• Swarmed by
  • vasudeva
  • May27 '09
  • 3163 things

    253.9k rads

Alpha Death

All PayPal subscriptions have been cancelled because PayPal suddenly noticed we have 'objectionable material' and doesn't want to be associated with us. I blame Straydog's dead hookerpussy. Amusingly, they even cancelled my ability to use that account to buy meep off eBay, for some reason, so I literally have no PayPal account whatsoever. I tried to appeal but for naught.

I spent the better part of the weekend moving us to Amazon subscriptions only to find, after wasting my brain on their terrible meep Flexible Payments domeepentation labyrinth, that Amazon feels the same way about our activities. At least they told me before I had you all create new accounts there.

Hold tight. I won't let your Alpha accounts expire. I'm trying to find some other place that will allow us to process simple donations without charging me an arm and a leg, and it's slow going.

I'll post a new thread (and create a link to it on the front page) when I figure something out. If you happen to know of an inexpensive place, let me know -- TrustCommerce agrees with PayPal and Amazon, and authorize.net is 'pretty sure' it won't be a problem but are slow getting back to me with pricing and confirmation of the 'pretty sure' bit before I tell a few dozen people to sign up at a second place. I'm also aware getting a small merchant account via Bank of America might be an option though I think it's going to be expensive.

Decider: Admin

  • LOki
  • May27 '09

    posts

    3998 rads

    3998 rads

    #

All PayPal subscriptions have been cancelled because PayPal suddenly noticed we have 'objectionable material' and doesn't want to be associated with us.

LinkSwarm wins . . . again.

  • bobacus
  • May27 '09

    posts

    5482 rads

    5482 rads

    #

How do pornsites get their moneys? I bet those services would let Linkswarm play.

  • nurglets
  • May27 '09

    posts

    7216 rads

    7216 rads

    #

its probably the_rat notching up his complaints a level or 2.

  • dent
  • May27 '09

    posts

    7407 rads

    7407 rads

    #

I hear that - how many meeped up porn sites offer subscriptions? I would imagine that they charge a bit more for their service, but maybe that's just what you need to do here.

  • vasudeva
  • May27 '09

    posts

    253.9k rads

    253910 rads

    #

Porn sites work on volume... we have like 30 Alphas.

As I had feared, authorize.net is pretty meeping expensive...

Payment Gateway Account Setup Fee $99 (reduced from our standard $299 rate) Monthly Gateway Fee $20 Gateway Per -Transaction Fee $0.10 Merchant Account (If you do not already have one) Per-Transaction Fee $0.25 Monthly Statement Fee $9.95 Monthly Minimum Fee $25 Visa/Master Card Qualified Discount Rate 2.19%
By my read, that's $55 a month just to have a relationship with them. On top of that they'd take a slice of each payment.
  • Wotak
  • May27 '09

    posts

    46.9k rads

    46882 rads

    #

Why not just have LBP set up a PayPal account and use that indirectly?

  • dent
  • May27 '09

    posts

    7407 rads

    7407 rads

    #

Yeah, who said it needs to be set-up through Linkswarm? Just open a new account via the wife and accept payments through other services, like consulting or something.

http://payments.intuit.com/pricing/ is a cheap alternative to paypal, asking only $12 a month in fees.

<span class="post_was_edited">On 2009-05-27 at 15:53:17, dent asked to smell your meep</span>

  • Wotak
  • May27 '09

    posts

    46.9k rads

    46882 rads

    #

Right-O. Just reword the FAQ to say, EMAIL ME FOR SUBSCRIPTION, then let it all happen through the LBP, offsite.

  • vasudeva
  • May27 '09

    posts

    253.9k rads

    253910 rads

    #

dent: http://payments.intuit.com/pricing/ is a cheap alternative to paypal

Jessica: Hello, thank you for chatting with us today. How may I help you? qwe: Does this service present a credit card form for the customer to fill out? Jessica: There may be a form available in the Quickbooks software, or you can get the forms through an office supplies store. Jessica: Which version of Quickbooks are you using? qwe: i dont use quickbooks qwe: i'm looking at the intuit credit-card processing services Jessica: I see. Then you can create your own form, or get it from an office supplies store.. Jessica: Are you looking at the Online Terminal service? qwe: yes Jessica: Great. All you need to use this service is a PC with internet access. Jessica: What services or goods do you offer? qwe: i run a website that accepts subscriptions. users currently set these up themselves via paypal. qwe: will they be presented with a form they can use to enter their own credit card to set up the payment? Jessica: This service will allow you a simple way to process payment information, that you will need to collect yourself.. So, you will need to create your own form, or get the forms from an office supplies store. qwe: when you say office supplies store, do you mean a piece of paper? because i'm talking about a web form. Jessica: Yes, I do mean paper form as this service (Online Terminal) only offers manual processing.. So you will get the information and you will key-enter, or you will get the card and you will swipe.. There is no option to have your customers enter their own information online.. Jessica: If you need this, then you would need your own webstore..

qwe: thanks, that's what i've been trying to figure out

qwe: toodles

  • dent
  • May27 '09

    posts

    7407 rads

    7407 rads

    #

Ugh.

