JohnLenin       08-22-2005, 04:35 pm

...dude.

vasudeva       08-22-2005, 04:38 pm

Nice.

The best thing I ever learned I got from the Boy Scouts: Be prepared.

ghostrider       08-22-2005, 04:54 pm

i/we heart Azr0n

sahlgoode       08-22-2005, 05:22 pm

arzon:

I took the time to read your early entry on the subject of the Reaperman, and I gotta tell you, there are some serious thought running through your head right now.
It seems that you've got a lot of peeps that care about you here, and I'd like to include myself as one of them

I'm not comfortable enough with my own skin that I could discuss the record-breaking number of attempts that I've put myself through in your personal/public journal, but if you'd like to PM me to let off some steam, by all means do so.

I've got some amusing stories like"STOP! Jump off that bridge and we'll shoot" that had me pissing my pants so hard I fell backwards.

When I see someone shopping around for a good suicide kit, I take it very seriously. If I was supposed to laugh at today's entry, and I'm off base, then call me a fuktard, but I'd rather err on the side that has arzon in my world for a long time to come.

JohnLenin       08-22-2005, 05:25 pm

A suicide kit had never occured to me before.

HellKat       08-22-2005, 05:48 pm

we have a 25 foot vacuum hose. That would have probably worked better then the dryer hose. Still Azron being the "creat something from nothing" made the damn thing work pretty well. A a quick thinking & acting officer who just HAPPENED to be partrolling the lower 40 of the cemetary probably deserves something more than a half hearted "thank you" for doing his job.

I know from my own experience that waking up on the wrong side of a suicide attempt pretty much sucks. You don't go that route if you actually believes anybody would notice or give a shit. Next time, I'll use the fuckin vacuum hose, a garage, booze, locks AND every bit of medication I can get my hands on. I bet one of those rent-a-space place would be a good location.

shitbox       08-22-2005, 05:55 pm

you BOTH are fucked up individuals...why dont you guys and SFW have a Heavens Gate party or somethin?

DonQuixote       08-22-2005, 06:12 pm

Shit! I have no clue what to say. Well, actually I do but I don't really know YOU as in I have never met you or sat down to have a face to face chat. In teh swarm you seem like a caring and good hearted person. I know depression sux and PTSD is even worse, but suicide is NOT an option. I know this journal isn't supposed to be a "cry for help" thing but you still thought about it, which means its still there in your head.

If you see a shrink, good. However, make sure you connect with the person you see on a chemical level. I mean that when you first see/meet the shrink, you feel comfortable and that you like them immediately. If you can't be open and trusting and they can't see YOU and talk to YOU (not your diganosis) then leave em and find a new one (I've gone through like 10 in LA and finally found one).

As far a a psychiatrist, they are just drug dealers, you don't have to love them just give em symptoms and get what you need to get the happy pills. Your shrink is the one to really work with. May I also suggest cognitive behaviorall therapy or CBT. A good therapist can use certain techiniques to actually change the way you think and behave. Or Bio response therapy. In this therapy you practice controlling little things like your skin temperature with your mind. I know it sounds weird and all Sci-Fi but it does work for many people.

What I'm getting at here is that you need to actually fix the problem, or at least strive to fix it. You can't just take the happy pills and hope the demons won't come back. You have to fight for every inch of progress. Do NOT go quietly into the night! Don't let the stuff in your head get the better of you. FIGHT IT with everything you have. Cause there are people that care for you and that would miss you if you were gone. Because porn is fucking awesome. Because Sunrises over the atlantic are fucking beautifull. Because having a family that YOU and your Beloved built together is the most wealth that any man can ever hope to gather in one lifetime. Because Family Guy is back on the air. Because we could all go down fighting and you might not be by our sides. Because life is precious. Because dogs are fucking cool. Because you love and or hate cats. Because PS3 is going to be fucking awesome. Because high school girls are always hot in the summer and they always stay the same age. Because in our lifetime wetware may be available and computer/brain interaction is going to get a hell of a lot cooler. Because fucking vanilla ice cream on a hot apple pie tastes great. Because we fucking need you MAN!!!!

