Gather 'round little nigglets, get cozy and warm, for I have a tale conserning the swarm. You may not believe what I have to say, unless you were there on that frightful day....

THE JERKFACE WHO (almost) RUINT XMAS


written by: guitarjon123
narrated by: Burl Ives
based on characters created by: Your Mother

One winter night in the small town of swarmville
the swarmers were partying like old herman melville
with whiskey and vodka and little snack treats
waiting for xmas, and bad gift receipts
but one of the swarmers thought this was a joke
as he sat in darkness enjoying a smoke
this one was the jerkface who's face was a jerk
with mad little eyebrows, and cock sucking smirk

this jerk hated xmas with all of his being
the concept of giving was most disagreeing
he wanted the others to see it his way
so maybe he'd stop this most horrid of days
'but how?' the jerk thought as he fingered his sack
it itched him like crazy so he gave it a smack
and as the pain lingered he had a great thought
"I'll just TAKE their shit, I'll take the whole lot"
He jumped from his chair and scurried back home
he needed to plan, consulting his tome

the swarmers still partied and had a good time
but tired with drink they had passed their prime
Bobo was spewing up hot marinara
while Vas was riding his pet capybara
Momad was sining shit all out of key
and Wrecker was crying while covered in wee
Gothmog was snoring with balls on his face
they belonged to Sexninja who placed them with grace
LK was fite with large candy canes
and meta was sexing it up with his planes
the swarmers were happy, passed out, or drunk
with two days to go until free xmas junk!

{commercial break: santa riding around on norelco razor, weeee}


the sun came up on the hungover group
squinting their eyes and feeling like poop
they stumbled around to gather their crap
going back home with presents to wrap
but when they arrived to each of their places
(oh man, I wish you could see their faces)
THEIR SHIT WAS GONE! NOWHERE IN SIGHT!
WTF? they all thought clenching fists for a fight
storming back to the place where the party had been
they glared at each other for what they had seen
"you stole all mah shit" said little shitboxy
who assumed they were guilty, if even by proxy
the temperature rose and a fite did begin
even poor Clavis took one on the chin :(

The jerkface could see all the fighting and pain
watching it safely from his sheltered domain
"this is fantastic" he thought to himself
while dancing around and dressed like an elf
he finally did it, he ruint their shit
he didn't regret it, not one single bit
though all of this shit that sat in his home
took up too much room with nowhere to go

the swarmers, not being completely retarded
had tired of fighting (and plus freakbass farted)
they wanted real answers to what had been done
they noticed the jerkface was suspiciously gone
they marched to his house with rape on their minds
shame on the klingon who wasted their time
they knocked on his door and called his ass out
which scared the sad jerkface "there's no need to shout :("
he opened the door and asked "what's the matter"
with swift swarmer action they created a clatter
fucking his shit up beyond all good reason
and calling him 'faggot' on reason of treason

after his beating was all well and done
they grabbed all their shit and then walked back home
but feeling 'tad shitty for beating each other
they decided a gifting was really in order
they traded their gifts, some wrapped and some not
to make up for kicks to the face, crotch, and butt
and though xmas was still one day away
this was the best xmas, at least in one way
despite all the bullshit and that stupid ass fool
three of them added to their own dead pool

Merry Xmas, Shitnecks

{the end}