I spent a month working on a rig out in the Indian ocean a couple decades back. Pirates would come through our waters almost daily, but they never bothered us... until one day. A big blue and white ship comes right up to the rig and a gang of 40 or so malaysian pirates come at us with knives and demand we put on a production of Hello, Dolly! for them and they gave us 3 hours to prepare. I'll be damned if it wasn't the best show ever performed by man.

<span class="post_was_edited">On 2009-08-01 at 22:56:20, JohnLenin asked to smell your meep</span>

FART/meep/DRUGS/GOATPIC/EXIT

Yeah I can.

One day back in the summer of '77 my buddy Jimmy Ray and me were shooting gila monsters out in Joshua Tree with chain guns. All of a sudden a B-52 crashed about three miles off. The shock wave blew our clothing off, and when we recovered we walked naked to the crashed plane. Everyone on board was dead but we found a bag full of unreleased star wars action figures. If I hadn't lost them in a poker game with Ken Norton and Stockard Channing, I could have sold them for a mint today on E-Bay.

AHAHAHAHAHA

fuuuucvk

It was a humid Michigan afternoon in the year of our Lord, 1979. My best friend, Jeff Matthews, and I had spent the day swimming in the pond behind his house in Avoca, Michigan and as boys sometimes will, we began to get bored and had taken to a bit of rough-housing to liven things up a bit. It started with a few splashes and then some laughing and wrestling. Eventually we grew tired of that and started snapping our beach towels at one another. The laughing got louder each time one of us got caught by a wicked snap of a super-sonic towel corner and let out a yelp. Each connection made us snap harder and harder at one another until Jeff caught me in the ear. meep that one stung and I wanted to see his meep in pain. I dipped my towel's corner in the water and aimed one in the general direction of his meepnballs. SNAP!... pause... Jeff is suddenly on the ground screaming and holding his family jewels with both hands while writhing in agony. He literally sounded like a 5 year old girl screaming. This made me laugh uncontrollably and it was all I could do just to draw in another breath in order to continue laughing. The tears started to flow because I was laughing so hysterrically and each time he screamed I guffawed out a fresh volley of hardy ha ha's. After what seemed like an eternity the laughing actually began to be painful and I wanted to stop so I did what any of us would have done, I kicked him square in the meep and ran home. That meeper never snapped me with a towel again after that afternoon.

I remember once having a debate with one of these so-called creationists. It got pretty heated so I took off my shirt and challenged him then and there to a bare chested wrestling match. After several minutes of sweaty struggle, I finally convinced my opponent to agree that evolution was correct and his views were wrong. However, due to his high profile position, he could not admit this publicly and through the use of a surprise 'purple nurple', turned the tables on me and forced me to keep my silence on the matter. The man's name was none other than William Jennings Bryan. --Beachgoat

LORDKAHUNA: FART/meep/DRUGS/GOATPIC/EXIT Yeah I can.

meep you, kahuna

jwalker:

LORDKAHUNA: FART/meep/DRUGS/GOATPIC/EXIT Yeah I can.

meep you, kahuna

Seriously, I fall for that every time.

I was born a poor, black child. Well, I say born, but in those days, Negroes were raised on plantations, much like eggplants, and I was pluckered up by a crinkled old gypsy and sold as a piece of coal to an English Schoolboy so he would have something hard and unpleasant to chuck at the poor folk in the park. It was through this turn of events that I was found by my first step-daddy, Aqualung, and lived in a paper bag in his coat pocket for the first years of my life. One day, as he stooped to pick a dog-end, rattling his last breath with deep-sea diver sounds, the Jethro Tull tour bus pulled up and I got a job as a spare tire.

While on the road, I invented twelve new kinds of acid, and named them for the 12 disciples, Bud, Lou, Jimi, Moe, Larry, Curly, John, Paul, George, Ringo, and Streptococcus. Dropping them in the water supply, I saved London from the Flying Saucer attacks by causing the entire city to Turn invisible to copper based life forms. Now Englishmen are no longer visible to Lobster People, a curse that follows their race to this day.

While standing in for one of the Marshall stacks at the concert for Bangeldesh, I was kidnapped, and taken by slave ship to America. Lashed to the foredeck because of a misunderstanding over a cabin boy, a bucket of deck tar, and a potato, I bleached into the scrawney white hippie that I have been known as ever since. Halfway across the ocean, I had a beer with Cthulhu, Gaugin, and Walter Matthau. Walt meep-slapped Ol' Squid Face for snatchin' his last piece of candied Shoggoth. I had to breed with some kind of fishwife thing to keep the peace (or at least that's what I told myself at the time), and had to pluck scales from my winkie for a week. Oh, how we laughed!

Tossed aside as refuse on Elvis Island, I entered the country much as thousands of immigrants before me, playing a guitar. Elvis himself, along side of Nixon, gave me a map to the Huxley Memorial Peyote Farm, along with the key to the Great City of Pooters Bluff. Unlocking the city, I changed out the points and plugs, and the city was renamed Phoenix, Kansas. Feeling uncomfortable around so much corn, I gathered a mighty herd of armadillos, and moved the entire city our west to Arizona, where you can find it to this day.

Grabbing my trusty pogo stick, I crossed the mighty Rocky Mountains and hopped the Grand Canyon into PeyoteLand. meepon-eyed and laughing, I tucked away into a hitchiker's backpack and thought I was going to Woodstock and the Montery Pop Festival. Unfortunately, Charlie and his family went on a different kind of party, and I had to write messages for help in the blood of some broad I knocked up while astral traveling. She was named after the aforementioned potato...you may have heard of her; Sharon Tate. i kept the baby alive in a jar, but changed it's name to another vegetable...Bush, Jeb Bush.

and then I woke up in a puddle.

BG

awesome

Outstanding, I was gonna get into a long sad story of mine that may or may not have been true, but there's no following that act.

Tango FTW!!

Awww meep this is funny, son.

Tango.....remarkable.

meepbox: Tango.....remarkable.

Yeah, but Beachgoat doing Beachgoat is status quo already.

vasudeva:

meepbox: Tango.....remarkable.

Yeah, but Beachgoat doing Beachgoat is status quo already.

Jesus fuking sadface>

the only bg entry mentioning acid is bg's entry.

:/

:'(

LORDKAHUNA: FART/meep/DRUGS/GOATPIC/EXIT Yeah I can.

I fell for this once.

Then I fell for it again 2 days later :/

Awww...it actually took me a while to even notice this thing, and I was hoping for some grand tales to appear.

...and it wouldn't be a Beach Goat Tale without the Drugz, just like Alice with no Caterpillar, or meep without the Shinola...

Did I ever te

When posting, one should never neglect the mountains of madness :)

magicchex:

LORDKAHUNA: FART/meep/DRUGS/GOATPIC/EXIT Yeah I can.

I fell for this once.

Then I fell for it again 2 days later :/

I wrote one but someone edited it and deleted most of it and i demand to know who!

<span class="post_was_edited">On 2009-09-08 at 05:33:47, Mofo asked to smell your meep</span>

Mofo: I wrote one but someone edited it and deleted most of it and i demand to know who! <span class="post_was_edited">On 2009-09-08 at 05:33:47, Mofo asked to smell your meep</span>

A challenger appears...

so much win.

Mofo: I wrote one but someone edited it and deleted most of it and i demand to know who!

Holy meep, thread winned.

I wrote a good one, but then got meeped up on some meep from a new source, accidentally edited it out and now can't remember where I put it.