• Swarmed by
  • Lownotes
  • Dec25 '05
  • 1058 things

    46k rads

Nomads

I wrote a new short story for you to enjoy.

Decider: Admin

  • qwerty
  • Dec25 '05

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So much detail and character depth. However it seemed forced at points. With you're style of writing you could write erotica professionally!

  • Lownotes
  • Dec25 '05

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Tell me where it seemed forced. I'd like to take out any false walls.

  • Dumbskull
  • Dec25 '05

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Don't listen to Qwerty he doesn't know how to read.

Bloody brilliant. I wish I could write like that ( I wish I could write at all ) .

this is good stuff.

read the divingbell and the meeperfly written, most herorically, by a Jean Dominique Bauby, one paralized by a stroke and only able to communicate by the blinking of his left eye...

he managed to write a short book of 29 chapters by only blinking an eye--this my lownote friend, is a big deal. The kind that make prizes won, the kind that don't matter a flying meep in the whirl of the emotions around being around! I liked your story about the convalescent, the able but weak, the mentally challenged by the fury of living and the blindness of strife and the submission unto greater progress.

There are of course real examples, this is one, read it . It's worth it, but be prepared to be "low" for a day at least. I concur with the qwerty on the focus shifting about parts being played into for background that took themselves into forward focus--it's not going to be easy to do, so keep on doing it, I think it's not bad enough to mark as a "bad thing" actually, I encourage you to continue!

I enjoyed it, so despite whatever the meeps say, keep beating yourself up and churning this stuff out.

  • Lownotes
  • Dec26 '05

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Thank you much.

I'm still up in the air about the asides. I put them in there as choruses - something to read instead of a blank space to indicate time had passed. I love them, so it is hard to go through and delete them. I'll just have to let it sit and age for a while before I decide.

keep them.

only write what you enjoy to read--and more importantly, write. even if its a book full of only asides what matters is that the book/story/episode has come its full course.

I think the ability to interspace them will be the challenge though. Like cooking a fancy cake, or lasagana, there are layers and elements that occur only in spots but manage to transcend the whole--what are the elements that transcend and how do they do that?

That's the secret of the "secret" sauce, it's the interplay of elements that become greater than the sum; the resulting roar from the breath, the quivering and trembling afftereffects of the thunder--would we really be able to gauge anything by it's mere existence? or do we divine the occurence of greatness by the side dishes? The little specks of light, the motes of upset--those rustling pidgeons, that unlike us, are more delecate indicators of great movement?

If the villagers had realized that all the animals had fled, there would have been fewer tsunami victims a boxing-day ago... In the woods when the crickets stop chirping, there is a big thing nearby--it's probably you, but notice it. And then patent it, make it an assembly line process and you can be stephen king! [I am joking, i hope].

  • Tango
  • Dec27 '05

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More excellant work. Good mind.

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BeachGoat
That whole peyote church thing I did in 76 could have ended up just like Manson...good thing that old woman came up and name me "meep" (Snake meep), so I left with a picking crew, and ended up swimming with nubiles & sharks in Corpus Crispy
LOki
You sure were lucky little fellah, so very lucky.
BigDinWaun+
Reminds me how lucky I was not to listen to Jim Jones back in '78
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No biggie... enjoyed the link.
LOki
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LOki
head explodes in 3.... 2.... 1.........
LOki
http://www.nranews.com/commentators/video/commentators-episode-78-everyone-gets-a-gun-with-billy-johnson
LOki
for BigD
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Get well, Goat. Take some super-goat juice and aspirin.
BigDinWaun+
Get well, Goat. Take some super-goat juice and aspirin.
spankerchi+
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BeachGoat
Dang it, after a week, I guess I'll have to submit to the hospital; I am actually broken. Ribs are meepered up.
Pepper
I don't mean YOU! You guys are cool, but life is meep-meeping me and I'm not dealing with it very well.
Pepper
Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to die and say "meep you" Well, it's one of those.
spankerchi+
...for the bread-winning type Goat labors 'n such.
spankerchi+
Okay. I heard that he was okay. Just checking to see if he was still mobile.
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Spanky, the cruiser got a dented basket, but Goat kind of straightened it. I'm more worried about him. meeping yikes.
Pepper
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JohnLenin
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How's le bike?
BeachGoat
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linkswarm
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linkswarm
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HOBO
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HOBO
Which one of you meepers ran down beachgoat with your car while he was rifing his bike? meeps!
LOki
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BeachGoat
HOBO
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spankerchi+
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BeachGoat
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yup
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ihalo
JOURNAL: Those Times
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spankerchi+
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linkswarm
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linkswarm
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Mofo
amazed this place is still around
spankerchi+
But seriously: How do you hide an erection in these things?
spankerchi+
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BigDinWaun+
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spankerchi+
on People Defecating on Trains: Coiled up and+
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linkswarm
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