You fill a place. An important place. In our lives, and in the fucking world at large. No part is too small to be played no part is too big. Without the players the show is over for everyone. So don't fuck it up for the rest of us man, we are all counting on you to be here when we fuck up and need someone with a deep soul to bitch to.

Now I'm all choked up. Ok
EVERYONE!!!
HUGS.

I mean it
FUCKING
HUGS!!!

BIG ones that feel like you are going to melt into the other person.

HUGS MAN. FUCKING HUGS.

I get all emotional sometimes when I don't have enough sleep. I also have an anxiety disorder that has made me miss out on some stuff but I'm not suicidal or anything. I mean one of my major phobias IS death. Scare the shit out of me. Anyways, you can PM me or something if you just need to talk, just talk and get it out or fuckin I dunno. We're all here to help.

Be Well

Acidburn       08-22-2005, 06:37 pm

This will be an only attempt. Get help you two! Thats it. You are aware of what you are doing or trying to do. You recieve enought attention here through normal post so what gives? Anyway, If you do it please document it. Picts would be cool but only 1 of you can die the first time. The other is going solo.

ghostrider       08-22-2005, 06:45 pm

SFW

WOW...

DonQuixote       08-22-2005, 07:16 pm

Em...k...Shitbox - I'm not suicidal. I am scared shitless of death. Infact I'm the opposite of suicidal. I hold on to life so hard that some of it slips through my fingers.

Ghostie - Lemme 'splain. I have a passion for the fellow carbon units (ie humans). I won't just sit idley by and let someone off themselves if I can help even a smidgeon. I want to help Azron and Hellcat fight for themselves. Because there isn't anyone out there that should have to suffer such mental anguish as to want to kill themselves. Actually that's the reason why I don't want to have kids cause I know my family has a history of anxiety disorders and why would I force that upon my own spawn if I knew there was a huge chance that they could wind up like me. Anyways, Azron seems like a good person. Why should he or helkat have to suffer so much when there are gigantic assholes out there that get along just fine. Take Saddam Husain for example. The guy is just fucking brutal. Kills lots of people and likes it. But he's just pleased as punch with himself. WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE LIKE HIM AND HITLER GET TO BE ALL HUNKEY DORY AND THE PEOPLE WHO FEEL SHIT ARE ALL FUCT UP? I sort of have the same questions about good people getting cancer too. This is my major malfunction with religion.

Also I have had a major caffeine and sugar overload!

Azron - Be well. Read the Dalai Lama's "Guide to Happiness" (title may be a bit different in actual real life) its a good read and will open your mind to new things. Life is an adventure to be fought through and cherished every end is a begining of another adventure. Even being dumped by a girl is just a start to a new adventure of getting to know a new gal and falling in love and fucking like crazed whippets.

Stay away from the light! We haven't figured out whats beyond it yet!

Peace And Happiness to all
HUGS

shit my caffeine high just turned into a sugar low. I feel like my head is floating.

ghostrider       08-22-2005, 07:28 pm

no 'splanation needed. i'm all about teh hugs

*come here, you big lunkhead*

azron123       08-22-2005, 08:19 pm

Hey guys. We weren't trying to scare anyone. HellKat's attempt was about 3 years ago before I met her and mine was about 6 months ago.

We're both in therapy and on medication and we have both reached a point in our lives where we can look back on it as a learning experience. And sometimes we look at it as a bizzarre cosmic joke and laugh about it.

Each and every one of us lives on the brink of maddness every day of our lives. Having fallen off that cliff and started the long hard climb back to the top sometimes we see things from a different perspective. There is a lot more to laugh about than I ever realized.

Sure, sometimes HellKat and I have bad days, but we laugh a lot too. Mostly at ourselves.

Anyway, The journal entry was something in the way of black humor and not to be taken seriously.

Thanks for the kind thoughts and words guys. I always tell people that a lot of my friends live at LinkSwarm.

HellKat       08-22-2005, 08:29 pm

SFW. ....d00d....

