SexNinja       08-04-2006, 09:15 am

Thanks for leaving me on the edge of my seat, FAGGOT.

qwerty       08-04-2006, 09:23 am

u had a ass punch?

fl_projekt       08-04-2006, 09:36 am

-10 viking points for an incomplete post

steel       08-04-2006, 10:08 am

LOL, Be patient young grasshoppers...

OK On with the story. LK and I love this type of job, because generally whatever happens its easy money for us. Either A) the guy pays and we leave or B) the guy doesn't pay and we leave and the company sets up a time for us to rip the system out.

So basically we were feeling pretty good. We did however bring keys to the system and snips in case we had to disable it for non payment. LK of course brought his extendable beating stick, as we had the possibility of walking around a town were we aren't liked with $5000.

Anyways we arrive and it is lightly sprinkling rain outside and we enter a bar on a moderately busy night. I think to myself, these guys will be pissed if I tell them we are shutting the system down.

We walk over to the bar manager who tells us, he knows nothing of the money owed or the promised check. (Surprise, Surprise)

**Sidenote** We deal with so many bars who have so many managers they never know whats going on. I think bar owners do it on purpose so they can fuck around with everything and know one ever has time to catch on**

He says he has to make a call and we go sit at the bar hoping no one will be there and we get to walk away after having done our due diligence.

However after a moment he tells us to follow him into the basement.

At this point alarm bells are going off and LK and I share a telepathic moment where we express our dislike for this idea but follow anyways.

Down the stairs, poast the washrooms and through an Employees Only door we follow the bar manager and get ushered into the owners office and sit in the two seats across from the owner.

The owner is on the phone at the time, a large, older, maybe italian (LK may have a better idea as to his nationality) mafia looking dude.

LK is sitting with his back to the open doorway and I face the doorway, I can't take my eys off the fucking bar manager who is standing, arms at his sides just outside the door way. We are uncomfortable. The owner still on the phone not really acknowledging us is talking withsomeone half in english/half italian?? We hear things like when are you going to be able to get here... and ... Ahh its storming there? I'm sure the storm is coming here...

Im staring to get mad at this guy for not hanging up the phone and getting us the cash... I see LK has his baton slightly removed from his pocket with his hand on it looking on edge.

I can only see half of the bar manager in the door frame and whats going through my mind is "I wonder what the hand I can't see is doing...

There was a definite air of discomfort in that room.

Then BANG the owner drops the phone receiver onto the desk as he is trying to hang it up, LK nearly jumped out of his seat!

The owner chuckled, oops, hung up the receiver then leaned back in his chair like the GodFather!

More to follow.....

dent       08-04-2006, 10:43 am

This is like the Canadian version of a bad Sopranos pilot. Please continue.

qwerty       08-04-2006, 10:50 am

and then he took off his pants right. right?

steel       08-04-2006, 11:49 am

and on with the show....

Leaned back he spreads his arms and lifts his hands with a "So!"

Steel: So.
Guido: Here's the problem I have fellas...

Oh fuck, this guy does not plan to pay. The bar manager at the door walks away. Oh Oh.

Guido: I dont have a rental contract with you! When your boss took over for the last owner, the old owner brought him out to see the place, he said he would get in touch with me, I haven't heard anything back. Your boss. He's a hard guy to get a hold of.

But I'm a good guy... a good guy... Im going to give you some money as an act of good faith.

He whips out this giant checkbook and starts to write the check not knowing what month it is. What he's writing doesn't look like $5000. At this point I want to express his concerns to our boss and also get confirmation as I was told not to take a non-certified check.

I get no cellular service in the room. LK kinda keeps talking with him while I go back down the hallway and up the stairs for better service.

I call the boss.

Boss: OK take the check, you guys can still rip it out if it bounces. I've called this fucking guy shitloads of times, hes allergic to picking up the phone!

I go back downstairs to let Guido know the boss will contact him to straighten out the contact situation.

I don't know what went on while I was out of the room but when I get back the guy is discussing with LK the benefits of the ergonomic pen that this Guido's friend has patented and will be putting on the market.

He makes me try out the pen and tells me I'm doing it wrong, instructs me on holding the pen, but is still upset with the way my hand looks while I'm writing.

LK explains I'm a lefty... ok back to business. I'm looking at the check and the handwriting is terrible, but it doesn't look like $5000 to me. So I ask...

-How much did you make the check for?
-$2000
- Hmm. OK, you owe $5000
- No
- We were instructed to come and pick up the $5000 that you owe.
- NO. You are dead wrong on that.

My telepathic abilities told me LK was wanting me to drop it. So I made the executive descision to accept the lesser ammount and go.

Apart from the uneasiness this guy hasn't really done anything unexpected, you know, all bar owner think they are the most important fuck goin and want to tell you how much they pay you, as if it means anything.

So he whips out his huge calculator... You know he says as he bigins to crunch numbers I pay $208 right?... I talked to the old owner of the company recently and he says for the length of time I've been renting, I own the system by now.

He comes up with a number $46,000.

I lecture Well thats the thing about renting something. You never own it. Now we have had rental agreements who have decided to buy out thier systems at a reduced price.

The bar manager is back at the door asking when the guy is arriving? The owner tells him should be anytime.

After the bar manager leaves I begin to motion to LK that it is time to go. I have one hand slightly under the owners desk and I am motioning to the door with my finger, LK is not watching. ( Later in the car we decided upon a differnt exit signal more visable).

I want to go now. The owner wants to chit chat. How business is going, what new with the system. We tell him.

