yer bestest joke here

Q: what did one ovary say to the other?

A: when meep comes in, let's egg him

....................................................................

This guy was yery proud of his almost-all over tan. The only bit not brown was his meep. So he decided to go to the beach and bury himself in the sand with just his meep and meep showing on the surface. As he is lying there, buried in the sand, two old ladies come hobbling down the beach towards him. As they reach the spot where he is buried, one turns to the other and says " Isn't that the story of our lives, Maud, When we were young enough to enjoy these things, they couldn't be found anywhere, but now that we are to old and riddled with so much arthritis that we can hardly walk, the meep things are growing wild on the beach".

What do you call 6 naked men standing on each other's shoulders?

A meep pole.

vasudeva:

LORDKAHUNA: Not pron, but sick. Not that the sight of little girls is sick, but I get the feeling that these pages exist to provide perverts with "legally safe" spank material.

Ok, I wanted to debate this, but you've hit the nail exactly on the head and now I lack steam. THANKS FOR SEEING THE TRUTH, meepNOSE.

On the other hand, I now get to dispense with the uncomfortable feeling that I'm sort of justifying Qwerty's existence, which I would never do.

:( it's a rejected link now. It stopped growing at NUMBER 3 after beating paris hilton video clip!! Jokes on you all, you can still access it via the link in my signature

An American man is banging an asian prostitute. While pounding away she screams, "Wang poi, WANG POI!!" The man thinks, cool, Im learning, that means good job or OH YEAH. He finishes pays, leaves.

The next day he goes golfing with his asian boss. The boss hits a hole-in-one. To this the American says, "WANG POI!!"

To which the boss responds, "huh.. 'WRONG HOLE'?!?!"

[Edited on 4/1/2005 by Jacket]

A man goes to the doctor. The doc says, "Im sorry, but Im afraid you have alzheimer'sas well as cancer."

The man responds, "WHEW! At least I dont have cancer."

qwerty: Jokes on you all, you can still access it via the link in my signature

qwerty: :( it's a rejected link now. It stopped growing at NUMBER 3 after beating paris hilton video clip!! Jokes on you all, you can still access it via the link in my signature

Only Alphas get to see rejected links. Google, for example, can't. This means the insane amount of people hitting that link because they're searching for "child model bikini" or "meepy preteen" should end soon.

Joke's on you, meepgot. You brought child porn lovers to the Swarm. Thanks.

Q: Whats the best thing about an eleven year old girl?

A: She looks nine in the shower.

A blind man did his shopping buy smell.He is walking down the street and smells fresh baked bread so he goes into the bakery and buys some doughnuts. Further down the street he smells banannas,so he goes into the green grocers and buys some apples and oranges. Later he passes a fish market.The blind man sniffs the air and says out loud "Hey ladies, what do you charge for a meep?"

[Edited on 23/1/2005 by Tagnut]

Vasudeva and Hillary Duff are cool

Lolz0r Textwars attacks back!!

And now for something completely different

[Edited on 24/1/2005 by qwerty]

[Edited on 24/1/2005 by qwerty]

A young priest had his first parish in New York City. One day he decided to walk through Times Square on his way to church. About halfway there a prostitute stopped him and said, "Hey Fadder, how's about a meep, only 20 bucks!" Well the reverend being totally innocent had no idea what she was talking about so he smiled and declined. He pondered about what a "meep" might be until he reached his church. Seeing the Mother Superior he decided he would ask her. When asked what a meep was the Mother Superior replied, "20 bucks same as downtown!"

Weeweechu

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said .. "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu." "Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon" said Jung Lee. "Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and its the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged. "But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon." "Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me." Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu." Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang..... "Weeweechu a merry Christmas, Weeweechu a merry Christmas, Weeweechu a merry Christmas, and a happy New Year."

