• Swarmed by
  • Lownotes
  • Dec25 '05
  • 1058 things

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Nomads

I wrote a new short story for you to enjoy.

Decider: Admin

  • qwerty
  • Dec25 '05

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So much detail and character depth. However it seemed forced at points. With you're style of writing you could write erotica professionally!

  • Lownotes
  • Dec25 '05

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Tell me where it seemed forced. I'd like to take out any false walls.

  • Dumbskull
  • Dec25 '05

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Don't listen to Qwerty he doesn't know how to read.

Bloody brilliant. I wish I could write like that ( I wish I could write at all ) .

this is good stuff.

read the divingbell and the meeperfly written, most herorically, by a Jean Dominique Bauby, one paralized by a stroke and only able to communicate by the blinking of his left eye...

he managed to write a short book of 29 chapters by only blinking an eye--this my lownote friend, is a big deal. The kind that make prizes won, the kind that don't matter a flying meep in the whirl of the emotions around being around! I liked your story about the convalescent, the able but weak, the mentally challenged by the fury of living and the blindness of strife and the submission unto greater progress.

There are of course real examples, this is one, read it . It's worth it, but be prepared to be "low" for a day at least. I concur with the qwerty on the focus shifting about parts being played into for background that took themselves into forward focus--it's not going to be easy to do, so keep on doing it, I think it's not bad enough to mark as a "bad thing" actually, I encourage you to continue!

I enjoyed it, so despite whatever the meeps say, keep beating yourself up and churning this stuff out.

  • Lownotes
  • Dec26 '05

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Thank you much.

I'm still up in the air about the asides. I put them in there as choruses - something to read instead of a blank space to indicate time had passed. I love them, so it is hard to go through and delete them. I'll just have to let it sit and age for a while before I decide.

keep them.

only write what you enjoy to read--and more importantly, write. even if its a book full of only asides what matters is that the book/story/episode has come its full course.

I think the ability to interspace them will be the challenge though. Like cooking a fancy cake, or lasagana, there are layers and elements that occur only in spots but manage to transcend the whole--what are the elements that transcend and how do they do that?

That's the secret of the "secret" sauce, it's the interplay of elements that become greater than the sum; the resulting roar from the breath, the quivering and trembling afftereffects of the thunder--would we really be able to gauge anything by it's mere existence? or do we divine the occurence of greatness by the side dishes? The little specks of light, the motes of upset--those rustling pidgeons, that unlike us, are more delecate indicators of great movement?

If the villagers had realized that all the animals had fled, there would have been fewer tsunami victims a boxing-day ago... In the woods when the crickets stop chirping, there is a big thing nearby--it's probably you, but notice it. And then patent it, make it an assembly line process and you can be stephen king! [I am joking, i hope].

  • Tango
  • Dec27 '05

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More excellant work. Good mind.

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sunny77
rain is like the sky vomiting
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I would let them off in a cyclone, but a little rain is no excuse. :)
sunny77
well thats how it is in qld
dragonstaf+
Most of them come up to ride trail bikes in the big national park on the other side of the border. Murray Sunset it is called
dragonstaf+
What! Auspost not riding their little motorbikes in the rain! It isn't worth them coming here more than that, not enough mail.
sunny77
do the weekenders just go camping or what
sunny77
three times a week! the only times the post doesn't come is on inclement weather days as well as holidays
dragonstaf+
We get the post three times a week, and have a 30 km drive to the shop, most of it dirt. I live in the old one-room school.
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I'm in a little 'town' out here. Little as in half a mile of bitumen through the middle and about ten houses, only half of them lived in. The rest are weekenders.
sunny77
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Desert country.
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Lots of low trees, only 10-20 feet tall, and not much else. Really sandy soil.
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looks
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looka kinda brushy
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Google the Murray Mallee, for a look at where I am.
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A Mexican here is a Victorian, from being south of the border (with NSW)
sunny77
there's what i call the tropical coast, then the brush then the outback (desert) the further inland from the coast
sunny77
the mexicans are on the other side of the world so i'm not sure what you mean
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I am out in what should be called desert these days, just south of the Murray, and only 7kms west of Victoria. The Mexicans are almost too close.
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its hot and humid here, even when it rains
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I know what you mean. we had high thirties last week, and again from Saturday. At least it is dry, not steamy.
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it's hot. had a heat wave couple weekends ago
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