As you all might know, Steel and I like to tool around comic conventions. After you get a few conventions under your belt you begin to see a some familiar faces shilling their shitty comics at show after show. Having the press pass at the last show was pretty badass, the only drawback is that a lot of these dudes want a free plug (heh), now they are getting what they
ask for.

I almost forgot about these cats till I reached into my jacket at work today and pulled out a business card for Kiss Me Comix, and on that card was a url to the biggest pile of shit witnessed by man (ok, I might be exaggerating a bit).

First I read this:
Kiss Me Comix, founded in 1994 by the husband and wife team of Barbara Jenkins (center) and Rod Jenkins (right) was created to give readers, who are tired of the ups and downs of mainstream publishing, a new direction in which to enjoy comic book reading.


Ok, I'm all about people chasing their dreams, but the "ups and downs" seems like code for "nobody wanted my shit". But if some badass dude wants to sell me something wearing that smarmy fedora, I gotta check it out.

So here is their flagship title:


Serena Park, A young half Black/Korean woman, with a shadowy past, marries Jonathan Carlisle, an African-American cosmetic entrepreneur . On their honeymoon, Jonathan is brutally murdered by seven gang-bangers right before Serena's eyes! The culprits go unpunished. Driven by grief and possibly guilt, Serena becomes Serenade, 'The Songstress of Death' inheriting her late husband's cosmetics empire.

OH NOES, THE THUGS BEAT DOWN THE MASCARA BARON!

Serenade invents a poison lipstick, determined to exact justice on the 'lucky seven', Serenade embarks on a journey where sex, money, and guns rule the streets. Using only her looks, and a touch poison ( But having a fourth degree Black Belt In Tae Kwon Do doesn't hurt). Serenade becomes a one woman killing machine for those unfortunate to cross her path!

Huh, smearing poison on a mucus membrane to fight crime? Where do I sign up?

Serenade, with it's adult situations, nudity, and adult language is recommended for mature readers 18 and older.

Fuck that, you won't lure me with the siren song of cockadoodie words and poorly drawn boobs and vag.

OK, on to....

Melvin Jenkins, an urban teen who's selling drugs in an attempt to get himself and his mother Janet Squeers, out of the slums of Chicago. Along with his best friend, Johnny Williams, they are close to achieving their goal. On their final night on the streets, Melvin is abducted by two men, working under the orders of the mysterious Dr. Hans Axlerod.

So, the villian is named after a car part?

Axelrod, who is the sole living product of the Nazi genetic experiments, is intent on restoring the Nazi regime. Replacing mankind with a new species, homo-mutanis , Axlerod who will be the new Fuhrer, is aided by scientists worldwide. There appears to be no one who will be able to stop Dr. Axlerod .

Oh fuck, Nazis!
This might be cool.

Using human guinea pigs, Axlerod refines the process to subjugate mankind, Melvin one of the first to survive the process, is granted superhuman abilities, Melvin escapes. Later, Melvin goes to the authorities only to be rebuffed. Axlerod, now transformed himself, realizes that Melvin is the main threat to his plans. Ordering the kidnapping of Melvin's mother and best friend, Axlerod figures to keep his intentions secret. Thus sets in motion events that is more than mere coincidence. As fate is being manipulated from beyond the realm of human comprehension. Kings become pawns of the fate of the world hangs in the balance.

Just for the record, this is a lot like the Captain America backstory, but I'll let it slide, BEACAUSE THIS MUCH EVIL AXELROD HAS TO BE GREAT!

So let's get a gander at our Melvin hero.


Whoa, those are fucking yellow eyes!!



Which he morphs into yolkplasm to fly through the air!



I have no punchline for this, it's just fucking weird.



For fuck sakes, the artwork looks like TRON, if TRON was 150% shittier and drawn with crayolas (click thumb for snax).

OK, next one.


Ooooooh, this sounds EXCESSIVE!

While working for Armortech, an weapon technology firm, William Evans quietly works on a new bulletproof vest prototype to be used for law enforcement. Frank Lane, Chief Executive Officer of Armotech, has been secretly under the employ of the criminal underworld queen, the enigmatic Lady April. Following Lady April's orders, Lane has been selling Armortech's technology to criminals and the various street gangs throughout Chicago. All the while the profits help fund Lady April crime syndicate.

William Evans, inadvertently discovers Frank Lane's criminal activities, and prepares to go to the authorities, Lane now desperate to protect himself and Lady April, hires assassins to eliminate Evans. Evans in order to protect himself, dons his own prototype vest and defeats the henchmen after a fierce battle.

Afterwards, William Evans realizes that in the world there is a new breed of criminal, and he now is the only force capable of dealing with the new menace. With the new breed of criminal comes a the new breed of justice.

Shit, this sounds like it could be cool Batman/Shaft/Punisher/Steel type story.



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This looks like it was drawn by a retard who just had his hands amputated and has to learn how to draw with his feet and people feel sorry for him but he keeps plugging away at his drawings while his parents look on and weep and hug while telling each other that things will be ok as long as they have family and love which is funny because a week prior to junior's accident the father decided that he was living a lie and was going to claim the female birthright that was his since birth but stolen by his cruel chromosones but that is all moot now cause "handy" added another notch to the life wrecking gun that was always aimed at him and leaving for smokes in the still of the night to catch a flight to Brazil for a reasonably priced "procedure" would just be an asshole move, and daddy just doesn't roll like that.



This looks like he's pointing to some dog poop on the lawn while trying to pick up a 7-10 split.



"What, the orb is behind me?"
"I'll just knock the fuck outa it with my stick :coolshades:"

Ok, that's all for now, more coming soon.

PS. Sign the guestbook, LOL