LOki: Mike and Bill are old fishing buddies who haven't seen each other in years. They used to grow up together in the old neighborhood and go fishing every chance they could. Deciding it was finally time to catch up with each other, the two friends embarked on a fishing trip and began talking about what was going on in their lives. "Hey Bill," Mike says, "Remember Ellen Banks?" Bill smiles, "You mean Easy Ellen? You mean Every Imput Ellen?!? Yeah. I remember her all right! Didn't she have meep with the entire football team?" "Yep. That's her." Mike replies. "Well, what about her?" Mike smiles as he unpacks his fishing gear... "I married her." he says proudly. Feeling embarrassed, Bill tries to make up for insulting his friends wife. "Boy...I guess you must have a pretty great meep life with that Ellen!" Bill says uneasily. Mike sighs and says: "Well, not really. Her meep is covered with sores and lesions and it's really dirty. I actually can't have meep with her at all." "Well, Ellen had some great meep! I bet at least those keep you happy!" Mike shakes his head no. "Her breasts are covered with cancer and they really can't be touched." "But Ellen was known for giving great blow jobs! Those must get you thru the night." Mike shrugs his shoulders. "Nope. She can't do that either anymore. Her mouth is riddled with herpes and mucus. I'm not even supposed to kiss her." Bill looks over at his friend perplexed..."So if you can't meep her, suck her meep, get a meep or even kiss her...why did you marry her?!?" Casting his fishing line out into the water, Mike grins at his friend and says: "She meeps the best worms!"

The Knob

A lady in her late 40s went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called "The Knob." This knob is planted on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up the skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift forever. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Fifteen years later the woman went back to the surgeon. "All these years everything's been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob on lots of occasions and I've loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems. First of all, I've got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She replied, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee."

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT meepING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR meep!"

Q: What are long and green and smell like pork?

A: Kermit's fingers

One ugly joke

Q) How do you know that your little sister has had meep meep?

A) Your Dad's meep tastes like meep.

<code>                         I warned you.
</code>

An old man is sitting on a park bench feeding bread to the ducks when another man comes and sits next to him. For about about ten minutes, the two men sit there and throw their bread pieces to the ducks. The man on the left turns to the man on and right and says " I see you're running out of bread. I'll bet the rest of my bread that I can guess how old you are". The other man, being old and having no purpose in life, wanted more bread, so he told him to give it a shot. The man says to him " Ok, in order to guess your age I need you to stand up". He Does. "Now I need you to drop you pants". And like any creepy old guy would, he lowered his pants. " now I need you to walk in a circle while making chicken noises and flapping your elbows like wings". He does. This spectacle continues for five minutes until the man is told to pull his pants up and sit down. ".......hmmmmm....You're 83"

"How could you tell that?!"

"you told me yesterday"

This is about Mike and Dave. Mike and Dave have been friends since birth. As luck "or bad luck" would have it Mike and Dave were both born deaf. As they grew old they went there seperate ways. But still managed to have lunch on the same day at the same restraunt every year talk about old times. On this special day Mike walks up and verbaly says" Dave! Oh man it's good to see you. How have you been?" Dave.... floored and the fact the Mike was speaking replies in sign language" Holy meep dude! You can talk? But how?" Mike says " It was a long and painful task but I did it." So they have there lunch and before they part Mike gives Dave the address of the doctor so he can learn to speak. The very next day Dave goes to the doctor and signs to the doctor" You taught my friend Mike how to talk. Now I want to talk." The doctor tells him that it is a long and painful process but Dave doesn't care. So the doctor tells him to put on the gown and stand in the corner facing the wall. Dave does this and the doctor walks over and rams a broom stick up Daves meep and Dave yells "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" The doctor says "Good, tomorrow we will learn to say "B"

Q: How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None - let her do the dishes in the dark.

Never been married, thought I'd share this though

Upgrading to Wife 1.0 Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for other applications. He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product domeepentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. Some applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Bachelor Party 2.5, and Pub Night 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps worked fine before).

Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:

<code>* A "don't remind me again" meepon.
* Minimize meepon.
* Ability to delete the "headache" file
* An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0 versions without loss of other system resources.
* An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode" allowing the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more useful/effective.
</code>

I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0 Even here, however, I have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0 on top of girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first; otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. Other users have told me that this is a long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that explains what happened to versions 1 and 2.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0!