Death is the beginning! Emancipation from the limits of human form! My mom is a medium. An honest-to-goodness-talks -to-spooks-medium. The spooks are always happy. They don't get sick. They don't squabble about insignificant anal stuff. They don't get headaches and shingles. They speak the same language. They travel through time and space and are much smarter than we are.

I have chronic clinical depression. I was diagnosed around age 20 and went through over a year of intense (2X weekly) therapy before as a "last resort" my therapist brought in her supervising psychiatrist who prescribed me norpramin. Medication saved my life and enabled me to put to use all that psychotherapy stuff I had been working on for so long. Dammit, I worked hard....and continue to do so all of my adult life to keep the demons at bay.

I guess being seriously suicidal at least once in my life has left me pretty apathatic toward death. I think it is pretty cool because I can have fun doing stupid things that sane people would have enough common sense not to do.

LORDKAHUNA       08-22-2005, 09:27 pm

BESTEST JOURNAL EVAR!

sahlgoode       08-22-2005, 09:35 pm

^ Agreed

There's a lot of love in this journal.
Glad you have the help you need , and glad that your black sense of humour, fooled yours truly. ; )

KrazEEyes       08-22-2005, 11:58 pm

I don't know which made me laugh harder the journal entry or SFW's reply!

dragonstaff       08-23-2005, 02:29 am

I too am glad that you are getting what you need, both of you. You would be missed if you were to leave. I did get the point of this entry though, having remembered the other.


As an aside, I am starting to think that SFW has matured to the point that he is almost bearable, as his last few posts have been distinctly lacking in the typical SFW fucktardedness that we all have grown to hate. Keep it up Boy!

BeachGoat       08-23-2005, 04:26 am

My kit includes several times the lethal dose of three narcotics, two surgical level smooth muscle relaxers, two refined poisons, four syringes, and a set of hep-locks; three six inch strait razors, various ligiatures and proper binding & tightening hardware, and hepatic draining gear.

Keep the blood to the torso, feed in the pain killers, followed by the hard doses of heart stoppers and the pure toxins. I'm not going to have some asshole bring ME back. Drain the good blood out the bottom.

I don't intend to let the pain that wracks my body ruin my life beyond repair. Depression has nothing to do with it. I have a responsibility to those I love not to be a broken piece of shit and a burden.

When the quality leaves so do I.


And I so agree with your veiw of the hardware store. Its a killing machine.

hobo       08-23-2005, 09:20 am

This group only gets the safety scissors for now on.

DonQuixote       08-23-2005, 11:52 am

I may have gone a little overboard on the intervention thing. I may have made a bit of an ass of myself, which really should just be generally epected by now (honestly, i mean its me were talking about here).

But I just hate to see people in pain. Seriously. If anyone ever needs help just PM me or Clavis and he'll track me down somehow (bastard). Anyways, peace love dope to all!

MOTHERFUCKING HUGS MAN!!1!11!!

lefen       08-23-2005, 01:37 pm

I've never seriously considered topping myself, but I know exactly how I'd do it (potassium chloride).

Anyways, this passage has always cheered me up when I'm down so thought I'd share:


The way to experience ultimate happiness is to let go of all worries and regrets, and to know that being happy is the most satisfying of life's feelings.

Reflect back on all the progress in your life and allow the positive, creative and joyous thoughts to outshine and overwhelm any sorrow or grief that may linger in the recesses of your mind.

Knowing that disease and disaster are natural parts of life is the key to overcoming adversity with a calm and happy spirit.

Happiness is waiting there in front of you. Only you can decide whether or not you choose to experience it.

Take this to heart!

- Toshitsugu Takamatsu, 33rd Grandmaster of the Togakure Ryu

chronos       08-23-2005, 01:40 pm

ghostrider       08-23-2005, 02:00 pm

mundhra       08-23-2005, 02:45 pm

^^lefen!?

lefen       08-23-2005, 03:26 pm

busted :'(

Dumbskull       08-23-2005, 05:08 pm

If I ever got to the point were I felt as if I needed to hit Ctrl, Alt, Delete, I would go with pills and booze. Now this is not as easy as it sounds because there is always the issue of the pharmaceutical miscalculation, using the wrong pills or the wrong booze, throwing up and then waking up with a raw hangover or even worse waking up in a padded psych ward, which would actually not be so bad after all. Because regardless of how bad shit seems at the day and time I wanted to do myself in, the next day it might not be so bad at all. But if I have already killed myself then I would never be able to see this new insight.