I better not get a paper form in the mail from you.

try this for options: 5 Paypal Alternatives

OboPay

Ikobo looks decent

<span class="post_was_edited">On 2009-05-27 at 20:29:31, dent asked to smell your meep</span>

  • ragoo
  • May27 '09

    posts

    19.5k rads

    19468 rads

    #

lol

paper

  • MstrLance
  • May27 '09

    posts

    25.2k rads

    25205 rads

    #

ATTN ALL ALPHAS: Please print this out, complete the form, scan it back in, and email to Vas.

Problem solved.


Credit Card: [ ] Visa [ ] Mastercard Card Holder's Name:
Credit Card Number:
Expiration Date: SSV:
Telephone: Fax:
Mother's Maiden Name: Passport Number:
Date of Birth:
E-Mail: Billing Address:
Card Holder's Signature:

<span class="post_was_edited">On 2009-05-28 at 00:03:30, MstrLance asked to smell your meep</span>

or we could just mail you cash or rubber check to rented PO box.

  • Wotak
  • May28 '09

    posts

    46.9k rads

    46882 rads

    #

MstrLance: ATTN ALL ALPHAS: Please print this out, complete the form, scan it back in, and email to Vas. Problem solved. ________________________________ Credit Card: [ ] Visa [ ] Mastercard Card Holder's Name: Credit Card Number: Expiration Date: SSV: Telephone: Fax: Mother's Maiden Name: Passport Number: Date of Birth: E-Mail: Billing Address: Card Holder's Signature: meepsize: Proof that you've meeped MstrLance (photo evidence):

WTF?

  • GrapeApe
  • May29 '09

    posts

    16.6k rads

    16646 rads

    #

Keep it simple and do what Dent and Wotak said and just set up a paypal payment through the wife or even just start a new email and set up shop again. Make a D.B.A. for Linkswarm, call it Mack Enterprises and good to go, do they need to know the connection to linkswarm? Add an extra ducket to the subscription price to cover paypals cut too while your at it.

  • Steel
  • May29 '09

    posts

    7101 rads

    7101 rads

    #

Will you accept meep on a plate in lieu of PayPal? Because if so I know someone who can provide this in installments to you if needed.

  • jwalker
  • May29 '09

    posts

    9934 rads

    9934 rads

    #

we have 'objectionable material'

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

  • Wotak
  • May29 '09

    posts

    46.9k rads

    46882 rads

    #

Dear Wotak,

Your subscription payment to Vasudeva for LinkSwarm Alpha failed on May 29, 2009 because we deleted that meepers account.

We will try to make this subscription payment again on Jun 3, 2009 because we're meeping retarded and, whatever.

Love, PayPal

  • Wotak
  • Jun04 '09

    posts

    46.9k rads

    46882 rads

    #

Bump.

Any progress on this yet, Vas?

  • vasudeva
  • Jun04 '09

    posts

    253.9k rads

    253910 rads

    #

Wotak: Bump. Any progress on this yet, Vas?
Some. I'll use you as a guinea pig before I let everybody in.

Everybody, keep your eyes on your private messages, and please make sure your email address is updated in your profile.

  • Wotak
  • Jun04 '09

    posts

    46.9k rads

    46882 rads

    #

vasudeva: I'll use you as a guinea pig...

Awesome.

  • vasudeva
  • Jun19 '09

    posts

    253.9k rads

    253910 rads

    #

OK, I've figured out a new place that'll handle our subscriptions. To start out small, I've started PMing some of you with the link and sign-up instructions. Keep your eyes peeled and if I've missed you, PM me and let me know. I won't let anyone's Alpha account expire til, say, 7/19, to make up for the hassle.

vasudeva: OK, I've figured out a new place that'll handle our subscriptions. To start out small, I've started PMing some of you with the link and sign-up instructions. Keep your eyes peeled and if I've missed you, PM me and let me know. I won't let anyone's Alpha account expire til, say, 7/19, to make up for the hassle.

Guess I should have waited to pay but its in.

So in short, meep you right in your bullmeep meep PayPal!

I'm glad we can continue distributing our offensive materials

truenative:
vasudeva: OK, I've figured out a new place that'll handle our subscriptions. To start out small, I've started PMing some of you with the link and sign-up instructions. Keep your eyes peeled and if I've missed you, PM me and let me know. I won't let anyone's Alpha account expire til, say, 7/19, to make up for the hassle.

Guess I should have waited to pay but its in.

So in short, meep you right in your bullmeep meep PayPal!

