that just won't stop or jump ship.

Don't give the ghost up just yet.

Let me squeeze some more "my life may be challanging but at least it's not half as bad as some internet knucklehead" blood out of this thread.

You are doing a great service. Keep it up.

as much as i hate to agree with tantrum (LIE), i'm going to have to go ahead and agree with tantrum.

Suckadog: Because I don't even expect her to cook and clean all the time BECAUSE she's unemployed? I'm a meeping sucker, dumbskull. I'm a failry successfull, easygoing, laid back sucker and I don't look like lurch either. I'm a good sucker. I deserve better than this BUT I WILL APPARENTLY CHOOSE NO SITUATION WHICH DOES NOT GUARANTEE UTTER DRAMATIC FAILURE.

Fixy.

Sorry Dog.

There's so much going on here I guess I lost track of things.

You know we're all your friends here. But at the moment you have about 20 friends giving you 20 different, well meant opinions.

Choose wisely.

Good Luck

Be Well

all the best azron to you and everyone here. I wouldn't come here if I didn't value your opinions.

where I am today.......

I found out she made out with him (not just a "kiss on the cheek"), she lied to me again after swearing to me she'd never lie to me again. She probably meeped him, however.

I remember several incidents that took place before we got married which at the time I discredited in faith to my wife and trust in her. I now believe these assurances she gave me to be lies as well.

all of this is causing me to have huge revelations, epiphanies, whatever you'd like to call them. Basically, my mind is operating differently.

Oh, and I've finally after 8 years decided what kind of tattoo I want....

I started researching tattoos, and stumbled upon a Native American folk tale.

This story hit home for me in a big way. A meeping mindblowingly huge way, actually.

I want a wolf, a tattoo of a wolf on my body. Probably on my upper back, or my arm.

I don't want some cheesy wolf ripping out of my flesh tattoo, i don't want a cheesy native american tattoo with a feather next to a wolf howling at the moon.

I want a wolf. Serene, looking straight at whoever is looking at him with a look that kills and creates at the same time. I'm not exactly sure on the details, but this is a basic outline. I want to look at this tattoo and see my soul.

now I just have to figure out who will draw it for me :(

This is the best journal ever.

Probably not the best time to contemplate permanent alterations to your body.

A tattoo is permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Jesus, dog. Where the meep did that come from?

Why don't you get a tat of wolfer's avatar? Then you'd be meep and gays don't have to put up with cheatin' wives. Just cheatin' boyfriends.

a tattoo will totally fix whats wrong with you. Good luck.

Try the noble sea-lion.

Very serene-looking Wolf.

Like this Dog?

At least in a tattoo you can have something you can keep. Sounds like you gave your best to the woman and she took it. Better luck and plenty of fish and all that.