DonQuixote       08-23-2005, 06:17 pm

You just totally fuct my mind. I kinda liked it. :D

HellKat       08-23-2005, 11:23 pm

Goatman....

where did you collect your kit? Is it available as a one-stop online purchase? The HellKat and friend need to know!

-HK

sahlgoode       08-24-2005, 12:03 am

The smart shopper, when looking for a good "Suicide Kit" will always remember to clean up after them selves, so while your out at your local True Value, remember to drop into our paint and wallpaper department, for great deals on drop cloths. A must for those who are choosing a messy exit.

We've also have a special on J-74 for help in getting rid of those nasty De-Comp odors, just in case you don't get discovered for a few days.

If you drop into our "Better Living" department, we have lots of tips to make the transition easier for the ones left behind. Things like turning the thermostat down, and opening the windows, are just several of the wonderful ideas our specialist's can pass your way

Hey, and why not pick up a nice arrangement of flowers from our "Gardening department. We're sure the Medical Examiner will appreciate the thoughtful gesture when they come to remove your dead, rotting remains.

Don't forget we have a wide selection of "Going Away" card in our greeting card department. Or perhaps some of our stationery would be more to your taste. Complete with a fine quality pen to ensure that your final message to the world is easy to read.

Arzon, and Hellkat:
I'm one of those people that deal with the everday, matter of fact dealings with the dead. As you;ve stated earlier, this is all just a humorous outlook, a bizzarre cosmic joke, and I hope that the above passage was read with the same tone.

Yes, I've made attempts, and yes I still recieve therapy (you can tell), and one of the things that we always discuss in group is the people that are left behind. When we're in a downward spiral though, those people are the furthest from our minds.
I'd like to thank everyone here that chose to remind our friends Arzon, and Hellkat of that very fact.
I'm going to be so bold as to say "We love you both"......[sahlgoode laughs un-comfortably....who am I to speak for the swarm], but I do so with conviction in my heart, that I swear, if the last thing you think about before you act upon the dower thought are the people you'll be leaving behind, perhaps you'll reconsider the deed.

Love always Hugh...aka sahlgoode

DonQuixote       08-24-2005, 12:35 am

^^ That's what I'm saying man. Feel it. One love!

I think my meds are too high? Nope its the caffeine. ITs a really potent drug. I used to stay away from it cause o the panic disorder but now it doesn't really make me anxious.

However, as for the "Kit" factor. If I were going to do it then I'd definately go with a .22 cal semi auto pistol hopefully with a long muzzle to increase velocity a little. Under the chin is supposed to be the most efficient placement to smash up the pesky brain matter you don't want keeping you alive. The reason for the .22 is...*Pause for Excitement*... No Mess! It doesn't exit the skull. This is why many Mob hits are done with the .22. It really rattles around in the head before it loses its velocity completely. So its very simple and straight forward, but effective. Nothing fancy and no real set up. Prbably do it out in Malibu on the beach, one of the privat ones where people will think I'm just sleeping cause the .22 leaves a very small entry hole. Plus I always like to gaze at the stars there and the waves are relaxing. Wait thats no good. THen I'd be all "Oh look at the stars how can I do this". I do it in Rush hour traffic on a hot day on the 450 to 101 interchange in LA. WIth something like Elliot Smith blasting on the radio. That way I'd have no thoughts of life being good. Now as for prep. The shells would be lead or maby copper jacket if I could find em. that's as close as I can get to thinking about it. Never tried never will. In fact just making up a theorhetical kit makes me all icky.

Sahlgood- Its all good man. "Love is all you need" and I hold onto that cause its true. Me and my gal could lose everything as long as I have her. Its all ok. Love. The hippies had one thing right (along with lots o sex and drugs).

Nick

HellKat       08-24-2005, 08:35 am

happiness is a warm gun.....

Beach Goat....you could make a foutune selling that kit!!