Spanky's Pic Place

I can't get quart cans of oil-based primer in Commiefornia so I'm forced to use rattle-can.
I said "screw it" this morning and emptied an entire can of satin pebble on this thing.
You could just about hear the "Fwwwip" as it sucked the paint in like Gary Busey at a hardware store.
I didn't care too much since it's just "fill" so I rubbed the paint drips around with a finger.
It's working out pretty well!

Ran into the same problem trying to buy ethanol based primer in May. All the good paints have been taken off the shelves here.

How the meep are you supposed to sand that latex-based sh#t when it's so rubbery?

I also noticed that even after weeks of drying, the latex based paints will stuck the lid to the body on my chests. I pry them opem and the paint chips off one side or the other.
I have to put little dots of felt in to keep them spaced apart.

Topping off today's annoyances:
F#cking pine sap.

If there's a meep, this sh#t's everywhere sticking everything to everything else.
F#CK YOU, TREE!

Okay, enough griping.
"Dear Diary..."
"Last night was funny as meep. Some complete meep invited Moses to the party. You know how he gets. -And sure enough; Jezebell was tongue-deep in some dude and he got all jealous. Preachy meep started in on us about keeping god's law and sh#t so Goat and I slipped him some acid."
"It...was...AWESOME! The crazy f#cker climbed up on top of the couch and started talking to god! He asked for god to set down some (rules for these meeps and meepbags) then passed out."
"Goat went out back and got some clay tablets and we made some sh#t up. When Moses came to, we told him we saw some flaming tree give it to him and he got all INTENSE about it. We should've probably added something about slavery and rape to the list, now that I think about it. Oh well. What's the worst that could happen?"

"...Day 452:"
"meep. Hard to believe we've been on the road this long. Who would've figured Moses would get all up in the boss's face and tell him to cut us loose for the weekend 'cause god told him to keep it sacred. Who the meep put THAT down?"
"So of course Pharaoh said "Fine, pick up your last paycheck and GTFO""
"MAN. I needed that job!"
"What's worse is half the retards in town think dipsh#t actually saw god!"
"And I can't explain what happened to him. He went batsh#t crazy on poor Ralph when he tried and nearly caved his head in with that stick he carries."
"Now we're just walking around in what I swear is circles. What the meep is the psycho planning?"

Spotted this fine specimen of birdseye pine in the hardware store yesterday.

The birdseye runs the entire length of the board, too.

It's times like this that I get a good feel for just how dumb I am.
There's something absolutely gorgeous that could be made out of this, but the fact that it's 3/4" pine kept me from even considering it.

If you haven't experienced the joy of unmasking something you've taped and sprayed the day prior, you're really missing out!
It's like unwrapping a Christmas gift.

Well, other than touching up the claws with some black on the nails, this is the Monster Chest.

If it's okay with you guys, I'm gonna keep what's inside to to myself for now.

@spankerchief

Send it here. I will pm a shipping address.

^Truly the best compliment a guy can get.
Thanks, @dragonstaff

I was actually talking about the birdseye pine, but you are welcome. You can send the chest as well. ;)

Rebuilt that godawful monster chest key, made some Jolly Rancher Vodka for the Zelda chest and got an interesting bottle of vodka for the monster chest.
Plus lots more meep that I don't have time to mention.

Pepper is interested in that candy liquor...could you bring an icky sample? Not something she's tried.

She likes "Greens". So says the Irish Rose.

Sure Love that Girl.

No word on a Young Critter for the Hunt....we may have to use the Old Fossil that lives with us.

Works for me.
I've taken the liberty of making an extra batch of cherry, watermelon, blue raspberry and green apple Jolly Rancher Vodka(using whip cream flavored vodka this time)
There'll be plenty to go around.

Shouldn't that be "Jolly Roger" vodka?

@spankerchief

Works for me. I've taken the liberty of making an extra batch of cherry, watermelon, blue raspberry and green apple Jolly Rancher Vodka(using whip cream flavored vodka this time) There'll be plenty to go around.

Pepper just got Whipped Creamy Pants. Watermelon, apple, or blue anything, please.

The Happy Goat Folks

Decided we would try to make a batch of Monkey Ears in the empty flasks you gave us (the contents "disappeared"). Pepper is looking forward to setting gems in her cutlass; I told her we can go use the drill press at the shop to counter sink once we get a diameter. I have been sketching out my "Goat of the Dark & Evil Night" costume. At this point I mostly need a long dark coat. Paper mache' headpiece with horns is covered, and the wooden hooves aren't a problem. If you come across enough dark, hairy fabric or hide to make knee-high leggings, snab it for me. I hate the thought of Orlon fur.

This is going to be so much meeping fun.

giggles and plans

Box is built.

Now to pencil on the artwork and get to carvin'...

...and as you pass the $2000 dollar/2000 hour mark, we are still unsure of a head count.

WHO IS COMING?

It WOULD be nice to know.
I have no idea how many jackasses from my work might go.

This could be, size-wise the most elaborately planned party fail ever.
Or it could blow up into something insane that folks will talk about for years.
No telling.
Anyway, once I get done awhittlin' titties I'll get on the jeweled swords and see if I can't locate some 1980's era legwarmers for you. Shouldn't be hard.

I'm bringing at least the four of us again, plus maybe my daughter and her boyfriend. He's a natural-born pirate, who answers to "Bones."

Saw this at the store and couldn't resist.

That's perfect, because I foresee at least one pirate that will need to ice down a sprained ankle or sore back.

After you just squandered your money on your home & future. Shameful!

I know!
Happens EVERY GODDAMNED TIME.

Hey Spanky, if you haven't already you ought to scroll to the very bottom of your facebook profile page and click on the left where it says "English". That opens a page where you can set you language profile to English (Pirate).

Ummm...Okay this is gonna sound really weird...
But I don't have a Facebook page.

@spankerchief

Not that strange. I don't have one either. Nor does my girlfreind. You are not alone.

Well I probably wouldn't either if it weren't just about the only way I can keep in touch with my two girls.
Once the grandkids reach school age, if you want a visit you might just as well reach for a photo album.

A brined 9# picnic meep and four dry rubbed racks of baby backs.

Got employee of the month for telling other a##holes to work on my sh#t when all meep was breaking loose.
Paying it back with a Friday Barbecue so's I don't get lynched.

^ I see this as I'm about to go slap a perfectly good rib steak into a frying pan in that hot meep kitchen.
It just ain't gonna be the same now.

@godevillivedog

Could be worse, man. I saw it as I was sitting down with toast and coffee for breakfast, now nothing I eat will be good enough all day.

I'm sorry guys.
If it helps any, it's about 95'f in the garage and I'm sweating my meep off trying to get these swords cut out and maps painted.

@spankerchief

I'm not sure that that actually helps. I would love to get out into my shop, but it is just too meepING COLD here right now.