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Site members can create their own journals and post comments. | Oh Crap! 01-12-2006 at 04:09 pm
I had a meeting in my office today with three other people--one of whom was an older gentleman with bowel control problems. All of a sudden he gets up in mid-sentence, excuses himself and bolts for the bathroom. Left behind, on one of my office chairs, was a large dollop of poop.
There was also evidence that he'd eaten corn recently. No shit.
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Posted Comments Registered site members may leave comments.
uart 01-12-2006, 04:11 pm
wait.. he pooped through his pants? Is that possible?
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ghostrider 01-12-2006, 04:13 pm
You should of looked at the others and said "Pardon me, is this stool taken"
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ragoo 01-12-2006, 04:18 pm
Ghost: LAWL
Uart: It actually bubbled up out of the back of his pants and clung to the back of the chair. His shirt was all shitified too.
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pchimp 01-12-2006, 04:18 pm
No shit
But you contradict yourself, sir.
During weightlifting class in high school, we were treated to the defining moment in my memory of the gym teacher/football coach/cultural whatsits teacher/no-neck, no-brain reserve policeman, as he blew out his shorts and treated the mats to a spume of hot diarrhetic dross on a particularly strenuous squat.
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vasudeva 01-12-2006, 05:14 pm
I find this journal entry too crazy good to be true, and suspect myself of having edited it so that it says what I want it to say.
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metatron 01-12-2006, 06:15 pm
vasudeva: ULTRA LOL!
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ragoo 01-12-2006, 06:54 pm
You think I wouldn't photo document this? I had a camera at work but no USB cable. Anyway, post -cleanup: the aforementioned office chair w/poopstain.
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uart 01-12-2006, 08:13 pm
you have pretty fruity chairs in your office.
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LORDKAHUNA 01-12-2006, 09:22 pm
Fuck dude, this is the best @werk anecdote with pictoral proof I've seen all week.
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fastlane 01-12-2006, 09:53 pm
You got a job?!?
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ragoo 01-12-2006, 10:11 pm
Yeah, good job. And you can't beat the perks, as you can clearly see.
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ragoo 01-12-2006, 10:25 pm
Well, I'm gonna scrub the hell out of it tomorrow to see if it can be salvaged. What's funny (if that's the right word) is that after he cleaned himself up--which took a good 20 minutes--he came back in and finished the meeting. By that time I'd removed the chair he shat upon, so he looked around and found another identical chair to sit in. In his poopified shirt and pants.
So now I have two tainted chairs. I may donate them.
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SexNinja 01-12-2006, 10:39 pm
How did you not die of laughter, seriously.
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tantrum 01-12-2006, 10:40 pm
This is a brilliant journal entry.
haha.
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government_death_robot 01-12-2006, 10:43 pm
IMAGINE THE BACTERIA FESTERING AND REPRODUCING.
It makes me want to die.
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shitbox 01-12-2006, 11:25 pm
Ohhhhh kayyyy SFW ^^
BTW, where is SFW?
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government_death_robot 01-12-2006, 11:29 pm
He said on the shoutbox he was busy after I asked the same question.
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uart 01-13-2006, 12:16 am
Busy pooping on office chairs?
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BeachGoat 01-14-2006, 06:10 am
"That's a lot of Dung!"
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vasudeva 01-14-2006, 10:00 am
How did he get the poop up on the back of the chair? His shirt?
And how in the hell did he have the balls to come back in and act like nothing happened? Did he somehow not notice his leakage?
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ragoo 01-14-2006, 11:36 am
Shit, like water, seeks its own level. I observed this phenomenon many times when my kids were in diapers. It just scoots up and out. I'm not sure, but I think he DOES wears Depends or Oops I Crapped My Pants or something. This shitload seemed especially light and frothy, not unlike the consistency of chocolate mousse.
His wife is doing some temp work for us in the office. So when I noticed the shitpile, I got her attention as discreetly as I could. She helped clean him up, and she scrubbed the chair (which is a loss).
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vasudeva 01-14-2006, 04:39 pm
You should probably be commended for dealing with this scat aberration with a minimum of composure-loss and general WTFing.
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vasudeva 01-14-2006, 04:44 pm
And what was the wife's reaction, now that I think of it?
"Teehee, ew!"?
"That Shatsy is a fuking mindless ape who can't control his own goddamn intestines!"?
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Mofo 01-14-2006, 06:26 pm
Does the whole office know?
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ragoo 01-14-2006, 07:38 pm
Ohhh yeah.
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Mofo 01-14-2006, 11:32 pm
hm, I don't think if I could ever return to work after something like that.
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nocal 01-15-2006, 12:50 am
When I worked at the Men's Wearhouse, we always entered through the back door in the morning, before we opened up in front. I worked with, among other people, a guy named Sheldon. Sheldon was maybe 75, and worked part time on doctor's orders. If that doesn't make him sound old, his wife's name was Esther and he drove an early-90s Buick; you know those shitty quality Buicks that only old people drive because they cling to childhood memories of when Buicks were desirable.
I hear frantic knocking at the back door one day, and I walk from the front of the store and open it. It's Sheldon, and he looks kind of shaken up. "I had an accident." He rushes by me as best an old man is able. Immediately I think about the rental car place next door: he must have been hit in his car by someone coming around the blind corner in a rental.
But I turn and look as he walks by. His white shirt has a little brown just above the belt line, and his pants look a little wet. "Harold," Sheldon calls out to our manager, "you took too long to open the door and I had an accident."
He cleaned himself up in the bathroom, and at first he wanted to "borrow" clothes and work (gross). But Harold just kept telling him to go home, and so he finally did. I felt really bad for the guy...but it's still kinda funny.
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uart 01-15-2006, 04:18 am
Thank you for adding fuel to my desire to never get that old.
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ragoo 01-19-2006, 10:36 pm
I had some auditors in the office today. I let them sit in the chairs.
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ghostrider 01-19-2006, 11:16 pm
^HAHAHA..tahts funnay
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DJjaxon 02-17-2006, 10:54 pm
what; You work at a senior citizens center?
Horn players are known to toot brown silver dollars in their shorts when they toot a few notes on their trumpet.
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Crackalackin 02-18-2006, 12:59 am
Why am I finding this thread so entertaining? Shit, man.
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