Everytime I feel a lull he bring up something else. I begin to get the feeling that he is keeping us in the office. I am repeatedly giving the signal to get going.

Finally I stand up looking at my watch, when I sit back down I begin to slide the wrench from my pocket. LK must have seen this as he finally motioned to me that he was ready to jet.

I cut Guido off mid sentence, thanked him and let him know we would be in touch and that once all this contract money/shit was straight we would be happy to provide repair if needed.

We let him lead us to the stairs. I was not turning my back. We made it out of the building.

It was pouring rain.

Last entry to follow soon....

fl_projekt       08-04-2006, 12:19 pm

Commercial breaks SUCK

vasudeva       08-04-2006, 12:48 pm

This is making me apprehensive.

mofo       08-04-2006, 01:41 pm

Shit, I'm gonna be late for work now.

LORDKAHUNA       08-04-2006, 01:53 pm

I know it sounds unbelievable, the idea of mob shit usually resides in the domain of movies and pulp fiction, but Steel and I have seen a ton of it firsthand (easy to spot a mob joint when you learn to know what to look for). These places are usually benign and the management tends to be gregarious, that is until the issue of money is brought up, then they go Corleone.

I have been in a few dicey situations before, the one that really sticks out was the Latin Quarter, I was in a room with 3 bouncers and the manager who was jabbing a finger into my chest and was telling me that under no uncertain terms was I going to render the system inoperable (the worst thing that would happen to me was that I�d get bootfucked pretty bad). This was the first time that I was scared, not like tensing to get in a fight scared (I think I could handle myself ok, I�ve been brushing up on my pugilistic skills since the SYR BRAWL), or worried that a beating was going to get bad scared, but terror.

When we walked downstairs and through the (locking) fire door my fear was palatable, the section of the building had an alternate entrance at the end of the hall. On the door was a sign that read �No Alcoholic Drinks Past This Point� which made the hair on my neck stand on end, it told me that he had 2 operations going that sold booze, and the one behind this door was off the books. I didn�t voice my curiosity, and I quickly forgot that I had made this connection because he greeted me with �Where do I know you?� which caused my scrote to shrivel, my fellows retreating into their secret place to escape danger with kung fu mastery.

When Steel and I enter an establishment to collect money, or repossess a system, the most common conception of us is that Steel is the mouth and I am the thug, (this is usually intensified when I�m carrying a silver briefcase full of tools). I get the old, �where do I know you from?� question often, which roughly translates to, �well, I�m badass, and I know badasses, but I don�t know you, shall we bump pecs?� Most of the time this suits our needs, not this time.

So Don Scary pants abruptly jumps on the horn and makes the the Italian/English phone call telling someone to arrive ASAP, tells him he doesn�t give a fuck about the rain, and tells him something else in b0boese while alternating angry glares from his desktop to the manager who was standing at the door behind us. When he hung up/dropped the handset (which hit me like a rifle shot) he shifted into 500-watt smile mode with an indescribable grinding of gears, it was fucking creepy. During our conversation he commented that he used to run a sizeable nightclub out of Hamilton, fucking sirens were going of in my head making big �ARROOGA, DIVE DIVE DIVE� noises. Hamilton is Canada�s biggest mob city; during the 90�s there was a lot of wopery rubbing each other out (not the good rubbing out, but the other one). He also dropped hints that he knew a lot of �people�, including a few bar owners that we knew were dirty (two strip clubs called Flesh Gordon�s, and the Beef Baron).

Steel�s account is pretty accurate, but fails to empathize his finely tuned GET OUT OF DODGE AND LEAVE KAHUNA IN HARM�S WAY reflex that is thinly disguised as �the poor cellular reception phone call causing me to vacate danger area�. Dude, you can fucking bring me with you, kthx.

steel       08-04-2006, 02:12 pm

LOL. Yes we do really need ot work on our "What to do in scary situations." Handbook. Its balls that we run into this shit more often than not.

... to finish off my blurb...

We left in the rain, half laughing, half heaving sighs of relief at being outta there...

after a quick pitstop for a bite and a piss (yes we didn't let any loose in the office) we were back on the road home and noticed one last interesting thing.

Squinting through the incredible rainstorm we saw two bad ass harley's under a leantoo connected to a shitty "hovel to fuck your secretary" motel...

We joked that these were the hitters called from the office... the ones who complained about riding in the weather... that they suggested he pay us 2K, rather than the 4K they would be paid for the hit....

Maybe they'd give him a discount next time to make up for the trouble...

We laughed in the truck as we said that we were probably imagining things...

hobo       08-04-2006, 02:19 pm

Boboese? :(

uart       08-04-2006, 04:57 pm

There's no mafia in Canada... Canadians are friendly little pasty-white people who dance jigs and sing songs about Maple Syrup.

This story is false.

JohnLenin       08-04-2006, 07:16 pm

:D

qwerty       08-04-2006, 09:40 pm

and then he took his pants off right

shitbox       08-05-2006, 12:45 am

Great story. Any time you do any 'bill collecting' or 'policy enforcing' you should be carring one of these. Seriously, unless of course you can swat bullets away with your collapseable baton.

vasudeva       08-05-2006, 09:11 am

That gun is SO BIG, it will literally let you SWAT bullets out of the AIR!

lownotes       08-05-2006, 11:08 am

LORDKAHUNA       08-05-2006, 12:15 pm

HAHA, where di you find that?

mundhra       08-05-2006, 04:19 pm

i'm glad lk's still alive.

steel? *shrug*


;)