VIRUS ALERT

All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undomeepented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MS Money files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and " never" run any file transfer applications (such as Laplink) between the two systems.

FYI: Don't even think about a shared directory!!!

**Two Arab mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her handbag out and starts flipping through family photos, and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now."

"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though" mum confides

"Oh, so sad dear" says the other.

And this is my second son Kalid. He's 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born".

"He's a martyr too" says mum quietly.

"Oh gracious me ...." says the other.

"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18 ", she whispers.

"Yes" says, the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school".

"He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

LOki: Mike and Bill are old fishing buddies who haven't seen each other in years. They used to grow up together in the old neighborhood and go fishing every chance they could. Deciding it was finally time to catch up with each other, the two friends embarked on a fishing trip and began talking about what was going on in their lives. "Hey Bill," Mike says, "Remember Ellen Banks?" Bill smiles, "You mean Easy Ellen? You mean Every Imput Ellen?!? Yeah. I remember her all right! Didn't she have meep with the entire football team?" "Yep. That's her." Mike replies. "Well, what about her?" Mike smiles as he unpacks his fishing gear... "I married her." he says proudly. Feeling embarrassed, Bill tries to make up for insulting his friends wife. "Boy...I guess you must have a pretty great meep life with that Ellen!" Bill says uneasily. Mike sighs and says: "Well, not really. Her meep is covered with sores and lesions and it's really dirty. I actually can't have meep with her at all." "Well, Ellen had some great meep! I bet at least those keep you happy!" Mike shakes his head no. "Her breasts are covered with cancer and they really can't be touched." "But Ellen was known for giving great blow jobs! Those must get you thru the night." Mike shrugs his shoulders. "Nope. She can't do that either anymore. Her mouth is riddled with herpes and mucus. I'm not even supposed to kiss her." Bill looks over at his friend perplexed..."So if you can't meep her, suck her meep, get a meep or even kiss her...why did you marry her?!?" Casting his fishing line out into the water, Mike grins at his friend and says: "She meeps the best worms!"

I'm sorry folks, but this thread should have ended with that post.

LOki=Winnar!

Q:How many j00s can you fit in a VW Beetle?

A: 2 in the front seat, 2 in the back seat, and 10,000 in the ashtray.

Heather: How old are you, qwerty? Old enough to have a kickass goatee and shaved head(i watched romper stomper one too many times) and bad teeth and limey humor.

What do you call a one legged hispanic?

"not even holmes"

What did the mexican say when the house fell on him?

"Get off me holmes."

Not a joke, but something funny I saw on bash.org

PersonA:Im going to become the next Hitler. PersonA: Im going to kill all the jews and one clown. PersonB: Why the one clown? PersonA: See, no one even cares about the jews!

:)

A couple was sitting up waiting for their 15 year old son to come home from a social engagement when the boy came into the house with a big smile on his face.- Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! "He said breathlessly.- Guess what! I've just had meep for the first time, and it was wonderful!" His mother turned red and said to her husband, "He's your son. You talk to him". Then she left the room. The father said "Son, that's great. Now you've become a man and I'm proud of you. I'm going to celebrate the occasion by buying you that ten-speed bike you've been wanting. I hope you don't mind waiting till payday to get it-.- That's OK, Dad", said the boy. "I couldn't ride it right now anyway. My meep is too sore............."

what does wotak do when he gets back from the battered women's shelter?

the goddam dishes, if the meepnuts knows whats good fer 'im.

sunny77: what does wotak do when he gets back from the battered women's shelter? the goddam dishes, if the meepnuts knows whats good fer 'im.

^ gender confused?

Q. What do 10,000 battered women all have in common? A. THEY JUST DON'T meepING LISTEN!!

A girl asks her dad 'Why am I called Rose?- The father replies 'Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were born- Then her sister asks 'Why am I called Lily?- The father replies 'Because a lily petal fell on your head when you were born- Her brother says 'AAAGGGHHHrrrrhhgagaghhaaa- The father replies 'Shut up cinderblock.-

jwalker: ^ gender confused?

wotak's a meep, didn't you know?

