Forwarded E-Mails

cp that meep.

I knew someone would find a name for our election process for this year.

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for President put forth by either party in the 2008 election year.

generally, if i receive more than one forwarded email from a specific sender, they get added to the spam filter. if i get another set of lolcats from 2004 or an email informing me that microsoft will start charging for msn messenger unless this email gets forwarded 500,000 times then i'll start pissing blood.

HELLO EVERYONE: IMPORTANT INFORMATION!! SEAN HANNITY, OF HANNITY & COLMES ~ FOX NEWS, ISGOING TO AIR A VERY IMPORTANT DOmeepENTARY ABOUT BARACK> OBAMA, SUNDAY NIGHT AT 9:00 PM. HE STATED ON THE AIR THIS EVENING THAT NO ONE IN THE NEWS MEDIA WAS WILLING TO DO THIS. HANNITY IS GOING BACK TO OBAMA'S EARLIER DAYS, SHOWING EVEN THEN HIS TIES TO RADICAL PROFESSORS, FRIENDS, SPIRITUAL ADVISERS, ETC. HE STATED THIS EVENING THAT HE WILL SHOW IN DETAIL HIS TIES TO REV. WRIGHT FOR 20+ YRS (which we all know). HOW HE WAS PARTICIPATING WITH THIS MAN, AND NOT FOR THE REASONS HE STATES! HE HAS UNCOVERED MORE OF OBAMA'S RADICAL LEADERS AND WE WILL SEE THINGS THAT NO ONE IN THE MEDIA IS WILLING TO PUT OUT THERE. THIS WILL BE A NIGHT THAT YOU WILL KNOW MORE ABOUT OBAMA THAN EVER BEFORE. HANNITY IS VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS PROGRAM AND ASKED THAT EVERYONE PLEASE, PLEASE WATCH~~ SUNDAY NIGHT, 9 PM. HANNITY IS DETERMINED THIS INFORMATION BE PUT OUT THERE BECAUSE AS AMERICANS, WE STILL DO NOT KNOW ABOUT OBAMA!! WAKE UP AMERICA !! THIS IS SERIOUS,EVERYONE. I KNOW MOST OF YOU WATCH FOX NEWS, AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE VOTING FOR, BUT IF YOU CAN,PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW. THIS IS CRITICAL FOR OUR COUNTRY. MY PRAYER IS THAT WE, ALONG WITH SEAN HANNITY, WILL REACH SOMEONE/ANYONE BEFORE NOV. 4th. WE MUST NOT GIVE UP!!!!!!!!! GOD BLESS!!

This one had a large list of forwarded email addys...plus you can always believe Fox News

I was on that list.

Mad Men is on Sun. @ 9p.m. Soddy

How the Fight Got Started......

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....so, I took her to a gas station . .

. . . and that's how the fight started.

---

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Lite for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better than the cold cream at night . . .

. . . and that's how the fight started.

---

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later..

The woman said, 'Unmeepon your shirt.'

So I opened my shirt, revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too . . '

. . . and that's how the fight started.

---

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high-school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

. . . and that's how the fight started.

---

I rear-ended a car this morning. There we were, alongside the road, and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it-he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

. . and that's how the fight started.

---

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first, 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself'

. . . and that's how the fight started

New Preamble to the US Constitution

This is probably the best e-mail I've seen in a long, long time. The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. This guy should run for President one day.

'We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, void more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.'

ARTICLE I:

You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will Be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently Wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. (This one is my pet peeve...get an education and go to work....don't expect everyone else to take care of you!)

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unenmeepbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!

(Lastly....)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

Aw, good to see that good ole' Georgia has come a long way since the 1800s. Aim nukes at the state and launch when ready Schmedlap. Don't forget to paint the confederate flag on every ICBM.

Actual ICBM on the left and military photo released to the AP on the right.

fastlane: New Preamble to the US Constitution This is probably the best e-mail I've seen in a long, long time. The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. This guy should run for President one day. 'We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, void more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.' ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will Be. ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently Wealthy. ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. (This one is my pet peeve...get an education and go to work....don't expect everyone else to take care of you!) ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care. ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair. ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure. ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!) ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unenmeepbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights. ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly....) ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!