I'm glad we can continue distributing our offensive materials

meep lol

Hey, anonymous person! Log in and comment.
linkswarm
queue: New link: German teen Shouryya Ray solves 300-year-old mathematical riddle posed by Sir Isaac Newton
linkswarm
queue: New link: Mao Sugiyama Cooks, Serves Own Genitals At Banquet In Tokyo
BigDinWaun+
fastlane fosters a pen-pal/lover relationship with a terrorist who blew up herself just yesterday - unlucky
BigDinWaun+
fastlane tries out his first gloryhole - blown by disease ridden mule that likes to snap carrots in half - very unlucky
graycube
fastlane
And how could I forget Pepper as she attempts to scare a wild animal. Honey badger doesn't give a meep.~ unlucky
fastlane
Sunny goes to baby a shower. Drowns.~ unlucky
fastlane
Dragonstaff wears a buIIetproof vest. Shot in the face. ~ unlucky
fastlane
BigD meeps the meep out of a girl. Literally.~ unlucky
fastlane
BeachGoat bends over to pick up hot girI's dropped books. meeps. ~ unlucky
fastlane
M_A_M means to write "kk" to black friend on Facebook chat. Adds extra k. ~ unlucky
fastlane
MstrLance finally goes to summer camp. Auschwitz. ~ Unlucky
fastlane
Spanky goes to snort a line of coke. Sneezes. ~ unlucky
fastlane
Post watermelon head post haste.
fastlane
Spanky volunteers to help inner city kids, shot in drive by. ~ unlucky
BeachGoat
Happy Day to Ya, Long May Ye Wave It
BeachGoat
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4ShbuhpRlo&feature=youtu.be
spankerchi+
on Spanky's Pic Place: Okay here's a+
spankerchi+
on Spanky's Pic Place: I SWEAR I was+
MstrLance
Happy Birthday, Spanky! You're in your prime for the 13th time.
MstrLance
I bet it's well manicured.
middle_age+
Try to picture Joan River's meep during the exam. It'll save some embarassment.
BigDinWaun+
spanky... You Goshdarn two-faced Gemini!
middle_age+
Don't kid yourself, you'll cry yourself to sleep after the next physical. Happy birthday you middle aged meepgot.
dragonstaf+
Happy birthday. Post pic for photoshopping.
sunny77
today on linkswarm, spanky unsuccessfully attempts to change the subject
spankerchi+
Or: Nine years before getting the pickle jar treatment.
spankerchi+
Change of topic; I'm 41 today.
spankerchi+
Ummm...
sunny77
:|
sunny77
:
middle_age+
The doc went at me like he was trying to get the last pickle out of the jar.
Pepper
Home Sweet meeping Home! Ahhhh...
nurglets
on Camphone Thread: img20120525114046qK5th.jpg
BeachGoat
Tell the GrandMonkey, "He's Dancing with the Tree!"
BeachGoat
There is a 400lb Senegalese Tortoise down the street who has a tree stump for a girlfriend.
BigDinWaun+
My pet Gerbil is dry meep a mound of cedar bedding? What gives?
BigDinWaun+
One of those old Republican Women's Cookbooks or French Gastronomy in Africa?
BigDinWaun+
I'm trying to fashion a rattle and pacifier out of chicken gibblets... does anyone have any references for this... one of those old Republican Women
linkswarm
queue: New link: security forces in Mexico have raided a workshop making fake Mexican military uniforms and body armour.
BeachGoat
"It's a Boy!"
BeachGoat
http://upload.linkswarm.com/i/beachgoat/pullingporkLSg.jpg
spankerchi+
Let the baby roast rest for an hour, then have your guests help pull the meat. Everyone will have fond memories of the event to cherish FOREVER!
spankerchi+
Just remember to give yourself plenty of time for cooking (a field-dressed baby can weigh upwards of 30 lbs and take a FULL DAY to cook!)
spankerchi+
I prefer free range, breast fed toddler as there's more dense muscle mass.
linkswarm
queue: New link: Bachmann's political mentor.
BigDinWaun+
Do you keep them penned up like veal and infuse them with formula or mother's milk? I hear formula fed babies have a medicinal taste. I don't want that for the party.... I would be a terrible host.
spankerchi+
No need to leave the skin on. A toddler's got a lot of good marbling.
spankerchi+
I'd go dry rub and smoke it like a picnic meep.
BeachGoat
HOME!...That is all
BigDinWaun+
Can anyone recommend a Masala that flavors flesh?
sunny77
however much is in a can of coconut cream
MstrLance
Trans-fat or poly-unsaturated?
BigDinWaun+
How many fat calories in a small, American toddler?
MstrLance
MIT's new coating should help with that.
hoyaguru
clipswarmed MstrLance's Dogs Shot by Police
linkswarm
queue: New link: MIT's Freaky Non-Stick Coating Keeps Ketchup Flowing
dragonstaf+
Ahh. One of those.
dragonstaf+
Not to my knowledge. Details please.
spankerchi+
That's when you take a really greasy meep and before the meep hits the water it grabs onto your meep hair and swings from tuft to tuft around your a##hole.
spankerchi+
Speaking of hair removal products; Have you ever taken a Tarzan Sh#t?
  • beachgoat

  • pete56

  • beachgoat

  • nurglets

  • sunny77

  • spankerchi+

  • spankerchi+

  • dragonstaf+

  • beachgoat

  • mstrlance

  • spankerchi+

  • beachgoat

  • beachgoat

  • lordkahuna

  • lordkahuna

  • lordkahuna

  • pete56

  • beachgoat

  • beachgoat

  • beachgoat

  • beachgoat

  • johnlenin

  • beachgoat

  • beachgoat

  • godevilliv+