Well, you asked. Not that much to tell, really. I have known the guy for 25 years. I was in high-school in upstate NY then and he was this dude, with the personality of a hippie biker, and I always sort of looked up to him like a big brother. No pun intended; back then he was of a normal girth for someone his height. His wife was a friend of the family from way back, but they were sort of on the fringe of society, and so we kids would go over and get stoned with them. Anyway, after school I kept in touch with them and would visit them from time to time in the various places they lived. I shared an apartment with their (her) daughter for a while in Phoenix; not romantically, but we were all pretty close in those days. Several years later, after I'd done a stint in the service and had bummed around for a while, I went to see them in San Diego. It was a weird atmosphere, when he just kind of out of nowhere starting going off about how he didn't agree with my philosophy of life and such and to get the hell out. It really didn't make any sense to me at the time, but my mother told me never to argue with crazy people.

It was over ten years since I saw him again. In 2000 I moved to San Diego for work, decided to send them a xmas card, you know, just for the hell of it. I got a reply and an invitation. When I arrived, we all said hi and it was like none of that shit ever happened. I was kind of hoping for an apology or explanation, but neither of us broached the subject. I didn't press matters because I figured it could wait till later, plus I was half in shock to see someone three times the size of the person I used to know. He claimed it's some medical thing and that most of his extra weight is actually water. But maybe it was just hot air. His health is poor overall, and I feel sorry for him - just not very much, that's all.

They moved back to NY state shortly after I moved to the bay area, and the next couple of years, when I went to my folks' place for xmas, I would pay them a visit. So two years ago I went to see them one day to say hi. He seemed cordial enough at first, but then I touched his computer and that turned out to be a big no no, and then he went outside to mow the lawn, and left me to talk with his wife. I was a little closer with her anyway, so that wasn't so strange, but still. In the meantime, she is telling me all this shit about how difficult he'd been to put up with because of his abusive attitude and his pig-headed far-right wing politics. Far-right? This was new to me. According to her, he'd been a closet conservative his whole life and had only recently come out, having since become a rabid advocate of the administration. Whatever - I don't really care what my friends' politics are that much.

By the time I was ready to go, he was poking around on his computer, and I went in to say goodbye. He was tinkering with his crappy little clunker, trying to upgrade his linux system. He doesn't really know that much about computers and shit, but he thinks Bill Gates is the evil overlord and that the revolution is nigh, and never misses a chance to tell me that since I work with Microsoft products, I will soon be looking for a job. So, he shows me his new Reagan calendar (that he meticulously reconstructed from the last year's calendar by pasting the pictures onto one of the current year) and the conversation went something like this:
him - Well, you better start learning Linux so you won't be out of work when the revolution comes.
me - yeah yeah, save it
him - oh yeah, well you can just leave then (which, I was doing anyway)
me - heh, yeah. well, man it's been...
him - no, no (waves hand, palm down) just go on...you don't need my advise (which I didn't) then you can just leave
me - (incredulous) what...you're serious?
him - yeah - just go on (the hand continues like a little flipper) mumble, mumble, grumble...
me - (exasperated) alright

That's the last I saw, or cared to see, of him. Now, remember - while this conversation was taking place, he was wearing his clothes, okay? Then mr fucking media had to go and swarm - in what I'm sure he thought was a perfectly innocent and good natured gesture - a web page full of FAT NAKED FREAKS!

You know the rest. I have been scarred for life, and pause only to write this before searching through the kitchenry for a pair of forks with which to gouge out my eyes.