Oprah Winfrey was arrested this morning for drugs.

They stripped searched her and found 40lbs of crack in her pants....

There once was this mad scientist. One day, being curious of the nature of frogs, he propped a frog up on his desk, opened his log book and carefully observed the animal. After staring at it for a considerable amount of time, the scientist finally said: 'JUMP!'

And the frog lept.

The scientist then quickly jotted down in his log book: 'Frogs can jump.' The following day, the mad scientist entered his lab, checked his log book, put the frog up on the table and, again, stared at it. Finally, he took out a scalpel, removed one of the frog legs and said: 'JUMP!'

And the frog jumped.

The scientist quickly added to his log book: 'Frogs can jump with three legs.'

The next day, the scientist, upon entering his lab, went through the same routine, cutting off another of the frog legs. As he was staring at the wretched animal who now was missing two legs, he said: 'JUMP!'

And the frog jumped.

The scientist then added to his previous observations: 'Frogs can jump with two legs.'

On the fourth day, the scientist behaved according to his habits and removed a third leg from the frog. He then expectantly said: 'JUMP!'

And the frog jumped.

Well, by now, the scientist was quite excited about all this. He wrote down in his log book: 'Frogs can jump with only one leg!'

Finally, on the fifth day, the scientist entered his lab, already thrilled by what new discoveries he might make. As usual, he checked his log book, placed the frog on the table, stared at what was left of the animal, reached for his scalpel and removed the last of the frog legs. He then said: 'JUMP!'

But alas the frog did not leap.

'JUMP! JUMP!' exclaimed the scientist.

Still, the frog did not leap.

'JUMP!' yelled the scientist.

The frog did not leap.

The scientist, then wrote down in his log book: 'Frogs when deprived of all legs become deaf.'

SCIENCE!!!!!

Two fellers were going to the bathroom off a bridge. One of them said the water was cold, the other said it was deep. I believe one of them fellers was from Arkansas.

An older gentleman had lost his hearing aid and wanted to get a new one. Before getting the new hearing aid, he wanted his ear cleaned out, so he went to his doctor.

As the doctor was cleaning his ears, he noticed a foreign object lodged in the man's ear canal. With a pair a tweezers, the doctor removed the object. Upon closer examination, he discovered that it was a suppository. The doctor told the older gentleman that he had a suppository stuck in his ear.

At this, the man exclaimed, 'Now I know where I put my hearing aid!'

ghostrider: Two fellers were going to the bathroom off a bridge. One of them said the water was cold, the other said it was deep. I believe one of them fellers was from Arkansas.

:')

Two meepgots are taking a walk on a sweltering hot day, as they pass the mortuary one says to the other, "Wanna go in for a cold one ?".

A redhead, brunette and blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He'd tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn't enter heaven.

The brunette went first and started laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven.

The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either.

Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.

'Why are you laughing?- God asked. 'I didn't tell a joke.-

'I know,- the blonde replied. 'I just got the first joke.-

A man walks into a bar with an Aligator on a leash. He cautiously walks up to the bar, looks from side to side and whispers to the bartender.

Umm, Excuse me sir. Do you serve homomeepuals at this bar?

To which the Bartender replies, of course we do! Please come have a seat at the bar.

Relieved the man stands up a little taller and says:

Fantastic, I'll take a beer and you can go a head and toss my gator a homomeepual!

I found this on an anonymous confessions site today. Not really a joke, I suppose, but pretty funny.

I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to meep. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.

I have an Ant Farm... Those meepers don't farm meep!

Come on guys how about some carrots?

Plus if I rip your legs off, you'll look like snowmen!

Jeffry Dahlmer was eating lunch with his mom. His mom said"Jeffry, I don't like your friends". Jeffry replied" Just push them aside and eat the vegitables only than"

middle_age_man: I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to meep. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.

I can't stop reading this one.

Q: What's the difference between a meep and an onion?

