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Site members can create their own journals and post comments. | The Seabat 03-31-2006 at 12:20 pm
Pranks in the military are (or were) commonplace when I was serving. Back when I was onboard the USS Caron (DD-970) pranks were a vital part of life that kept you from flat out losing it.
The prime target for ALL pranks were the neverending stream of recruits and apprentices (E-1's and 2's) that would show up every few weeks.
My best prank was one that I like to refer to as "The Seabat"
Another everyday event in the life of a sailor is something called "sweepers". Sweepers occurs at least four times a day and consists of (wait for it) sweeping. Since the Navy likes to spend it's money on paint and weapons to blow shit up with, there isn't much left in the budget for brooms. So the Navy uses these cheap ass straw brooms to clean the ship with. An idle sailor is big trouble so when we weren't battling Islamic extremists, pirates, or sea monsters (that's another story) we were cleaning and plotting the next prank on some poor sap.
Anyway, one day we (me and a few other guys) were doing sweepers on the o-3 level weather deck. The O-3 on a Spruance class destroyer is where the Harpoon missile launchers were stationed. I told the other guys the plan and had one of them go down to get the new E-1 (We'll call him Smith) that had reported to our division earlier that week
I took a big bucket and turned it over upside down on the deck and then sat on it to hold it down. Smith came up to the O-3 level and started helping with sweepers, meanwhile I am sitting there holding this bucket down.
Finally he asks me what I am doing, and I tell him that I had caught a Seabat and it was under the bucket. Of course he asked to see it and I told him "No way, if I pick this bucket up so you can see, my Seabat will get away." He says "There's no such thing as a Seabat." I say "Yeah? Well that's funny because I caught one under this bucket, so fuck off." Now he really wants to see the Seabat I caught, so he says "Just lift the edge a little and I'll look under." I tell him "Dude, if my Seabat gets away, I'm gonna be fukin pissed." He says it won't get away, just lift the bucket up a little bit.
I say OK, and he gets down on all fours with his head down right on the deck. Now the other guys were waiting for this and had moved in to surround Smith with brooms. As soon as his face was on the deck, everyone starts friggin wailing on him with these big ass straw brooms.
He starts to stand up yelling "What the fuck?! Stop it, I'm trying to see the Seabat!!!" So everyone stops hitting him and he gets back down on the deck again, at which point everyone starts wailing on him again.
He fell for it one more time before he finally figured out what the hell was going on. He got all pissed and everyone was friggin laughing our asses off. For weeks after that everyone was asking him if he had seen any more Seabats. Later when 'Smith' became a track supervisor his net callsign was "Seabat". (On a related note, "Wrecker" was MY net callsign. I got that after I had three car accidents, none of which were my fault, in about a two month period. Just incase any of you bitches were wondering.)
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Posted Comments Registered site members may leave comments.
jwalker 03-31-2006, 12:35 pm
heh :)
Reminds me of the campaign I had in HS to save the giant flying vampire toad.
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qwerty 03-31-2006, 12:36 pm
wtf lol
My idea of a practical joke is giving a fat slob who chain smokes and drinks too much coffee a heart attack by scarring him during a lockup(making sure all critical doors are locked and all non critical staff/patrons are out).
Either dressed up manikin in toilets or beating the elevator up to the next level to jump him normally does the trick. But the best stunt to pull on the new guy and a way of testing if he has any balls is to get the dayshift cellarman to dress in skivvies and chase him with a base-ball/cricket bat during clearance(critical time when we have all the money from the pokies on the floor - either counting the coins or collecting the notes from the pokies - at any time upwards of $100,000 out of the safe that normally will warrent one of us carrying a gun)
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Acidburn 03-31-2006, 07:10 pm
You said Seabat and I thought of a joke someone did while at sea onboard the USS.Nimitz. At night on the aircraft carrier we could use blue or green filtered lights to work with. A buddy of mine comes up and holding a maglight between his legs. Stretched over the light was as he put it"A wing of a bat he caught". We could see the veins in everything.....................It wasn't a bat :/
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ghostrider 03-31-2006, 07:26 pm
on the fishing boats, we'd be cruising out at 8 knots, and we's give the noob a bucket and ask him to fetch a pail of water
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Stump 03-31-2006, 07:49 pm
We used to send newby FOs to fetch a box of grid squares from the supply room. If we were lucky and there was a non-NCO working when he got there it usually ended up a half day hunt as they got shuttled from unit to unit because 'we just ran out but so-and-so should have some, go check there'. New motor pool guys would get told that their tires weren't regulation round. You'd catch a lot of people trying to find batteries for the chem-lights too.
My favorite boards question was: How many trucks are their on post? You'd always watch as they started counting in their head and then the inevitable: Civilian or just military?
(For non-military folk a 'truck' in the military is the name for that little ball on top of the flag pole, the military doesn't drive trucks and there is always only one truck on post.)
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hobo 04-01-2006, 07:07 pm
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Acidburn 04-01-2006, 09:07 pm
Fuck you hobo! nigger
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coknurmowth 04-03-2006, 02:37 pm
Great story, let's hear the one about the sea monster too.
When I was a mechanic we would get new "shop-bitch" for the summer, metric monkey wrenches and screwdrivers and all that stuff...but the best and it always works is the old hold this while I try to kick it over and hand them the spark wire with no cap on it..ba-zing! Working in electronics you always have a capacitor to pop some one with...electricity is fun!
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