A: You don't cry when you cut up a meep.

MrJingles: There once was this mad scientist. One day, being curious of the nature of frogs, he propped a frog up on his desk, opened his log book and carefully observed the animal. After staring at it for a considerable amount of time, the scientist finally said: 'JUMP!' And the frog lept. The scientist then quickly jotted down in his log book: 'Frogs can jump.' The following day, the mad scientist entered his lab, checked his log book, put the frog up on the table and, again, stared at it. Finally, he took out a scalpel, removed one of the frog legs and said: 'JUMP!' And the frog jumped. The scientist quickly added to his log book: 'Frogs can jump with three legs.' The next day, the scientist, upon entering his lab, went through the same routine, cutting off another of the frog legs. As he was staring at the wretched animal who now was missing two legs, he said: 'JUMP!' And the frog jumped. The scientist then added to his previous observations: 'Frogs can jump with two legs.' On the fourth day, the scientist behaved according to his habits and removed a third leg from the frog. He then expectantly said: 'JUMP!' And the frog jumped. Well, by now, the scientist was quite excited about all this. He wrote down in his log book: 'Frogs can jump with only one leg!' Finally, on the fifth day, the scientist entered his lab, already thrilled by what new discoveries he might make. As usual, he checked his log book, placed the frog on the table, stared at what was left of the animal, reached for his scalpel and removed the last of the frog legs. He then said: 'JUMP!' But alas the frog did not leap. 'JUMP! JUMP!' exclaimed the scientist. Still, the frog did not leap. 'JUMP!' yelled the scientist. The frog did not leap. The scientist, then wrote down in his log book: 'Frogs when deprived of all legs become deaf.' SCIENCE!!!!!

This guy obviously worked for the government.

Two fonts walk into a bar and the bartender says "We don't serve your type in here".

A man was at the golf club for his weekly round. He began with an eagle on the first hole, and his first ever hole-in-one on the second. He was about to tee off at the third when his mobile phone rang, and a doctor notified him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU, and he should get there as soon as possible.

As the man hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.

As it turned out, he played all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10.

He was jubilant.... Then he remembered his wife.

Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out enjoying yourself your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last!"

"For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed .

The doctor snickered and said, "Just kidding you. She's dead.

What'd you shoot?"

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied

So this asian guy takes some guns to Virginia Tech...

vasudeva:

middle_age_man: I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to meep. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.

I can't stop reading this one.

I just re-discovered this happy little nugget.

An old Scottish fella sits in a bar drinking Scotch. He turns to the younger fella sitting next to him;

"Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. Piled it for months. But do they call me McGregor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.."

Then the old man gestured at the bar.

"Look here at this bar. Do ya see how smooth and plumb it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me McGregor-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..."

Then the old man points out the window.

"There, laddy; look out to sea. Ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me own back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGregor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..."

The old man takes another belt of his Macallan and slams the glass to the bar in disgust.

"But ya meep just one little goat . . . "

So a guy goes to the pharmacy, explains that he has hemorrhoids and is given some suppositories. He sees the pharmacist a few days later and the pharmacist asks him if they are working for him.

So the guy says, "Oh, those meep things wouldn't work if I shoved them up my meep!"

What does Mt. Everest and Virginia Tech have in common?

They both have a killer slope and are -33.

Two Canadians are in a bar drinking. Bored, they look at each other.

Canadian #1: Let's play a game. Canadian #2: OK, what do you want to play? Canadian #1: Twenty Questions. Canadian #2: OK, how do you play? Canadian #1: I will write something down and you have 20 questions to guess what it is. Canadian #2: OK.

Canadian #1 writes down the word MOOSEmeep on a piece of paper and flips it over facedown on the bar and says "OK, go."

Canadian #2: Hrm. Can you eat it? Canadian #1: Well, sure I guess you could. Canadian #2: Is it moosemeep?

^^ChevronBuddy

Old, but gave me the lulz.

How can you tell when a Canuck likes Moosehead?

By the antler scratches on the insides of his thighs.

:rimshot: